Broken Ever After

by Natalie Graham

  “Do you like food?” What? “Erm, I mean, do you like Chinese food?” I pulled my eyes away from his toned body and busied myself by flicking through the open tabs. “Or Mexican? Or Indian? Italian?” My stupid eyes kept flicking up to glance at the abs that appeared just over the top edge of the iPad. “Uncle Austin said he” oh god, he stepped closer. “Said he- erm- he won’t be home again tonight.” I gulped. “I thought we could order something. For dinner. If you want?” Breathe, woman! I mentally scolded myself.

  “Aye, sure. I want what you want… I’ll have whatever you’re having.” I narrowed my eyes at my screen, wondering what his tone was trying to convey. That he’s hungry, you idiot!

  His hand moved from the doorframe to his stomach to rub over the perfectly formed ridges of muscle. I longed so desperately for those fingers to be mine. My grip tightened as I tried to shift my focus back to- what was I doing again? “I’m actually really hungry right now.” Oh right, food. Was he even talking about food? The way he was talking didn’t sound like he wanted food. So what was it he wanted? I know what I’d like… I’d like him to stop scrambling my thoughts.

  I stared hard at the screen, trying desperately to see the words. “You know it helps if you stick the rotation lock on that thing. It saves you having to read upside down.” Huh? My eyes focused on the screen for sure this time. Oh god. I stumbled slightly and tried as best as I could to walk back to the living room to sit down, mumbling my thanks to him as I went.

  Oh get a grip! This can’t happen. It would be stupid to like him, he works for me! I needed to just get over it. He’d only end up breaking my heart like Jamie did. A wave of emotions washed over me as I remembered everything. Anger and sadness rose in my chest and I had to hold in the scream building there. Tears sprang to my eyes with no signs of stopping no matter how much I tried to push them back with the heel of my hand. I groaned, frustrated with myself and slammed my fists down on to the seat beside my legs. Riley was stood watching me with his arms folded across his bare chest. God, isn’t he paid enough? Buy a shirt! No, don’t!

  “Are you ok?” I nodded and handed him my iPad as I stood.

  “Can you pick something? Anything, I’m not bothered what. I’ll just- I’ll just go and grab some money.” I turned, heading for Austin’s office. Once in there I ran into the small bathroom located inside and locked myself in. Wadding up a huge pile of tissue I proceeded to let the rush of tears flow, turning myself into a big blubbering mess.

  I felt so angry. Angry at myself for being upset over Jamie; he was simply too perfect for me to not be suspicious. How could I be so naive? I should have known that as soon as my back was turned he’d be with someone else. She was probably his real girlfriend and they were probably both now sat at home, their big, beautiful home in their big cosy bed laughing at me over his promise to give me that stupid room, over his promise to give me my happy ever after.

  I felt even angrier at myself for being even remotely attracted to Riley, especially after just being with Jamie. Jumping from relationship to relationship wasn’t a good idea.

  “You’re such an idiot!” I hit myself repeatedly with the heel of my hand between my eyes. “Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!”

  A knock on the door startled me. “Yeah?”

  “I ordered. They said it would be about twenty minutes.” Riley called through the bathroom door.

  “Oh, ok.” I heard his feet move back across the floor and let out the sob that was lodged in my throat. “Oh for… Just stop crying!” I hit myself again and again. Why did I have to be so stupid?

  “Liv, open the door” I heard Riley call through the door again.

  “I… thought you’d gone.”

  “Open up. Now.” He was angry? I stood up and splashed water on my face from the cold tap and opened up the door. I headed back over to the sink to splash my face again and kept my eyes averted down away from his. That didn’t last long when he stood behind me a little too close for comfort. I squeezed myself up against the sink as much as I could but he stepped closer still, his hard chest pressing against my shoulders.

  I looked up at his reflection in the mirror through my wet lashes to see him rest his hands on the counter on either side of me trapping me in. He was making a habit of doing that.

  “Why were you crying?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does if it’s upsetting you. Was it him? Did he contact you?” I nodded then shook my head.

  “No I- I just- I remembered- I’d managed to not think about it all for a while and then it just- I don’t know. It just hit me again.”

  I stiffened as I felt his fingers on my neck, pulling my hair over from behind my right ear over my left shoulder as Jamie had done only a matter of days previously. He dipped his head down and I could feel his breath fan over my ear and neck.

  “Please don’t cry. Not over him. The guys that make you cry aren’t worth your tears.” I looked up at his reflection; his eyes were closed as his nose skimmed over my hair. He moved to the back of my head and rested his forehead against me. “The ones who are, would never dream of making you cry, Liv.” He sighed into my hair. “Don’t be long, dinner will be here soon.” He said as he pushed away from the counter and walked out.

  ***

  I was seven years old again sat in a barn; several large hay stacks surrounded me. I was perched on top of a couple stacked together; I was so high up that I was scared to move in case I fell.

  “I have a surprise for you, Ollie.” I kept my gaze down away from Uncle Robert’s.

  “I don’t want a surprise. I want to go home.” I sat still, crossing my legs tightly and folding my arms around myself in the hope it would stop him wanting to touch me.

  “Well you can’t. You need to make me happy first and then you get a beautiful present. You like getting presents don’t you. You like it… You know you like it.” He kept saying it as he touched me. I kept quiet, I didn’t move, I was too scared. He started touching himself at the same time, I felt sick. I wanted to go home to mummy.

  “Stop it! Let me go! Let me go! I don’t like it! Get off me! Get off me!”

  I was woken up by my bedroom door being kicked open and Riley pointing a gun at me.

  “Olivia?” He asked sounding panicked as his eyes darted around the room.

  “Riley? What the fuck are you doing? Shit! Can you stop pointing that thing at me?” I scrubbed the tears away from my face and looked back at him. He’d lowered his gun and set the safety on it again, slowly walking over watching me warily; I became hyper aware of the fact he was only in his boxers. God… Seriously? Even his muscles had muscles on them, his legs… I was picturing running kisses up them. Argh STOP IT! I mentally slapped my head to shut up my thoughts. I scrubbed at my eyes again trying to rub the image of him out of my mind. He came and sat on my bed beside me.

  “What are you doing?”

  “You scared the shit out of me! I thought someone was in here.”

  “Well clearly there isn’t!” I snapped at him. “I’m sorry. I- I have nightmares sometimes. I didn’t mean to scare you. I can’t help it.” Stupid tears kept falling; Riley jumped up to grab me a tissue from the bathroom. He came back in and climbed in to bed beside me. “Riley?”

  “Shut up a minute.” He pulled me into his side and held me while I cried. “It’s ok you know. I know how you feel.”

  “You do?” Had he been abused too?

  “I don’t understand fully, your nightmares are different to mine, but I still have them.”

  “Oh? What about?” He let out a long breath. “Sorry, that was too personal, you don’t have to say.”

  “My dad was a police officer. He was English, that’s where my name is from… We’d just moved down from Glasgow because he got moved back to his old station on assignment. Some guys he was running an investigation on didn’t appreciate him poking in their business and made it personal. I kept misbehaving because he was always working, so one Saturday he’d promised th
at we could have a boy’s day… We went to watch the football and those guys cornered him on our way home. I was four. They stabbed him to death right in front of me. That’s what my nightmares are about.”

  “Oh Riley, I’m so sorry.” I wrapped my arm over his stomach and curled in to him. “Is that why you do this job? To protect people?”

  “I guess… Can’t say I wish I picked another career right now.” He laughed, tightening his arm around me; I laughed too and dried the last of the tears from my cheeks with my duvet. I leant up and dried off his chest too where my tears fell.

  “Sorry I made you all wet.”

  “I’m not.” I could feel the blush rush straight to my cheeks. He laughed and pulled me back down to his chest. “What are yours?”

  “Huh?” I looked at him confused.

  “Your nightmares?”

  “Did Austin tell you about my other uncle, Robert?”

  “Aye” He said softly, kissing the top of my head.

  “They are about him. They triggered again on Friday because of that stupid boy at school. Did Austin tell you my ex-boyfriend tried to attack me at our prom?”

  “He did and about your friend.”

  “She won’t even talk to me, none of them will; she thinks it’s my fault. If I- If I had just done what he wanted, he wouldn’t have hurt her.” I whispered.

  “No, he would have hurt you instead.” he said firmly.

  “So? At least I’d be the only one that had to deal with all the hurt; she’d still be my friend. Even my very best friend doesn’t want to talk to me now.”

  “I wouldn’t feel so bad for her if I were you. From what I heard, those girls were teasing that boy all night, from his statement and the witnesses it looks like she consented to it; it was someone else who hit her, not him. She lied.”

  “Why would she do that? After everything I’ve been through, why would she lie about something like that?” More tears fell from my eyes, nothing was making sense. Why would anyone lie about being hurt so badly?

  “I’ve no idea, sweetheart.” He hugged me closer and kissed the top of my head again. I squeezed my arm tightly around him returning his hug, he began stroking my hair down my back soothing me and I felt myself relax into him. “Your hair is so soft and beautiful… It makes me think of chocolate waterfalls.” He whispered and I hummed my agreement feeling myself falling asleep.

  My arm slipped from his side, jolting me awake as it landed on the hardness in his boxers. Oh sweet Jesus!

  “Ow! Fuck!” he gasped as he adjusted himself under the duvet. “You better not be falling asleep on me!”

  “I’m sorry… I can’t help it! You’re too comfy and nice and cool.” I said as I snuggled back into him and put my arm back around his stomach.

  “Fall for a man with cold hands, they have the warmest hearts” My Grandma’s voice echoed through my mind. She’d said that to me before she died, after I’d commented on Grandpa’s cold hands. I smiled feeling Riley’s cool hands over my shoulder.

  I absentmindedly started tracing light circles on the cool skin of his waist.

  “Liv, stop it. Olivia?”

  “Hmm?” I tried to pretend I was sleeping again, biting the insides of my cheeks to stop myself from smiling.

  “Stop it. It tickles. I don’t like being tickled.”

  “Huh?” Yawning and snuggling into his side more, I waited a few seconds before making my touch even lighter. He groaned, pushing his nose against the top of my head.

  “You have five seconds to stop that.” I continued. “Four… Three… Two…” I stopped and he let out a long breath. “Good girl.” I waited a minute before doing it again. He instantly slipped out from under me, dragged me down the bed by my legs and pinned my hands up with one of his, I screamed. “I warned you!” With his free hand he started tickling my ribs. I was desperately trying to wiggle free, screaming, giggling and writhing as he continued.

  “I promise to stop! I promise! Riley! Riley!” He sat on top of me, pinning me down properly.

  I planted my feet on the bed and tried to buck him off but couldn’t. I managed to get my legs up between us but I still couldn’t push him off, I kept wriggling and trying to get free. He leaned down to whisper in my ear.

  “Why don’t I believe you?”

  “I promise! I promise! Please! Oh Riley, please!” He stopped tickling me; his eyes seemed to burn in to mine as I stopped laughing and tried to calm my breathing again. My chest quickly rising, brushing against his before falling again; only the silk of my pyjama top separating us.

  He’d settled his legs between mine, his knees pushing against my thighs to part them; his hardness pushed against my core. Running my feet along his calves and up his sculpted thighs, I landed them on his tight rear. I wished so badly I could see it; I knew it would be as magnificent a sight as the rest of him. I pulled my hands free of his to run them up his strong arms, feeling the ripples of his muscles up to his neck; slowly he started to lean down to kiss me when he froze. His eyes snapped back into focus and he leaped from the bed.

  “Riley?”

  “Fuck! I- We can’t, Olivia… I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry!”

  “Riley, wait!” He grabbed his gun from the table. “Connor, please! Just wait!” he didn’t even look at me again. He ran out of my room and slammed the door, which didn’t actually close thanks to him kicking shit out of it, then slammed his own.

  I ran after him, pounding on his door. “Connor, open the door… Please… I need to talk to you.”

  “Go to sleep, Miss Stevens!” Rolling my eyes, I sighed. So we’re back to that again.

  “Connor…” No answer. “Connor Riley! You are the most fucking infuriating man I’ve ever met!” I screamed in frustration and kicked his door. “Ow! For fuck’s sake!” I screamed my frustration again with the pain shooting through my foot. I’m sure I heard it crack.

  I stubbornly walked on it anyway to the kitchen to grab some painkillers and a glass of water, filled a bowl with some ice and grabbed a cloth. I tried to walk normally over to the sofa but failed, not so gracefully throwing myself down on to it. I heard the soft pad of Riley’s feet walking behind me.

  “Are you ok?” I ignored him and filled the cloth with ice and pressed it to my toes as he came to kneel in front of me. “Let me see it.” Riley tried to take my makeshift ice pack from my hand but I pulled away. “Come on; let me see if it’s broken.” I glared at him through my lashes. “Please?” I winced as I lifted the ice pack from my foot and saw that my big toe and the next one to it were red. He took my foot delicately in his hands and pressed different areas of my foot.

  “OWW! Jesus, fuck!” I yelled as he touched my toes.

  “I don’t think they’re broken, you probably just bruised them.”

  “What are you a doctor now?” I snapped at him. He laughed as I pulled my foot out of his grasp to put the ice back on it.

  “You don’t learn martial arts without learning what a broken toe feels like, trust me, I’ve done it loads of times” He got up and walked over to the kitchen area rummaging through cupboards before coming back with a first aid kit. He sat beside me on the sofa, grabbed my legs and swivelled me around to face him. “If we go to hospital they won’t do anything but tape it up for you, so just in case they are broken, I’ll tape them for you. Just let me know if it still hurts in a couple of days.”

  “Thanks.” I said grumpily. I was still cross with him for running out on me. I tutted as I looked down at my nails.

  “What?”

  “You made me chip my nail polish!” He laughed loudly, earning a kick from my un-injured foot.

  “Hey! I never made you kick my door in.”

  “No, I never kicked your door in; you’re the expert at that! I can’t close my door because of you. Have you never heard of a handle?”

  “Well excuse me for not thinking of the poor, wee handle when I thought someone was in there trying to attack you!” His eyes met mine and I could see he
regretted what he’d just said. “I’m sorry; I promise I’ll have someone to look at it in the morning. You should probably keep your weight off that for the day if you can.” I sighed. I would never get back to sleep now that it was getting light and it was only four am. He gently traced a line over my foot to my ankle sending shivers up my leg. “You’re all done.”

  “Thanks.” He put everything away before heading back to his room. Standing up carefully I looked around wondering what I could do. It felt too late to go to bed and too early to do anything productive. I looked over at my piano and gave up on the idea of playing with my sore foot. I spied Uncle Austin’s guitar standing in the corner behind it and fetched it over to the sofa, cursing all men with every step that I took. I sat with it for a while, closing my eyes as my fingers traced the lines of the strings, trying to figure out how I felt inside, I couldn’t… All that was in my head was Riley.

  Riley, with his beautiful blue eyes filled with lust and passion. His thick, full lips that I was begging for him to kiss me with but he just kept pulling away. I wanted him to kiss me so fiercely; wishing he’d make me forget that Jamie Matthews had ever existed. I gently began strumming on the guitar, the tune morphing into Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran. The lyrics spilled easily from my lips, remembering the feel of his heart thumping against mine, pouring my pleading for him to kiss me into my voice.

  Movement to my side startled me, my hands paused hovering over the strings and I nervously chewed on my bottom lip. “Don’t stop, you’re good.” I gave Riley a small smile and looked back down to the guitar resting in my lap.

  “Sorry, did I keep you awake?”

  “No, I was in the gym, but I came back out when heard you; I didn’t know you played” He nodded down to the guitar.

  “Austin taught me a few years ago. Sorry for disturbing your work out.” I began to place the guitar on the floor but he pushed it back towards me.