The Tome of Bill (Book 5): Goddamned Freaky Monsters

by Rick Gualtieri

  Hell, I could’ve told him that. “Should we go up?”

  “I am reluctant to give up the high ground before we’ve secured this floor.”

  That sounded like a good strategy...similar to what Obi Wan warned Anakin about right before he made the whiney little fucker two feet shorter.

  “Shouldn’t someone guard the door?” Ed asked.

  “When’s the last time you watched a horror movie, genius? You never split up.”

  “Actually, your friend’s advice is sound,” James corrected, earning me a victory smirk from my douche of a roommate.

  “It would be wise to have warning should an attack be imminent.”

  “Tom or Ed?”

  “Neither. No offense, but if one of our kind decides that hostilities are in order, they would both most likely die before they could even cry out an alarm.”

  I was kind of doubtful on that front. My friends had faced off against vamps or worse. They’d certainly get a chance to scream their heads off before being horribly killed.

  Still, I got what James had implied. A lookout who could both fight off a potential attack and, if not, at least have a chance in hell of outrunning their assailant was preferable. “I guess I’m on guard duty.”

  “Have fun,” Tom said as he and Ed turned to follow James.

  “You’re both ditching me?”

  “Sorry, man, but we stuck with you in Brooklyn and almost got our asses kicked. Time to mix it up a bit.”

  Dickheads. However, they had a point. They were my best friends, but James could fell a bull elephant with a punch. I’d have chosen him too.

  Fortunately, it’s not like they’d be going far. Hell, it’s not like there was even a door to obscure the view inside anymore. “Okay, guys. I’ve got...”

  The prophecy is a lie. One of your own shall be the downfall of your filthy race.

  Once more, the voice of Harry Decker carried through the air. I didn’t know what the fuck it meant, but it sure as shit got our attention.

  * * *

  I abandoned my post without a second thought and the four of us raced into the office. The main section was as I’d left it...a fucking mess. They hadn’t even boarded up the windows that’d been smashed. Cold air blew in freely, bringing with it the scent of smoke that James had mentioned.

  But that was it. There was nothing in the room save for a bunch of office furniture, a good deal of it smashed to all hell.

  “The back offices,” I said, leading the way. That’s where I’d heard his voice last time - more specifically, the main corner suite. I thought maybe I’d gone loopy the first time, having just gotten pummeled by Chuck. Now, though, I had to think differently. The others had heard it too. Shit, it had been loud enough to wake the dead. Almost as if it’d been broadcast in my head...

  That thought just barely had time to coalesce when three things happened in short order. First, I reached the corner office by way of the hole I’d been thrown through earlier, then James cried out a warning to wait just as a very familiar scent reached my nostrils.

  Oh, did I say three things? I meant four. Right as I crossed the threshold, a well-manicured fist shot out from the side, sending me flying.

  Before I’d even landed, I knew the owner of said office had returned to claim it.

  I found myself on the floor, looking up as Sally stepped out and stood over me, looking none too pleased.

  “What the fuck have you done to my coven?”

  A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Ambush

  A mix of emotions ran through my head, as well as a good chunk of pain as I waited for my jaw to reset itself. Before I could say anything, though, Sally hauled me to my feet and threw her arms around me.

  “Don’t you ever run off again, asshole.”

  Stunned as I was, I hugged her back. Goddamn, I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed her. It was like having my arm chopped off, only to find it regrown - a not entirely impossible occurrence when you’re undead.

  Sadly, this probably wasn’t the time for us to get too sappy with each other. “This would be a lot nicer if you weren’t wearing that shir...OOF!”

  Her knee came up so fast it was almost like she’d expected me to say something like that. Note to self: next time, back up a step before opening my mouth.

  I crumpled to the floor, the moment obviously over.

  “Welcome back,” Ed said as he stepped forward, ignoring my obvious trauma. The whole band of brothers thing went right out the window when a piece of ass was up for grabs. “I missed...I mean, we’ve missed you.”

  She looked around and took in the destruction. “It’s good to be back...sorta.”

  Not quite getting the memo that now was probably a poor time to flirt, he tried again. “You didn’t say goodbye.”

  “I also didn’t snap your neck before leaving. Not every guy can make that claim.”

  “Fascinating, I’m sure.” James stepped in between them. “While I am not entirely surprised to find you here, I had thought us clear on the importance of your current post.”

  “Don’t worry. Steve has things covered back at Pandora.”

  “Who’s Steve?” I croaked, slowly pulling myself to my feet.

  “A more competent vampire than you,” she said offhandedly, falling right back into it as if we’d last talked just a few hours ago.

  “Be that as it may,” James replied, “I was under the impression that...”

  “I’d do the right thing?” she questioned, not breaking eye contact with him. What the hell were they talking about? “I was thinking that over and came to the conclusion that the right choice was where I could do the most good. Sure, I was helping people out there in Vegas, but realized I could potentially help them a lot more by coming back.”

  “Wait, you were helping people?” Tom asked. “How?”

  “By relieving them of all their troubles. Care for a demonstration, meatbag?”

  “That’s quite all right,” he replied, backing up slowly.

  James appeared to consider things. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but it seemed painfully obvious he’d been aware of Sally’s relocation. What that meant, though, I had no idea.

  “Under different circumstances, I would be concerned over what could be construed as negligence toward upholding one’s assigned duties. The situation has changed, however. You may very well be right in your assumption.”

  “Tell me about it,” she replied. “I’m surprised my plane landed in one piece. I don’t know what the fuck was circling around JFK, but they sure as shit weren’t seagulls.”

  “I was referring to what’s been going on here. Speaking of which...” He tilted his head as if listening. “I dare say we forgot to guard the stairwell.”

  * * *

  Something hissed from near the doorway a split second after James's warning. All our heads turned to find about a dozen vampires piling in, their eyes blackened and no trace of humanity showing on their faces.

  “Yours?” he asked.

  “None that I’ve met.”

  “They aren’t my recruits, either,” Sally added.

  My roommates wisely moved to a position behind the rest of us as James said, “They must be freshly risen, then - quite possibly within the past hour.”

  Sure enough, the dress of the vamps seemed to reinforce this. Half were in business suits, but there was a janitor and several uniformed cops amongst their number. The only question regarding that latter group, though, was whether they’d been victims of the original attack or had been left behind to watch over the premises and pulled the most unlucky guard duty shift ever.

  I raised my fists. I wasn’t too worried about the vamps individually, but wasn’t a big fan of being dog-piled, either.

  “STAND DOWN!!” James commanded. “CEASE ALL HOSTILITIES!!”

  Oh...I had completely forgotten about compulsion. Duh! Yeah, I guess that would probably be a bit less messy than fighting them.

  Or maybe not.

&n
bsp; His compulsion was powerful as all fuck. While it couldn’t control me, it could most certainly make me feel as if somebody had set off a hand grenade in my skull.

  The vampires before us barely shrugged, though. Additionally, whatever hostile actions they had planned sure as shit didn’t cease.

  “What the fuck?”

  “An apt question indeed, Dr. Death,” James replied, confusion evident in his voice.

  Your end has come, dismembered by the claws of destiny.

  My roommates and I all spun around. Even James turned his head as Harry Decker’s voice once more cried out from nowhere.

  Only Sally seemed unfazed. “Oh, will you shut the fuck up already?”

  What the...?

  Unfortunately, the feral vamps converging upon us picked that moment to charge forward.

  * * *

  The battle was brief, but brutal - helped in part because they all ignored us and went straight after Ed. It wasn’t until we got in their way that they engaged us.

  I doubted a dozen newly risen vamps would have been a match for James were he alone, but he wasn’t. Sally and I were there to back him up, while my roommates made sure we weren’t flanked. There was no strategy to the attack. The vamps in question acted like little more than rabid animals. Hell, a few of them even tried to bite me and James, seemingly not caring that doing so would reduce them to quivering balls of puke.

  Had they their wits about them, they might have realized that was the kinder fate. Sally snapped off a desk leg and dusted two of them. I managed to take down one. James, though, provided a perfect reminder of why he was on my “do not fuck with” list. He’d barely extended his claws before four plumes of ash exploded where there had been vamps a moment prior. The remainder leapt upon him en masse...for all of two seconds.

  “That was most disturbing,” he said a moment later, dusting himself off.

  “You ain’t shitting us, dude,” Tom replied, wide-eyed. “You fucked them up before they even knew they were being fucked.”

  “I wasn’t speaking of that, sadly.”

  “You mean how they ignored your compulsion?” Sally asked, echoing what the rest of us were probably thinking.

  “That in of itself is worrisome. But it is how they were able to do so that disturbs me most.”

  “Why?” I asked, curious.

  “As I mentioned earlier, these vampires were freshly risen. The blood upon them, their own, had barely dried. I wouldn’t hesitate to guess they were still turning as we entered the building.”

  “Okay, so they woke up hungry.”

  “No,” Sally said flatly. “They woke up compelled.”

  * * *

  “What do you mean, woke up compelled? I’m not following.”

  “Good to see you haven’t changed...” She stopped and gave me the once over. “Did you lose some weight?”

  “Well, I’m not one to brag, but...”

  “Children!” James snapped. “What is it with you two? The problem, if I may be allowed to address it, is that whoever compelled them did so before they were fully turned - quite possibly as they were being attacked.”

  He turned toward my roommate. “They came to this floor specifically, it would seem, to attack you. May I ask a question? Were you, perhaps, bitten earlier by the cultist we are searching for?”

  “Wait, what cultist?” Sally asked.

  “All in good time, my dear. Please answer the question.”

  “Yeah,” Ed replied. “He tried to take a chunk out of me...back when he was still looking like Skeletor. It definitely hurt him, but obviously not as much as that HBC vamp.”

  Sally raised a curious eyebrow. Obviously, I was in for a long night of bringing her up to speed - amongst a million other things.

  James waved her off for now, though, his expression becoming more serious by the moment. “This is all painting a very grim picture. The art of compelling a victim before they have fully turned is both subtle and powerful. In the past, vampire lords were known to do so in order to plant assassins amongst their enemies. That I couldn’t easily undo the compulsion speaks to that power.”

  “So why me?” Ed asked.

  James appeared to mull this over. “My knowledge of the Cult of Ib is limited. The purge of their existence was quite thorough. Only members of the First and their closest advisors are allowed access to those archives, and I must admit to being a bit distracted since ascending to their ranks to continue my studies of ancient history. That I suspected them at all is pure luck, gained through whispers heard when I was in service to the Khan. All that being said, I believe his motivation could be quite simple. To him, you are an aberration.”

  “I’ll try not to be offended.”

  “Don’t be. The Cult of Ib were said to be purists of the highest order. I dare say, had they survived, they would have found the standards of Hitler’s Aryan Nation to be, how do you say it, wishy washy.”

  “So they were racist assholes?”

  “Something of the sort. Within our kind, they acknowledged only two variants: normal vampires and Freewills. Dr. Death, do you remember when I mentioned compiling a list of extraordinary vampires for the war effort?”

  “Yeah. Gan was on that list for being a creepy little psycho or something like that.”

  “Close enough,” he acknowledged. “Well, I believe the Cult would have allowed no such thing. Had they been in power, she would not have made it out of her formative years.”

  “Yeah, but I’m not a vamp,” Ed pointed out.

  “I would not be so certain if I were you.” James leaned in for a sniff. “I do detect the faintest hint of our taint upon your person.”

  Ed turned to me. “Remind me to never hug you again.”

  I reached up to scratch my head with my middle finger. “Remind me to keep my door locked so you don’t go touching my taint again.”

  “Yet there is something about you that channels faith magic,” James continued, ignoring us. “In accepting Freewills, it seems logical that the Cult may have likewise acknowledged Icons as honored enemies. Such things are not unheard of. You are neither, though. To them, you would be...”

  “An abomination?” I offered, remembering the word Chuck had spoken earlier.

  James didn’t reply. His look said it all. The shit pile we stood in was getting deeper by the minute, and I had a feeling the bottom would soon drop out beneath us.

  Headquarters is Where the Heart is

  James spent the next hour combing through the wreckage of the office - including the elevator as he surveyed the damage done when I’d been trapped with the unluckiest tourist ever. A few more newbs came searching for us during that time, all intent on tearing Ed a new asshole, but Sally and I took care of them fairly quickly.

  All the while, I brought her up to speed - making sure to give an edited version of my tale, at least for now while James was in earshot.

  “So you really can’t turn into that thing anymore?”

  “Not right now anyway.”

  “Pity. It was kind of cute.”

  “Really?” I asked, my interest most definitely piqued.

  She held a straight face for about two seconds and then cracked up laughing. Bitch!

  Damn, it was good to have her back.

  Sadly, she wasn’t quite as forthcoming as to what she’d been up to, insisting she’d just grown tired of waiting for me and needed a change of venue. I might not be the most clued-in fellow walking the planet, but I could smell bullshit when it was being spoon fed to me.

  She kept glancing sidelong toward my roommates while telling her tale, which was likewise a bit odd. I could understand it with Ed - sorta - but she kept looking at Tom as if expecting him to say something. What, had she gotten into a drunken threesome with him and Christy while I was gone?

  I was busy mulling that over, considering the concept from all angles - especially the ones requiring a great deal of flexibility - when James rejoined us.

  “I believe I have
a solid lock on our quarry’s scent.”

  “That’s great,” I said. It was the first real break we’d gotten all night. A vampire like me could perform reasonably well as a tracker. One as old as James, though, would be like a shark sniffing for blood in the water. Hell, Gan was half his age and she seemed to have the infuriating ability to track me down from miles away, like some kind of micro-chipped pet.

  “Perhaps not.” He stepped toward the broken windows and breathed in the early morning air. It was still saturated with the smell of smoke. I’d been so focused on our task that I’d forgotten about the outside world. Sirens still echoed through the corridors of this vast concrete jungle: a mix of police, fire, and ambulance alike.

  How many people were in the hospital right now? Hell, how many weren’t even that lucky?

  And what was I doing? I was on a snipe hunt for some crazy-ass vamp. Sure, the guy was dangerous, but he was just one small threat in a world that seemed to be rapidly filling with hostile monsters.

  “What’s happening out there?”

  “Is it not obvious?” he replied, still staring out. “It has begun.”

  “So this is it?”

  “This is nothing. A few advance scouts causing chaos for the sake of chaos. Soon, the brunt of the attacks will begin - small skirmishes will level towns and major battles will leave behind a wake of destruction not seen since the last World War. Our forces will meet those of the enemy and...”

  “Speaking of our forces,” Sally interrupted, “why is this clown compelling the shit out of my coven and those HBC assholes?”

  “Your coven?” I asked.

  “There’s only one vamp here right now who’s a coven master, and it ain’t you.”

  “There’s also only one tramp here who’s a...”

  “I am not sure,” James replied, cutting off our banter. “All I do know is that if he is here, he has hidden himself quite well.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes. I couldn’t be certain earlier, but now that I have isolated his scent, I realize only lingering amounts have been present in the places we’ve been tonight. Whoever our friend may be, I would venture to guess he’s vacated this city. Wherever he has gone, it is entirely likely he may have brought your compelled coven with him.”