Just Another Girl

by Melody Carlson

  I shrug like that hadn’t occurred to me.

  “But it would also give Lily a break from you.”

  I frown.

  “She needs a break from you too, Aster. It will help her to learn to do more for herself. And you can be certain your father won’t cater to her like you do.” Mom really seems to be considering this scenario now. “But if Lily really wants to spend time with him, she might try to do more for herself.”

  “And she loves Nelson. She’s really pretty good with him, Mom. And she acts kind of older, like she’s the big sister for a change.”

  Mom actually does smile now. “Aster, I think you’ve come up with a good solution.”

  “But will Dad go for it?”

  “Maybe he won’t have a choice.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning he’s not paying child support and I’m not pressing charges. But I could if he refuses to allow Lily to visit him.”

  I nod. This is exactly the way I’d hoped this would go. And I had been prepared to push for this very thing myself, but it seems I don’t need to now.

  “Maybe this will all work out for the best, Aster. For all of us.”

  “I hope so.”

  Then to my surprise, Mom hugs me. I can’t even remember the last time she hugged me.

  17

  Monday evening, after I’ve finally gotten Lily to bed without any magic—meaning she threw a tantrum when I tried to get her to do a few things for herself—Mom comes home and tells me that she’s written my dad a letter.

  “A letter?”

  She nods as she sets down her purse. “It seemed the best way. I really don’t think I can have a civilized conversation with that man. I made a copy of the letter for my records and sent it registered mail.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yes. I want to make sure he gets it.”

  “So what did you say?”

  “I told him that I expect him to take some parental responsibility for his daughters. I told him that if he cannot pay child support, the least he can do is to allow visitation. And if he can’t do that, I may speak to an attorney.”

  “Good for you, Mom.” I reach up to give her a high five, and she returns it.

  “I also told him that you would be managing the visitations with Lily. I hope you don’t mind. But that way you can have some control over when she’ll visit, and maybe you can plan things on those days for yourself.”

  “Cool.”

  “I also spoke to someone in social services about additional supervised care for Lily—at home. They’re sending me some papers to fill out.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “And I’m making arrangements at work to be there less.” She sighs. “It won’t make any difference financially since I’m on salary.”

  Even so, I can tell she’s not thrilled about this. I’m sure being at work sounds better than wrestling Lily to bed. “I tried to get Lily to do more for herself tonight,” I say. “I’m really going to work with her. I think we’ll make a chart with rewards. Lily loves rewards. Kellie has suggested this before, but it sounded like a lot of work.”

  “Maybe at first . . . but it might make life easier for everyone down the line.” Mom smiles at me. “Let me know what I can do to help. Do you want me to look for some rewards?”

  “Sure, that’d be great. I can easily make a chart on my computer.”

  “Good.” Mom starts going through the mail. “Rose isn’t home from work yet?”

  “No . . .”

  Mom looks at me with a curious expression. “Is there something I should know, Aster?”

  “About?”

  “Rose.”

  “You might want to give her a call.”

  There’s no way I’m telling Mom that Rose picked up some of her things this afternoon, or that she’s staying at Jared’s house— actually, his parents’ house, but they’re on vacation for two weeks. Rose said that she and Jared are apartment shopping.

  Mom just nods and continues to peruse the mail.

  By Wednesday, Mom is fully aware that Rose has moved out with Jared. I’m surprised at how she seems to take this in stride. Or maybe she’s just too tired to put up any kind of protest. Lily, on the other hand, doesn’t really know what’s up. For the time being, I think it’s for the best, since Lily has enough to deal with right now. I’ve been trying to show Mom what our nightly routine is supposed to be and how Lily’s chart works. But Lily has no tolerance for change and sometimes treats Mom like an intruder. She’s making it especially difficult tonight, and I can tell that Mom is tired. But I have to give it to our mother, she’s hanging in there. Then, just as Lily is getting out of the tub, my cell phone rings. To my surprise, Mom tells me to go ahead and take it.

  I hurry to my room—my own room—and discover that it’s Owen on the other end. I’m not sure how to react. I’ve been kind of relieved that he hasn’t called. And yet I feel my heart racing just to hear his voice. Why is that?

  “Hey, Aster,” he says. “How’s it going?”

  “Okay.”

  “I’ve missed you.”

  “Oh . . .”

  “You’re not still mad at me, are you?”

  “Now, remind me . . . why was I mad at you?” Okay, I know I’m acting coy, but this is the first actual conversation we’ve had since he let me down Saturday night.

  “You mean you weren’t mad?” He sounds hopeful.

  “You know, Owen, I think I was mostly hurt. You told me that we’d go if I was uncomfortable. And I trusted you. But then when I wanted to leave, you didn’t keep your word.”

  “I’m really sorry, Aster. I was having a nice little chat with Miles the birthday boy, and the next thing I knew you were standing there saying we had to leave.”

  Suddenly I feel like I’m the one who should be apologizing. But I don’t.

  “Anyway, are you going to give me another chance?”

  “I don’t know . . .” And the truth is, I don’t know. I mean, I’ve been actually thinking about George lately, even wishing he’d call. And yet I know that if I placed George and Owen side by side, Owen is the one who would probably make my heart go thumpity-thump. Still, George is a great guy. Why am I so confused?

  “I realize I was a jerk at the party,” Owen admits. “And I shouldn’t have been drinking either. The truth is, I had pretty much given that up. That’s why I was looking for someone like you, Aster. The kind of girl with substance, you know?”

  “I know that I wasn’t enjoying that party—the whole thing seemed pretty childish,” I say.

  “Exactly. That’s why I like you. You’re more mature than most girls. Anyway, I want to make it up to you. Won’t you give me one last chance? There’s a new movie playing, one that I think you’ll really like. And we could do Greek again, if you want. Let me make last weekend up to you, okay?”

  “When were you thinking?”

  “How about tomorrow?”

  There’s a chance that Mom won’t be working late tomorrow. Plus there’s always my dad. I doubt that he’s too busy on a Thursday evening. Besides, it’s about time I make a follow-up call to Mom’s letter. “Tomorrow works.”

  Owen says he’ll pick me up around six, and I agree. I can hear Lily screaming in the hallway, so I say I have to go.

  “What is wrong?” I demand as I go out to find Lily sitting on the floor with only her pajama bottoms on.

  “Mom!” Lily shouts. “She mean, mean, mean.”

  “It sounds more like you’re being mean, Lily.”

  “I not mean. I mad!”

  I nod. “Well, mad or mean, you are not acting like a princess tonight.”

  “That’s right,” Mom says. “And I had a prize for a princess who got ready for bed on time.”

  “And it’s a nice prize too,” I add. Mom already showed me some of the trinkets she picked up at Walgreens yesterday. We’re going with a princess theme on Lily’s performance chart. Mom and I also agreed on some basic rules that we adapted from
a list Kellie printed out for me. Things like we won’t let Lily divide us. We’ll be consistent with rules, consequences, and treats. We won’t cave when Lily throws a tantrum. We’ll remain calm and mature with Lily. We’ll make sure we’re giving Lily enough time to do what she needs. And our goal will be her success—meaning a happier, more capable Lily. Of course, it’s going to take time and a lot of hard work, but at least Mom and I are traveling down the same road together now.

  “Remember, Lily,” Mom warns her, “if you’re not in your pajamas and in bed by nine, there will be no story.”

  Lily balls her fists and pouts.

  “And no prize either,” I add.

  Then Mom and I go into the kitchen to wait and see if she complies. At this point I think we have about a fifty-fifty chance.

  “That was Owen,” I tell Mom. “He asked me out tomorrow.”

  Mom frowns. “I have to work late tomorrow. We’re getting ready for a big sale.”

  “That’s okay,” I say. “I think it’s time to call Dad.”

  Mom nods. “Good idea.”

  “The only problem will be how to get Lily over there.”

  “I suppose you could use my car.”

  We work out a plan for me to ride my bike to O’Leary’s, pick up Mom’s car, take Lily to Dad’s, then return the car and ride my bike home. Okay, it’s a lot of work, but it also buys me free time. Glorious free time.

  “Why don’t you call your dad while I check on Lily?” Mom suggests. “I’ll be curious to hear what he has to say about all this.”

  So I go back into my room and dial Dad’s number. Unfortunately, it’s Jana who politely answers, and when she discovers it’s me, her voice gets frosty. After what seems an inordinately long time, Dad comes on. “Hello, Aster.” His voice is stiff and formal.

  “Hey, Dad.” I try to sound casual. “How’s it going?”

  “Well, I was just putting Nelson down.”

  “Seems kind of late for someone his age.”

  “He had a long nap this afternoon.”

  “Oh . . . Anyway, did you get Mom’s letter?”

  “Yes.”

  “So, does that seem fair to you?”

  There’s a long pause. “Fair?”

  Now I realize it might be smarter not to say too much. “You know . . . I mean, all things considered . . .”

  “I, uh . . . yeah, I suppose . . .”

  “So, Lily would like to come visit you tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “Yes. You’re not busy, are you?”

  “No, but—”

  “And you know how much she loves Nelson. I actually think it’s going to be good for her to spend time with her baby brother, Dad. It gives her the chance to be the big sister for a change.”

  “She was good with him, wasn’t she?” I can hear a trace of optimism now. “And he liked her too.”

  “So, there you go. Seems like a great setup.”

  “And you’ll be coming too, Aster?”

  “Well, for a while. But then I have something else to do.”

  “Oh . . .”

  “I better go, Dad. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I hang up and hurry off to find that Lily is making it into bed in time to get a full page of her special princess stickers. She looks very pleased with herself, but Mom looks haggard.

  “Guess what, Lily?” I say cheerfully.

  “What?” she says without looking up from the Cinderella sticker that she’s pressing onto her hand.

  “We get to go visit Dad and Nelson again tomorrow.”

  She looks up now. “And play in the sandbox and read books?”

  “Yeah. Cool, huh?”

  She nods. “Cool.”

  Then we both listen to her prayers, and I show Mom how she likes the lights and her door. “Good night, Princess Lily,” I call out, and Mom echoes.

  “Good night, Princess Aster,” Lily says. “Good night, Princess Mom.”

  This makes Mom giggle as we go down the hallway to the kitchen. “I guess that wasn’t too bad,” she says. We sit down across from each other at the breakfast bar.

  “See,” I say, “it does get easier.” Then I tell her about my conversation with Dad. “He didn’t sound totally pleased, but he sounded open.” I don’t mention that he sounded disappointed that I wasn’t staying the whole time. I wonder if he thought he was acquiring a built-in babysitter. Think again, Dad.

  The next morning, I get Lily to the rec center, then pick up Mom’s car and drive it home. In the afternoon, I pick Lily up an hour earlier than usual, allowing me enough time to get her to Dad’s, return Mom’s car, and be ready to go out. Lily looks totally surprised to see that I’m driving Mom’s car, but she’s also pleased that we’re not walking since it’s hot out. As I drive, I remind her of our plans to visit Dad and Nelson, and she’s even more pleased. Then, just a few blocks from Dad’s house, I cautiously explain to her that I won’t stay there the whole time.

  “So you’ll have to be really helpful,” I tell her. “And take good care of Nelson and be a good big sister to him.”

  “I’m a good big sister.” She announces this new concept with pride.

  “You are.”

  Nelson is just getting up from his nap when we get there, and Dad looks as if we woke him up as well. Tough life. Lily goes directly to helping Nelson put on his saltwater sandals so they can go outside, and I visit briefly with Dad.

  “Well, it looks like everything is under control,” I say. “And Lily knows that I’m leaving. I think I’ll spare her the big goodbye and just go.”

  Dad nods but looks worried. “If you think so . . .”

  “I think Lily is ready for this,” I assure him. “But if anything comes up, you know Mom’s number. My phone might be off later.”

  He doesn’t look too pleased about this. But I just wave and head out the door. This is his problem now. But hopefully, for Lily’s sake, it’ll go well.

  I’m just pulling my bike into the garage when my cell phone rings. I am certain that it’s Dad calling to tell me there’s a problem and to come get Lily. But to my surprise and relief, it’s Rose.

  “What’s up?” she asks.

  I give her the quick lowdown about Lily being at Dad’s house. “I’m just crossing my fingers that it’ll be okay.”

  “Why shouldn’t it? He’s her father. He should help take care of her.”

  Of course, I could list a dozen reasons why it shouldn’t be okay, but I don’t. Besides, Rose sounds irritated, like something might be wrong. I mean, besides the fact that she chose to move in with Jared, which I believe is morally wrong. Not that I’m going to say as much. Well, not unless she asks. “So, how are you doing, anyway?”

  “All right.”

  But the tone of her voice doesn’t sound all right. It sounds tight and edgy and like she could be on the verge of tears. “Are you still glad you moved out?”

  Now there’s a pause, and I’m thinking something is not right.

  “Is there a problem, Rose? Is something wrong with you and Jared? Are you sorry you moved out?”

  “I don’t know . . .”

  I go inside the house with every possible scenario racing through my head. Jared is treating her badly. She lost her job. She is pregnant. Or maybe she realizes what a fool she’s been and is sorry. “Rose, what’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know . . . I’m just confused, I guess.”

  Is this her way of asking me for advice? Will I be sorry if I express an opinion here?

  “Here’s the thing,” I begin cautiously. “I really didn’t think it was a good idea for you to do this. I mean, you and Jared haven’t been going together that long, and living together, well, you know how I feel about that. But even besides that, Rose, I know how you’d always dreamed of getting married and having the big wedding and everything, and now—”

  “I wasn’t calling for a lecture, Aster.”

  “I know. I’m just saying . . . I mean, if it was
a mistake moving out . . . well, you can always come back and—”

  “No way,” she snaps. “I’m not saying it was a mistake. I was just feeling a little down is all. I wondered how my family was doing. Is that a crime?”

  “Of course not. I just was worried about you, Rose. I thought maybe you—”

  “Look, Aster, it seems to me you have enough to worry about. Between Lily and Mom, and now Dad too, your plate is full, sister. And if you ask me, you are way too codependent.”

  I didn’t even know that Rose knew what codependent means. Maybe she doesn’t. “What are you insinuating?” I ask.

  “I’m not insinuating anything. I’m saying that you spend way too much time taking care of everyone else. It’s like that’s your life, Aster. It’s like you need them to need you. And that’s codependent.”

  I blink as I push the key into the lock. So she does know what the word means. And something about what she’s saying has a ring of truth to it. The kind of truth that stings a little. And yet she’s not totally on track here.

  “Well,” I say sharply as I go into the house, “you don’t know everything about me, Rose.”

  “Really.” She sounds unconvinced. I can just imagine her examining a perfect fingernail, a bored expression on her face. So I tell her about my big date tonight. In fact, I probably make it sound much bigger than it really is. Or maybe I’m just being optimistic.

  “Hey, maybe there’s hope for you yet,” Rose says.

  “I’m doing the best I can,” I say as I drop my bag on the counter. “But it’s not like I can just abandon everyone.” Not like you did, I want to add, but don’t.

  “No, I don’t expect you could.”

  Okay, now I don’t know what to say. Apparently she doesn’t either. There’s a long silence, and then she sighs loudly. “Well, I better go. Tell Mom I called, okay?”

  “Want me to tell Lily hi for you too?”

  “Yeah . . . whatever.”

  “Take care.”

  We both hang up, and I decide that I’m not going to let Rose get to me tonight. Sure, I can tell she’s unhappy about something—probably just her stupid decision to move in with Jared. Talk about jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. Anyway, I just hope that she doesn’t do something really insane like getting pregnant. Honestly, I was afraid that was what she was going to tell me.