Just get up and walk out. What if he get offended and take the boat back? Really? Nigga, that’s crack! What if you turn into a crackhead? Let them do this dumb shit; say you gotta piss and find Toi.
Nodding to myself I ignored the sickening sweet smell of burning plastic around me. Rev leaned forward tapped the table and I squinted trying to read his lips. He was mouthing something to Bear but I could never read lips worth a damn. And then I was caught off guard dazed and winded from the force of Bear’s shoulder colliding with my gut. I was thrown back against the arm of the couch gasping trying to catch my breath. Bear had me pinned me like we were on the damn wrestling mat. My mouth was open, about to blast this fool when his mouth closed over mine. He exhaled a lungful of smoke and I roared up against this nigga with everything. He had me locked in some crazy submission shit, and didn’t budge one bit.
I didn’t feel myself inhale like weed or a Black & Mild. When I finally shoved him off with my forearm, I coughed and gulped air trying to clear my lungs and curse him out at the same time. My lips went numb first then my tongue. I forgot all about whooping Vaughn’s ass. And instead I sat there shaking my head trying to regain control of my senses. There was this tingling like all the hairs on my legs were marching up my body. They were climbing up my back and pouring out of my pores on my head; it was small though.
Bear loaded the pipe and I sat listening with my supersonic hearing to it crackling as he inhaled. What the fuck did this Reverend had that would make him get me, his own homeboy fucked up against his will. At first I didn’t react when he leaned in to give me another shotgun. I didn’t know a damn thing about working a crack pipe. Inhale, just inhale and enjoy the high. Looking at another dude’s face that close was weird so I closed my eyes and inhaled.
As I exhaled I could feel the sensual rush climbing up my body underneath my skin; it was pure ecstasy. I put my head back and closed my eyes. There were conflicting emotions going through my mind. If Toi walked in and caught me she’d be pissed. But the shit felt so good I honestly didn’t give a fuck. I’d worry about it later when I wasn’t high anymore. She loved me enough to get me a boat; she could deal with me doing some dumb shit at least once. I got my ex-fiancée locked up for her. My thoughts were getting fuzzier and harder to hold on to.
Now I wanted Toi for a different reason. I was rock hard and I realized if I stopped thinking so much I could focus. I could feel my hair growing; feel my pulse throb through my entire body. My breath hissed through my teeth. I was on edge of embarrassing myself and messing up my pants. Pulling my eyes open took some work but I managed. I was glad as fuck I snapped them open when I did. Bear’s burly ass was in the process of scooting off the couch down onto the floor.
“Bear, what the fuck you doin’?” I asked through barely moving lips.
My slacks were undone and his hand was down my pants. I was disgusted at myself when he adjusted his grip and I got even harder. The nigga completely ignored me and he went back to stroking as if it was his own dick and not mine. I was shaking my head no and squeezing my eyes closed.
Chapter 27
Eva Innies . . . Outies
Being locked up makes time drag. But, before I knew it, a week had flown by and Aeron was packing her things, chattering away and pacing around our cell in anticipation of being released in the morning. I’d still not heard anything else from my sister, and with Aeron leaving, the heaviness of my situation was starting to wear me down more and more.
“I just don’t know what the hell I wanna eat first when I get outta here.” Aeron was nervously playing with her hair in our fake metal mirror. I never realized how long it was until now. She rarely wore it out. I envied the way it fell like a black cloud around her shoulders in layers and stopped in the middle of her back.
“I think I’m gonna get my ass some salmon or a large cheese pizza. Hell, they can put the salmon on the damn pizza. Oh shit, and I can’t wait to pour myself a big, chilled glass of rosé or Moscato.”
Funny, she didn’t strike me as the champagne or wine type. Learn something new every day, I guessed.
Despite her chipper mood I chimed in sadly, “Well, just make sure you pour a little on the ground for me. I don’t see me lasting more than a week without you.”
I hated to admit it, but the realization that I’d finally be alone in here was facing me head-on and I couldn’t see a bright outcome no matter how hard I prayed or recited my psalms. Antonia wasn’t due to be released for another few months after getting in trouble a few times for starting fights in the yard. She’d gotten a reputation for being a troublemaker and having a short fuse; otherwise, she’d be getting out tomorrow too. Damn my luck.
“Aww, sweetheart, don’t talk like that. I can do more for you out there than I could ever do in here.” Aeron waved her hand around like she was addressing a grand hall. She walked over and looked up at me, her large eyes wide and excited, her voice filled with exasperation. “How many times do I have to tell you not to worry, mami?”
“Aeron, this isn’t worry. This is me being realistic.” There was just too much for me to process at one time. I couldn’t control the tears that fell from my eyes. I was usually so good at hiding my pain or my fear. Storing everything up for late nights when I would cry myself to sleep or in the showers where my tears could roll down my face unnoticed. Yet, this time I just felt so empty and so drained of everything, I couldn’t hold them back.
Aeron stared at me in stunned silence. I buried my face in my hands and let go of all the pent-up emotion I’d been holding back. My shoulders were shaking uncontrollably as I felt every last drop of hope leave my body. The bunk sank beside me and I felt Aeron’s arm wrap around my shoulders as she pulled me into her chest. I didn’t know how long we sat like that. I also didn’t know how the kiss started that put an end to my own assuredness about my sexuality.
We’d never actually kissed before. She’d kept most of our encounters controlled and as passionless as possible. My eyes closed and my mind actually went blank that never happened when Dontay used to kiss me. It was nothing like kissing a man. Her lips were sweet, warm, and soft just like mine. I could taste the salt from my tears as the tip of her tongue traced my bottom lip, timidly at first. It sent shivers along my cheekbones like someone was standing beside me running a feather across my face.
My mind was doing cartwheels bouncing around good and bad, right and wrong. Bad touch, this is still bad touch. My grown behind actually reverted to simple childhood logic as some kind of guiding light to keep me from getting lost. They teach you about sexual abuse and how to identify good touches and bad touches, but damn it they never said that a bad touch would feel good.
I couldn’t breathe, yet I was breathing super fast at the same time. It was probably the pre-stages of hyperventilation. My lips parted ever so slightly, and she dove in. Our tongues touched. Aeron moaned against my lips. It was the softest, most feminine sound I’d ever heard her make and that sound alone sparked an instantaneous blaze that set my whole body on fire. What used to be the last thing I’d ever wanted from her was now the only thing I could possibly think about.
I’d never felt this way for a woman. My heart was pounding so hard I could feel its beat reverberate through my chest downward to a similar throb building between my legs. She shifted from my lips and drifted a warm, slow kiss along my neck, stopping to suck and lick on a spot just beneath my ear that I never even knew existed.
This is so wrong, I should stop her.
Stop her for what? You might not get this kind of attention for a long time. Might as well enjoy it. I lost out to my own mental argument as my body reacted to her caresses and the flood gates were opened. I could feel it through my thin cotton panties, dampening my cotton pants. I was sure as hell there’d be a wet spot on the bunk if I got up. This was nothing like I’d ever expected. Her hands were soft and warm like heated satin running across my skin. She lifted my shirt just enough to slide under and tease my nipples with her fingers throu
gh the thin fabric of my bra. I was literally melting. That’s the best way to describe the things that her mouth and hands were doing to my body.
And just as soon as it all started, she stopped. The heat from her mouth was replaced by the cool air. I opened my eyes, confused. Angry at whatever this interruption was.
“We have to stop. As bad as I want you right now, I can’t risk not walking out of those doors in the morning. If we get caught . . .”
“I know,” was all I could muster up the strength to say.
“I promise if you don’t let yourself waste away in here, I’ll make it up to you okay?” She tenderly tilted my chin upward until my eyes locked with her deep brown ones.
“What do you mean?” I was confused and horny, and suddenly so damn frustrated the last thing I wanted to do was make false promises.
“Just promise me you’ll hang in there. I know I wasn’t the nicest to you, but I had to toughen you up. You’ll see. Just be strong for me. Let’s go to sleep.”
I started to lie in my spot beside her on her bunk but she motioned for me to get in mine. In an entire three months together I’d never slept in my own bunk and the feeling isolated and empowered me at the same time.
The lights switched on, an indication it was morning. I stretched and almost fell off my bunk as my eyes focused on Aeron in the mirror. She was dressed in a pair of skin-tight black jeggings. I never followed fashion but the equally skin-tight tank top she was rocking looked like an Emilio Pucci design I once saw when I was on Nordstrom’s Web site. Couldn’t be; the top I’d looked at cost damn near $900. I mentally shook my head and shamelessly continued my visual scan, admiring her new look. Were those red bottom heels? Probably knockoffs, but either way she looked like she’d just stepped out of a magazine.
“Well good morning, my sweetness. Like what you see?”
I was staring in stunned amazement at the transformation she’d made. “Where the heazy did you get those clothes? You look beautiful.”
“My cousin dropped ’em off. And don’t say ‘heazy’ ever again, it sounds weak. I don’t know why you just don’t say ‘hell’; you say it any other time. We’re all going there anyway.” She rolled her eyes and huffed at me before continuing. “I couldn’t be seen walking out of here in anything less than spectacular; believe it or not, I do have an image to uphold, mami.” She giggled and twirled like a little girl. Her hair spiraled around her like the women in the shampoo commercials.
I was momentarily shell-shocked by the fact that Aeron, the no-nonsense, take-charge bad girl, actually giggled.
“Well hell. I guess you’ll be turning heads all up and down the cell block. You’re gonna need an armed escort.” I swung my legs over the side of the bunk and just stared at her in wide-eyed awe.
“You know, my first assignment as soon as I step foot on free ground is to look for your baby and your man. I promise. Okay?”
I could only nod as I climbed down off the bunk feeling drab and small compared to her. “You don’t have to do anything for me. But I’d appreciate it.” I refused to cry. There was no reason for me to cry and get all emotional over someone leaving who was practically a complete stranger who made me do unspeakable things. I took a deep breath. Suck it up, girl. You ain’t about to be crying over no grown-tail woman. I pep talked my tears away.
Aeron handed me a strip of paper. “On Saturday mornings there will be a medium-sized rock in the yard by the south wall. They fly it over Friday night when the guards are all watching television or falling asleep. That’s your stash; it comes every Friday night no matter what. You got this, sweetheart.”
“Aeron, will I have to bag it or mix it or—”
“Well ain’t you just a fuckin’ ray of sunshine? C’mon, princess, bring ya ass. Your damn carriage is waiting outside and it’s blocking my damn gate.” Officer Blakely’s scrunched-faced self appeared out of nowhere and unlocked the cell door.
Aeron gave me a huge, cheesy grin, grabbed up a few of her things, telling me I could keep everything else, and she left. We didn’t say good-bye, we didn’t hug, and inwardly I couldn’t help feeling empty, like I’d just lost my best friend . . . or even my lover.
Chapter 28
Eva Hotel Calipornia
I spent most of the day alone in my cell. It was almost time for dinner and fear and depression kept me from eating or joining everyone out in the yard. My stomach rumbled loudly in protest. I’d made up my mind to at least try to eat something. Beckman glared at me pounding her fist into her palm and my hands got sweaty under my tray. Today was not the day I needed to be tested. There was snickering and whispering as I went through the line but no one stepped to me and I was surprised to see Say sitting at a table with Milan.
“Hey, my little solar panel. You look like you’ve lost all your sunshine and um Beckman’s lookin’ she wants to play ball or fist you to death. And I don’t mean the good kind of fisting,” Say spoke first.
That comment made me draw a blank. “I don’t think there is such a thing as a good kind of fisting, Say.”
Say batted his eyes at Milan. The invisible love-sex connection the two of them had all but crackled. My tray clanking against the table interrupted the transmission.
Milan winked. “Guess you ain’t met the right fist yet. When they say fits like a glove, umph it’ll make you cum like a KO.”
That was enough for me. I’d gone from knowing next to nothing about gay man sex to being able to teach a course. “Okay. Well, hello freak number one and freak number two. Say, you don’t look like you saw one minute in the hole. Thank you for what you did.”
“Bitch, don’t tell me thank you. I need some happy in my damn life and fast. And what is this slop? I think I detoxed in that motherfucker. My tongue works again; I can actually taste this shit they call food. No, no, this ain’t good at all.”
Sayzano pushed his tray across the table with one finger and a frown. Milan patted his hand before going right back to eating what looked like chicken chow mein and tasted like . . . There was no way to describe the taste. I’d given up figuring out what anything was unless it was pizza, which I liked, or those nasty tacos, which I hated. Everything in between tasted exactly the same as everything else no matter what they called it or what color it was.
“Say, what if I have something that’ll make you feel better?” I asked.
Milan pointed his plastic spoon at me. “Make us feel better. When my hersband is upset then I’m equally miserable.”
“Okay, okay. Something for all of us to feel better how is that?” I asked.
After dinner we had two hours or so to ourselves to watch television in the community room, play cards, or whatever else that didn’t involve real fun. I grabbed what I had left from Aeron’s stash since I’d be getting more in a couple of days. Smuggling drugs in prison didn’t really feel like real smuggling, not yet anyway. As long as I thought about it like Monopoly and play money with play drug railroads everything would be fine. I’d have to reassess my feelings after the new shipment and the people on Aeron’s long-tail list came crawling out like crazy ants.
I stared in amazement when Milan led us to a door that should have been locked. He pulled a bobby pin out of his hair and opened it like he had a skeleton key.
“What?” Milan waved us inside. “Do you know how many locks I fucked up learning how to do that? I just make it look easy; don’t try that on your own.”
We walked into a dusty, dark classroom that smelled like mildew and rotting wood. Say sat down on the desk and I handed him what I’d grabbed out of the cell. It was taped to one of the slats in the light fixture right where Aeron left it. We each took turns watching the shadows that passed in the hallway. The night count was done right before lights out so everyone just wandered around and mingled or showered at this time of night. I did my bump off the back of my hand just like Aeron had shown me.
“Y’all know this is probably the best present anyone has ever given me since I’ve been in,” I
told them with a cheesy grin. My body felt light and puppet-like. It was like I was sitting in a control tower far away watching myself controlling my actions based on my eye in the sky point of view.
“Milan, why are you even in here? Y’all know why I’m here but I have no idea what you did.”
Sayzano did his bump and then spread a line across his upper lip. Milan did his off of Sayzano. I looked away when they kissed and did their thing smacking all loud and mumbling at each other.
“Eva, you ain’t s’posed to ask that shit. But since you my bitch and all . . . I shot my ex-boyfriend. The shit was self-defense though. We had this whole secret life together until his wife found out and you know how bitches, excuse me, I mean how women do when they man got a um . . . man. He got mad, came to my house arguing and pissed off thinking I’d told everyone when I hadn’t said a word. When he pulled a gun on me guess he must’ve forgotten who the top bitch was. My instincts said only one of us would walk out of there. Guess you know who walked out.”
“I’m confused, so um how did you guys . . . I mean was he the boy or—”
Milan chuckled. “If you must know he was a vegetarian. Wouldn’t so much as flick his tongue across some man meat, but he’d let me get all up in them hips. Sorry, Say. TMI, I know.”
Say shrugged, and Milan blew him a kiss.
Milan had caught me off guard with that one. In prison you have murders and thieves all mixed in with computer hackers and fraudsters. You don’t know who anyone is until they tell or show you. However, I was more flabbergasted by Say’s confession.
“I regret getting locked up before I was supposed to get my snip cut nip tuck,” Sayzano blurted out.
My jaw dropped and he nodded.
“Can I see it?” The question floated out of my mouth before I could think it through. Milan smiled a crooked little smile and Say gasped.
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