The Tome of Bill (Book 5): Goddamned Freaky Monsters

by Rick Gualtieri

  “Calibra has been with the Boston office since before I was transferred there. She’s an exemplary employee and a top-notch manager. The truth is, she was overdue for a promotion. She tried to turn it down, in fact, but I insisted.”

  “Interesting,” I lied. “So...”

  “So what’s up with her name?” Ed asked, interrupting me. “Don’t think I ever heard anyone called that.” He stifled a yawn as he finished. I could commiserate. We’d been on the go for over twenty-four hours. Even with my vampire physiology, I was starting to feel my concentration waver.

  “That one is easy. She was named for the Calabria region of Southern Italy, where she was born. It’s a lovely place - highly recommended to visit.”

  “Yeah, but what can you really tell us about her?” I asked, trying to learn something useful. I mean, if she was going to be the one bossing us around, I wanted to know what kind of person she was. The last thing I needed was someone worse than Colin breathing down my neck every time I stepped out of line.

  Sadly, just as James began to speak, the radio came to life.

  “I beg your pardon, Wanderer,” Calibra said over the speaker. I had to wonder whether her ears had been burning.

  He pressed the button to respond and held up his other hand to shush the rest of us. “Go ahead.”

  “We’re receiving an encoded S.O.S. - it’s one of ours.”

  “The source?”

  “Norfolk Coven.”

  “Have you been able to make contact?”

  “Negative. I haven’t been able to hail them, either via radio or cell.”

  James took his finger off the button and rubbed his jaw, his face serious.

  “Could be a malfunction,” I offered.

  “Possible, although I highly doubt it.” He depressed the button again. “What was their previous status?”

  “Before we left for New York,” she replied, “I ordered all covens under my command be put on high alert - although I left the reasons purposefully vague, considering the past forty-eight hours.”

  “Is that all?”

  “Affirmative.”

  “I don’t believe in coincidences,” James replied after a few moments.

  “Neither do I, Wanderer.”

  “Boston?”

  “I spoke to them a few minutes ago. They gave the all clear. Requesting permission to investigate.”

  “We still need to secure our main...”

  “With all due respect, Norfolk is under my jurisdiction. I would be remiss in my duties were I to ignore them.”

  James smiled. “Indeed you would.”

  “Also, I needn’t point out there is a good possibility our quarry might be responsible. We may be able to head him off before Boston.”

  His grin widened. “Your logic is sound, my dear. Permission granted.”

  James took his finger off the button. He had all the appearance of a proud teacher watching his student succeed.

  “As I said, she was long overdue for a promotion.”

  * * *

  From James’s description, Norfolk Coven sounded like a bunch of yokels - small town, less than fifteen thousand humans, mostly rural. The only way it could have been more in contrast to Village Coven was if it were located in some pygmy village deep in the Amazon. I wouldn’t have doubted that half the coven was married to their sisters and went line dancing every Friday night.

  “What do we do if we find him?” Ed asked.

  Sally smiled in response. “Did you see those big noisemakers attached to this bird? I’m thinking that’s what.”

  “A distinct possibility,” James said. “But if it’s all the same to you, I’d prefer we make certain before we level the entire town.”

  “You take all the fun out of a manhunt,” she replied with a mock pout.

  The joking done, he once more grew serious. “We shall circle the area and take stock of the situation. Assuming we see no hostiles, we’ll land and reconnoiter on foot.”

  “On foot?” I asked, glancing out the window.

  “We will use the daylight to our advantage. If our target is indeed here, he will not be expecting that.”

  “Works for me,” Sally said, pulling out her weapon and checking to make sure it was loaded.

  “I don’t suppose you’d let me borrow that?” Ed asked.

  “Never ask to touch a girl’s piece until at least the third date.”

  “Or unless you have a five-dollar...is that a falcon?” I quickly changed the subject as she leveled her weapon toward me.

  “Fret not,” James said. “Underneath your seat is a weapons locker. It contains everything we’ll need.”

  Ed’s eyes shined. As the lone human amongst us, I knew he would feel a shitload better if he was holding something that went bang. Fuck it, so would I. Sadly, I doubted even a howitzer would erase the chill currently running down my spine.

  A part of my mind insisted that I’d seen things incorrectly the day before...that I couldn’t have emptied an entire clip of fifty-caliber silver bullets into Chuck...that I hadn’t sent him out of a window directly into the sunlight...that something had played out differently than I remembered it. It had to. These were all things that ended a fight as far as vampires were concerned. Yet all it had done was piss him off.

  Still, even if that were the case, things were different now. I had people a lot stronger and who could shoot a lot straighter than me. Elder vampires might be tough as cast-iron balls, but they weren’t invulnerable. I just had to keep reminding myself that. Enough times and maybe I’d even believe it.

  Just then, the radio buzzed to life again. “Sir?” a voice, the pilot’s I assumed, asked.

  “What is our current ETA?” James asked.

  “That’s part of the problem, sir. I’m not sure.” The nervousness in his voice was evident. I could only guess that the very worst job in the vampire world - aside maybe from sitting bodiless in a fish tank day in and day out - was the poor schmuck whose job it was to report bad news to the Draculas. I couldn’t imagine the applicant pool for that position was particularly overflowing.

  “Elaborate,” James replied calmly.

  “We’ve arrived, sir, but I can’t find a place to land. I can’t find...anything.”

  * * *

  I wasn’t sure what to expect of Norfolk - maybe a one-horse town with a bunch of old timers sitting out on their porches wearing flannel and chewing tobacco. What I saw was...well, not much of anything.

  Trees stretched for miles in every direction. Some ways off in the distance, I could see a road, but it appeared to run directly into the forest.

  “This can’t be right,” I muttered.

  James hit the button on the radio. “Are you absolutely certain of our location?”

  “Global positioning confirms it, sir,” the pilot replied, sounding like he’d much sooner dive out and try his hand at freefall than relay the news.

  “There!” Sally pointed a well-manicured finger. I followed her gaze and saw something white sticking out amongst the trees.

  “What the?”

  “Looks like the steeple of a church,” James said.

  “Why would they build a church in the middle of the freaking woods?”

  “They didn’t,” he replied. “If I’m not mistaken, the entire town is down there - completely reclaimed by the forest.”

  “Not completely,” Sally said, pointing again. “What’s that?”

  It was a small clearing, but not a natural one. Trees were broken off, lying about as if something big had plowed through them. From this height, even I had to strain my vampire-enhanced eyes, but I could see that the ground within was stained a dirty brown color.

  There was something else too. A body, perhaps, lying partially concealed amongst the destruction. I couldn’t see it too well, but I could make out enough to tell it was very large and probably not human.

  James’s gaze hardened and he scooted over to survey the other side. “Down there, about a half mile a
way.”

  It was a small field, possibly belonging to a farm, but only partially overrun with vegetation - as if whatever had claimed the town had grown tired and given up.

  He clicked the radio and instructed the pilot where to set down, before turning back toward the rest of us.

  “Stay if you will or come with me, but this is now officially a rescue mission.”

  Forewarned is Four Armed

  “Our guy didn’t do this, did he?” I asked, donning one of the ski-masks that had been stored in the chopper’s lockers. It was completely close-faced, with mirrored Mylar lenses covering the eyes. That would make our daytime jaunt a bit easier.

  “Just figuring that out, are you?” Sally replied, her voice slightly muffled behind her mask - albeit not enough.

  “I will warn you,” James said, confirming my fears. “This will not be like Canada. We are no longer under protection of truce.” He hefted an assault rifle and checked the magazine.

  Ed barked out a laugh, his face the only uncovered one amongst ours. “You mean like all the good that truce did when Turd was busy kicking our asses?”

  I couldn’t help but chuckle at the mention of the unfortunately named Sasquatch chieftain. As big and mean as he was, his dopey moniker had gone a long way toward unraveling whatever menace I felt at the sight of him.

  “This is no laughing matter,” Calibra warned, donning a belt containing a nasty-looking handgun.

  “Of course not,” James said soothingly. “Believe me, they take this seriously. This is just their...nature.”

  I couldn’t see Calibra’s face, but her body posture told me she probably wore a sour expression underneath her mask. Oh well, she could go fuck herself with it.

  The insane thing was, I felt a bit better. We were walking into potentially hostile territory, but it was against a foe I knew and had bested...if just barely. Also, I mused as I tested the weight of the sawed-off shotgun in my hands, I was slightly better prepared than last time. The weapon might not put one of the Feet down permanently, but I was fairly confident it would do a good job of blowing one’s kneecaps off - hopefully.

  I turned toward Ed, the manic look on his face mirroring my own. “Just like playing paintball.”

  “Except for the part where they rip our arms off.”

  Gotta love the optimism.

  * * *

  James once more offered to let us remain with the chopper while he and Calibra went and investigated, but we all turned him down. I wasn’t certain about Sally’s motivation, but I was fairly sure that in my and Ed’s case it was because neither of us wanted to be called out as a pussy first. There were some things worse than death.

  The pilot took off. James instructed him to shadow us from the sky, staying low enough to fill anything in our path with a friendly burst of thirty-millimeter greetings.

  Once inside the tree line, the shadows were deep enough that I felt comfortable removing my mask.

  “What are you doing?” Sally asked.

  “My glasses are getting steamed up in that thing. I can’t see shit.”

  “Fascinating, I’m sure,” James said through what sounded like gritted teeth. I could feel his glare through the mirrored eyepieces he wore. “Thank the darkness this isn’t a stealth mission.”

  He had that right. With the bird overhead, there was little chance whatever was out there wasn’t aware of our presence. That was just as well. I had about as much chance of pulling off a Mission Impossible-style raid as I did of giving birth. I’d never been much into stealth games anyway. I mean, I almost always seemed to end up hacking my way out of bad situations in Assassin’s Creed.

  It didn’t help that the forest was unnaturally quiet. Every step I took sounded like a marching band in the silent woods. At least we made good time. Although we were surrounded by densely packed trees, the undergrowth was minimal. In fact, in some places, it was almost like finely cut grass. Whatever had caused this odd growth of foliage seemed to be restricted to the trees only - maybe a limitation of whatever power they had. Who knows? I certainly didn’t have a clue...except for maybe...

  I stopped for a moment to look at a branch, specifically the leaves.

  “Yep,” Ed said from beside me. “Maple.”

  “I bet somewhere Francois is shitting a syrup-flavored brick.”

  Even Sally let loose a hiccup of laughter, causing Calibra to quickly turn back and shush us. Jeez, sorry, Mom.

  “There,” James said, his voice low enough that I’m pretty sure only the vamp ears amongst us heard him. A building, a house from the looks of it, stood before us. We’d reached the Norfolk city limits.

  * * *

  “The coven’s central nest is beneath the courthouse,” Calibra said, motioning us forward. We were obviously in the main stretch of town. Empty shops - some destroyed, others nearly whole - stared back through the trees on either side of us. Beneath our feet were the remains of an asphalt street - torn up, no doubt, thanks to the abrupt growth of forest.

  What we didn’t see or hear were any signs of life. I raised my head to sniff the air.

  “I wouldn’t,” Sally warned.

  “Why wouldn...oh fuck!” I nearly gagged as a ripe stench filled my nostrils. It was the smell of decay, of rot, of unwashed ass. I’d smelled it before, right as I was about to take a nosedive into a pool of Sasquatch shit. “We’re not alone,” I said once I’d finally stopped coughing.

  “Obviously,” Calibra replied derisively. “Up ahead. I see the courthouse.” She quickened her pace, darting in and out behind the trees to the point where I nearly lost track of her.

  “Bring up our rear, but remain outside,” James said. “Form a defensive perimeter at the entrance.”

  I was about to question at what point he’d forgotten that I was a computer programmer from Brooklyn and not an Army Ranger, but he’d already sped up to match Calibra’s pace. Just wonderful.

  “Okay,” I muttered to myself. “This isn’t so bad.” Ed had spent time in the backwoods of Pennsylvania where his stepdad lived. Also, Sally had once confessed to being a former Girl Scout. That all had to account for something, right? And, hey, they didn’t call New York “the urban jungle” for nothing. One had to develop some survival skills. I mean, if one could make it there, they could make it anywhere. It...

  It was all a load of bullshit, sadly.

  A slight crunch of leaves sounded behind me, which wasn’t particularly good since Ed and Sally were both a step ahead.

  A moment later, a foul breath acrid enough to bring tears to my eyes wafted down the back of my neck. A growl followed along with a word I had really been hoping never to hear again.

  “Tlunta!”

  Oh, fuck.

  * * *

  I turned and raised my weapon only to have a meaty fist the size of a basketball pluck it from my grasp. Another hand, equally as large, grabbed hold of the stock and bent the gun neatly in half. Then a third took it and tossed it casually over the beast’s shoulder.

  I had to blink to make sure I was seeing what I just saw. Maybe the events from the past few days had driven me over the edge.

  A Sasquatch stood in front of me...I think. It was both familiar yet entirely unlike any of the ugly fuckers I’d seen. It was over eight feet tall and covered in shit-stained fur. That much was expected. From there, though, the differences were enough to make me consider staining my own pants.

  Bony protrusions covered its shoulders, chest, elbows, and knees, looking more solid than any concrete I’d been unlucky enough to be thrown through. The freakiest part, though, were the arms - all four of them. That was new. There was the usual set, as big and disturbingly muscular as expected - scary enough, as far as I was concerned. Add to that a second set, sticking out from its sides right below the first, and you had a perfect formula for freaking me the fuck out.

  I had a scant second to remember back to my youth, playing video games in my bedroom. I’d always liked Mortal Kombat, but never the higher level
s - mainly because Goro always used to kick my ass mercilessly. Standing before the monstrous ape, I got the distinct impression that history was about to repeat itself.

  I looked up into the creature’s slobbering face and was taken aback; not so much by how ugly it was, but by all the blood. A large gash ran down the side of its face, bleeding freely. Something had taken a chunk out of this thing. Heh, maybe Johnny Cage had recently been in town.

  It raised its arms to pummel me into the dirt just as a thunderous report sounded nearby. A section of the bony armor covering one arm exploded in shards. The creature reared back its head and let out a roar of pain.

  “Get down, shit-for-brains!” Sally shouted from behind me.

  That was enough to spur me out of my shock. Someone had managed to fight back against this monster. Now, it was time for us to finish the job.

  “Here’s a message for Turd from yours truly!” I cried, pulling back my fist and driving it home into the beast’s crotch.

  The scream that rang out must have echoed through the woods for miles around. Sadly, it was from me as I cradled my freshly broken hand.

  The beast let out a chuckle, like someone gargling on metal shavings, then reached down with its two lower arms to part the fur between its legs, showing the bony plate beneath. Well, that was unexpected.

  Luckily for me, the creature decided I needed a broken jaw to match. It clubbed me like a baby seal with one of its massive paws, which sent me to my knees in a daze.

  I could hear my friends coming to back me up, as much good as that would do against the tank version of the creatures that pretty much kicked all of our asses several months earlier. A moment later, I got a good look at them closing in as the mutant Sasquatch lifted me over its head like this was a goddamned wrestling match.

  Thankfully, my friends’ version of the classic steel chair cheap shot was to pepper this thing’s midsection with bullets. As they blasted the shit out of it, I briefly prayed it didn’t decide to use me as a shield against them. I could probably count on Ed to stop shooting if that happened. Sally...well...

  And then, I was airborne as the beast flung me toward my former coven partner, she the far better shot of the two.