Carry My Baby_BWWM Romance

by Shanade White

  “Then fix it.”

  “Don’t you even want to hear what the problem is?” Angel asked, hands on her hips ready for a fight.

  “Okay, tell me what the problem is,” he said, pouring his coffee himself when she clearly wasn’t going to.

  “First, let me say that I told you so,” she said, then held up her hand when he opened his mouth. “Amanda is miserable here, she’s moping around, sleeping all day, then staying up all night sitting on the porch.”

  “Did she tell you that she was miserable?” Theo asked, sarcastically, thinking that she’d looked just fine at dinner the night before.

  “No, but trust me, I can see it.”

  “Well, what do you want me to do about it? She knew what she was getting into,” Theo said, getting tired of this discussion.

  “You need to fix it. Can’t you see that she’s completely isolated here?” Angel asked, wishing Theo would come out of whatever trance he was in.

  “So, take her shopping or something,” Theo said, still not understanding what the problem was.

  “Does Amanda seem like the kind of woman who would be cheered up by shopping?” Angel asked, wondering if they talked at dinner at all. “Have you even gotten to know her?”

  “I know enough. Besides I thought all women loved shopping. She’s going to need some new clothes anyway.” Theo was getting impatient.

  Angel took a deep breath and sat down at the table with him. “Theo, look at me, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you can’t treat Amanda like she’d nothing more than a vessel for the child you want. She’s a real person with needs, one thing she needs is more human contact, she’s the kind of person who needs to be around people.”

  “What about her writing? Isn’t that keeping her busy?”

  “I don’t know what’s happened to her writing, she stopped a week ago,” Angel said patiently. “Which you would have known if you talked to her. She says that she just can’t concentrate, it’s too quiet.”

  “Doesn’t she have some friends she can call?” Theo asked, looking for another way out.

  “They all live at least 45 minutes away, have jobs, and lives. She’s isolated up here, if you hadn’t insisted that she move in here, she’d still be in the city with her friends close by. This is what always needing to be in control causes, it was your idea so you better figure out how you’re going to fix it. I’d start with spending some more time at home,” Angel said, then turned to the stove. “I won’t say another word except that the man I used to know would have never turned his back on anyone who was unhappy if he could fix it.”

  Theo really hadn’t known that Amanda was so unhappy, she always looked fine when they had dinner together. In fact, better than fine and that was part of his problem, when he’d insisted that she move in with him for the duration of the pregnancy, he’d had no idea that he’d be so attracted to her. If he’d known that his body was going to go haywire on him, he’d have arranged somewhere else for her to stay, but he was stuck now and something had to be done if she was really that unhappy.

  Starting tonight, he’d try harder to talk to her at dinner, maybe invite Julien to join them, that would liven things up. He’d encourage her to go shopping, to get out of the house for a few hours every day, it shouldn’t be that hard to snap her out of the funk she was in. It would just be a matter of controlling himself when he was around her, of ignoring the way she made him feel when they were in a room together. After all, his feelings couldn’t be real, that was impossible, they had to be a product of the situation.

  Chapter 4

  Amanda was surprised to find another person at the dinner table when she walked into the dining room. He immediately jumped to his feet and introduced himself. “Hi, I’m Julien. Theo invited me to join you two for dinner tonight, I hope that’s okay.”

  He was a handsome man, almost as tall as Theo but dark haired and brown eyed instead of blond and blue eyed like Theo. It was like seeing night and day together in one room, but the longer she looked at the two of them together, the more she thought that they looked good together. Julien looked like he was in his late twenties or early thirties, and she could see why he appealed to Theo, especially when he smiled and his whole face lit up.

  “That would be nice. I wondered when I would meet you,” Amanda said, trying to sidestep around the fact that she’d figured out his relationship to Theo.

  “Theo seems to think it’s a good idea to keep me so busy I don’t get to come home,” he said, a tragic look on his face.

  “Very funny, Julien,” Theo said, not liking the way Amanda was smiling at him.

  “I should be allowed to complain every once in a while, especially to such a beautiful lady,” Julien said, winking at Amanda.

  Theo scowled at both of them, then said, “Shall we eat, since that’s what we’re here for.”

  Julien shot him a surprised looked, but only nodded and said, “I’m starving.”

  It didn’t take long for Amanda to feel completely comfortable with Julien, who entertained her with stories about his travels around the world. Theo was silent through the meal, only speaking when Julien asked him a question, and then only offering the barest of replies. Amanda wasn’t surprised by his attitude, it wasn’t all that different from the way he usually acted at dinner, but Julien kept throwing him questioning looks.

  By the time Angel brought in desert, Theo was ready for the meal to be over, inviting Julien to join them had been a mistake. It was driving him crazy that Julien had been able to charm her so easily, making her smile and laugh with his ridiculous stories that Theo knew for a fact were more a product of his imagination than the truth. As Angel was taking away the dinner plates, he noticed that Amanda had hardly touched her dinner, most of it was still on the plate and he became annoyed.

  “You hardly touched your food,” he said. “That can’t be good for the baby. Are you eating enough?”

  Amanda looked at him shocked, he’d never paid any attention to how much she ate at dinner before. “I’m not very hungry tonight,” she said.

  “Well, I just hope you’re eating enough. The baby needs it,” he said, a peevish look on his face, wondering if her diet was part of the reason she’d been moping around. “You know right now you need extra calories, calories from good food.”

  “Theo, I’m very well aware of what the baby needs. I’ve done my research, I’m just not very hungry this time of night.” She tried to explain, but Theo was shaking his head.

  “Then you need to force yourself,” he said, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest as if it was a command.

  Amanda’s mouth came open in shock. “You want me to force myself to eat?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

  Angel didn’t like the way things were going, so she quickly jumped in and said, “How about some coconut cream pie? Could you eat some of this?” Then lifted a perfect piece of pie out of the pan and put it on a plate.

  “I think I’m going to skip desert tonight and just go back to my room, I’m feeling a little tired,” Amanda said, getting to her feet. She turned to Julien and said, “It was nice to meet you and I hope we’ll see each other again.” Then lifted her chin just a little and walked out of the room.

  There was a long silence in the room after she’d gone, Angel and Julien so shocked they had no idea what to say, but Theo broke it. “I’ll take that piece of pie, unless you made just for Amanda.”

  Angel scowled at him, carried the pie over to where he was sitting, set it down with a little clunk, and said, “Well, I think that really helped the situation.”

  Julien was still too shocked to say anything for a few minutes, but finally managed to find his voice. “What was that all about? What’s gotten into you?”

  Theo knew exactly what had gotten into to him, a green-eyed monster. At first, he hadn’t been able to identify the emotion he’d been feeling, but then he’d realized that it was jealousy, and it had only gotten worse as the me
al had progressed. Which had made him angry. He was mad at Amanda for making him feel that way, and mad at Julien for making her laugh and smile so easily when he couldn’t.

  There was no way he was going to explain it to either of them, so he shrugged his shoulders and said, “Nothing, I just want to make sure that she’s eating enough.”

  Julien narrowed his eyes at him, then said, “I’ve known you almost all my life and that wasn’t the Theo I know.”

  When Theo refused to say anything more, Julien picked up his plate and said, “I think I’ll take my desert back to my room, if you need to talk you know where I am.”

  Theo watched him leave, thinking that maybe he should talk to Julien, they’d been friends for years and he knew him better than anyone else, but he just didn’t think that he could admit just how strongly his attraction to Amanda was to anyone. It was embarrassing to feel this way, after all she was his surrogate and there had to be something wrong with that, although he wasn’t sure what, he just felt like he’d be overstepping his bounds if he followed his instincts when it came to Amanda.

  If she’d been any other woman, he would have swept her off her feet, taken her to bed and shown her just how much he wanted her. But he couldn’t do that, it would be totally wrong, so he’d just have to suffer through the unwanted attraction and the jealousy. Telling Julien about it would only make it more real and that much harder to resist, he decided, so he’d just have to suffer through it alone. But in the future, he’d have to make sure that he didn’t let it get to him, it had been a terrible suggestion he’d made, and he couldn’t blame Amanda for being upset. He’d been a jerk and he’d have to apologize in the morning, like it or not, he’d been the one to make her unhappy this time.

  Amanda was sitting curled up in a blanket on the porch taking deep breaths of the cool night air. Normally it worked to combat the mild nausea she’d been feeling at night for the last week, but tonight her stomach just wouldn’t settle and she was sure that if she moved she’d throw up. She’d made herself a sandwich thinking that if she got something in her stomach it might help, but after only one bite she knew that she’d just have to ride it out. Laying her head back, she concentrated on breathing, taking one slow deep breath after another, until the nausea began to fade.

  She was vaguely aware that there was someone in the kitchen, but was afraid that if she moved she’d lose it, so she remained still, just breathing in and out hoping that the nausea would pass soon. When she heard footsteps on the boards of the porch, she turned her head slightly, then winced when she saw that Theo was crossing over to where she was huddled under the blanket.

  “What are you doing out here in the cold?” he asked, feeling slightly annoyed at Amanda.

  He waited for several long minutes for her to answer, then asked, “Are you okay?” Then came closer to where she was sitting.

  It only took one look to see that she wasn’t feeling well, her face was pale and there were dark circles under her eyes. “I’m a little nauseous,” she managed to say, then clamped her mouth closed, closed her eyes, and took several deep breaths.

  “You should be inside,” Theo barely got out, when she jumped up from her chair and ran into the house, her blanket flying behind her like a cape.

  He heard the bathroom door slam and then silence. Unsure what to do, and not sure that he’d be any help anyway, he waited on the porch for her to come back. But after ten minutes had passed and she didn’t return, he decided to go back inside. When he stepped into the kitchen, her blanket was in the middle of the floor right where it had fallen, so he picked it up. Without thinking he put it up to his nose and took a deep breath, surprised when a surge of desire washed over him when he smelled her scent on the blanket.

  Standing in the middle of the kitchen, he tried to decide what to do, go after her and see if she was okay or try to go back to bed. Going back to bed didn’t seem like the best idea, the reason he was up was because of Amanda anyway and there was no way he’d go to sleep now unless he knew that she was okay. Carrying the blanket and a glass of water, he climbed the stairs and took a left instead of a right, relieved when he saw that the door to her suite was open.

  He knocked on the door anyway and called out, “Amanda, can I come in?”

  When he got no response, he walked a couple of steps in the door and looked around, that was when he heard retching coming from the bathroom. He set down the water, threw the blanket onto the bed, then headed for the bathroom, nervous because he felt like he was intruding. But when he saw Amanda with her head in the toilet, those feelings vanished, replaced with concern. It was clear by the sounds coming out of her that she had nothing in her stomach, and that each heave of her stomach must had been painful because she whimpered between spasms.

  Theo felt more powerless than he’d ever felt in his life and an urgent need to take care of Amanda overwhelmed him, but he had no idea how to help her. In the end he did the only thing he could and sat down on the floor next to her, pulled her hair back from her face with one hand, and rubbed her back with the other. Amanda tried to push him away, clearly embarrassed to be in such a position, but another wave of heaves forced her to hold onto the toilet as her muscles tensed and spasmed.

  “Relax, it’s okay. It’ll pass,” Theo whispered over and over until the heaving stopped and Amanda was able to breathe again.

  “Go away,” she managed to say, her teeth clenched.

  “No way. I’m not leaving you like this,” Theo said, putting his hand on her forehead where a sheen of sweat made her skin glisten in the light. “You’re burning up.”

  Amanda sat up from the toilet too weak to protest when Theo put his arms around her shoulders and pulled her against him. “I’m okay,” she said, and tried to pull away.

  “No, you’re not,” Theo said, not letting her get away. “How long have you been sick like this?”

  “This was the first time, and before you say anything, this is perfectly normal,” Amanda managed to say, wanting to cry.

  “I know it’s normal, but…” Theo trailed off, not sure what he was feeling.

  “It won’t hurt the baby,” Amanda said, pulling away from him, realizing that the nausea was fading.

  “I know that, I was worried about you,” Theo said, without thinking then knew that it was true. Then felt his heart melt a little bit, when Amanda looked up, her brown eyes full of tears.

  “I’m sorry, I think it’s the hormones,” she said, as the tears slid down her cheeks.

  Theo smiled at her. “If I’d just thrown up the way you did, I’d want to cry too. Can I help you to bed?”

  Amanda’s heart practically burst when he smiled at her that way and couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation she found herself in. Theo had no idea what she was laughing at, but took it as a good sign. He helped her to her feet and out of the bathroom, surprised to discover that not only had she lost weight, but that there was a slight bump under her shirt.

  “Here get into bed and I’ll go get a cold washcloth for your head,” Theo said, pulling the covers back so she could get into bed.

  When he came back from the bathroom with a cool washcloth, Amanda was no longer hot, instead he found her with the covers pulled up to her chin shivering. Her teeth were chattering, throwing down the washcloth, he ran over to the closet and grabbed a blanket then spread it over her amazed that she’d go from hot to cold so quickly. He’d heard stories about how difficult pregnancy could be on a woman but he’d never really paid that much attention, but now he wished he had. Amanda looked miserable and for the first time he realized just how much she’d sacrificed to give him the child he’d always wanted; money or not this wasn’t easy on her.

  She tried to smile and say something, but her chattering teeth wouldn’t let her. Theo knew that no matter what she said, this wasn’t good for either of them and searched his mind for something else he could do. The answer hit him just as Amanda managed to squeak, “I’ll be okay as soon as I get warm.
I’m sorry to be such a pain.”

  Theo didn’t answer her, instead he walked around the bed, stripped off his robe and climbed into bed with her. “What are you doing?” she asked, her teeth still chattering.

  “I’m going to warm you up the best way I know how,” he said, and pulled her into his arms. “Just relax and let my body heat warm you.”

  Amanda was all too aware of the heat that radiated off his body and soaked into hers, she was also aware that he was dressed only in pajama pants. She could fell the hard muscles of his chest through her thick t-shirt and felt her cheeks burn, as bad as she felt she was all too aware of the man holding her in his arms. A tingling between her legs shocked her and made her suck in a deep breath.

  “Are you okay?” Theo asked, not sure why she’d gasped, but enjoying the way she felt in his arms.

  “I’m fine, I mean I’m starting to warm up. I’ll be okay if you want to go back to bed,” Amanda answered, wishing that she didn’t always respond this way to Theo, it really made no sense, he was gay after all.

  “I think I’ll stay here for a while and make sure you’re okay,” he said, then shifted them both so that his body was pressed up against her back.

  Amanda would have protested, but his body heat was finally starting to warm her and as the shivers began to subside an exhaustion like she’d never know before washed over her, making it almost impossible to keep her eyes open. The last thought she had before she fell asleep was that it felt wonderful to have Theo pressed up against her, that she could lie there with him forever and be happy, then she fell asleep with a smile on her face.

  Amanda’s quiet snores told Theo that she had fallen asleep, and he knew that it was safe to leave her, but he just couldn’t make himself move. It felt wonderful to have her in his arms, she fit perfectly and if he moved his arm just a bit he could feel the little bump where the baby rested inside her. It sent a little thrill through him to think that his child was inside her and again he wondered what was causing all these feelings inside him, was it just the baby or was there more to it than that. Before he could think of it any more, sleep took him, and for the rest of the night he slept soundly with Amanda nestled in his arms.