Wild Abandon

by Cassie Edwards

  Lauralee came alive again with his touch, with his kiss, with his passion, each caress, each kiss, promising more, assuring fulfillment.

  Tremors cascaded down her back as he made love to her again, gently, tenderly, warmly, wonderfully.

  Afterward he sang to her as he held her close before the fire. She gazed up at him, her eyes, heart and soul filled with him as she listened....

  “Oh, I am thinking, oh, I am thinking I have found my love,” Dancing Cloud sang softly. “Oh, I think it is so . . .”

  And then he kissed her, the whole universe seemingly spinning.

  Chapter 34

  The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray

  —ANNE BRADSTREET

  Ten years later.

  Black smoke belched into the sky from the train’s engine as Lauralee sat beside a window in one of the passenger cars. She gazed wistfully at the countryside as the train rumbled along its tracks through the never-ending flat land of Illinois.

  Autumn had arrived with its magical, vivid colors. In this brief fleeting moment at sunset, when the orange sky became a canvas for the autumn trees, Lauralee was rendered breathless as she peered at them through the window. Along the horizon were a scattering of trees, their leaves resembling a patchwork quilt from this distance, the colors of red, purple, bronze, and yellow intermingling.

  From her experience of having traveled through Illinois on horse and buggy, she knew that high in those trees there were secret hollows, where bushy-tailed squirrels made their residence. Toasty warm in their thick, gray coats, the squirrels busied themselves putting together their private store of acorns and hickory nuts. Woodpeckers would also he nestled in their own secret places, as also would owls.

  Illinois was a beautiful place, and Lauralee had enjoyed discovering more about the state while traveling in the comforts of a train instead of how she had arrived there the first time, in her horse and buggy.

  And not only was she not arriving by horse and buggy, other things about her arrival had changed. Her Uncle Abner would not be there to greet her with his open, muscled arms.

  She stifled a sob behind her gloved hand. Uncle Abner had died recently and was already buried.

  Guilt spread through her, paining her heart, over having not made time to visit her aunt and uncle enough times through the years.

  And she would never forget how wonderful their surprise visit at the Cherokee village had been. Dancing Cloud had known of their visit prior to their arrival but had not told Lauralee.

  She inhaled a quavering breath. Nervously, she placed her hands on the brim of her hat, slightly repositioning it on her head where her hair was circled into a tight bun beneath it.

  “My o-ge-ye, I can tell that you are fighting your emotions,” Dancing Cloud said, reaching over to take a hand. He affectionately squeezed it. “Remember that although your Uncle Abner has crossed over to the other world, he is here with you even now, in spirit. Allow that to give you comfort.”

  Lauralee turned to Dancing Cloud. “It’s so difficult,” she murmured. “And how I hate to see the grave. It will be hard to accept that he is in the ground, in a . . .”

  She placed her free hand to her mouth and turned her eyes away from Dancing Cloud again. “I just find death hard to accept,” she said, her voice drawn. “I doubt that it shall ever be any other way for me.”

  A soft hand on her face made Lauralee force a smile. She gazed at her ten-year-old daughter as Wilnoty came and knelt before Lauralee. Wilnoty was the picture image of her mother, so beautiful and petite.

  “Do not be sad, Mother,” Wilnoty said softly. “It makes me sad.”

  “I know, I know,” Lauralee said, leaning a kiss to her daughter’s brow. “And we don’t want you to have a sad face when we arrive at Mattoon’s Union Depot. Your Aunt Nancy will be there with her carriage, waiting for us. We must smile for our Aunt Nancy. I am certain she has seen enough sadness these past weeks to last her a lifetime. To lose one’s husband must be a devastating, horrible thing.”

  “I wish Brian Brave Walker were here to share the excitement of the train ride, and of seeing Aunt Nancy once again,” Wilnoty said as she settled back on the seat opposite her mother and father.

  Demurely, she clasped her hands together on her lap, the ruffles of her petticoats spreading out beneath the fully gathered skirt of her gingham dress. She wore a bonnet that tied beneath her chin with a yellow satin bow that matched the color of her dress.

  “But I understand why my brother stayed behind,” she said, lifting her chin proudly. “He is assuming the role of chief in the absence of Father.”

  She smiled, her dark eyes dancing. “Is he not a smart, handsome brother?” she asked, gazing from her mother to her father. “Will not Brian Brave Walker one day make a true, great leader of our people?”

  “He has listened well to the teachings of his father,” Dancing Cloud said, stretching a long, lean leg out before him, revealing new, shiny boots, and dark, snug breeches.

  Lauralee gazed over at him, pride swelling within her heart as once again she realized how noble and magnificent a man he was. And he was always so generous. Whenever he would return from the trading post, he would always bring her a surprise.

  One of his finest surprises was a sewing machine. She loved to sew on the new-fangled contraption, and not only did she make Dancing Cloud and Brian Brave Walker’s breeches and shirts, she made herself and her daughter lovely dresses and petticoats.

  Dancing Cloud had even built a new, larger cabin for his family and had cut windows out of the logs for Lauralee, to give her more true light for which to sew her creations. She had even sold several dresses and suits to the trading post, having begun to make quite a profit now from her sewing skills.

  Today she wore a blue silk dress that was full and flowing from her tiny waist. The silk fabric had been one of Dancing Cloud’s gifts to her that had come directly from China during one of Dancing Cloud’s transactions with his abundant crop of ginseng.

  Lauralee’s thoughts were catapulted back to the present when the city of Mattoon came into view as houses began to multiply along the sides of the tracks. She watched from the window, her mind drifting back to the past and to the events that had taken place after she and Dancing Cloud had arrived there those ten long years ago.

  She smiled to herself when she thought of helping Dancing Cloud escape from the jail, and of coming face to face with Paul Brown during the escape. From the kindness of Paul’s heart he had allowed them to escape.

  Paul was married now to Jana. Jana with the long and flowing brilliant red hair and turquoise eyes. She wondered if they had been blessed with children?

  The melancholia that always swept through her heart at the thought of not being able to give birth, herself, came to her at the thought of Paul and his wife possibly having children.

  Never wanting to labor long over anything that reminded her of her womb being barren, she thrust those thoughts aside.

  Leaning closer to the window, her eyes widened as she spotted the Union Depot a short distance away. Her gaze swept over the large depot, the trains’ smokestacks having blackened the building as they steamed through town. Not only did the building house the train depot, but also the Essex House Hotel.

  The trains always stopped at the Essex House, to feed their passengers since the trains did not offer a dining-car service.

  The train shuddered to a stop as it came directly in front of the depot. Lauralee felt the excitement building to see her Aunt Nancy, while still deeply inside her lay the grieving she felt for her uncle.

  But she loved her aunt dearly. Who could not get excited over seeing her once again?

  And it was almost like going home every time she came to Mattoon. Her aunt had become her mother in all ways that mattered.

  “We’re here,” Wilnoty said, her eyes brimming with excitement. “I love coming to Mattoon. I so enjoy the people on the streets and the big buildings. It is nothing like living in the moun
tains.”

  Dancing Cloud frowned at his daughter. He did not like to see her taking to this environment as she so obviously did. He never wanted her to choose this way of life over that which his people offered. The white community had too many ways that corrupted their people. He never wanted his daughter tempted with that which corrupted!

  “We will stay only long enough for you to extend your condolences to your aunt, and then we must return to our people,” Dancing Cloud said, his eyes intent on Lauralee.

  Lauralee understood. She had heard the same envy in their daughter’s voice that Dancing Cloud had obviously heard. She, too, did not want her daughter to get caught up in this world that could in one breath falsely welcome her, and in the other condemn her for the color of her skin.

  “Yes, I see that as best, and I am sure that my aunt will not expect more from us than that,” Lauralee said, clutching her purse as others began filing from the train.

  She looked from the window again and her heart frolicked in her chest when she not only saw Aunt Nancy standing outside the train, but also Paul Brown and his lovely wife, standing with Nancy.

  Lauralee’s eyes shifted. Standing beside Jana was a child. It had to be their son. He was the exact replica of his father. The blond hair. The blue eyes. The long, straight nose. And squared shoulders.

  Yes, the young man was already handsome. He was perhaps now five years of age. It had been six years now since Lauralee had visited Mattoon.

  Dancing Cloud moved from the seat and took a travel bag down from overhead, then reached a hand to his daughter and led her out into the aisle.

  Lauralee smiled up at Dancing Cloud as he then offered her his hand.

  She left the seat, moved down the aisle, then stepped quickly down the narrow steps.

  Hearing her name being spoken, Lauralee turned and found her Aunt Nancy running toward her, Paul and his family following at a brisk clip.

  She ran to her aunt and hugged her tightly.

  “Aunt Nancy,” she murmured, nurtured by the warmth of her aunt’s fleshy arms, yet feeling the absence of her uncle so heavily within her heart. “Oh, Aunt Nancy, I’m so sorry about Uncle Abner. So very, very sorry. And I wish that we could have gotten here sooner, to be here to comfort you during the funeral.”

  “There, there, child,” Nancy murmured, stroking Lauralee’s back. “It’s all right. I’m learning to accept my loss. Abner wouldn’t want me grieving forever over his death. I’m comforted in my loneliest hours with remembrances of what we shared those many years we were married.”

  “I wish to place flowers on his grave,” Lauralee said, as she eased from her aunt’s arms. “Perhaps you can tell me where I might purchase a lovely bouquet?”

  “Abner would be happier with flowers from our own garden,” Nancy said, patting Lauralee on the arm.

  Then Nancy knelt down and gathered Wilnoty into her arms. “My, my, but you have grown,” she murmured. “You were just a tiny thing the last time I saw you. Now you are such a lady.”

  Then she moved from Wilnoty and hugged Dancing Cloud. “Thank you for bringing my precious Lauralee to me,” she said, tears swelling in her eyes. “You have made her such a fine husband.”

  “I wish we could have been here for you sooner,” Dancing Cloud said, brushing a tear from Nancy’s eyes as she stepped away from him. He gazed at her at length, seeing how she had so aged since he had last seen her. Her hair was gray and her eyes were sunken.

  “But where is Brian Brave Walker?” Nancy asked, looking past Dancing Cloud, as though expecting to see Brian come from the train at any moment.

  “He is practicing being chief in my absence,” Dancing Cloud explained.

  Nancy nodded. “I see,” she murmured. “Oh, but I do wish I could have seen him, too.”

  When Paul reached Lauralee, she was swept into his powerful arms. “It’s good to see you again, Paul,” she murmured, then slipped away from him, having felt a sort of desperation in the way he had held onto her.

  As she gazed into his eyes she became somewhat uneasy. She knew now without a doubt that he still cared for her. Even with the gorgeous woman at his side who seemed to adore him, he could not hide the fact that he still cared for Lauralee.

  “And thank you, Jana,” Lauralee blurted, reaching a handshake toward her. “Thank you for thinking enough of my aunt to accompany her to the train station.”

  “It has been my pleasure to look after your aunt’s needs,” Jana said, gently shaking Lauralee’s hand. “She has been a comfort, also, to Paul. First his mother passed away from a lung ailment. Then his father passed away a short while ago. He had a heart attack.”

  “Oh, I am so sorry,” Lauralee said, turning back to Paul as she slipped her hand from Jana’s. “I didn’t know.”

  “It’s been hard,” Paul said, nervously shuffling his feet. And to change the subject, he reached a hand to his son’s shoulder and scooted him over to stand before him. “We have another Noah in the family. Meet our son Noah.”

  Lauralee bent over and placed a hand to Noah’s cheek. “Hello,” she murmured. “I’m so glad to make your acquaintance.”

  “As I am yours,” Noah said politely as he smiled at Lauralee. He looked over Lauralee’s shoulder at Wilnoty. His eyes locked with hers for a moment, then he went to Dancing Cloud and offered him his hand. “It’s a great pleasure meeting you, sir.”

  “It is my pleasure to make the acquaintance of such a fine young man,” Dancing Cloud said, thinking it refreshing to find the young man so polite, so earnest in his offer of friendship.

  Lauralee watched young Noah’s eyes. They always shifted back to Wilnoty. Her insides tightened when she saw the sudden interest both children had in each other. Her only consolation was that her daughter was way older than Noah. Nothing could ever transpire between them except friendship.

  Wilnoty stepped forward. “Noah, my name is Wilnoty,” she said, taking his hand. They ran off together toward the carriage that waited at the curb.

  “Seems they have made a fast friendship,” Nancy said, smiling. She slipped an arm through Lauralee’s. “Shall we now go to my house? We shall pick flowers for Abner’s grave, then we shall pay him a visit before it gets totally dark.”

  Paul and his family said their goodbyes and left in their horse and buggy.

  Because she wanted to sit beside one of the windows, Lauralee was the last to board Nancy’s carriage. Nancy had given the driver instructions to travel slowly down Broadway Avenue, giving Lauralee and her family time to enjoy this grand street and its changes.

  Lauralee gazed from the window as the carriage left the curb. Just as it began to make a left onto Broadway, she gazed out the window at Brian’s Place Saloon at the very end of Broadway. It had grown in size. It now had two stories. And with its fresh coat of paint it had such a look of respectability.

  When the carriage swung onto Broadway Avenue, with other horse-drawn vehicles and men on horseback, Lauralee once again enjoyed riding along the street that was the center of Mattoon’s commercial and society activities.

  She settled back against the seat and admired the majestic brick buildings and the displays in the plate-glass windows of the shops on the lower floors. She marveled at the various hats with their decorations of plumes and artificial flowers. She gasped at the display of the frilly dresses and underthings in other windows.

  Now past those tempting, somewhat daring displays, she gazed over at the Byers Hotel. Remembering having been there to try and find Clint McCloud, she shivered.

  She looked quickly elsewhere, at the Dole Opera House, the first real theater and largest building in the town. She had heard that many famous actors appeared on the stage of this opera house.

  They rode on through town, past Gibbs’s Livery Stable, more general stores and saloons, and The Pennsylvania House, a three-story building that had been brought in piece by piece on a railroad car.

  And then the business district was left behind and the carriage passed
lovely homes on each side of the street where trees towered over them like large, opened umbrellas.

  The colors of the maple and oak trees were magnificent, a blending of crimson reds and yellows. Birches lent their yellow colors to the backdrop of the city. Flowers of all various colors and designs bloomed in flower boxes and along the borders of the yards.

  Lauralee gazed from the window when the Peterson House came into view. A deep sadness engulfed her at the remembrances of why she was there, and who she would never see again in his upstairs study inside the stately house.

  Her Uncle Abner.

  Somberly she watched the horse and carriage approach the circular driveway in front of the house. When it stopped, the driver opened the door on the side of the carriage on which Lauralee sat.

  She crept from the carriage, feeling timid in her demeanor, her eyes wavering as they swept to the second story of the house where the curtains and blinds were drawn at the windows of Abner’s study.

  Lauralee walked slowly toward the house as everyone else left the carriage. Dancing Cloud came to her left side while Nancy went to her right, Wilnoty skipping on ahead of them.

  “I’ve decided not to live in this house any longer, Lauralee,” Nancy said, stopping to gaze wistfully at her home. “Without Abner, it is so vastly empty at night, and so quiet.”

  “You will leave this wonderful house?” Lauralee gasped. “But it is so lovely.”

  “It is so quiet,” Nancy stressed as she turned and placed a hand on Lauralee’s arm. “It is best that I live elsewhere. I have already purchased a house in Charleston. I have kin and friends there for which to fill my empty hours.”

  Nancy paused and cleared her throat, then said, “And by making my residence in Charleston, I will be close to Abner. You see, he was buried there, in the Mound Cemetery.”

  Lauralee swallowed hard, then again stared up at the two-storied Italianate home, memories of her scarce times there rushing through her mind. After today she would never enter the house again. It would belong to someone else.