by LJ Andrews
“So, how have the last two weeks gone? How was the move?”
“Good,” I replied, scratching my arm, though there was no itch. “It feels nice to be on my own. Mom doesn’t care for it too much, but I think it will be a good thing.”
“Wonderful,” he said, rubbing his palms together. “In time Mary will adjust and I have hopes she will see how it has benefited your life.”
His dark eyes had a unique shine today, which intrigued me. He’d always had sort of gray eyes, like rolling storm clouds. I caught myself staring at the new shadow across his eyes and quickly averted my gaze to the window of the busy Main Street.
“I’m sensing you want to say something, Laney,” Neal said, taking his pad of paper and pen in hand.
I tangled my fingers around one another numerous times. Pushing the question of his altered appearance from my mind, I nervously spilled about the episode next to the man hole. Doctor Stewart nodded occasionally, writing down notes on the pad. Halfway through, he crossed his leg over his knee, and then tapped the pen against his lips when I finished.
The doctor took a long moment to gather his thoughts after reading over his notes once more. Taking off his glasses, Doctor Stewart leaned forward on his elbows.
“Laney, I sense you’re holding a lot of guilt about this episode. Am I right?”
“I’ve been very nervous about telling you. I thought we’d made progress, seeing as I hadn’t had an episode like that since I was in high school.”
“You should never be afraid to tell me these things, Laney. It’s my job to guide you through them. I’m proud of you for not blaming the episode on your move. I have a sneaking suspicion something triggered due to the anniversary of your father’s death. I believe it reminded you of how you nearly died as a girl.” I closed my eyes, trying to block out the memory which came into full view as he spoke.
“Laney, when you were found in that hole, no one in this town thought you were going to survive, but here you are. A survivor.”
I scoffed, turning my focus to the smooth petals of the orchid. In my eyes, I was anything but a survivor. “Yes, and look at me. Having total melt downs over man holes.”
He watched me with a look of contemplation for a moment which dragged long enough to cause my palms to sweat.
“Since our previous visit, I’ve been going over notes from when we first started seeing one another over your premonitions. You told me, you had witnessed two deaths, one being your father’s. The other, your…” he paused, ruffling through the thick pad of paper for a moment. “Sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Gardener.”
I returned the question with a floppy nod. Reluctantly, I saw my father sitting at our kitchen table, chopping up small bites of roasted chicken for Tyler in his highchair. He was laughing with Mom, and then in a sudden blink, it all changed. I saw the mangled car, the flashing lights of the ambulance, and a resilient paramedic pumping my father’s chest in compressions.
I’d been a child, and when I’d spoken with my father about the vision, I remembered he’d placed the story of Peter Rabbit on the bed spread, and promptly reassured me all was well. I had believed him, until six days later when everything I’d seen became my reality. The vision haunted me, I remember how it had seemed as if some outside force had placed the image in my mind, to warn me of something I couldn’t see. But that was impossible.
“It took less than a week for them both to die.” I whispered, thinking of my teacher, Mrs. Gardener falling to the tiled floor of her bathroom, gasping for breath.
“Yes, I see, your teacher passed over the Christmas holiday, from a heart attack. And you said you saw it in your mind.”
“And after that, I ended up coming to see you,” I responded, a coy smile painting my face.
“Exactly. Previously, I’d explained I believed the premonitions stemmed from a defense mechanism in your mind from your time lost in the woods.”
“But?” I pressed when he didn’t continue.
Doctor Stewart, wrinkled his brow and watched her beneath his shadowy gaze. “I’m not convinced I was correct in that assumption, Laney. I believe the premonitions could have been leading you to something, a discovery of some kind within yourself. I believe the same thing of these terrifying episodes you’re experiencing.”
My mouth gaped as I plopped against the back of the chair. What was he talking about? “I…I don’t understand. We spent so much time—years—working through the impossibility I was able to see people die before it happened. Now, you’re telling me it could be possible?”
Doctor Stewart shook his finger. “I didn’t say that. I said I think they are connected, and leading you toward something you must face before you can move on. Something happened to you in that dark hole so many years ago, Laney. Think back, what are you not remembering?”
I shook my head. It felt heavy, as if full of lead. “I’ve told you everything. I remember falling. The ground was squishy, like it was covered in sponges. The longer I sat there, the darker it became, and I saw…shadows all around me.” The icy chill stabbed my arms like tiny knives as I fought to speak about the memory. “I remember being pulled up by someone with a flashlight and going to the hospital. That’s all.”
Doctor Stewart nodded, his lips turning out into a thoughtful pout. “You don’t remember who pulled you out?” I shook my head, gnawing hard on the inside of my cheek. Doctor Stewart removed his glassed rapidly and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Was he actually exasperated? Returning his glassed to his face he continued. “How did you get the scar, Laney?”
My eyes floated down to my palm. I rubbed my thumb across the pink raised skin, which came together at a point in the center of my hand. My foggy mind muddled through the dark memory, but never once did I remember slicing my hand on anything in the dark hole. I woke up in the hospital the next morning, and the scar was there.
“I…I don’t remember. It must have happened when I fell, but I was too frightened to pay any attention.”
“It’s possible.”
I sighed loudly, hoping to convey my frustration at his vague words. “Doctor Stewart, what are you trying to say? I feel as if we’re unraveling hours of work by bringing up the premonitions. You’ve never asked me to go back to that place in my mind. Why are you wanting me to remember all the details?”
“Because I do want you to go back, but not just in your mind. I think if you return to the place of all your fears, and face it as the survivor you are, I predict immense healing. Think of it, Laney. No more cowering in the dark. No more fearing a hole in the sidewalk. You could develop friendships, Laney. You could maybe find someone you really like.”
“Like dating?” I made a noise in the back of my throat at the idea. “Sorry, Doctor, guys don’t really want to take on all this.”
I waved my hands over my twiggy figure to emphasize my point.
“All I’m saying is when you confront the place you fear, your life will change dramatically.”
“You want me to go back to the hole?” Doctor Stewart nodded. I gnawed on one of my thumbnails, averting his eyes. “I honestly don’t remember where it is. I only know it’s by Shadow Lake, and far from the road.”
The doctor checked his watch quickly. “We’re out of time, Laney, but I want you to think about it. If you want all these things to go away, the premonitions, the fear, I think you must return to where it all started and allow all the memories back inside here,” he said reverently, tapping the side of his head. “You can’t release something from your heart if you aren’t allowing yourself to remember everything.”
I could only stare at the plain-colored rug between us, imagining the horror of returning to the dark place filled with cold and evil shadows.
*
Once I left the office, it seemed as if the weight of my past was digging into my shoulders, drilling me into the ground. A woman brushed against my shoulder, hurriedly plodding down the walk.
“I’m sorry,” I said automatically, stepping out of the wa
y. The woman turned, and my brow furrowed. She was dressed in a long cloak over a simple medieval-style dress. Despite looking like she’d popped out of the middle-ages, she met my eyes with an expression of surprise—as if she hadn’t meant to be seen.
I glanced over my shoulder briefly, checking to make certain I wasn’t going to crash into anyone else, and turned to address the woman. She was gone! I scanned up and down the streets, but no sign of the strange looking woman anywhere. Releasing a growl in my throat, I stomped my foot on the sidewalk like a frustrated toddler. Now it seemed like I was seeing people who weren’t there. What more could go wrong with me?
Pressing the crossing signal, I waited as cars sped through the crosswalk. All my focus was at the ground, studying the odd designs of the lightning shaped cracks along the cement. My mind drifted far enough I hadn’t noticed as the bike toppled out of control, and the handsome young man literally landed in my lap. Little did I know the chance meeting would change my life forever.
Chapter 4
He stood, brushing his pants quickly and holding out his hand for me. “I am so sorry, I don’t know what happened, I just lost control. Are you alright?” He said in one breath.
I helped him pull the bicycle from my legs. The skin on my knees was pink and dirty, and it stung like crazy. My skirt had folded embarrassingly high on my thighs, but nothing seemed broken. I accepted his hand, and ripped my shoulder bag from the ground, preparing to shout my frustrations at his incompetence.
“What do you think…” I began, meeting his eye. My voice caught mid-sentence when his striking, green colored eyes temporarily caused my mind to forget how to speak. He was dressed in board shorts and a snug T-shirt which offered a clear picture of his taut chest underneath. I self-consciously brushed one of my messy auburn waves off my face, stammering. “I mean, I’m fine. Are you hurt?”
He sighed with notable relief. “Fit as a fiddle, I just can’t believe I clobbered you. I feel so terrible,” he said while holding out his hand at the same moment. “I’m Justin Murray.”
“Laney,” I said, allowing him to coil his hand around mine in a hearty shake.
“Can I buy you an early dinner, Laney? Please, I feel terrible and Tony’s just opened an all you can eat pasta buffet, and we’re twenty feet away,” he smiled, showing off his perfectly white teeth, as he pointed to the small Italian restaurant to our rear.
My better judgment thumped in my mind. There was a reason I didn’t get close to people, apart from my family. It made no sense bringing someone else into the troubles of my heart. Life was simpler without anyone else trying to save me from myself; my mom and Doctor Stewart had already been given that task. But his pleading eyes melted my defensive wall. His full lips ticked playfully as if he could see me resigning to a meal.
“Well, I suppose I could eat,” I relented, trying not to sound too thrilled with the idea.
“Perfect! Shall we?” He asked, his hand finding the small of my back as he urged me toward the restaurant.
The building was nestled between two high-rise office buildings, and the two tables with green striped umbrellas over the top nearly blocked the entryway. Tony’s had a small gate the owner had built around the place, hoping to build a barrier between his restaurant and the nearby city street.
“Tony moved here from Tuscany, at least that’s what I was told. It’s not the best location, but he tries to create a good atmosphere,” Justin said when we stepped into the entryway.
I concurred, breathing in the strong smell of garlic and herbs. Tony’s was filled with stone pillars on the corners of each wall, wooden tables topped with gleaming wine glasses, and grape vines painted along the walls to allow patrons an escape to a Tuscan vineyard for a while.
A hostess led us to a small table tucked neatly next to a stone fireplace, which in wintertime blazed with comforting flames, but sat empty in today’s humid summer heat. Justin ordered a glass of Merlot, while I simply asked for my usual lemon water.
“They have delicious wine, here,” Justin whispered across his menu.
“I don’t drink,” I added sincerely. Though I only took the recommended dose, I already felt dependent on sleeping pills. I didn’t want to run the risk of adding alcohol into the mix.
Justin nodded as if impressed. “Awesome, that’s cool. So, I’m for sure getting the buffet, any thoughts on what you want?”
“I’ll probably do that too,” was all I said, glancing at the mounds of noodles and different hot pots of sauces and toppings on the silver buffet table.
It didn’t take long for Justin to lead us in light conversation over tangy marinara. Justin had a brilliant laugh, it was almost a soothing sound, and for some reason, he seemed interested in my simple life.
“I think working at a bank would be hard,” Justin said as he pushed his banged-up bike while we strolled along the wide sidewalk after stuffing ourselves full of heavy pasta.
“Why do you say that?” I asked, finding it an odd notion. “I think working in software sounds much more complicated.”
“Nah, not once you understand the code and get the hang of things. It’s actually therapeutic for me now. I enjoy writing something from nothing, and then watching it work like magic. I think the bank would be tough because you’re handling people’s money. Most people I know value very few things above their money. If something goes wrong, man I bet it explodes.”
I chuckled and nodded. “There have been a few incidents, but thankfully I’m not a manager, so it goes above me.”
“I think you’d make a great manager,” he said as if he’d known me longer than three hours.
“I don’t know about that, but it’s nice of you to say.” I stepped ahead of him slightly, before facing an uncomfortable farewell. “Well, this is my place. You really didn’t have to walk me home.”
“Uh, my dad would disagree with you on that. It was a privilege. I really hope you aren’t sore tomorrow.”
I shrugged, stepping up to the front door. “I’ll survive, I promise. Well, thanks for dinner.”
“Laney,” Justin said as I turned to go inside. My heart suddenly pounded like a hundred racehorses as he stepped closer. Justin leaned his face toward mine, and as if my eyes were programmed to close, I leaned in preparing to feel his lips against mine.
Justin gently kissed my cheek, before pulling back. “Thanks for a great night. I hope to see you again, sometime.”
Without waiting for any response from me, Justin hopped onto his bike and pedaled into the fading evening light. I leaned against the frame of the apartment doorway, waiting for the heat to drain from my cheeks. When the doorman opened the heavy entrance, inquiring on my wellbeing, I reluctantly stepped inside, my thoughts filled with the chance meeting and Justin Murray’s striking green eyes.
*
It wasn’t until Saturday morning that I heard from Justin again. I was hiding from view of Dale’s office, watching the cars through the drive-up window as shoppers meandered in and out of the nearby shopping mall.
The bank was usually busy on Saturday mornings as people made withdrawals or deposited their weekly pay checks. But it was nearly the end of my shift and I’d only spoken with a particularly impatient man who couldn’t access his account through the ATM.
Dale was in his back office and had sent the newest teller, C.J., home because no one was coming into the lobby. The bell dinged merrily as someone stepped into the front of the bank. Forgetting for a moment I was the only teller available, I dazed away until a small silver bell rang as the patron waited for service.
“Sorry about that,” I breathed out, as I darted to the front.
A man with a baseball cap was holding a purchase receipt and a large bouquet of soft, pink peonies.
“I’m looking for Laney. You Laney?” he asked, smacking his lips as he loudly chewed a piece of gum.
“Yes,” I said slowly, drawing out the word as Dale stepped from his office.
Without a word, the delivery man droppe
d the vase on the teller station. “Have a nice day,” he said and briskly walked from the bank.
I watched him leave, in stunned silence until Dale cleared his throat. “So, who are those from Lane?”
Shaking the surprise from my mind, I dug through the flowers, looking for a name. Finally, I pulled out a small stock card that was tucked beneath one of the leaves. Ripping the envelope from the note, I read, feeling my eyes bulge in surprise.
I had fun the other day. If you’re up for round two meet me at 8 o’ clock at El Sobroso
—Justin
“Who is Justin?” Dale asked impetuously.
I glanced at him beneath a furrowed brow, unable to keep the flush in my cheeks under control. “Just someone I met the other day.”
“Hmm,” Dale responded, his jaw jutting out. “And he isn’t picking you up. Not very chivalrous.”
Taking a deep, delicious breath of the intoxicating flowers, I walked with the vase back to the drive-up window. “I kind of like having the freedom to leave when I want,” I called over my shoulder. “As I said, I only just met him.”
“Hmm,” Dale said again, as if he wanted me to push him to reveal his inner thoughts.
When he stood still, giving me the annoying sensation of being watched, I slumped in my chair and spun around. “What is it Dale?”
“I don’t know, it’s just kind of strange to see you…you know, going out with guys.”
I jerked slightly with offense. “I don’t know what that is supposed to mean.”
“I don’t mean it rude, just you seem to keep to yourself.”
My shoulders stiffened, as I began counting the cash drawer. “I do keep to myself. I guess it would take someone pretty special to get me to burst from my shell.”
I slammed the drawer, but Dale hadn’t seemed to pick up on my annoyance. Clutching the vase of flowers and grabbing my bag from the coat hanger on the wall, I clocked out for the day. Though I’d spoken true, it would take someone special, I admitted to myself I’d said it to grate against Dale’s ego a bit.