Baby In A Million

by Rebecca Winters

  She would feel very small if she didn’t satisfy his fatherly wishes right now. In truth, she wanted desperately to know if they were having a son or a daughter, but up until today she’d been reticent to hear specifics for fear it would make everything too real.

  So far she’d been overwhelmed at the thought of going through the pregnancy and delivery by herself, let alone raising her child as a single mother.

  But circumstances had changed. Cord was here. It seemed the right time to share in the news together.

  “Actually, we would like to know.” The minute the words were out she noticed the abrupt rise and fall of Cord’s broad chest.

  The doctor’s eyes gleamed approvingly. “I’ll call downstairs and tell them to fit you in before you leave the clinic today.”

  If Ashley’s heart had been racing before, at this point it was halfway out of her chest cavity. She felt the familiar pressure of Cord’s arm as it slid around her shoulders and drew her closer to his hard, masculine body.

  He thanked the doctor, sounding as eager as she was, possibly more so because while she’d had over a half a year to absorb the miracle, he was still in the fresh throes of shock at his father-to-be status.

  Apparently her doctor could move mountains because within the hour, she was lying on an examining table in a gown, the cold gel rubbed into her skin in preparation.

  When her first ultrasound had been taken at eighteen weeks, Ashley had denied herself the pleasure of learning the baby’s gender, but she wasn’t sorry. To see it with Cord now was perhaps the greatest thrill of her life.

  The technician placed the mouselike probe on her stomach. “Keep your eyes on the screen.”

  Cord pulled up a chair next to her and reached for her hand, kissing her fingertips while he held it firmly in both of his. The gesture melted her bones.

  The hormonal changes in her body seemed to heighten her physical awareness of him, even when there was no contact. After such a long period of deprivation, to be touching and feeling again seriously threatened her powers of concentration.

  A flash on the screen drew her attention. She gasped because the baby’s shape was much more developed and recognizable than before.

  “Lord—” Cord whispered reverently as the technician began moving the probe around her stomach, pointing out arms, hands, fingers. Its head seemed in perfect proportion to its body.

  For maybe twenty minutes they marveled at this miracle of creation moving inside her womb. Suddenly Cord cried, “We have a son!” His joy rang throughout the tiny cubicle.

  “You sure do.” The technician grinned. “This little guy has got all his parts in all the right places.”

  The moment was so emotional, Ashley let out a muffled sob. Cord leaned over and kissed her quiet. She couldn’t be positive but thought she felt tears on his cheeks, as well.

  “Cabe it is.” He mouthed the words against her lips. “A good, solid name. I think this calls for some shopping after we get out of here.”

  Ashley could hear his mind working. Now that he knew they were expecting a son, Cord would want to buy him everything. Of course he would have all their purchases sent to the house.

  That would be fine if Ashley were living with Cord, but she wasn’t.

  After she’d interrupted his phone conversation with Greg, Cord had returned to their hospital room and informed her that she was moving back home with him.

  The pronouncement had been delivered in the most forbidding tone she’d ever heard him utter. After admonishing her to get a good night’s sleep because they had a great deal to accomplish the next day, he’d left her alone.

  She could have gone after him right then and insisted that nothing was settled, that it was still his word against Sheila’s. But she’d underestimated her husband’s desire to keep them a family.

  The challenge he’d flung at her about catching Sheila at her own game had been so unexpected and had hit so hard at the root of Ashley’s turmoil, she’d needed time to absorb what he’d suggested.

  In plain English Cord had said that he expected Ashley to live with him again. Together they would force Sheila’s hand and prove her to be the liar Cord had claimed all along. Only in that way could Ashley’s hidden fears be stilled once and for all. Would Cord make that kind of wild suggestion unless he was confident of the outcome?

  Over the last twenty-four hours Ashley had considered all the ramifications of such a plan. Certainly if she didn’t go along with it, she would never be able to obtain the indisputable proof for herself. Her heart would always entertain doubts. Cord knew that. He was willing to take the risk.

  But was she?

  Ashley hadn’t honestly known the answer to that question—not until they’d seen the ultrasound where the reality of their baby boy had put things into perspective and had made her realize what she’d be fighting for.

  It forced her to understand that if she didn’t get to the bottom of her pain and face Sheila, she’d never know another moment’s peace. Worst of all, she’d be depriving their son of a home with both father and mother.

  Cord wanted another chance. He was doing everything humanly possible to make their marriage work. He’d entered the hospital to rid himself of an addiction. The rest was up to Ashley. But there was someone she needed to talk things over with first, before she committed.

  “I—I think it’s time I got dressed,” she said in a quiet voice, not wanting to discuss their personal lives in front of an audience.

  She could tell by Cord’s tight-lipped expression that her silence on the subject of going shopping after this visit had upset him. In an ominous gesture he rose to his full height and informed the technician that the two of them needed to get back to City Creek Hospital right away.

  Though the older woman looked surprised, she immediately turned off the machine. Cord walked her out of the room, thanking her for fitting them in so quickly. As their voices trailed, Ashley could hear him asking specific questions about the measurements taken.

  Ashley took advantage of the time alone to get off the examining table and return to her locker down the hall. Once out of the hospital gown provided by the clinic, she slipped back into the pants and top she’d purchased the weekend before.

  When she returned to the reception area, Cord stood there waiting, the look in his eyes watchful and guarded.

  “Before we do anything more,” she began, “I’d like to stop by St. Anne’s. Do you mind?”

  If he found her request odd, he didn’t comment on it.

  “Not at all,” he murmured before ushering her out to his cream-colored Land Rover.

  They accomplished the short drive to the orphanage in relative silence. Before she could suggest that he wait in the car, he came around to her side and helped her down. Together they climbed the steps of the four-story facility, a dull-red brick building which had been converted into an orphanage after World War I. Except for her college years, Ashley had spent her whole life here and felt a bittersweet twinge as they crossed over the threshold.

  A woman Ashley didn’t recognize now manned the front desk, but the same smell of disinfectant and boiled cabbage reached her nostrils, bringing back myriad memories.

  Thank heaven their son would have his own parents to raise him!

  “You go find Sister Bernice.” He read her mind. “I’ll wait in the reception area.”

  “I—I won’t be long, Cord.”

  “Take all the time you need,” he came back reasonably. “I realize she represents the mother figure in your life.”

  His astute observation took her back for a moment.

  “I’m not going to light up a cigarette in your absence, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he added beneath his breath.

  She flinched at the acidity of his remark. “The thought never entered my head. Sister Bernice was very taken with you the first time you were introduced to her before our marriage. I know she’ll want to say hello to you before we leave.”

  He appear
ed to digest her remark before he said, “Why don’t you find her first. If it’s convenient, maybe she’ll come out to greet me.”

  Ashley nodded. “I’ll be right back.” She wheeled around and headed for the office. Though the orphanage was a state-run program, various sisters from the church performed service here.

  When Ashley had left Cord’s house that fateful morning, she’d run straight to Sister Bernice who was now in charge of St. Anne’s. The head nun, most Likely in her late sixties, had always been a positive influence in Ashley’s life.

  After Ashley had left Cord, Sister Bernice had been the one to let her stay at the orphanage in exchange for helping the children. Within two weeks, she’d assisted Ashley to find the job of live-in housekeeper to Mrs. Bromwell.

  Ashley owed Sister Bernice a debt of gratitude she could never repay. Since entering the building a few minutes ago, Ashley was even more impressed over the great work the nun had accomplished throughout the years, playing the role of mother, nurse and educator to parentless children, who like Ashley, would have been abandoned to fate.

  When she knocked on the door and was told by a familiar voice to enter, her heart swelled within her.

  The nun’s eyes lit up when she saw who it was. “Ashley, my child. Come in, come in. Sit down.”

  “You don’t mind the intrusion?” she asked, taking a seat opposite the older woman’s desk.

  “You know me better than that.” She shook her head. “How long before the big event?”

  “About three weeks now.”

  “I want to be informed when you go to the hospital. I can’t wait to see your little one.”

  Ashley smiled, fighting tears. “I’ll phone you as soon as I can. I want you to be there and hold my baby. You’re the closest thing to a grandmother he will ever know.”

  “He, is it?” Sister Bernice chuckled, sounding very pleased at the honor Ashley had accorded her. But then she sobered. “Have you told his father yet?” The older sister knew everything.

  “Y-yes.”

  “When?”

  “On Monday,” she ventured in a guilty tone. Just then Ashley felt about ten years old, when Sister Bernice had caught her out doing something she shouldn’t, like taking one of the babies to bed with her and pretending it was her real sister.

  Of course that was against the rules. Sister Bernice had only smiled and told Ashley to take the baby back to the nursery, assuring her that one day, Ashley would grow up to have a baby of her own. Until that time, she would have to wait and learn how to be a mother.

  “At least he knows,” Sister Bernice finally said with a deep sigh. “All right— I can tell you have something important on your mind. I have the time to listen.”

  Sister Bernice’s wisdom and kindness had made her beloved of the children at the orphanage. She hadn’t changed over the years. She was still the same wonderful nun who remained pensive and nonjudgmental. This endearing quality made it easy for Ashley to unburden herself.

  The older woman sat back in her chair, her palms together beneath her chin as she contemplated everything Ashley had told her. “So now you’re nervous about facing your husband’s stepmother because she has always intimidated you. I’m not surprised. This Sheila reminds me very much of another child we had here at the orphanage. Do you remember Marsha?”

  Marsha.

  Just the sound of that name brought back pain. “Yes,” she answered in a trembling voice. “She was the one who finally ran away from St. Anne’s…”

  “That’s right. She was four years older than you, and very jealous of you, Ashley.”

  Ashley stared dumbfounded at Sister Bernice. “You knew that?”

  “I noticed. We didn’t get her until a certain amount of damage had already been done to her psyche.” When Ashley looked back, she realized that Marsha had done everything in her power to put Ashley in the wrong and get her into trouble. For a young girl, she was amazing cruel and devious. Like Sheila…

  “But you’re a grown-up now. You don’t have to be intimidated or frightened by anyone. Your husband’s suggestion makes sense. He wants to expose this Sheila for who she really is. If you were to go back to his house and live with him again, you would be provided with the perfect opportunity to see this thing through and discover the truth for yourself.”

  Ashley took in a huge breath. “But what if Cord is still hiding things from me?”

  Sister Bernice eyed her shrewdly. “Then it’s your duty as his wife to find out, isn’t it?”

  She hadn’t thought of it quite like that. “Yes.”

  “Because you still love him. Otherwise you would never have agreed to join the program at the hospital with him.”

  “You’re right. I think I love him more than ever,” she cried softly. “You should see how excited he is about the baby.”

  “As well he should be. Ashley—since you’ve come to me, I’m going to tell you something. I can promise you that you’re more than equal to the challenge of facing Sheila or anyone else, if you’ll do it. Three lives are at stake here. Surely the welfare of a lovely family like yours is worth the fight. You above all people should understand that.”

  She bowed her head. “I do. I guess I just needed to hear you tell me again that you believe in me.”

  “Was there ever any doubt?”

  “No,” she whispered emotionally.

  “That’s my girl. Now let’s not keep your husband waiting any longer.”

  Sister Bernice, a tall regal woman with a smiling face that put everyone at ease, got up from the chair and walked out to the foyer with Ashley. Cord rose to his feet the second he saw them coming.

  The nun beamed at him as they shook hands. “Congratulations to the expectant father.”

  “Thank you, Sister,” Cord murmured in a cordial tone. “It’s good to see you again.”

  “I couldn’t be more delighted with this visit and am looking forward to holding your child when he’s born.”

  “I’ll phone you the moment Ashley delivers,” he promised.

  “I’ll be waiting.” Her gray eyes twinkled. “Before you leave here, feel free to step inside the chapel and thank God for the miracle He has bestowed on you. I, too, will say my prayers for you.”

  Her gaze sent Ashley a private message. Then she made the sign of the cross and walked off, disappearing down another corridor.

  Cord studied Ashley’s features. “Where is the chapel?” he asked in a voice as deep as velvet.

  She cleared her throat. “Through those doors on the right.”

  By tacit agreement they entered the small, simple room and sat down on the end pew. While Cord leaned forward, his hands clasped, Ashley closed her eyes and offered a prayer of thanksgiving as well as a plea that it wouldn’t be a mistake to go back home with him after they left the hospital.

  “Ashley?” He spoke once they’d returned to the car and were on the road once more. When he said her name like that, her body tautened nervously.

  “Yes?”

  “Aside from the quilt you’re making, what have you bought for the baby?”

  “Nothing yet.” It was embarrassing to admit, but because of meager finances and no place to keep things, she’d put that day off. “I was waiting until I moved into the apartm—”

  “Which damn well isn’t going to happen,” he cut her off in a savage tone. “I’ll need a phone number so I can call the landlord and tell him to rent it to someone else.”

  Ashley trembled. Cord wants a commitment, and he wants it now.

  “He’s a she. I’ll phone her when we get back to the hospital.”

  It wasn’t anything tangible, yet she could feel some of the tension leave his body.

  “Did you sign a lease?”

  “Yes. For six months.”

  “I’ll take care of it,” he muttered, then changed gears. “Since you’re coming home with me, why don’t we pick out a few things today, and arrange to have them delivered to the house on Monday?”

 
; She tried to imagine Sheila’s shock, and couldn’t. “But we don’t have a room ready!”

  “That will be our first project next week. In the meantime we’ll store everything in the spare bedroom next to ours.”

  Ours.

  She’d never been comfortable in that house, let alone the bedroom, unless Cord had been sharing it with her, of course. But that was all a long time ago. She craved to return to the ranger cabin, to the life which had made both of them so happy.

  But that wasn’t meant to be, and it was only natural that Cord would want to hold on to the McKnight family home where he’d been born and raised. If memories of his father weren’t that pleasant, he had loved his mother and would always associate the house with her.

  Ashley needed to be more sensitive to his feelings and block the image of Sheila draped across Cord’s bed from her mind. Otherwise she’d be crippled with renewed pain.

  “Are you too tired to visit a store I have in mind?” Cord prodded.

  Though she felt exhausted after wrestling with her emotions, she didn’t dare disappoint him. “No, but it is getting close to dinner. We should have been back on the floor before now.”

  “The ultrasound was more important. We can grab a burger on the way. Right now I want to drive over to Forsey’s.”

  Cord remembered!

  A little thrill rippled through her body. Forsey’s sold hand-made, nineteenth-century reproductions of all kinds of furniture, specializing in baby cradles, cribs, dressers, tiny rocking chairs and little dollhouses.

  Before she and Cord had found out that they probably wouldn’t be able to have children, Ashley had prevailed on him to stop at that store every time they’d driven down to Salt Lake from the Tetons.

  Since their separation, she’d given up any ideas about owning such expensive furnishings, but obviously Cord hadn’t forgotten. He knew she’d always had her heart set on the natural oak pieces. That particular decor would work well in a boy’s room.

  By the time they’d reached the store and Cord had helped her out of the Land Rover, Ashley was feverish with excitement and anxiety. Though they were the same two people, everything had changed because during their drive from the orphanage, she had agreed to end the separation and live with him again.