Covalent Bonds

by Trysh Thompson

  “So…” There were so many things Addie wanted to say, but none came out.

  “So… from the start?” She nodded, and he continued. “I stumbled on your stream and the guild seemed like a perfect fit for me. And I had a… some kind of weird viewer-streamer crush on you for weeks before I applied to the guild.”

  Trent glanced at her, then immediately back at the screen where the shimmering baby dragon took up most of the space. “Then when I got to know you better,” he continued, still not looking at her, “and when I started to feel at home in the guild, I just… I don’t know. I liked you even more.”

  Trent turned his blue gaze back to her. Addie’s breath caught.

  “And now… no, wait.” Addie struggled to grasp hold of just one of the questions and formulate it. “You watched my stream before you applied to the guild?”

  “Yes. For ages. I just didn’t say anything in the chat. When you said you needed a new main tank I thought what the hell. My old guild was a bit more hardcore than what I like, anyway, so I figured I’d see what happened.” He looked away again. “I hope you don’t think that’s creepy or stalkery. It wasn’t only because of you.”

  Addie sipped her coffee while trying to rein in her jumbled thoughts. “Well, the streams, both mine and Delicia’s, are a way to recruit. We’ve never hid that. It gives people a good idea of what the guild is all about, so possible applicants don’t expect us to be something we’re not.”

  Trent nodded. “It works. Except for you.” He took a deep breath. “You’re different in game when you’re not streaming. And now I know you’re different in real life, too. In a good way.”

  Addie froze. If she could have one wish right now, she’d wish for time to stop so she could consider what to say and how to say it. After she’d figured out how his words made her feel, apart from envious of his courage. Either that or she hadn’t managed to hide her own feelings well enough… wait. What feelings? The ones she wasn’t supposed to have?

  “See. This is why I stream. I get to choose what I show people of myself. I get to choose what to talk about and when, and if someone doesn’t like it, they can just fuck off and go watch another stream.” Addie didn’t know what she tried to convey with that. She added a shrug and hoped it made more sense to Trent than to herself.

  “I, for one, like every aspect of you that I’ve seen so far.” He shifted in the chair and leaned over to give her space bar a tap, causing her character in the game to jump. “You know, I’m almost tempted to log in on Karaash and type this to you instead. That might make it easier.”

  Addie giggled. “That’s sort of what I mean. This whole talking face-to-face is weird.”

  “That’s just because neither one of us wants to risk what we have and just come out and say it. Don’t you think?”

  Addie nodded. Sheesh. If her heart beat any faster, it might burst out of her chest like a baby Xenomorph from the Alien movies. That might not be half as scary as talking to Trent like this. Not that she did much of the talking… he, on the other hand, was saying plenty. Plenty more than she liked, and nowhere near enough. “Go on. Because… I can’t.”

  “Okay. Just… keep in mind that if I’m wrong, nothing needs to change. I’ll lick my wounds and get over it. I just think… I think it could be worth it.”

  Watching Trent struggle every bit as much as she did gave Addie a surge of determination. She’d started her first stream with less courage than this. Sure, less to lose as well, but she succeeded with that. Nothing said she couldn’t succeed with this, too. If only she took the risk.

  “Tell me more,” she said in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

  “I think we should see what this will lead to.” He paused to take a deep breath. “Because now that I’ve met you for real, I can say I’m very attracted to you, and I’d like to get to know you better.” His lips turned upwards. “That didn’t sound very romantic, did it?”

  “I couldn’t have said it any better myself.” She hesitated and swallowed. “I’ll probably be a crappy girlfriend, though. As in, I’m not into the whole dinner and movies-dates and all that.”

  “That’s fine. I prefer to hang out at home, just the two of us, anyway.”

  “I’ll be streaming all the time. You’ll be a gamer-widower.”

  “Perfect. I’ll gladly share you with thousands of viewers as long as I get to be alone with you those days you’re not streaming.”

  Addie met his eyes and returned his smile with her own. A comfortable warmth spread outward from her chest. “I’ve liked you since that first time we rescued Salty together. Anyone else would have let him die, or at least rage-quit when Bonemasha chewed your head off for it. I still remember what you told him: ‘As long as I’m alive, I won’t let even suicidal maniacs die if I can help it.’ That impressed me so much.”

  As she babbled, Addie realized it was true. She just hadn’t understood it before. Damn. Although it was more than that, of course. More than simply the words he’d said. It was the calm, deep voice and how he was so unfazed by his new raid leader’s annoyance. Still, since she needed to be honest with herself too, after that moment she’d started looking for him every time she logged on. She’d started suggesting they do things together outside of the raids, too, not only because their banter was good for her viewer-numbers, but because it was so much fun.

  “It helps that you’re absolutely yummy in person,” she blurted out.

  “Yeah?” He beamed.

  “Wait. Do I have my glasses on?” She grinned at how his face dimmed for a second before he realized she was joking.

  “So you really want to take a shot at this?” He looked confident, but Addie thought she heard a vibration in his voice.

  “We’ll see it as a personal raid. We’ll have to work through the distance, although two hours isn’t that much. Then there’s your job, and my streams… when can we even meet properly except online?”

  “We’ll figure it out.” Trent leaned closer, one hand on the armrest of her chair, the other slowly sneaking up to her neck. She wished she didn’t have on the dino-onesie. She wanted to feel his touch as more than a soft pressure and the warmth seeping through the green fabric.

  She stared into his eyes as he closed in, until his face was so close it became blurry. Her heart thumped so hard in her chest it could attract worms from miles away in Tremors or Dune. Trent paused, his ragged breath on her face. If she was going to back out, this was her chance.

  Hell no. Her back popped when she closed the final distance and let her lips meet his.

  Oh dear lord, so soft.

  Her mind became a jumble of nothing, heat trickling in bright waves all over her body when his mouth took over the kiss. Softly, gently they explored, lips and tongue and teeth, eyes closed, completely grounded in this moment. She reacted to his movements but wasn’t really conscious of how he stood and pulled her up, to hold her against him, strong arms keeping her steady. She knew only how good it felt, how safe and right in every way, but there was more than that. Her body wanted to know how his hands felt all over, how his lips and tongue would feel exploring more than her mouth, and what he would feel and taste like.

  She had no idea how long they kissed, but it wasn’t nearly long enough. He released her and gently pushed her down into her chair again. He took a step back.

  Shit. Did I fuck it up somehow? Didn’t he feel the same?

  “Wow. That was … wow.”

  She sighed in relief. “Yeah, where did you go?”

  “We’re in no hurry, dino-girl. Let’s not rush things,” he chuckled. “Besides, if I didn’t stop now I might not make it home tonight, and I do have to work tomorrow.” He adjusted his jeans. Addie could clearly see a bulge there at the front. She wasn’t quite ready for that. Not yet. But it was tempting, so very tempting.

  “You still have some coffee left,” she said. “And I don’t want you to leave at all. Especially not now.”

  “Same here. I’m considering faki
ng an injury so I can’t work for a few days.” He said it with a smile, which quickly faded. A crease appeared between his eyebrows. “And I just remembered my computer is dead. Damn.”

  “I think that’s a good thing, actually, or you wouldn’t be here,” Addie said, before it dawned on her what he meant. They couldn’t play together if his computer didn’t work. “Oh. When do you get the new graphics card?”

  “I ordered it express, but it might not arrive until Tuesday anyway. Then I’ll have to find someone who can help me install it.” A tinge of red crept up on his face and he shuffled his feet.

  “It’s easy. Just disconnect the whole computer so you don’t electrocute yourself, pull the old graphics card out and replace it with the new one, connect the cables again and presto.”

  “Still makes me nervous enough not to want to do it,” Trent said through clenched teeth.

  “I’ll come help you. I’ve built plenty of computers, and it gets easier all the time. Soon all the parts will be plug-and-play. I promise, ten minutes of work, and most of that will be just to unbox the parts.”

  “You got me at ‘I’ll come help.’ If you’re serious. It’s still a two-hour drive.”

  “I can’t come until Wednesday. But I am serious. As in, it’s a great excuse to see you again. See if this,” she waved her hand between them, “is real or just… I don’t know, the result of too little sleep and too much hype.” She caught the worry in his eyes and quickly added, “Not that I think it is, but it feels almost too good to be true. I keep half expecting the world to splinter into pixels that fall into the void, and you with it, like in the End of All Things-quest.”

  “I’m real. This is real. At least I hope it is,” Trent said, again closing the distance between them. His eyes burned with something Addie couldn’t place, but which corresponded with something deep inside her.

  “Me too.” God. She almost felt like crying, when her heart should soar with happiness.

  This time, Trent came all the way in for the kiss, not waiting for her to make a move. If their first kiss had been soft and exploratory, this one was so much more demanding and passionate. Tingles zinged through Addie from where their mouths came together, spreading all the way through her, twisting and turning in the pit of her stomach on their way down to her toes. Too soon, he’d said, or something to that effect, but her body didn’t agree. Not in the least bit.

  Her hands moved without much input from her brain. They needed to touch and feel, to learn him, learn his reactions. They caressed all over his arms, shoulders, neck, down the front, over the sides and before she knew what happened her hands were inside his t-shirt, on the small of his back and he felt so good.

  Until he pulled back.

  “Addie, I do need to get going,” he said, voice low and practically dripping with regret.

  “I know… I just… I don’t want to stop.”

  “I don’t either.” He sighed and moved back, away from her, again, and where she’d been burning just a second before, she now felt only coldness rushing in.

  “So get going then, and I’ll call you in five minutes and we can at least talk while you drive, okay?”

  Two hours of meandering around in the familiar areas of the game had never gone by so fast. Addie should have been gathering money and resources, or at least chatting with guildmates, but the only thing that held her interest was Trent’s voice. They talked about everything. Movies, the game, books, the guild and the raids, the schools they’d gone to, and friends and family. They could have talked about the bookkeeping of ancient Sumerian bricklaying guilds, and Addie would have been just as happy, as long as she got to listen to his voice.

  “Well, I’m home,” Trent said with a sigh. His voice had gone gravelly from all the talking, and he sounded tired. “I’m actually contemplating turning around and coming back to you right away, but I do need to keep my job.”

  Addie’s heart clenched at his words. He probably would, too, if she asked him to. “We both need some good sleep tonight,” she said, the words slipping off her tongue of their own accord, against her own wishes. “Besides, I think I need some tea if I’m supposed to talk for hours on stream tomorrow.” Then it hit her like a fully charged incineration-spell she forgot to dodge. “Shit. Oh fuck. What are we going to tell people? You know they’re gonna ask, not just the guildies but the viewers as well.”

  Trent stayed silent for a moment. “Maybe nothing yet. We’re adults. This thing between us, it’s so new I don’t want to share it with anyone before we know we can make it work.”

  “Yeah, that makes sense. I’ll just joke it away until there’s something to tell.” Addie tried to ignore the tiny seed of doubt that tried to stir shit up in her mind.

  “Let’s not do the whole ‘you hang up first’-thing, okay? I’ll just say good night, and you’ll say good night, and I’ll call you as soon as I’m sure I’ll get the new graphics card on Tuesday.” Trent did sound tired. Unless it was something else. Unless he already regretted the whole thing, and what Addie thought was fatigue was something else, something worse.

  “Okay.”

  “Good night, Addie. Wish I was still there,” he said.

  “Good night, Trent. I wish you were still here, too,” she replied, and didn’t wait to hear if he actually ended the call or not. She did.

  Her good night message in the guild chat was short and she didn’t hang around to wait for replies the way she usually did. She’d had more than enough of people for one weekend.

  Monday

  “Energy drinks and Addie are not a match made in heaven,” she giggled into the microphone. She’d resorted to that half an hour into the afternoon livestream, after a night spent tossing and turning. One moment kissing Trent was the highlight of her life so far, the next her worst mistake ever. And still, every time she thought about those kisses, her body tingled. She hadn’t had a boyfriend for years. Truth to be told, she hadn’t really missed having one, either. Living as some kind of virtual entity, with most friendships online only, suited her. But now Trent had happened, and she had no idea what to do about it. Nor could she shake the feeling of something being a little off after the way he ended their phone call.

  The viewers were curious about him, of course.

  “Guys, guys, I don’t know where Karaash is. Working, probably. What do I look like, his mom?” All the questions were starting to get to her until she felt like screaming. This wouldn’t be a long stream, not if she wanted to avoid throwing a rage fit.

  She did her best for almost three and a half hours, but then she’d just had enough. The chat had been filled with too many comments about the nature of hers and Trent’s relationship that hit a little too close to home. The viewers didn’t mean it in a bad way, she knew that, but it still irritated her more than it should. More than it would have, had she not been feeling so insecure.

  “Well, I’m not eighteen with unlimited energy anymore, and since we don’t have a raid tonight, I’m just gonna take the evening off. Hope I’ll see all of you again tomorrow. Feed your Addie-ction!”

  She’d barely found a different stream to waste time with when her phone rang. It was Trent.

  “Hey, dino-girl,” he said, and she could barely catch her breath. “Are you okay?”

  “Hey you too,” she said, and hoped she didn’t sound as surprised as she felt. “Did you get the graphics card already?”

  “No, but I should get it tomorrow.” He sounded a little hesitant, a little unsure if it had been a good idea to call. “Are you all right?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “I just came home and was going to watch your stream on my tablet, and then you stopped it. I got worried.”

  Oh God. If her heart didn’t stop pretending to be a malfunctioning pogo-stick she’d have to call the doctor soon. Hell, she actually felt dizzy.

  “I’m just tired. I had this guy sleeping on my couch all weekend and then he kissed me and stuff. So yeah. I didn’t sleep very well last night.
”

  “A guy, huh? Nice one, I hope?” Trent sounded much more relaxed already.

  “I think so,” Addie said.

  “You think… well, if he was anything like me you’d know it.”

  Addie reached for the cane and stood up. She’d been sitting still for so long she could barely feel her butt. “I suppose he was hot too. At least when he forgot to get out of the fire in that one raid,” she said in an attempt to disperse any suspicions he might have about what she’d said.

  “Addie, why does this feel so weird today?”

  Yeah. No fooling this guy. “I don’t know,” she sighed. “While you were driving yesterday, it was fun to talk to you like that. And then, I don’t know…” Could he hear the blood rush to her face? Hell, he could probably feel the heat of her embarrassment through the phone.

  “Then we had to hang up and you think it was too easy for me to do so. Is that it?”

  “That, and my wild imagination, which I pretty much hate right now.”

  “Well, thanks for being honest about it.” He didn’t sound happy at all. “I actually turned the car around and drove two blocks before I figured out you’d probably be asleep before I got back to your place. And I’d probably scare the shit out of you if I came knocking unannounced in the middle of the night.”

  “You did?” There went her heart again. Damn pogo-stick.

  “Yeah. Plus, I still need my job, so that may have affected my decision a tiny bit, too.”

  “I know. That’s why I didn’t ask you to come back. Besides, we’ll see each other on Wednesday anyway.”

  “Yeah, if we’re going to make this work, we’ll have to get used to the distance.”

  Addie nodded. She realized he couldn’t see it and mm-hmmed instead.

  “And at least I get to see your pretty face on the streams,” he added. “How did that go today?”

  Just like that, they fell into the same comfortable pattern of the phone call the day before. She told him about the stream and he told her about his day at work. They talked about a myriad of things, until Addie’s stomach had enough and demanded sustenance.