The Christmas Edition

by Robin Shope

“Meanwhile you need to go home and get some rest. Drink plenty of liquid and take some Tylenol. Be sure to gargle with saltwater, too.” Joe helped Ulilla get back into her coat. “Call us later and let us know how you are doing. I would be happy to run by with anything you need later.”

  “Really?” Ulilla sniffled pitifully. “Like what would you run out to get for me?”

  “Chicken noodle soup, vitamin C, orange juice. Just basic stuff.”

  “Oh Joe you are the best. I have a feeling, if I follow your advice, I won’t need to get in to see the doctor at all.” Ulilla gathered her things together and walked out.

  ****

  Lucy found it nice riding home with Joe. Along the way, they stopped at a neighborhood grocery store to pick up things for Ulilla and for his apartment.

  “This is typical bachelor food, you know,” Lucy said eyeing the contents of his basket. Cans of tuna fish, frozen pizzas, TV dinners, and paper plates with plasticware were all neatly stacked.

  “Well, that is exactly what I am. A bachelor.” He selected a loaf of bread and tossed snack items into his cart.

  “That puzzles me about you. You are handsome and intelligent; I can’t figure out why you aren’t married.”

  “I could say the same about you.”

  Lucy’s visage changed. “Touché.”

  “Did I say something wrong?” Joe worried.

  “No, forget it.” Lucy refocused on the food in the cart. “That stuff isn’t nourishing. Why don’t you have dinner with us again tonight? I’m sure my mother assumes that you will anyway.”

  “As much as I appreciate the invite, I am anxious to get settled. I’m heading to bed early because I like to start my day the same way.”

  “I realized that when you took off without saying goodbye the other morning.”

  “I was awake. No sense in waiting on sleepy heads,” he said with a laugh. Now Joe shopped for Ulilla and placed her items into a separate bag.

  Once it all had been paid for, they took the purchases to the SUV, loading them in the back. Within a few minutes, they were parked in Ulilla’s drive and Joe was at the door handing off the items he bought. She could see from where she sat in the car that he refused payment. Lucy found that quite gallant of him.

  When that errand was taken care of, they headed for home. It was five in the evening but was already dark out. It was exciting to Lucy that they lived at the same place, albeit yards away from each other. Joe drove around the circular drive and then parked behind the garage, out of sight from the cabin windows. He kept the motor running so it remained warm and cozy inside. It was a peaceful evening and Lucy had to admit she wasn’t in a hurry to end their time together. Joe seemed just as contented to sit here with her, too.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come in for dinner?” she asked.

  “I’m sure. I need to get things taken care of.” He looked up at the apartment windows. “Maybe another time?”

  “Sure. Sure.” She exhaled slowly. “This has been a great day.”

  “One of the best.” Joe moved a curl that had fallen into Lucy’s face to the back of her ear.

  She liked how his touch felt. And moved even closer toward him. Not two inches separated them from touching. Lucy moved her hand to the side of her leg, closer to Joe. If he moved even an inch, then he would touch her. The air felt alive with anticipation of what might happen next. Joe placed his right arm around the back of her seat. She leaned in to his side. The situation was coming to a crescendo. Lucy could almost hear cymbals clashing.

  The way Joe lingered she knew he felt it. She moved her feet around for a minute and then sat still. The windows began to fog. Any minute now she expected her mother to show up in her red chenille robe, a gift from last Christmas, and knock on the windows.

  Lucy moistened her lips and looked at Joe. He was watching her lips.

  Her will power to walk away from him was crumbling, yet she knew she was crazy to sit here waiting for a kiss. Maybe it was more pathetic than crazy. Once she read an article about how office romance never works out. If she stayed longer, she’d be taking a terrible chance on ruining something good for the newspaper. Her first concern was the paper but Joe was becoming a close second. After all, she couldn’t sacrifice her love life forever could she?

  Joe leaned toward Lucy. She felt his breath on her cheek. Then she made her decision. It wasn’t the one she wanted. “Maybe I-I should be going. We sure don’t want those frozen dinners to thaw,” Lucy’s voice was barely audible.

  “Darn those frozen dinners.”

  “See you tomorrow,” she said innocently.

  When she opened the door to get out, she heard Joe groan.

  The Christmas Edition

  The Christmas Edition

  Chapter Seven

  Joe McNamara ran up the steps, leaving the bags on the kitchen table and rushed to the bedroom window where he caught a glimpse of Lucy’s small figure entering the cabin. Once the door closed, the only thing left of her was boot imprints in the snow, and the scent of her perfume lingering on his clothes. Violets? Lavender.

  He thought about the way Lucy never stood still. Standing, sitting she was always in motion of one sort or another…taping her foot, wiggling in the chair, beating out a rhythm with her pencil, talking with her hands, or walking with elongated strides. But if he caught her in one of those rare quiet moments, he could focus on how large her eyes were, her flawless skin, and even how her nose was sloped in an endearing way.

  Joe moved away from the window. He walked back and forth inside his apartment replaying what just happened between them. He was mad at himself for trying to kiss Lucy so soon after meeting her. After all they had only known one another for days. A nice girl like Lucy wouldn’t appreciate having someone make a move on her so quickly. If only there was a way he could rewind that moment he would, but there was no magic button to push. He just had to deal with it.

  What was she doing right now? Maybe she was telling her mother about how he had tried to kiss her. Or that they had such a nice day at the office and at lunch, and then again at the grocery store. Then again, maybe she wasn’t talking at all. She might be alone in her room trying to figure him out as hard as he was trying to figure her. Yea, that was it. He smiled.

  And he hit the replay button in his brain. He called this segment, The Impending Kiss. A kiss between them seemed natural and good. He wanted to kiss her. He thought she wanted it, too. Obviously, he was bad at reading her and didn’t want to make that mistake again. He’d have to wait until it was clear she wanted to be kissed.

  Joe had just finished putting away the groceries when his cell rang. He looked at the caller ID. Angela. “Hey, you.”

  “Finally! Joe, I have been trying to reach you all day.” She sounded relieved he had picked up.

  “The reception is really bad out here so I’m surprised you even got me now. Must be that I am up on the second floor that did it. What’s up?”

  “You’re cutting out on me. Hello?”

  Joe looked around and saw another phone. Did it work? He checked and sure enough there was dial tone. “I’ll call you back on the landline.” Joe closed the call and redialed using the house line. Her line rang right away.

  “Hello? Joe?” Angela quickly answered.

  “Is this reception better? Can you hear me all right now?”

  “Yes, I can hear you perfectly! Thank goodness. Your caller ID reads anonymous; what’s the number you’re calling from? I hate not being able to get a hold of you.”

  Joe looked at the face of the phone trying to find the number. Then he picked it up and looked underneath. “I can’t find any number on this phone so let me give you the office phone number.” Joe reached into his pocket and took out his wallet. There was a card on the inside that he read the number from. “Is everything all right, Angela?”

  “No, everything isn’t.” Her voice was glum.

  “Tell me.”

  “I had to fire a couple of secre
taries and now I’m having to interview all by myself. You know I count on your feedback to let me know who I should hire.”

  He sighed, knowing there was more going on. “What’s the real reason you called?”

  “I can never fool you. Not for a moment. Okay, here is the real reason I called. I miss you beyond any words can possibly say. Joe, you belong back here with me. You know that.”

  “Please don’t do this to me. There’s business I need to take care of.” He tried to hold his agitation deep inside where she couldn’t hear it.

  “Just what business takes you to a place like Turtle Creek anyway?” She waited for him to explain. When he didn’t, she went on to ask, “Did you talk to Doctor Boshar about this new move of yours?”

  “I did and his opinion was that it might be really good for me. We’ll see if he is right.”

  “How long will it take you to complete this business?” Her impatience was palatable.

  “I don’t know.” Joe hated when she did this. He hated himself for doing this to her.

  “But you’re planning on coming back to Chicago, right?” Angela sounded even more desperate.

  “Angela,” Joe sat down on the kitchen chair and hung his head, “I have no plans beyond the ones I have for today and tomorrow. You need to move along with your life. Stop waiting for me. I will only continue to disappoint you.” Joe shook his head, tired of this same conversation.

  “I need you. I miss you. Joe.” There was a pause he couldn’t fill. “I love you so much.”

  Angela was a complication in his life he didn’t want to deal with at this moment. “Don’t…”

  “I can’t help it.” It was obvious by the sniffles she began to cry. “I know how to take care of you.”

  “I can do that for myself.” Joe was now disturbed. Anxiety wasn’t good. “Listen, I have to go. Please, Angela, please move on with your life and don’t wait for me. Good-bye.” He set the phone back into the cradle.

  Joe walked into the small living room. It was over crowded with vintage furniture, almost as though no one knew what to do with it so they carried it all up here and dumped it. Joe sat on the couch and looked up at the ceiling light, thinking about Angela. At one time, he really considered they might have a future together. But then his life blew up. That reminded him of the letters.

  Joe opened his suitcase on top of a stick and ball table. He removed some clothes and there at the bottom was a large brown envelope. Inside was his life line of one hundred four pale-blue envelopes held together with one large rubber band. One hundred three had been opened. The last one was sealed. Unread. Waiting. Joe carried the bundle back to the bedroom and laid them out on his bed. They’d be his goodnight reading. Again. He couldn’t wait to get to them, but before enjoyment, there were tasks to complete.

  Socks were placed into the top drawer on the right. On the left went his monogrammed handkerchiefs. Joe folded his underwear and boxers into exact squares and put them in the middle drawer. His jeans were folded lengthwise and put into the bottom drawer. Then he hung all his shirts on plastic hangers facing the same direction. His trousers were evenly looped over wooden hangers. He worked mechanically like a robot.

  He took a long shower. When done, he wrapped a towel around his narrow waist. His upper torso was wide in comparison and muscular with a hair-covered chest. Joe leaned down on the windowsill hoping to catch one more sight of Lucy. By now it was way past dark. All the lights were on inside the cabin and he imagined the family to be singing Christmas carols as Harold danced around in his silly elf hat. Sappy. But the thought of seeing this, or better yet being there, made him wistful. He smiled. Chuckled even.

  Joe dropped his towel on the floor and slid into bed. He propped up the pillow behind his head and leaned back. It was time to start with the first letter. Tomorrow he would read letter two and the next day letter three. After he read letter one hundred three, he would set aside the last letter. He had done this every night for the last two years. Maybe when he finished this time, he would have some answers as to what he should do next.

  “It’s time for letter number 1, one more time.”

  My Sweetie, I cannot believe you have been gone only two days. It feels like so much more time has gone by. I swear, I haven't slept since you left. I've tried. I just can't. I toss and turn. I get out of bed and pick-up the photo album. Flipping through the pages doesn't help me sleep, though. The pictures cause such a stir in me, but I hate closing the album. I hate the thought of putting it away. I was looking at the photo I took of you at your surprise going-away party. Everywhere I look I see visages of you! Waiting a year until I see you again just doesn't seem possible. I can't imagine waiting that long to feel your arms around me again. It's more than I can stand to bear. But I will. Next month, Mom is coming with me to pick out the perfect wedding dress. I'm also saving up for a linen chest so I can start collecting items for our marriage.

  Joe stopped reading for a moment and held the words to his chest.

  Gradually rest came like fulfilled promises to a bridegroom.

  Soon a fish bowl of moving bodies filled his dreams. Neon lights flashed on and off as wild music played, but tonight he was able to wake himself. Dr. Boshar would be pleased. He’d call it progress.

  Joe got dressed and hurried down the steps. He hopped into his car and didn’t even wait for it to warm up before he took off. He had no idea where he was heading. Just away. Away from his bed and away from sleep. There up ahead he saw Ma’s Diner. The lights were on inside. Joe found that strange. Usually small town diners closed up by nine in the evening. Here it was just about midnight and it was still open.

  Joe walked through the front door, still trying to recover from the nightmare. He had to admit though that wasn’t the reason he left his warm bed in the middle of the night. The real problem was what brought him here to town in the first place. His conscience was bothering him.

  He took a seat alone in the back booth. And watched the front door. A couple walked in and took a table at the front. The woman was a bit too loud. Her laugh was piercing, obnoxious. There was a small run in her stocking. Then a hand full of shift workers arrived and took a long table. They were really loud as they ordered breakfast. Now he knew why the diner stayed open so late. He took it all in as White Christmas played, a rather quiet overtone for an interesting group of patrons.

  Grace wasn’t on duty tonight, but Susie was. Joe wasn’t hungry but he ordered hot chocolate, asking for a few modifications. It arrived just the way he liked it with inches of whipped cream spiraling upward and a shake of cinnamon on top of that. Joe sat making lists. Order was comforting.

  ****

  Joe was at his desk by eight the following morning. He prided himself on being punctual and work oriented. Normally, it kept his emotions intact for part of the day, but lately his emotions were unraveling. That couldn’t happen. It wasn’t allowed. He needed to tighten his focus, become more businesslike. So he wore a white, button-down shirt, freshly ironed. Navy blue slacks creased. Shoes shined. His stiff exterior was protecting his crumpling interior.

  His editorial deadline had been met and Joe needed something to do to occupy his mind, to keep his mind from running. He sharpened all his pencils, even if they didn’t need it. He laid them facing the same direction inside of his top desk drawer. Joe looked at the clock. Five minutes had passed. He gave himself permission to start writing the next editorial and was halfway done with it by the time Lucy walked in at nine.

  Lucy was so pretty. So innocent. So unsuspecting. Joe stared at her. Compared to her he was scum. Nothing, not even his wardrobe that he wore as a coat of armor, could change him. After Lucy’s abrupt departure from his car last night, he resolved to take it slowly with her. Joe looked up and hoped he gave her an untroubled smile.

  The Christmas Edition

  The Christmas Edition

  Chapter Eight

  December 5

  Lucy breezed into the office with the scent of winter w
ind on her clothes. Her camera bag was slung over her left shoulder. “Want to come with me?” She sweetly invited, swaying her hips side to side.

  “Sure! Where are we going, Boss?” He couldn’t stop looking at her.

  “There are five towns I want to visit. I’ll shoot photos of the townspeople and their decorations while you, as my man-on-the-street, will be interviewing people.”

  “Sounds like fun. What’s the theme?”

  “Christmas, of course, silly.” Lucy looked at the wall next to Joe’s desk. “I see your lists seem to be quickly procreating. What time did you get to work this morning?”

  “Not long ago,” he answered not meeting her eyes.

  “You were gone by seven at least. When I got up, I checked the drive and your SUV was missing.”