Purpose

by Kristie Cook

  “That was…necessary,” Tristan muttered and we burst into giddy laughter.

  Chapter 9

  When I came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, I found a pile of sheets on the floor and Tristan, a towel around his waist, sitting on the freshly made bed. I had to pinch my arm…just to be sure. As he rummaged through his old bag, I picked up the sheets and took them to the washer, knowing the sooner I soaked them in cold water, the more likely the blood from my injuries would wash out. I didn’t get my hopes up, though. I probably should have washed clothes first, but I thought we might need clean sheets before I needed clothes. I would get my hopes up about that.

  I came back to the room and recognized my lavender stationery in Tristan’s hand, his head bent over as he read the letters I’d written to him over the years. His hair hung in curtains, hiding his face. Sadness swept over me again. The letters, one for each of our wedding anniversaries, provided glimpses into my and Dorian’s lives each year. They also begged for his return, full of raw emotion. Tucking them into his bag had been my way of delivering them, though I never really expected him to actually read them. I wasn’t sure now I wanted him to know how wretched I’d been.

  I crawled across the bed and knelt behind him, rubbing his shoulders as he read the last one. He didn’t say anything at first. I draped my arms around him and lay my head against his shoulder. When he finally spoke, his voice came thick and heavy.

  “You know, it felt like a long time only because I couldn’t be with you. But seven years really isn’t that long to me—feels like a year to most people. But for you…” He trailed off.

  “It was painfully long,” I finished quietly.

  “And our son…I missed so much,” he whispered. “I should have been there for him.”

  I moved around to sit in his lap and wrapped my arms around him. I didn’t even know what to say, so I just held him. I felt his tears on my shoulder.

  “I don’t know if it’ll make you feel any better, but I really don’t remember much until I was five or so,” I finally said. “You’ll be there from now on and you’re just in time for the good part. You missed the middle-of-the-night feedings, diapers and potty training. Now he’s really becoming a little person.”

  “I would have loved every minute,” he said quietly and I knew he would have. “The first chance I had to get to a computer, I did a search on you. I saw how the media tore you up over your so-called teen pregnancy. I almost went on a murderous rampage.”

  I shrugged. “I knew the truth. The people most important to me knew the truth. Including Dorian.”

  “Tell me about him.”

  I smiled automatically, my heart warming. “Well…he looks just like you, but he has quite an attitude, like me. Well, you, too. I think he got the worst of us both—but in a good way. He won’t take crap from anyone. He’s unusually fast and strong for his age and size and he never gets sick or hurt, even with all the fights he’s been in. Mom says it’s to be expected, with who his parents are. Otherwise, he shows no signs of abilities or powers…but every once in a while he gets this look on his face as if he knows something the rest of us don’t.”

  I jabbered non-stop about Dorian and Tristan’s face lit up like the sun. He asked me all kinds of questions and laughed at the stories I shared. A bittersweet conversation for us both.

  “I can’t wait for you to get to know him. And he’ll be so excited to finally meet you!” I sighed as I realized how much I missed him.

  And then there was the bad news. He already knew, but I had to say the words, we had to discuss the subject. I hung my head in shame and the words came out as barely more than a whisper. “As you can see, we don’t have a daughter.”

  He pulled me against him and grief filled his voice, too. “I’m so sorry. I’ve tried to forget the time I was away, pushing each day out of my mind as the next one started, but I’ll never forget the day Dorian came into the world. The Daemoni celebrated. That’s how they tortured me that day—celebrating that the Amadis would end with you. And it was probably the worst torture of the whole time they held me, because I needed you and I knew you needed me. It almost killed me to think of you suffering through that, and I couldn’t hold you. I couldn’t do anything for you….”

  The tears spilled over the brims of my eyes.

  “I failed them,” I whispered.

  “No, not you. I’m the one who failed them.”

  I looked up at him in surprise. “How can you say that?”

  “The father’s genes determine the sex.”

  I shook my head. “I know, but we’re different. According to Mom and Rina, our eggs can only accept female sperm. Once there’s a forming embryo, we might drop another egg that would take a male sperm. Otherwise, males are rejected. Except for me, of course. Something happened to the female…or there just never was one and my egg took the male seed. I have to be abnormal in everything.”

  He held me in silence for a while. “Is there any hope?”

  My breath caught as my mood suddenly brightened. The words gushed out. “Oh! There is! Tristan, there is hope! I’d dismissed the idea because you weren’t here, but now you are and it could still happen.”

  “Whoa…slow down.” He took my face in his hands and looked into my eyes. “Tell me.”

  I told him about Mom and Rina’s feelings that I may still be able to have a daughter. “I suppressed that hope because you were gone and you are my only love. I couldn’t…”

  “You would have forsaken an Amadis daughter to wait for me?” He didn’t sound happy.

  I frowned and dropped my head. “Maybe not forever,” I admitted. “But I thought if it ever became necessary, in vitro fertilization would have been the answer. It just wasn’t something I wanted to think about too much. The council has been growing restless about it lately, I guess, and were forcing me to think about it. Thank God you’re here now!”

  He lifted my chin with his thumb and looked into my eyes again. “And there’s still hope? Even with the Ang’dora?”

  Right. The Ang’dora.

  My bubble burst. A whimpering sound escaped my throat as I dropped my shoulders with defeat. For the first time in years, I wished the Ang’dora wouldn’t happen yet. And what would the council do now, if it was impossible for me to have a baby? With the Ang’dora, there were too many odds against us.

  “I don’t know. I’m not even supposed to change over yet—I’m supposed to be too young. Another anomaly to chalk under my name. Of course, Mom’s the only one who had a baby after the change. But I guess it does mean there’s precedence.”

  “So we can try.” His lips twitched in a playful smile.

  “Well, yeah, we can try all we want.” I grinned back with understanding.

  “Then we will do everything we can to give Dorian a little sister.” He winked and I fogged over. He chuckled and nibbled my ear. The tickle cleared the fog.

  “I need to call Dorian,” I said. “I haven’t talked to him in so long. I wish he could be here.”

  Tristan glanced at the clock. “Give them another hour or so. I talked to Sophia before you woke up and they were between flights then.”

  “You talked to Mom? Where are they? She knows you’re back? What did she say?”

  He held his hand up to stop the barrage of questions. “Your phone wouldn’t stop ringing as soon as Owen saw me with you in my arms, so I finally answered it.”

  “Owen,” I groaned. “I bet he’s pissed at me.”

  “Hmph. Yeah, you could say that…and at me. He’ll get over it.” He shrugged. “Sophia sounded…hesitantly happy. She knows you’re safe, but she’s concerned.”

  “She thinks I might become evil.”

  “She thinks I am evil. I don’t think she trusts me entirely again. She knows the Daemoni too well.”

  I looked into his beautiful eyes. “I trust you.”

  “Good. That’s all that matters to me.” He sighed. “Still, Sophia has every right to be concerned.”
>
  I sighed, too, and leaned my head against his shoulder. I traced my fingers around the scars on his chest, careful not to touch them. “What would you do if I did become evil? I mean, if the Daemoni blood wins.”

  “My allegiance is to the Amadis, so I would have to save your soul.”

  I mulled over this for a few minutes.

  “I don’t think it’ll be an issue. I think she primarily worried because I’d become so angry. I was pretty cruel, especially to her. I even thought the Daemoni was coming out in me. But the anger is gone. All I feel now is love and happiness. I just needed you.” I put my hands around his face and looked into his eyes again. “And you are not evil. You are Amadis, too. We’ll be okay. No, we’ll be more than okay. We’re going to be great now.”

  He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes, and then he folded me into his arms. “I hope you’re right. We have a lot of challenges ahead of us.”

  “We can handle them, as long as we’re together. Just don’t leave me again, no matter what the reason.”

  “Never again.” He sealed the promise with a kiss and I remembered the last time he’d done the same thing…when he’d promised to come back. It had taken a while—way too long—but he’d made good on that one. I knew, however, there were no guarantees in our bizarre world. I leaned my head back against his shoulder.

  “What happened? When you left, I mean?” I asked quietly. “Owen thought you were…dead…when he got away. They never gave me any details and I never asked. I was afraid they’d tell me something that would confirm what Owen thought and I couldn’t let myself believe it.”

  I didn’t know if he would tell me. He never spoke of his past life, of the horrors when he was part of the Daemoni. He refused to dredge up those memories. Though this was a different situation and he didn’t perform the evil acts, he probably didn’t want to relive those memories. But, after years of wondering and imagining my own version of the events, I felt compelled to ask anyway. And he actually answered.

  With me still on his lap, he scooted back on the bed so he could lean against the headboard.

  “The day I left…the day I made my worst mistake ever…” He shook his head. “I had to pull them away…from Rina and Sophia…from you. The Amadis had agreed to flash to a park in the Shenandoah Valley, away from the safe house to protect you, if needed. So I flashed there and the Daemoni followed my trail, just as planned.”

  “Followed your trail?” I interrupted. “When you flash?”

  He looked down at me through his lashes. “You really still haven’t learned much, have you?”

  I shook my head.

  “When we flash, we leave a sort of trail. It’s like an energy signature. It can’t be seen, but it can be sensed. It disappears in a second or two, but if someone is close enough to catch the trail, they can go right where you went.” He paused to make sure I understood and I nodded. “The Amadis followed, too, but more Daemoni kept appearing.”

  “Were there dog-things?”

  He lifted an eyebrow. “Dog-things?”

  “Like the creature Edmund had at your house.” It had been just a few days before our wedding…the raging wind of a tropical storm, the bulky figure of Edmund and his creature that wasn’t quite dog but definitely not human, either…the whole fight had firmly impressed itself into my memory. Until the battle at the safe house, I’d never been more terrified in my life. The dog-thing had apparently left a lasting impression. I knew it was a stupid word, but I didn’t know how else to describe the wretched creature.

  “Ah, the nora.”

  “The nora?” I asked. It took me a minute to make the connection. I held an unusual amount of knowledge about mythical creatures—knowing was part of my job, after all—but the nora, bald men who ran on all fours and sucked breast milk, were rarely mentioned. I would have never thought the dog-thing to be a nora. “I didn’t know they were real…I mean, even less so than vampires or werewolves.”

  “That was a real nora. And they don’t just suck women’s breasts. They like blood more than breast milk, but they do prefer women.” He paused for a moment. “That’s been your image of the Daemoni, huh?”

  I thought about it for a moment before answering. Until recently, my experiences with the Daemoni had been limited to Ian, an Irish idiot who’d once been Amadis and now got his kicks out of watching the destruction of others’ lives, and Edmund and his nora.

  “I guess the nora scared me the most. Probably because I could see no humanity in it at all.”

  He rested his cheek against my head and was silent long enough, I almost asked what he was thinking. But then he continued with his story.

  “Well, they are pretty rare, but there were a hell of a lot of Daemoni, so there may have been a few nora. They ambushed us. I wasn’t surprised. I knew it would be the only way they could take me. I just didn’t think it would be so bad. I should have known better….” Remorse filled his last statement. I looked up at him when he didn’t continue. He leaned his head back against the headboard, his eyes closed. “As soon as I realized their numbers, I went ahead, hoping to keep as many off of the others as I could. I knew they’d go after me. Most of them did, but not enough. Even while fighting, I kept aware of the others. They shouldn’t have even been there. Stefan went down—”

  I cringed and he paused. The image came clearly, very similar to the dream I used to have, the part my imagination had created of Stefan’s death, followed by Tristan’s disappearance. I shook my head to clear it and Tristan tightened his arms around me. His voice came even lower and quieter as he continued.

  “Owen, Solomon and Micah, another soldier, were the only Amadis left standing. I had to pull the Daemoni away from them, before we lost them, too. So I flashed again, but this time they didn’t know where I went. The Daemoni closest to me followed, and then the rest followed their trails, like a domino effect. They paralyzed me with their magic long enough to take me to the Ancients in Afghanistan.”

  I sucked my breath loudly and blew it out with an, “Oh!”

  He peered down at me. “What?”

  “Weird…,” was all I could say at first. Then my thoughts all came out in a rush. “Every night since you left, up until last week, I had pretty much the same dream—replays of the few memories we had together. But it always ended with you in a field with Stefan and everyone, and then just you and the Daemoni, in a foreign desert, surrounded by stone mountains. I thought that part was a figment of my imagination.”

  “You didn’t know where I was supposed to meet Lucas?”

  I shook my head. “No one would tell me. You know how they are.”

  “Right. Hmm…that is…interesting.” He paused again, then continued. “At first, I didn’t fight. I knew as long as they had me, they’d stay away from you. I tried my first escape the day after Dorian was born and they had their celebration. Their compounds are shielded, so you can’t flash out of them, but I thought I knew the location where they held me and the way out. But I was mistaken. They’d taken me somewhere new that they’d developed since I’d left them. So they recaptured me before I could get out, then took me to Siberia.”

  “Siberia?” I asked, astonished. “I planned to come find you, but I would’ve never guessed to look for you in Siberia.”

  What on earth had I been thinking? How would I have ever found him? And then, exactly, how would I—little me—have helped him escape against all those demons? The idea sounded ludicrous now. Tristan’s humorless chuckle told me he thought the same thing.

  “Trust me, I will teach you everything you need to know now. I’m going to prepare you for everything,” he said. “For now, just picture a large network of tunnels and caves, under the Taymyr Peninsula in northern Siberia. An underground city. All of their cities are underground, and this one is their largest—their capital, in a sense. I’d spent a lot of time there in my past life, knew it well. But they’d expanded the caves, dug down deeper. They kept me in a new part…far below the surface of the
earth.”

  “Oh,” I breathed. “You really were cut off from the entire world.”

  With the darkest of tones, he answered, “As far away as possible…and as close to the bowels of Hell as you can get.”

  He fell silent, providing no more details, but the image of a cold, dark cave blossomed in my mind. I envisioned him sitting alone on a dirt floor, the stone walls curving overhead. I could almost hear distant screams of terror and pain from other caves and tunnels. I felt his dread. The dread of knowing someone or something would be coming any time to deliver his own torture. Not knowing when or even if there would ever be an end to it all. My heart squeezed and I fought back a shudder.

  I could only imagine the loneliness he had felt. I, at least, had had Dorian and Mom and even Rina and Owen. He’d had no one. I reached my hand up and cradled the side of his face with it. He leaned his head into my hand as I stroked his cheekbone with my thumb. It felt like anything I did was so little…not enough for what he deserved. But he seemed to appreciate every little gesture. He’d been isolated from even the least bit of humanity, just when he’d learned the importance and joy of it…what it felt like to be touched and held by someone who loved him. He could only hold on to those memories, relive them in his mind.

  I wondered if perhaps we had been somehow connected and that was why I had those same memory-dreams every night for the entire time he was away…and then they all but stopped, about the same time he’d escaped. We had both needed those memories. Perhaps we even shared them at the same time. And that connection told me I just needed to hold on to him, wait for him, although everyone else thought of me as pathetic for doing so.

  I didn’t know if the idea held any truth, but, I had learned in the last couple days, anything was possible in our world. And it was really a nice thought to hold onto in the midst of all we’d been through. So I shared it with him.

  “Huh, it’s an interesting theory,” he said. We sat in silence as he thought through it. “I can see the possibility of it, especially since your blood runs through my veins.”