The Friendship Pact

by Tara Taylor Quinn

  I longed for those easier days. We’d had very clear plans, Bailey and I. Or was I the only one? Had Bailey ever really believed we’d live next door to each other, wave our men off on their fishing trips, and have girls’ night out? We were going to cook for two families and trade off meals, hang our clothes outside on the same sunny days. And celebrate every holiday together.

  It all seemed so childish now. And maybe selfish, too. I had a husband. He had to come first. And he might not want to eat whatever Bailey had decided to feed her family.

  He might want to go to his mother’s or father’s for the holiday.

  He knew my plan, though. Had always known. Maybe he’d figured I’d grow out of it. As Bailey obviously had.

  Another thought occurred to me. “Did you ask Jake to be a donor?”

  “No. There’s no way I could have his baby and keep him out of my life. No way Jake could give me his baby and stay out of our life.”

  I was relieved. And ashamed at my relief. What if my despair was really about my own lost dreams? My own broken plans?

  What if I wanted Bailey married so she could live next door and have a husband who could hang out with mine?

  What if my perfect little plan for my perfect little life only suited me?

  I asked the questions because my love for Bailey forced me to.

  The answer was unequivocally clear to me. Yes, I wanted all those things. Yes, I was gravely disappointed to face the future without them. But, no, my despair did not stem from my own wants and needs. I could bear the thought of Bailey moving away. But I couldn’t breathe when I pictured her alone, facing the difficulties of child rearing all by herself.

  “I know you’re mad, Kor.”

  “I’m not mad.”

  “Disappointed, then.”

  The pain in her voice compelled me to turn around. “I’m worried about you.”

  “I’m a carrier of cystic fibrosis,” Bailey said, as if I didn’t know that. “One in twenty-nine Caucasians carries the gene mutation, which is too high a risk for me to ignore. I have to find a donor who is not a carrier. That’s going to involve some extra testing. Some extra time and paperwork.”

  She’d said I’m going to need without an if in there anywhere.

  I was panicked enough that I would have called her on it if Danny hadn’t chosen that exact moment to show up. I hadn’t seen him coming. Hadn’t even known he was close until the driver’s door opened and the car dipped as he took his seat behind the wheel.

  He leaned over for a kiss. And for a second there, as I got lost in his scent, in his touch, I forgot everything. “Everyone said to tell you goodbye,” he said, including the backseat in that comment without really doing so. Turning his head, but not making eye contact.

  I looked at Bailey. She shrugged.

  And my stomach knotted. Danny must have talked to Jake. Who probably told him he was getting married—to a woman who was his obvious second choice. And Danny was blaming Bailey for everything.

  Chapter Twelve

  Sitting in the backseat of Danny’s Ford Thunderbird, Bailey wished she’d driven herself to the homecoming celebration. Better yet, she should’ve stayed home and worked, instead of giving in to Kora.

  She hadn’t enjoyed college nearly as much as Kora had. Why had she thought she’d like a reunion party any better?

  Truth was, she had enjoyed the party. Up until the part where she’d slept with Jake and lost him all over again. Of course, his presence had overshadowed the weekend, but dinner last night had been fun. She’d made a lot more friendships than she’d realized during her college years.

  As her social calendar was going to show over the next couple of weeks. She’d booked a dinner and Saturday lunch, along with Kora, with two different sorority sisters, and had another weekday lunch scheduled with a girl who’d lived on their floor in the dorm. She’d also gone on to law school and was currently working in Pittsburgh.

  Fields and trees passed in a blur as she stared out the window. She’d thought maybe she’d sleep, having spent the entire night awake, but hadn’t gotten around to closing her eyes yet. She’d never be able to fall asleep with the tension in the car. She’d caused it. And would do anything to make it go away.

  Maybe it was time for her to go away and let Danny and Kora get on with their lives. Get on with her own.

  The thought, as selfless as it might be, was untenable. Kora was—what goofy thing had she called it so long ago? Her identical twin of the soul, no...that wasn’t right. Her Siamese twin of the soul.

  They weren’t little girls anymore. Couldn’t get away with such ridiculous ideas in today’s world. But the truth stood strong.

  And Bailey started to relax.

  Until her cell phone rang, shattering the silence they all seemed to have agreed on. She grabbed her purse, pulling out the phone, and glanced at the screen.

  Jake Murphy.

  Great.

  She couldn’t talk to him with the other two in the car.

  The annoying ringtone sounded again.

  Kora turned and looked at her. It rang again. Once more. Then stopped.

  Thank God.

  Her thumb found the call volume button, but the damn thing started to chime again before she had a chance to silence it.

  Jake.

  Danny glanced into the rearview mirror.

  She answered. “Hello?”

  “I just needed to make sure you’re okay.”

  “Where are you?” It was an innocuous question. One she could have been asking a client.

  “On my way back.” To Jenna. She swallowed. He shouldn’t be calling her. Right now, even talking they felt intimate.

  “Okay, well, be safe....” She scrambled for words that wouldn’t alert the two who had to be listening from the front seat.

  “Wait...”

  “Yeah?”

  “I...Maybe we should get together...What about this week?”

  “No.” She couldn’t do this. Couldn’t drag out a moment that was only going to get more painful. And she couldn’t have an affair with him. In the end, it would be worse than marrying him because it would rob them both of self-respect.

  “I just...I’ve been thinking about your artificial insemination. I could get tested...Could at least see if I’m a carrier.” Her throat was too tight for her to respond casually. But her answer was very clear. “No.” She didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but it was all she could manage given the circumstances. And this wasn’t a question she could leave hanging. Not even for a second.

  It wouldn’t be fair to anyone. Not with her and Jake having this...whatever it was...between them. He’d never be able to stay away. And, God help her, she wasn’t sure she’d have the strength to send him away if she had his child.

  Oh, the thought felt—

  No.

  “You’re right.” Jake’s sigh said it all. “We’re beating a dead horse here.”

  If only the horse was dead.

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay, well, have a good life, Bail.”

  “I will. You, too.”

  “Thanks. I want you to know I really do love Jenna. It’s just...”

  She was going to cry if he didn’t shut up. “I understand.” But she didn’t.

  Not any of it.

  * * *

  Through the mirror on my visor, I saw Bailey reach a hand up to her eye. That movement was followed a full minute later by a sniffle.

  She was hurting.

  And I couldn’t ignore that.

  “You okay?” I asked, turning sideways so I could meet her eyes.

  “Yeah.”

  “It was Jake, wasn’t it?” I’d made a decision sitting there. I wasn’t going to let a man who wasn’t
meant to be among us—whether I understood the reason or not—hang around in spirit and ruin our ability to be a family. The distance between Danny and Bailey had always been hard on me, but this situation with Jake, if we didn’t get it out there and deal with it, could do more damage than I’d be able to withstand.

  I adored my husband. Needed him desperately. And my best friend was as much a part of me as my heart and soul. Bailey wasn’t answering. Because she couldn’t lie to me.

  “What did he want?” I was the peacemaker but, completely out of character, I barged ahead without my usual regard for caution. Bailey glanced at Danny.

  Danny’s chin was stiff. I knew what that meant. And felt pushed to say, “For the record, here, I agree with Bailey where Jake’s concerned.” I watched my husband closely, but kept my friend in sight as well. “I don’t like what’s happening, but I understand it. I’m guessing Jake does, too.”

  Bailey nodded. Danny drove.

  “So as your friends, it’s our job to support you in the decision that was mutually made, agreed upon and accepted. By both you and Jake,” I added. I’d spent the past half hour rehearsing the words. They’d sounded a bit more conclusive in my head.

  “It would be nice.”

  She wasn’t going to be open with me. Not with Danny sitting there. But he had to be in on this. He couldn’t hate Bailey for Jake’s sake. In the first place, it wasn’t fair. And in the second, it would make my life unbearable.

  He was still staring straight ahead. Jutting out that chin of his. To think, I’d just been nibbling on it the night before, when we’d gotten naked the second we stepped into our hotel room.

  Because that’s how it’s always been with Danny and me.

  Which was why I couldn’t have him and Bailey unable to be in the same car together. “Danny?” Desperation pushed me.

  “What you’re saying is fine in theory, Kor,” he said, giving me a quick sideways glance that showed me just how troubled he was.

  “But?”

  “You apparently understand the situation, so you’re fine with accepting it. What if I don’t understand?”

  Bailey shifted further back into the corner of the car. I felt as well as saw the movement. If I didn’t get this resolved, she was going to be avoiding Danny in the future even more than she already did. Thanksgiving was coming up. And Christmas. We were family. My home was her home...

  “Since it has nothing to do with you, I guess your job is to just accept it anyway,” I said, afraid of what his reaction might be, but knowing I had to try. Danny and I were a couple. Together forever.

  “As I said, your words are good in theory—”

  “Come on, you two. It’s okay. I understand Danny’s position, Kor. Just let it go.”

  Bailey’s eyes beseeched me. Not a look she wore often. Or well.

  “No, Kora’s brought up an important point here, Bailey.” He looked at his wife. “You think I should just accept this...situation...between Bailey and Jake because we’re all adults and it’s none of my business, right? Even though I know that my friend’s hurting and probably about to make the biggest mistake of his life.”

  “Well...”

  “So what about you and Bailey? Jake tells me that she wants to go forward with being a single mother, and the only reason she’s holding back? You. Because you won’t accept her choice.”

  “Hey, guys...” Bailey’s voice seemed far away now.

  “That’s different. Bailey and I agreed a long time ago to have each other’s back. And to listen when one of us felt strongly against something the other was going to do. Sometimes people, women, can’t see things clearly because of the emotions that blind us and—”

  “Sounds to me like Bailey is seeing things very clearly,” he broke in. “Her list of qualifications is impressive, and quite frankly, well-thought-out.”

  My heart started to pound. I knew my mouth was open as I stared at my best friend, but I couldn’t do anything about that. “You have a list of qualifications?”

  Bailey’s gaze bored into me.

  “More than that, she has interviews set up.”

  “You do?”

  “Hey, Danny, you deliberately killing me here?”

  I recognized Bailey’s bravado and wanted to die. “You lied to me,” I said.

  “No, I...”

  “Yes, you did.” I was going to cry and I didn’t want to. “You told me you’d wait....”

  “I am waiting.”

  “She didn’t lie to you, Kor.” Danny’s voice had softened and for a second there I had the feeling that he was sorry for what he’d started, or the way he’d started it at least, but I was too far gone to consider that for long.

  “I ignored his statement, and faced her. “You have appointments set up? To interview donors?”

  “Yes.”

  “When were you planning to tell me? After you picked one—or after you got pregnant?”

  I hated the words even before they came out of my mouth. I was doing this all wrong. Everything was wrong. And I didn’t know how to make it right again.

  “I wouldn’t make such a serious choice without talking to you, Kor. And don’t be too quick to judge. As I recall, just last month you had a series of tests done without even letting me know you were worried.”

  Bailey knew I was trying to get pregnant. And that it hadn’t happened yet. I’d filled her in on all the major, life-changing events so far. “If the tests had come back showing anything negative, I would’ve told you. All the tests did was tell us there wasn’t a problem. Nothing’s changed.”

  “And I would’ve told you if I found a man who fit my qualifications. And I haven’t. So...nothing’s changed.”

  Damn. I was way out of line. And panicked as hell.

  But...maybe Bailey really did need to be alone. I tried to accept the possibility. And my heart rejected it. “I’m sorry,” I said. To both of them. And then, in an attempt to show that I was going to be more supportive of a decision I didn’t agree with, I asked, “What are your qualifications?”

  Bailey looked at Danny, and I could see her assessing the situation. Like she was trying to decide what and how much to say in front of him. He apparently already knew the qualifications; Jake must have told him. Still, I didn’t blame Bailey for her reticence. Danny hadn’t ever been protective of her. He was polite, of course. Courteous. But completely detached. It was hard enough for Bailey to talk about personal things with just me, let alone with someone who’d never shown any real sign of caring, no sign of personal involvement.

  And maybe that worked both ways. Maybe Danny had never taken a personal interest in Bailey’s issues because she and I had never shared them with him. We’d never invited him in.

  “Tell us,” I said now, turning to face her. Danny might be angry about her treatment of Jake. He might not be her champion. But he would never do anything to hurt her. I needed her to do this. We had to do something before the distance between Danny and Bailey created a chasm too big for me to cross.

  A chasm that seemed critical, considering the struggles Bailey and I were having.

  Bailey closed her eyes to my plea. A couple of seconds later, she opened them, looked at the back of Danny’s head and then at me again.

  “As you know,” she began slowly, staring at me hard—I’d better not be wrong, I read in her silent message. “I’ve had a couple of stepfathers who seemed like kind, intelligent people and turned out to be total creeps.”

  She was still looking at me, but talking to Danny. “I know.” I gave her all the love and encouragement I had. Focusing on her comfort distracted me from my own stress regarding this conversation.

  For the moment.

  “When we were in our counseling session at the clinic, Marybeth mentioned a program that allowed prospective
clients to interview donors, usually by questionnaire, or on rare occasions, in person....Do you remember?”

  I nodded.

  Turning, so that her body was facing me now, she continued. “I decided to go that route. Ideally, I’d go with someone I know well, because an interview isn’t really going to tell me much. After all, Stan seemed great at first.”

  Her words came more quickly now. More naturally.

  “But I’ve come up with a list of questions that will help. I want my baby’s father to be a man with emotional awareness. With an ability to feel real emotion. I asked if he has close relations with his parents and family. I want him to have a solid career, so I asked about his work experience. I want to know that he has an awareness of the world around him, so I asked a question about charity work. I need to know that if his son or daughter ever finds a way to get records of his genetic contribution and looks him up, he’ll be kind. So I asked what he’d do if that ever happened.

  “And I want to make absolutely certain, or as nearly as I can, that he has no desire whatsoever to even try to make a claim on my child. It’s a given that he’s signing away all rights, but I wanted extra assurance, so I asked if he’s happily married with children of his own.”

  I was talking to an attorney. A woman who’d learned to cover all the bases. I was used to her over-the-top thoroughness.

  “Can you think of anything I missed?” she finished.

  “You might want to ask if he has siblings, and where he falls in the birth order.” Danny stared straight ahead as he spoke and I couldn’t tell, for sure, if he was being sincerely helpful or if his question was slightly tongue in cheek.

  “Right,” Bailey answered, taking her eyes from me as she nodded. “Birth order would help me create a profile....”

  “You might also ask if he’d had, say, one to ten girlfriends, ten to twenty, or more than twenty. That would give you a feel for his emotional stability. If he refuses to answer the question, that’s an answer in itself.”