Awakening

by Hayes, Olivia

  I tried to react, but couldn't find the words. Instead I asked another question.

  "Did you say that Jillian's boyfriend was named Jack?"

  "Yes, your father."

  "How is that possible?"

  “Well, we all lived together you know, and after Jillian died and we buried her your dad was distraught, and emotionally drained. I was too. They were very serious about each other, and we spent time consoling each other, formed a relationship of sorts and ended up falling in love. It was a rough time for both of us, and we felt terrible about it for a while, but your father was there and we were both alive, and knew we had to move forward. It's what Jillian would have wanted. She may not have expected that we'd move forward together, but I knew she would want us to be happy."

  “I thought you met Dad at a party?

  "Well, technically I did. I had been to visit Jillian once while she was at school, and I met your dad then."

  I rolled my eyes at her.

  "So, after you two started a relationship what happened?” I pressed.

  “We were married very young. Your father finished school and went to work at the company for his father. I got a job as a waitress and managed to save enough money to go to college. After I became a teacher we found out we were expecting you, so we bought our house. Then your brother came along and the rest is history."

  “Why did you decide to tell me all this now?”

  “Because I thought that it was time for you to know. We are going to be spending a lot of time out there in that house. God knows what we'll find when we get there. I knew you would have a lot of questions.”

  "Okay, but why the joke?"

  "I overheard Anne Marie trying to convince Eva that the house is haunted. I wanted to give them a little scare." She looked in the rearview mirror and smiled at my friends. "Plus, you need to lighten up a little."

  "Mother..."

  "No, I don't want to hear your excuses. I know Mark's death was a huge burden for you so young, and feeling deserted by Luke didn't help. I just want you to feel free to move on with your life. It's what Mark would have wanted for you. It's been two years, Caroline, and I know you still sleep with that ring on. I just don't think you're coping well, and I really think you need to open yourself up to living, and finding love again. Maybe a week in the low country will help you rediscover some of the person you were before."

  I really didn't have anything to say. She thought I was still clinging to Mark's memory, and maybe I was. I knew in my mind that he wasn't coming back, but every time I had that dream he felt so real, like I could reach out and touch him. It felt like he was still taking up space in my heart, and I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to let him go completely, which meant there might not ever be room for someone else.

  I took a look in the backseat at Anne Marie and Eva. They were both sitting there smiling and nodding their heads. Apparently they agreed with my mother. It was going to be a very long week.

  ~~~~

  When the vehicle came to a stop I opened my eyes and looked up at the wrought iron gates. They were large and imposing, their years of neglect showing through the mass of kudzu that had started to overtake their shape. Mother and I got out of the car and walked up to them. She held aside some of the foliage so we could look through. From the entrance I could barely make out the chimney of the old house that I knew wasn’t far from where we stood. Anne Marie and Eva hung back by the car, not wanting to intrude on my mother’s grief. After a few heavy sighs she looked at me and said, “Well, it’s now or never.”

  Trying to be strong for her, I grabbed a hold of the gate and pushed. After some straining and groaning the gates moved aside with a loud and ear piercing creak, as if they hadn’t been moved for some time. We stood there for a moment waiting for the dust to settle, waiting for something to happen. After a moment my mother said, “Alright, let’s go.”

  The ride to the house seemed to take forever. I looked deep into woods that lined the side of the road. They were silent and still like no creature had ever set foot in them. As soon as the thought popped into my head I swear I saw something move.

  I looked forward just in time to see the house come into view. It was enormous and just like I remembered, aside from the obvious neglect. The bricks were worn away in places, and some of the shutters hung at an angle, their hinges having rotted and fallen away years ago. Weeds had taken over the yard and the fountain in the front of the house, and had started to wind their way up and around the big white columns in the front. The window panes were all in good shape though, and appeared to be clean and new. As I looked at the house, I saw that the roof sloped up, but was flat on top, and I noticed there was a railing running around it.

  “What is that railing there for?” I asked, pointing.

  “It’s called a Widow’s Walk," my mother said. "It was used by women whose husbands were at sea. When the husband would leave the wife would stand on the roof of the house and wave goodbye until she could no longer see the ship. Sometimes the women were said to have continued to wait there until their husbands came home, and sometimes they never did.”

  “That’s sad,” Anne Marie said, taking one of the bags from the car.

  “I wonder why there is a Widow’s Walk on this house. It’s not near a river is it?” Asked Eva.

  “Yes actually. I think it’s just part of the architecture of the house, but there is a river out back,” my mom answered.

  “Do you think we could go up there?” Asked Eva. “I think it would be really cool to see the view.”

  “Um, sure. I think we have to get up there through the attic, but it should be no problem,” my mother said, although I could tell that she was hesitant.

  At the mention of the attic, my eyes strayed to the upper most window. For a split second I thought I saw something.

  “Did you see that?” Anne Marie asked.

  “What?” Asked Eva.

  “Something moved across the upstairs window!”

  “You’re crazy, stop trying to freak me out,” said Eva.

  “I’m serious,” said Anne Marie, “I saw something!”

  “You did not! You’re just letting your imagination run away with you.”

  “I saw it too,” I said.

  Eva looked at me in disbelief. She narrowed her blue eyes and said, “You two are trying to get me to believe in all this nonsense. I’m not falling for it. Let’s go inside and see just what’s in there.” She picked up her bag and started toward the front door.

  “Eva, wait for me please,” my mother said, taking up the lead. “I just want to be sure it’s safe. There could be rotten floor boards, among other things.”

  “Yes, ma'am,” Eva said as she followed my mother into the house.

  I stopped on the porch and looked around. I remembered coming here when I was younger. There used to be a swing on the porch, but now all that was left were the hooks it use to hang from. Before I entered the house another memory pulled at me like déjà vu. I shook it off as I walked through the door.

  The stairs were right ahead and wound their way to the upper floors of the house. There was one of those weird electric chair things that people had installed on their staircases when they were too old to climb them any longer, although, it looked like it hadn’t been used in some time. I set my bag down as I turned around, surveying the foyer.

  To the right of the front door was the living room. There were magazines and newspapers everywhere. There was a small television on top of an old table that looked as if it could collapse at any minute. The whole house seemed unlived in, but to mine and my mother's surprise, it seemed fairly clean and well organized, until we entered the library. The desk was littered with books, several of them opened. Bookshelves lined the walls and stretched high, up to the second story ceiling. There was one of those ladders connected to a railing that ran around the room so you could climb to the second story balcony. I was suddenly reminded of Belle singing excitedly about her favorite book and gli
ding along on one of these ladders in Beauty and the Beast. I had seen it at least 100 times when I was a kid. Somehow though, I felt more like I had just entered the Beast's castle and was being watched. The hair on my neck stood up and I whirled around, certain someone was behind me. There was nothing there.

  As my mother and friends explored the rest of the downstairs, I looked through the desk hoping to uncover some more information about my grandmother. First I found an old yellowing newspaper. It was folded in half and falling apart, so soft it seemed as if it had been held very often. I turned it over and saw an article circled in dark ink. 'Allison and Jack Foster are pleased to announce the birth of their daughter, Caroline Grace, born January 12, 1989'. I pulled the paper clip from the top and found another newspaper with Carson's birth announcement circled as well.

  I immediately started digging out the rest of the drawer contents when my fingertips brushed something soft. I pulled out a velvety black bag. Inside there was a smooth, cool, silver box, about the size of my palm. I turned it over in my hand, and saw the name Jillian etched into the box. At that second, I swore something moved. I turned in a quick circle, nervous eyes darting around. My quaking hands drew my attention back to the box and I started undoing the latch.

  "Caroline, what did you find?" My mother asked, walking up to stand next to me.

  "This box has Jillian's name on it."

  "Let me see that," my mother said.

  I placed the box in her hand just as Anne Marie and Eva came into the room.

  "Whoa, look at all these books!" Anne Marie squealed. She loved to read. Especially fantasy novels with princes and damsels in distress.

  "Don't get carried away Marie," said Eva. "We're not on vacation, so I doubt we'll get a lot of reading done while we're here."

  Anne Marie looked sullen, but then turned to me and smiled. "What's going on in here?" She asked.

  "I just found this box with Jillian's name etched into it."

  "I remember this box," my mother said, and slowly opened it.

  I watched the blood drain from her face as she recognized the contents. She sank to her knees in front of me and I immediately joined her there on the floor. "Mom, what is it?" I asked.

  "It's Jillian's locket."

  "Okay?"

  "She never took it off that I remember." She picked up the locket, rubbing her thumb over the surface. "I hadn't even realized it was missing, I just assumed she was buried with it."

  "What's inside it?"

  My mother opened the locket and revealed two pictures.

  "That's me," she said pointing to a petite blonde girl. "When I was about fifteen. And, that's your father when he was about nineteen or twenty," she finished, showing me the other photo.

  I handed her the newspapers.

  "She kept these?" My mother asked.

  "I guess so, Mom. They were here with everything else."

  Putting the locket back in the box she held it close to her heart.

  "I suppose my mother did care about us after all. She did have a strange way of showing it though."

  "Mom, what happened between you two?"

  I waited with baited breath, hoping she would answer. She sighed and looked up at me.

  "It's silly really, especially now. Jillian and I both felt like she never wanted to be a mother, and only had children to please our father. When he died, she started taking out her anger on us. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. She was always yelling and crying, never wanted to talk to us or spend time with us. That's part of the reason Jillian and I were so close.

  "Anyway, that last summer you and I visited her, I finally realized that my mother suffered from a broken heart. All those years, she just couldn't let go of my father, and she resented Jillian and me for being a reminder of him. On top of it all she had become jealous of how close you, Carson and I are, and of how much your father and I love each other. I tried to comfort her and help her heal. I packed up my father's belongings finally, and put them in the attic, I took her to his gravesite, I showed her pictures of how happy they were before his death. I tried to convince her to move on and just remember the good times, but she wouldn't hear of it. She had become a bitter, lonely old woman, and at the end of the visit, she asked me not to come back anymore... So I didn't."

  My grandmother died of a broken heart. I understood exactly how she felt. Would I too live my life alone, feeling numb from love lost? In my mind I knew that wasn't healthy. The way I was living now wasn't healthy. I needed to try to let go of Mark, let go of the guilt, and heal. Saying it and doing it were two entirely different matters though. Not that I had met many men in my life, but Mark, and even Luke with all his issues, were really special to me, for more reasons than I could count, and I wasn't sure if anyone would ever stack up to them.

  ~~~~

  We spent a good part of the afternoon digging through drawers and piling trash bags by the back door. We were sweating in the late afternoon heat, trying to finish up in the living room and dining room so we could tackle the kitchen and the sun room in the morning. As I tossed a full bag of trash into the pile, I glanced out into the backyard as something moved through the kitchen.

  "What was that?" I said aloud, looking around. Just then, a gray striped cat jumped up onto the island.

  "Hey there little guy. Is it you that's been sneaking around?" I said to the cat. He meowed and rubbed his tail over my arm. I absently stroked my hand down his back as I stared out at the dock, my thoughts turning to Luke. It had been a long time since I'd thought of him as the boy who taught me to fish and hook worms. The young Luke and the witty, fun and innocent girl I used to be felt more like a dream than a distant memory.

  The doorbell rang, bringing me out of my daze, and the cat jumped off the island, running out of the room. As I walked into the foyer, Anne Marie opened the door to a tall and imposing male figure.

  "Excuse me," he said in a deep voice, taking a step back from the door and relaxing his stance. "I'm looking for Allison Foster."

  "That's me," my mother said, walking around Anne Marie with her hand outstretched. "You must be from Johnson & Underwood."

  As he stood there I looked at him. He was ruggedly good looking. Sandy hair under his hat, a little longer than I normally liked. His eyes, whose shape reminded me of almonds, were perfectly placed on either side of his nose. He was handsome, and although I pretended not to notice, Eva clearly had. But that's how she was. Men fell at her feet and she loved it.

  "Yes ma'am," he said with a hint of a Southern accent, while removing his hat and running one tanned hand through his hair. "Nick Underwood," he said, shaking my mother's hand.

  "Nick, nice to meet you. This is my daughter Caroline, and her friends Anne Marie Taylor and Eva Williams," my mother said.

  Nick looked at me with his warm gray eyes. "Caroline," he said and nodded almost imperceptibly. "Eva, Anne Marie." Another nod.

  "Please, come in," she urged. "We just arrived and haven't had time to fully unload the car yet, but may I offer you a bottled water?" She asked him.

  "Thank you, that would be nice," Nick said as he stepped aside and closed the front door behind himself. He turned to follow my mother into the kitchen, but stopped abruptly when his eyes landed on Eva again. A warm smile crept across his face and I could see her face getting flush.

  Oh Lord!

  "Excuse me Miss Eva, ladies, it's been a pleasure." He broke eye contact with Eva to acknowledge Anne Marie and me, before following my mother into the kitchen.

  "Damn!" Exclaimed Eva. "Is it warm in here?"

  Anne Marie and I burst into laughter as Eva fanned her face.

  "Looks like you might have found something to pass the time out here," I said.

  "I will try to control myself! You're the one who needs to be looking for a distraction. I bet a hot roll in the hay would do you a world of good," Eva retorted.

  Eva was probably right. Maybe when I got back to Savannah I would try to find someone to spend t
ime with. I'd heard sometimes it was the best medicine. That could be just what I needed to get me out of this rut.

  "Caroline, can you please come in here?" My mother called, breaking me away from my thoughts. I walked into the kitchen.

  "Yes, Mom?"

  "Nick is a structural engineer. I asked him to come out and take a look at the house to see if it's sound. He and his survey crew will be out here all day tomorrow so we'll need to be out of the way. We'll start work on the upstairs in the morning and try to finish the downstairs in the afternoon, sound good?"

  "Sure Mom, whatever works."

  As I walked to the fridge to get a water bottle, I hear Nick telling my mother that if everything was structurally sound he'd have his partner, who was a period architect, come by and sort out what needed to be done to restore the house to its original glory.

  "You've got a great place here Mrs. Foster. Hopefully we can save it for you."

  "Thanks for coming by Nick. I'll see you in the morning," my mother said as Nick gathered his hat, finished his bottled water and left.

  ~~~~

  Eva, Anne Marie, and I went upstairs to check out the bedrooms. We found one with a queen size bed in the middle of the room and a twin tucked against the wall. Anne Marie and Eva decided to share the queen and I took the twin.

  I threw my bag onto the bed and sat down, exhausted. Just then, the cat jumped up from his hiding spot under my bed and snuggled into my lap. As I absently pet him, I felt something under his fur and realized he had on a collar that I hadn't noticed before. Running my hands around under his neck, I found a tag that read 'Tomcat'.

  "Tomcat? Is that your name?" I asked him. "I think he's the little guy who's been spooking us today."

  "Awe, he's sweet," said Anne Marie, coming over to stroke down Tomcat's back.

  "Keep him on your bed. I'm allergic," Eva said.

  "Since when?" Challenged Anne Marie.

  "Oh, hush!" Eva retaliated.

  "I bet you wouldn't be allergic if it was Nick's cat," Anne Marie goaded.

  Eva flopped over on the bed and put a pillow over her head while Anne Marie and I laughed for the second time at her expense.