If I Break #4 Shattered Pieces

by Portia Moore

  “And so are you. I couldn’t have picked a better woman for my son to love,” she tells me squeezing my hands. “I’ve never seen my son look at anyone like how he looks at you.” I can’t help but smile. “Even when he’s Cal. The day I came here, I had assumed that what he had with you wasn’t real… but when I saw him with you, that delusion I convinced myself of had crumbled.” I smile at her, but the looming sadness that comes over me when I think of Cal has taken hold of me.

  I miss him, and I hate that I feel guilty about it. It’s so stupid, but I do.

  “Do you miss him?” It’s like she is reading my mind but her question shocks me. She smiles sympathetically at me when the look on my face must have given me away.

  “Would it be terrible if I said yes?”

  “No, of course not. I know how much you love my son. That’s all that matters to me, and don’t you ever feel guilty about that,” she tells me adamantly.

  I give her another hug and thank God that she’s my mother-in-law. The doorbell rings interrupting our moment. I can’t think of who it would be because even if Chris couldn’t find his key the doorman would have let him up. I push myself off the floor and go to the intercom.

  “Yes,” I say into it.

  “It’s your best friend in the whole wide world.” A smile breaks out on my face hearing that voice. “Come on up, Hill.” I haven’t seen her in weeks and am so excited to see her.

  “I’ll go and put Caylen down for her nap,” Mrs. Scott scoops up Caylen and her toys in her arms. I give Caylen a kiss and she settles into Mrs. Scott’s arms. I gather the few remaining toys on the floor and cart them off to what I’ve dubbed Caylen’s corner in the house, and unlock the door for Hillary to come in.

  “Hey Hun Bun!” she squeals as she comes through the door and pulls me into a hug.

  “I actually missed you!”

  She looks at me feigning hurt. “So you’re implying that you don’t usually miss me?” She touches her chest and gives me puppy dog eyes. “Guess who I brought with me,” she says with a wink and wide grin. I’m shocked as ever when Aidan pops up behind her.

  “Aidan!” I laugh as he gives me a charming smile before picking me up in a bear hug.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask happily as he sits me down. I glance at Hillary, and I can only imagine what one of those reasons is.

  “Well, the old man Chris sent me a text to call him, and since I’m not busy and this one has been on my back to come see her…” he teasingly elbows Hillary.

  “Oh please, I think you’re just having withdrawals,” she says suggestively putting her chest against his. I swallow hard and cover my laugh. They are the strangest sight. I mean they both are young, attractive, and single, so they absolutely make sense. But I hope Aidan knows what he’s getting himself into. Hillary feigns all fun and games but deep down she wants what most girls want, someone to love her.

  “So you guys are loaded, huh?” Aidan asks as he walks further into the apartment and looks around. I roll my eyes at him.

  “You are so late to the party. Cal had money out the ass since he met Lauren,” Hillary tells him. I watch Aidan frown. I’m sure he’s probably as happy to hear Cal’s name as Chris is.

  “We’re not loaded,” I laugh feeling my cheeks heat up.

  “So I can’t borrow ten grand is what you’re saying?” he says with a serious face, but then he flashes me his signature charming smile.

  “No, you cannot,” I swat him.

  “Where’s the hubby?” Hillary walks over to the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water.

  “He’s at work. He should be home soon though.”

  “I can give Aidan a tour of the house.” Hillary gives me an innocent look while grabbing his hand.

  “Uhm sure but let’s keep it PG-13 Hil,” I warn her and she gives me another innocent look.

  “Actually G-rated, Hillary!” I call after them as they disappear up the stairs.

  I straighten up the living room while everyone is upstairs. Hopefully Hillary and Aidan won’t be too long. We’re best friends but her having sex with my husband’s best friend on any piece of my furniture is not a level of friendship I’m looking forward to reaching anytime soon. Mrs. Scott comes downstairs wearing a strained smile.

  “I think something is going on in your uhm guest room,” she says, her face flushed red.

  “Dammit Hillary,” I mutter under my breath. “That would be Aidan and Hillary,” I tell her and her eyes widen in shock.

  “Oh.” She laughs covering her mouth, then a worried expression clouds her face. “Has he spoken to Christopher?”

  “I’m not sure. We didn’t really get a chance to talk before Hillary dragged him upstairs,” I say feeling my own worry starting to rise. We both look grimly at each other.

  “Aidan wouldn’t tell Chris anything that would upset him,” I say hopefully. There are a list of things I’d rather Chris not know right now. That his parents are raising his dad’s love child is one of those things I’d rather him find out just a little bit later. He’s been so happy, but I know it’s a battle that he’s always on the edge of losing. I know it’s selfish of me to not want him to know right now, but not knowing who is going to show up at what time and with what agenda has gotten a little overwhelming.

  “No, I wouldn’t think so but… Aidan is Aidan,” she says her lips pressed together tightly. She’s right. Aidan is Aidan and though I know he’d never intentionally tell Chris something to hurt him, I don’t know if he understands what would affect Chris and what wouldn’t. But Aidan isn’t stupid. He saw what happened after Chris found out about his dad and Lisa. I just wonder if he gets that after it all happened, Collin took over and Chris has been out of it for months—that this is all still very fresh for him. I want to march up to the guest room and ask him, but the thought of hearing him and Hillary in the midst of whatever they’re doing stops me.

  “I’m sure it will be fine. I’ll go ahead and get started with dinner.” Mrs. Scott is trying to put on a brave face, but I can tell she doesn’t think it’s fine. I pull out my phone to call his number but then hear the front door beginning to open. I hang up the phone and my pulse slows down when Chris walks through the door with a big, playful grin on his face.

  “Hey.” Thank God he’s happy.

  “Hi.” I walk over to him and stand on my tippy-toes to give him a light kiss. “How was your session?”

  “It was good,” he says holding my waist.

  “Well, you have some company.” I rub the back of his neck, and the prickly hairs on his head massage my hand.

  “Who?” he asks, a hint of anxiety under his voice.

  “Aidan.” His face breaks into an enthusiastic smile.

  “Where is he?” He looks around the apartment, and I clear my throat.

  “Hillary is showing him our upstairs guest room,” I say and he arches an eyebrow at me. “They’ve been hanging out a lot it seems.”

  “Great…” he chuckles and we both make our way to the kitchen. “Hey Mom” he says and gives Mrs. Scott a kiss on the cheek.

  “I am making your favorite dinner today.”

  “All of your foods are my favorite,” he tells her taking my hand and pulling me back into the living room. “I missed you today.”

  “Did you?” I ask him teasingly.

  “Yup. A whole lot.” He lifts me off the floor for another kiss.

  “So you guys working on baby number two already, huh?” Aidan walks into the room with Hillary in tow. We untangle from each other’s arms.

  “Aidan Riles,” Christopher says playfully, and they give each other a man hug.

  “Hey, Chris?” Hillary asks him with a questioning grin and a hand on her hip.

  “That’s me,” Chris says with a nod, and she glances my way and winks.

  “When I texted you, I expected a phone call, but I must be really special to get a whole visit,” Chris says, and Aidan shrugs.

  “Well, someone convinced hi
m…” Hillary sings wrapping her arms around his waist.

  “Oooh…” Chris says and Aidan looks away embarrassed.

  “So I’m here in the windy city—when do I get to blow her?” My mouth falls open, and Hillary grins like a Cheshire cat. Chris blows out an annoyed breath.

  “I meant like hit the town, man. Let’s have some fun. After everything that’s happened couldn’t we use some drinks?”

  “You want to go out?” Chris glances at me to ask, and I shrug.

  “Come on, Lauren. When was the last time we’ve been out?! I know you’re a mom but do you have to be a grandma?” she teases me.

  “Hey, what’s wrong with being a grandma?” Mrs. Scott asks making her entrance.

  “Ms. Red, what are you doing here?” Aidan happily lifts her into a big hug.

  “Hi, Mrs. Scott.” Hillary is more bashful, and I’m a little surprised She’s never been one to be bashful not even around Raven.

  “Hi, Hillary. Nice to see you again.” Mrs. Scott offers her a friendly smile though since the last time she saw them, it was anything but nice to see them.

  “I didn’t think you’d be here. Who’s watching—” I elbow Aidan hard in the stomach. “Owww,” he says rubbing his side. Hillary and Chris look at me as if I’ve lost my mind but Mrs. Scott looks at me gratefully.

  “I have the perfect place for us to go!” I say dramatically.

  “You have the perfect place for us to go? Since when do you party?” Hillary asks me with a confused laugh.

  “Uhm…I saw this listening party on TV that seemed pretty cool. Everyone wears headphones so you can listen to the music you want.”

  “Headphones?” Aidan scoffs but thankfully has moved on from spilling information that really isn’t needed right now.

  “I’ve been to one, and it’s actually pretty cool.” Hillary says but her eyes go to me.

  “You guys are going to be cool at a club? I assumed that Chris would want to hang at a bar or something,” Hillary says curiously. Actually, I’d rather be at a bar than a club—fewer people, more laid back, and no room for issues to arise.

  “Whatever you guys want to do,” Chris says.

  “Okay I have another suggestion. Let’s all be open-minded about this…” Aidan starts and Chris folds his arms waiting for what he is going to say.

  “A strip club!” Aidan shouts enthusiastically, and we all stare at him blankly. Chris tries to stifle a laugh.

  “A club where girls are only half-naked it is,” Hillary dismisses his idea. “What are you going to wear, handsome?” she asks looking at Aidan.

  “I can borrow some of Chris’s clothes,” he shrugs easily. It makes sense since he and Chris are about the same size.

  “Chris, you have clubbing clothes?” Hillary stares at him in disbelief.

  “I’m sure we can find something in the closet,” I butt in. “Come on, Aidan. Let me show you around the wardrobe.” I take his hand and pull him out of the room. I glance back at Chris and Hillary who have confused looks on their faces.

  “You two, I need your taste buds in the kitchen,” Mrs. Scott picks up on my hint.

  “I’m not picky. You pick whatever you think would look good on me, Mrs. Scott,” Aidan says playfully as we round the stairs.

  “I’m sure you have more of an opinion than that,” I tell him tightly until we get to the second floor. I lead him into our bedroom and look at him. “Chris doesn’t know about Willa.” His smile fades and realization dawns on his face.

  “Oooh.” He crosses his arms across his chest.

  “And you guys aren’t going to tell him… ever?” he asks with an concerned chuckle.

  “Of course we are. While Mrs. Scott is still figuring things out, it makes no sense to tell him right now.” Aidan looks at me and lets out an incredulous laugh.

  “So you think hiding it from him is a good thing?”

  “I’m not hiding anything really…” I trail off guiltily. “The thing is, even though it’s been a few months, this is still new to Chris. Collin has been here and it’s all like a fresh wound. I don’t want to go picking at it while it’s fresh.” I try to explain.

  “You’re his wife, Lauren. What you say goes.” He throws up his hands in defeat, and I feel like I’ve lost.

  “Mrs. Scott doesn’t know if she’s staying with Mr. Scott yet, so it doesn’t make sense for Chris to stress over what all this means right now.” Aidan shrugs, his usual playful demeanor seemingly serious.

  “I’ve been over to help Mrs. Scott out, to check on her and I don’t think it’s a question of if they’re working it out,” he says quietly, and I arch my brow at him. “I think the decision has already been made. She loves that little girl and while I don’t think the bastard deserves it at all, I’m pretty sure she still loves him too.”

  I can’t say I’m surprised. I had gotten the impression that it was a strong possibility that Mrs. Scott would forgive Mr. Scott. They have been together for so long that this blip or super large pothole is just a bump in the road. I saw the way she looked at him before all of this happened, and while I’m not sure I could ever forgive Chris for something like that, I can’t blame her for doing it. But taking care of the child he created outside of our marriage—that, I don’t think I’d ever be mature enough to do. Whatever she decides isn’t any of my business, but it does change things about keeping secrets from Chris.

  “But it’s up to you. I won’t say anything, and if anyone tells him, it should be you or Mrs. Red,” he says as if his mind is made up. That makes things easier and harder at once.

  “Well, I guess you should actually take a look in the closet, so I’m not a liar,” I tease him. I open the closet doors and he whistles.

  “My whole room could fit in here,” he playfully exaggerates his tone as he shuffles through the closet.

  “Have you talked to her?” I ask him unable to contain my curiosity. Well, it’s not just curiosity. I can’t help but wonder about her—we were friends once, we spent a lot of time together while I was in Michigan, and she was my confidante and cheerleader at one point in my life. Aidan’s body becomes visibly rigid.

  “Yeah,” he says shortly, the undercurrent of his tone surprisingly bitter. I’m not used to that from Aidan, he’s usually all smiles and jokes. “Right before she left and pretty much dumped Willa on the Scotts.” His aggravation shows as he ruffles through the clothes more roughly. “She’s probably on a beach somewhere with this douchebag she met when we were in high school.” He says begrudgingly.

  “They are so many clothes in here. Can you just pick something?” I smile at him and go for a light grey V-neck T-shirt and a pair of black jeans and hand them to him.

  “I asked her to stay,” he says out of nowhere. I look at him surprised by the solemnity in his words. There’s no playful glint in his eye, but his look is almost regretful. My eyes widen because I’ve never seen him like this before.

  “I would have helped her…” he trails off eying the clothes I just handed him. “This isn’t Chris’s, is it?” he changes the subject and his shift in tone is startling.

  “Uhm no,” I tell him. My eyes fall on the T-shirt and jeans and my thoughts shift to Cal. His eyes find mine, and he looks at me contemplatively.

  “When I met that Collin dude…” he half-chuckles. “It was weird. I was seeing Chris but not seeing him. I admit I was sort of drunk but… I thought about you, and how it must have been when you met Chris… then Collin.” He looks at me almost sympathetically.

  “I know they’re all one person technically, but I have to hand it to you for keeping it all straight,” he says with a half-smile.

  “Thanks, Aidan. That means a lot to me.”

  Chris

  “I can cook a little. Just most things tend to be more of the out the box and warm it up variety,” Hillary tells my mom as she watches her clean the chicken wings she’s making for tonight.

  “It’s not as hard as it looks. It just takes a little time and
patience,” my mom tells her.

  “And you cook?” Hillary asks me skeptically.

  “I learned from the best.” I throw my arm around my mom’s shoulder.

  “Huh. You never used to cook as Cal.” Hillary looks at me skeptically, oblivious to how awkward the statement she just let fly out of her mouth is. I don’t know much about Hillary other than that she’s Lauren’s best friend and that she threw water in Jenna’s face the last time I saw her. Based on that I get that she’s not exactly politically correct.

  “Chris is an amazing cook. I’ve been teaching him since he was a little boy,” my mom interjects saving me from an awkward response. “What about you Hillary—did your mom or dad cook?”

  She lightly shrugs. “My dad? That’s a laugh.” She chuckles. “My parents are very traditional—meaning a century backward. My mom does all the cooking, all the cleaning, basically an indentured slave,” she says haughtily. “What about your husband—does he cook?" And now the awkwardness that we just managed to avoid is back full force.

  “Not really, but only because I enjoy it so much there was never really a need for him to,” my mom answers back politely.

  “When I get married—unless he wants food poisoning—my husband will have to be as good in the kitchen as he is in the bedroom.” She laughs and my mom looks down at the food awkwardly.

  I let out a short laugh. This girl and Aidan together seems like it would be nothing but trouble. She’s obviously a firecracker and he’s a wrecking ball, and together they’re a path of destruction. But that’s looking too far ahead. I can’t remember the last time he’s been serious with a girl—not that them being here means that he’s serious—maybe they’re just having fun. I hope so, at least because if things go bad with them—and I don’t see things ending amicably—Lauren and I have enough of our own problems to deal with.