Awakening

by Hayes, Olivia

  "Please Luke, just go," I said, squeezing him once, and pulling away. "Mark will be here soon, and you don't want to have to explain this to him."

  "I will always love you, Caroline," he said.

  And I will always love you, Luke.

  I saw the mask I was so used to form on his face. An unreadable, emotionless look was in his eyes as he turned away from me and headed down the walkway.

  "I hope you find what makes you happy Luke," I called to his retreating back.

  I closed the door behind him, and took a deep breath, making a firm decision to put my feelings for Luke Johnson in the past. Mark was my future, he had been there for me, loved me, and he deserved nothing less than my whole heart.

  I heard my cell phone ringing from the bedroom, and ran down the hallway to grab it. My college graduation was later in the day, and Mark was on his way to Athens. I snatched my phone off the nightstand when I saw his number, and pressed the button to answer.

  "Mark!" I said into the phone.

  "Good morning beautiful! How's it feel to be on the verge of alumni-hood?" He asked.

  "Hey! I am so excited! I never thought this day would actually come!" I squealed. "Will I get to see you before the ceremony?"

  "Babe, I don't think so. The whole highway is like one big construction zone. It's pretty slow going. I should make it just in time though, so ask your parents to save me a seat."

  "I will," I assured him, wondering if I should bother telling him about Luke's early morning visit, but then thinking I shouldn't ruin the day by bringing it up. It could wait.

  "Caroline?" Mark asked, and I pushed the phone closer to my ear.

  "Yeah baby?"

  "I can't wait to get you to Atlanta. I just want you in my space, close to me where you belong. Everything is going to work out, you know?"

  "I hope so, babe. I'm just nervous I won't find a job, and will have to move home without you," I sighed.

  "Caroline, that's not going to happen. I won't let it. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up to your beautiful face every morning."

  "God, you're making me blush! What did I ever do to deserve you?" I beamed into the phone.

  One of the things about Mark that I loved was that I always knew where I stood with him. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and he loved me unconditionally.

  "You know how much I love you right?" He asked.

  "To the moon and back." I smiled.

  "I'll be there soon."

  "Okay babe, I love you too."

  I wasn't sure at all what I was going to do with myself after graduation. Mark wanted me to move to Atlanta with him but I hadn't been able to find a job yet and I knew he wouldn't be able to carry the financial burden by himself for long, even though he assured me it didn't matter as long as we were together. I had the whole summer to look for a position before my savings ran out.

  My father wanted me to come back to Savannah and work at the family business, so I had a fall back, and it would have been a no brainer if it weren't for Mark. A move to Savannah would put us about five hours apart, and I was already having withdrawals after not having seen him as often as I would have liked over the last year.

  I spent the morning reading, cleaning, and trying not to think about Luke. Then I took a shower and swiftly pulled my long blonde hair into a messy bun, tugging my graduation cap over it, and securing it in place with a bobby pin. I dug my mascara out of my cosmetic bag and applied a thin layer to my pale lashes, causing my light blue eyes to stand out against my tanned skin even more. After applying a thick coat of lip gloss, I was out the door.

  People were everywhere. I texted my mother, asking her to save a seat for Mark, as I walked across the quad. When I entered the auditorium I tried to find my way to my seat as I scanned the ever growing crowd for my parents and Mark. A nagging sense of unease was with me, but I finally found my mother's face and waved. As the opening remarks were beginning, I looked up to see my father and brother had joined her.

  Throughout the ceremony I kept glancing up at the three of them. Mark still hadn't made it as my name was announced.

  "Caroline Grace Foster," the speaker called out.

  As I climbed the stage to shake hands with the Dean and University President, accepting my diploma and earning a Bachelor's Degree in Marketing and Public Relations, I could hear my parents and Carson screaming my name from the stands and smiled.

  As the President congratulated our class, we tossed our caps into the air and roared with excitement that we were finally moving on to the next stage of our lives.

  After exchanging celebratory hugs with a few of my classmates, I made my way through the crowd in the direction of my parents seats. I pulled out my phone, which had been on silent and noticed that I had a couple of missed calls from Martha, Mark's mother, probably calling to congratulate me. I turned the ringer back on as I greeted my mother and father.

  "Hi honey, we are so proud of you!" My mother said.

  "Hey big sis, look at you all grown up!" Carson said, wrapping me in a bear hug.

  I laughed as he let me go, and turned to hug both of my parents.

  "Have any of you see Mark?" I asked.

  "No honey, but the traffic has been terrible. Just call and have him meet us back at your apartment. We'll wait until he gets here before we go to lunch."

  I dialed Mark's number, but it went straight to voicemail.

  "Hey babe, you missed it. Meet us back at my apartment, we're going to wait for you there. I can't wait to see you! Okay, love you."

  "No answer?" My dad asked.

  "He's probably still looking for parking or something," Carson said.

  "Yeah, let's go," I said.

  The feeling of unease was, again, tickling the back of my mind.

  As I unlocked the door to my place, the phone rang and I raced to grab it.

  "Mark?"

  "No Caroline, it's Martha."

  "Hey Martha, the ceremony just concluded, but Mark hasn't made it yet. Is everything alright?"

  The sense of dread consumed me as I listened to her stifled sobs on the other end of the line.

  "Caroline, sweetheart, Mark's been in an accident. We don't have a lot of information, but they took him to the emergency room. Can you get there? It's going to take a couple of hours for any of us to drive there. I don't know if they'll give you any information, but just in case, someone should be there with him."

  "Luke is in Athens! He was at my apartment this morning. Will you call and tell him to meet me at the hospital? I'm on my way," I cried into the phone, not waiting for a response before dashing out the door.

  ~~~~

  When we arrived at the hospital, my eyes were swollen from crying and my fingernails were all chewed up. My dad had driven as safely and quickly as he could to get us there and my mother sat in the back seat holding my hand and trying to calm me, although I couldn't be soothed.

  I felt like my heart was breaking in two and I couldn't sit still, so I paced the waiting room as my dad went to the front desk to ask for Mark. The nurse walked away and my dad turned to me with a defeated look on his face.

  "They won't tell me anything since we're not family," he said, hugging me to him.

  "That's bullshit," Carson said.

  I didn't know what I would do if I didn't get back there to make sure Mark was okay with my own eyes. I needed to see him. I thought back to the first time I had spent time with him without Luke.

  He had invited me to his house one fall Saturday for a barbeque. His parents were out of town, but his grandmother was staying with him and his little sister, Emily. My best friends Eva and Anne Marie had driven to Bluffton with me early that afternoon.

  When we arrived Mark walked into the kitchen, throwing his arm around my neck and kissing me on top of the head. Eva mouthed 'Oh my God!' to me, from her spot at the breakfast table, and I just shrugged my shoulders.

  "Hey Granny Sara, something smells great!" Mark said to the petit woman who w
as pulling freshly baked cookies from the oven. "I see you met Caroline. I told you she was beautiful didn't I?" Mark said, and winked at me.

  My heart fluttered a little bit at his shameless flirting.

  "You sure did, and she sure is." Granny said with a smile. "You be good to her now, you hear me boy?"

  "You know I will Granny." Mark released me to give his granny a quick hug and then pulled me by the hand to the back deck.

  "I'm really glad you're here, Caroline."

  I smiled up at him warmly. "Me too Mark."

  I looked around at his friends, realizing most of them were on the football team at school. "So, you play football?" I asked.

  "Yeah, I'm the quarterback at my high school. But, I never was as good as Luke."

  I looked at him for a moment. "Luke played football?"

  "Yeah, you didn't know that? He actually received a scholarship to Clemson."

  "If he mentioned it, I forgot. But wow, that's impressive."

  "You know what else is impressive?" Mark asked, smirking at me.

  "What's that?"

  "You."

  He slipped his arm around my waist and squeezed me, giving me the warm fuzzies. Then he led me to a group of his friends, keeping his arm around me. The cooler weather had moved in, but I felt warm tucked into Mark's side.

  After that night, Mark and his friends enveloped my friends and I into their group. We spent a lot of time together going to high school events and hanging out on the weekends. He never tried to take our relationship any further, but he always hinted, with words and lingering touches, that it's what he wanted. I thought he was a great friend, but my heart was still hung up on Luke.

  After Mark graduated from high school, we spent the entire summer together. The last day before he left for college he picked me up so we could take a drive to the beach.

  "Hey sweet girl," Mark said as I opened the door for him.

  "Hey babe," I said smiling, and leaned into him. My head only came up to his shoulder so I had to rise up on my tip toes to bring my lips to his, and his strong arm came around my waist to hold me up.

  Kissing Mark was warm and nice. His lips were firm but soft, and when they parted, his tongue slipped slowly against mine. It was pleasant, but nothing like the kisses I read about in my romance novels. Sometimes I wondered if that was all just made up nonsense.

  "You ready to head to the beach?"

  "Yes, just let me grab my bag," I ran through the house to the kitchen, grabbing my purse, and yelling to my mother that I'd be back later.

  Over those last two months we had taken many walks on the beach, held hands, planted some rose bushes in my parents back yard, snuggled on the couch watching movies, partied with our friends, had make out sessions, and talked about everything we wanted to do with our lives.

  I had grown to love having him around, and as the summer drew to a close, I knew he would be leaving for college. I had no idea what I was going to do for the entire next year without him or Luke while I finished high school.

  Mark parked his truck at the beach and held my hand as we walked over the dunes to the flat sand where he laid out a blanket for us to sit on. We continued to hold hands and watched the waves as we willed the minutes to stop passing so quickly.

  "I'll come home as often as I can," he assured me, pulling my back to his chest so I was cradled between his legs. "And you can come visit me too."

  I knew my parents would most likely not allow me to go to Athens without a chaperone. They were old school like that, and I was only seventeen. Luckily they were Bulldog fans, so I figured worst case scenario I could accompany them to a few football games.

  "I'll miss you," I said, tears welling in my eyes. He had become my best friend, my love, someone I could see myself spending my life with.

  "Caroline, do you know how much I love you?" He asked, leaning in to whisper in my ear.

  He hadn't mentioned loving me since that day at Maria's, but I already knew. It was evident in every look he gave me, in every touch.

  I looked up at him.

  "I love you to the moon and back," he said as his lips met mine.

  In that moment I knew what I wanted. Mark was perfect. I loved him and I wanted to be his in every way possible. We made love on the beach that night. My hands fisted into his hair as he drove deep inside of me. I was overwhelmed by the feeling of fullness as he continued to move against me. It was as close to him as I could possibly get, which is exactly where I wanted to be, and I cried afterward, knowing that I wouldn't be able to see him every day.

  The feeling of loss I felt that afternoon before Mark left for college was nothing compared to what I was feeling now. I was helpless and hopeless, waiting for someone to give me information on his condition. The hair on my arms rose and I whirled around as I heard my name.

  "Caroline!"

  Luke was barreling towards me through the hospital doors. He crashed into me, drawing me into his arms, and we clung to each other trying to draw strength from one another. The minutes had passed like hours as I waited.

  "Thank God you're here," I said to Luke. "They won't tell us anything since we aren't family! I feel like I'm going to explode," I sobbed.

  "I got here as fast as I could. Let's go talk to them together."

  After Luke showed his ID to the front desk, they sent for the doctor.

  When we saw him walking towards us with a grim look on his face we could tell that it wasn't good news and clenched our hands together. I started shaking my head before he even reached us.

  "Mr. Johnson?" He asked.

  "That's me," Luke said from his place at my side.

  "Mark was involved in an car wreck where he suffered injuries to his head and spinal cord. He's in the ICU for the moment. We had to drill a hole in his skull to relieve the pressure on his brain and unfortunately we won't know the extent of his injuries until the swelling goes down," the doctor said. "We're keeping him unconscious for the time being, but you can see him if you like. No more than two visitors at a time please."

  I could feel Luke's arms around me, squeezing me tight as I swayed on my feet. Together we followed the doctor down the hallway and quietly slipped inside Mark's room. I rushed to one side of his bed, and Luke to the other. I let out a gut wrenching sob at the sight of Mark's swollen and bruised face.

  My heart clenched at the sight of my beautiful man, broken and battered with his head bandaged and pinned into a traction device.

  "Mark? It's me baby. It's Caroline. Can you hear me?" I gingerly lifted his unbroken hand to my lips, placing kisses on his bruised and swollen knuckles.

  The beeping of the monitors was the only noise in the room. The only thing I could do to keep myself sane was continue talking. Maybe he would hear my voice and come back to us.

  "Baby, Luke is here too. We love you so much. Please come back to us."

  Luke looked at me and then reached across Mark's lap to hold my other hand.

  A moment later the heart monitor in the room started sounding an alarm and I was pulled back as nurses and the doctor rushed into the room, screaming orders and calling for a crash cart.

  "What's happening!? Mark! Mark! Please God, don't leave me!" I screamed.

  An arm was around my waist holding me back as I cried and fought to get back to Mark's side. After several minutes of chaos I finally heard Luke say the most unimaginable words.

  "Caroline, he's gone. He's gone!" Luke yelled, shaking me.

  I stopped struggling and slid to the floor.

  "Oh God, no!" I sobbed, grabbing my waist and rocking back and forth.

  I must have drifted off at some point, waking an hour or so later, laying on a bench back in the waiting room. My eyes were swollen and heavy from my tears, and my head was pounding.

  I saw my parents with Carson, talking to each other in hushed voices, and Emily and the Johnson's had finally arrived and were talking quietly as well. Then my eyes landed on Luke, seated by himself, shoulders slumped, with his he
ad in his hands. He must have felt my eyes on him because he turned his tear stained face towards me and then rose, walking over to me as I struggled to sit up. He knelt down beside me, taking my hand.

  "Caroline," he said, choking on a sob. "I am so fucking sorry."

  My eyes welled up again at the emotion in his voice. Our conversation from that morning seemed so long ago. He pulled a clear plastic bag from under his arm, opening it and reaching inside.

  I saw Mark's familiar leather wallet, worn from spending all it's time in his back pocket, some loose change and a small black box. Luke pulled the box out of the bag.

  The reality of the situation hit me that moment when I saw Mark's things. I would never again hear his voice tell me he loved me. I would never feel his breath on my face, or his lips against mine. I would never touch his warm golden skin, or feel his heart beating under my cheek. I started sobbing again.

  "This was going to be yours," Luke said quietly, placing the box in my hand. "I heard him ask my father for it at Christmas. That's why I came to see you today. But, after all this.... I'm so sorry."

  As Luke walked away from me I slowly lifted the lid on the box to find Granny Sara's diamond ring inside. I clutched it to my chest and closed my eyes as the tears slid down my cheeks.

  June 18, 2013

  I stand on the front porch of the house again, thinking about how familiar it feels. I try to look around and get my bearings, but something draws me through the front door, my heart pounding in my chest.

  The back door opens and I am out on the deck. There he is, broad shoulders and thick dark hair.

  I am standing behind him raising my hand to touch his shoulder. The sun breaks through the trees, blinding me. The wall of his chest is so close, his chiseled jaw and his heart stopping smile. His hand cups the back of my neck and the other wraps around my waist, drawing me in. I can feel his warm breath on my lips and I anxiously await his kiss.

  I woke with a start. That dream again. Slowly I closed my eyes willing it to continue, but I was too alert, and it just wouldn't come.