by Ivy Jordan
“That pain may never go away, but you’ll learn to live with it, to forgive yourself,” I gave him a swift pat on the back.
He chuckled nervously, obviously trying to push away tears. Soldiers don’t cry. Marines don’t cry, and most certainly, SEALs don’t cry.
“I set off an IED during a maneuver to take over enemy territory. We walked for miles through the thick jungle to get to them unnoticed. A quarter mile before we were at our target, I felt something unfamiliar under my foot. It was too late, even taking my weight from it quickly, and trying to back away, it was set off. I was blown back, onto my ass and at least twenty feet from my guys. The enemy took fire, taking out three of my men before we could get out of there,” I explained.
It was the first time I’d told anyone that other than Theo. Everyone in my life that mattered already knew, because they were there.
My throat itched as I finished my story, causing me to fight to swallow. Thomas gave me the same pat I’d given him on the back, thanking me for sharing.
Finally, lunchtime rolled around, and I moved quickly to get to Candace. I knew she’d have the picnic set up, waiting outside the barn for our time together. I only prayed that Lyla would leave us alone today, so we could talk about what Theo had warned me about. I needed to know where her head was and what she was or wasn’t considering.
There she was, sitting at the old picnic table with a basket on the center. Just seeing her brought joy to my day and a strange bounce to my step.
“How're the animals?” I asked cheerfully, taking a seat across from her.
She looked up, her green eyes so bright and alive.
“A mare was born this morning,” she beamed.
“That’s incredible. Did you get to see it?” I asked.
“I helped,” she grinned from ear to ear.
“I take it you met Tom,” I smiled.
She tilted her head, her smile so perfectly crooked that it took my breath away.
“I did. He’s a fascinating man,” she gushed.
I’d only had a brief meeting with him, but I could see a thousand stories in his ninety-three-year-old blue eyes.
“I’d have to agree with that statement,” I wanted desperately to reach across the table for her hands.
“He’s going to teach me to care for the horses,” she continued.
“Well, I guess we have some lucky horses living here on the ranch,” I grinned.
Candace flipped her hair from her shoulder, grabbing a thin piece and twirling it around her finger as she blushed.
“Thank you, Luke. Thank you for everything,” she said softly.
“You never have to thank me,” I replied, trying not to lose myself in her green eyes. “You doing okay at Lyla’s?”
“She’s very nice to let me stay with her,” she replied.
It wasn’t exactly an answer to my question, but before I could push on the issue, Lyla walked around the side of the barn towards us.
“Sorry I’m late,” she smiled at Candace, and then in my direction as well.
Late? So, Candace was asking her to join us for lunch, the only time we had alone?
My stomach clenched and then released with a loud grumble. Candace mistook it for hunger, quickly opening the basket to serve the contents. It wasn’t hunger, but a strange ache as I realized Candace might not want to be alone with me.
“I made brownies,” Candace said proudly, lifting a square foiled package from the basket.
Lyla talked to her about the horse, the new mare, and dominated the conversation while Candace placed a sandwich in front of each of us. I watched her as she unfolded the foil, exposing the brownies that she’d made with her own hands.
“I was thinking. Maybe I could take you out for dinner tonight, get you off the ranch for a couple hours,” I blurted before Lyla could start another topic that left me out.
Candace unwrapped her sandwich and took a large bite. Her eyes pushed into mine as her lips unraveled into a smile.
“I’d love that,” she exclaimed.
Another clench in my stomach occurred, but this time it released with relief. She did want to see me, to be alone with me. Maybe she just felt obligated to invite Lyla to lunch because she’d let her stay with her.
“Great, I’ll pick you up at six,” I grinned, feeling Lyla glaring in my direction.
I didn’t bother to look her way. I knew what I could handle and what I couldn’t.
I reached across the table for a brownie, eager to taste something Candace made.
As the sweet brown dessert passed my lips, my teeth stopped abruptly against the hard texture. I bit down hard, finally breaking through the overcooked shell that formed around the undercooked center. I forced a smile as Candace watched, waiting for my reaction. I was determined to give her a good reaction, even if it was the worst thing I’d ever eaten.
“Do you like them?” Candace asked as I choked down the bite.
I hesitated, not sure if this should be the time to be honest.
Before I could answer, Candace’s eyes looked past me. They were filled with horror. I turned to see what she was staring at with such intensity: a cop cruiser, pulling to the barn, stopping just a few feet from where we sat.
Candace looked terrified as I turned back to her, reassuring her it was okay.
“It’s probably just Jake, here to check on you,” I assumed.
My stomach twisted and turned as I looked back towards the cruiser. A sense of relief fell over me when Jake exited the vehicle.
“Luke is right. It’s just Officer Flowers,” Lyla gently rubbed Candace’s back.
I wished I could touch her, comfort her, but I knew my touch might be more harmful than comforting.
“What’s going on?” I asked, standing to my feet to greet Jake.
His face was pale, no smile, and his eyes shifted towards Candace with an uneasiness that made me sick.
“I’ve got some bad news,” he announced, shifting his direction from Candace, and then back to me.
I turned to her, watching her fall back into the frail creature she’d once been, no longer the confident woman that was going to learn about horses, live her life.
“Spill it,” I snapped at Jake, realizing the suspense could be worse than the news itself.
I couldn’t’ve been more wrong.
“It’s Damien. He’s escaped,” Jake blurted.
Lyla immediately wrapped an arm around Candace. I wanted more than anything to hold her right now.
“What do you mean, escaped?” I demanded, irritated that they could allow this to happen.
“Early this morning. We have every officer in four counties on alert,” Jake assured us.
Candace was shaking visibly, her hands trembling as they clenched together.
“Someone needs to patrol the ranch,” Lyla spoke up.
“We have every available officer looking for him, so all we can spare is one unit,” Jake explained.
I took his arm, pulled him aside, out of ears’ reach of Candace.
“Don’t you think this will be the first place he looks?” I whispered.
Jake nodded.
“We have officers surrounding the area, keeping an eye out. But we can only spare one unmarked car here. We don’t want to spook him,” Jake sighed.
I turned back to Candace, her face pale and without expression. Lyla struggled, pushing against her back, but wasn’t strong enough to stop her fall. I ran to her side, her body limp on the ground, her eyes shut, her world disrupted, too much to bear I assumed.
Theo’s warning’s roamed through my mind like an unwanted house guest. He was out, and he’d be coming for her; what if I couldn’t stop her from going?
“Fuck,” I growled, kicking a small rock near the table so hard it lifted, made flight, and hit the side of the barn with a bang.
“Get a place for her in the barn,” I ordered Lyla as I scooped up Candace from the ground.
I carried her to a pile of hay that Lyla g
uided me towards with Jake quick on my heels.
“How the fuck could you let this happen?” I growled.
“It’s minimum security. Until his court date, that’s the best we could do,” Jake insisted, only adding to my fury.
“That fucker shows his face around here, it’ll be the last time anyone sees him,” I said through my teeth.
“Now, Luke, you know you can’t say things like that, especially to me,” Jake warned.
“Fuckin’ arrest me,” I scowled.
“I’m just saying. If something happened to him, and you’d made those threats, I’d have to,” Jake started.
“Have to what? Put me in jail? Then fucking do it if you have to, but that piece of shit isn’t getting within hundred feet of Candace,” I growled.
Jake took a step back, obviously aware that I wasn’t backing down. I knelt beside Candace, held her small hand in mine as her eyes started to open.
She appeared so calm for that first second or two of awakening, and then once her eyes moved in Jake’s direction, panic seemed to take over her once again.
Her body shook, her hand trembled in mine, and her breathing started to become sporadic.
“You’re safe,” I assured her, locking my eyes on hers.
“No. I’m not safe. I’ll never be safe,” she cried.
She pushed herself up to a sitting position, her eyes scanning the barn like she expected Damien to jump from one of the stalls.
“I’m not leaving your side,” I assured her, giving Lyla a quick glance to ensure she wouldn’t make a rebuttal.
“He’ll come find me. He’ll kill me,” she sobbed hysterically as I tried to keep her still with a firm, yet gentle grip on her shoulders.
My blood was boiling as I thought about that being a real possibility. The man was a monster, capable of things I probably couldn’t even imagine.
“I won’t let him near you. You are coming back to my cabin, where you’ll be safe,” I insisted.
Candace nodded, quickly pushing herself into my arms. Her frame was so thin, so frail as she sobbed against my chest. I held onto her tightly, telling myself I would never let her go again.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Lyla chimed in.
I knew she meant well, and only wanted what was best for Candace, but she couldn’t protect her.
“Just until Damien is caught,” I assured her.
Jake helped me get Candace to her feet, and Lyla agreed to inform Tom that she’d be gone for the rest of the day.
“Help me get her to the cabin,” I gasped to Jake.
We walked to my truck, helping Candace into the passenger seat. She was weak and barely able to help as I strapped her into the seatbelt.
“You’re safe,” I assured her again.
She didn’t speak. She looked straight ahead, staring out the window towards the barn. I knew it was her happy place, a place she wouldn’t be able to spend her time until this was over.
Jake followed me the short distance to my cabin in his cruiser, entering first to ensure no one was inside before I carried Candace through the door. I sat her on the couch; she immediately grabbed the blanket and pulled it to her neck, curling up in her familiar place in the corner.
I went into my room, grabbed one of my guns, and brought it to the kitchen. It had been a while since I’d shot it, so I pulled out the cleaning kit to make sure it was ready for an emergency.
“Damien is a dangerous man,” Jake warned as I pushed the cloth through the barrel.
“I’m a soldier,” I looked up in his direction as he stood over the table where I sat.
“I just don’t want you trying to be a hero,” he warned again.
I chuckled. I’d been called a hero for years, while in the service, when I’d come home. The funny thing was, I didn’t feel like one.
“I’ll do what I have to in order to protect Candace,” I insisted.
Jake stood in the doorway of the kitchen, his eyes glancing back from Candace and then to me.
I finished cleaning the gun, loaded it, and then shoved it in the holster which I quickly strapped to my side.
“Just be careful,” Jake whispered.
“I know what I’m doing,” I replied, locking eyes with the man who wore the badge.
The ones wearing the badges had failed, but I wasn’t going to.
Jake left, promising to at least have the unmarked car on the ranch for the time being. I knew it wasn’t enough.
I called Liam as soon as Jake left, anxiously awaiting his answer as it rang over and over.
“Hey, man, what’s up?” Liam’s voice sounded cool and calm.
“I need back up,” I blurted.
“Of course, what’s happening?” he questioned.
“Damien escaped,” I sighed.
“I’m on my way,” he replied, hanging up the phone quickly.
Brothers for life. That was what we always said while serving beside one another, and it always rang true. Anytime I needed one of my brothers, they were there, no questions asked.
Chapter 22
Candace
The scent of Luke’s cologne was mixed with the strawberry body wash and shampoo he’d bought me, coating the blanket with the familiar scent of our night together. I wondered if he’d been sleeping out here on the couch since I’d been gone, using this same blanket to snuggle with as I was now.
The panic attack was close; I could feel it coming. Lyla taught me to recognize the signs and to practice deep breathing to help keep it at bay. I wasn’t sure it was going to work this time.
I inhaled deeply, sucking in air until my chest nearly caved, and then let it out slowly through my nostrils. My head spun out of control as I remembered that night when I bashed Damien’s head in. I knew he wasn’t going to forget about it, or me. He would want revenge, and he would be coming for me to get it.
His dark eyes haunted my mind, filled with hate and lack of humanity.
This was my mess, not Luke’s. He didn’t deserve to be in this. I should just leave, let him take me, do what he wished to me, and let Luke go on with his life. It appeared to be a good life, at least before I arrived.
Luke knelt in front of me, his eyes trying to penetrate my soul, a place he didn’t belong, didn’t deserve to see.
Damien’s eyes burnt into my mind, and his hands felt as though they were on my throat, squeezing the life right out of me. I wanted to puke.
“You’re okay,” Luke’s voice was kind.
He didn’t ask; he just told me. I wasn’t okay. I shook my head, took another deep breath, and tried to calm myself before I hurled what little lunch I’d eaten onto Luke’s floor.
His hand reached for me, grazing my leg. I flinched, pulling it away and tucking myself further into the blanket. Breathe.
“You stood up to him. You’re strong,” Luke said sternly.
No. I was weak, Damien had proven that time and time again. “Whore,” I heard his voice in my head. I never refuted it, never denied it. I believed it.
“I should’ve killed him,” I mumbled.
Luke’s eyes widened. I didn’t need to be inside his head to see that he agreed, that Damien was better off dead, that I was better off with him dead.
“You fought back. You pressed charges. You’re safe here with me, and they will catch him,” Luke insisted.
Catch him, and then what? My mind raced with thoughts of Damien coming to look for me after he was released. If he caught me before they caught him, oh, the things he would do.
“You don’t fight Damien,” I whispered, my voice stuttering with pain.
“You proved that you do, and you win.” Luke forced a smile.
My eyes glanced towards the gun on his hip. Part of knowing he was ready to kill for me made me feel safe, and the other part made me feel guilty that he may ruin his life to save mine.
“You’re stronger than you think,” Luke insisted.
I shook my head, fighting the tears that started to form in my ey
es. I took another deep breath. I needed to fight this, to keep the panic attack from coming, but it was stronger than me.
Bang, bang, bang….
My heart stopped and then began to race as someone beat on the door. A screech rolled from my throat, and all I knew to do was cover myself in the blanket, wait for Damien to come inside, be shot by Luke, or take me away if Luke couldn’t stop him.
“It’s okay. Damien wouldn’t knock,” Luke assured me, his hand pressing against my leg as comfort.
He stood as I peeked from the blanket, walking to the door cautiously with his hand on his gun.
As the door opened my heart stopped, waiting, fearing the worst. Liam, Luke’s friend from court, entered, a look of concern on his face. A woman, Hispanic, short and curvy, entered the house behind him, her dark eyes smiling in my direction.
Luke pulled Liam aside, to the kitchen, and this woman headed straight for me.
She took Luke’s spot on the floor beside me, her eyes still smiling at me with a kindness I’d never experienced from a total stranger.
“I’m Alyssa, Liam’s wife,” she introduced herself, extending a hand for me to shake.
I was frozen, the elephant winning its battle to sit on my chest, paralyzing me from movement, making breathing more and more difficult.
“Liam filled me in on everything after he spoke to Luke and Theo; are you okay?” she asked softly, her hand reaching towards my leg.
I flinched, but couldn’t pull away. Her hand was there, placed on my leg, a stranger touching me during my time of stress. It somehow calmed me, oddly pulling me out of the deep anxiety I was in.
“You have nothing to worry about. These boys are trained to handle anything, so you are safe,” Alyssa assured me.
I liked her voice, soft and soothing. She appeared confident about Luke and Liam, but I didn’t know her or Liam other than the day at court and a quick lunch. Luke, I trusted, but not enough that I didn’t believe Damien would find a way past him. He would stop at nothing to get to me.
The men talked in the kitchen; their voices carried through the cabin, but not loud enough for me to understand what they said. I pulled the blanket down from my face, took another deep breath, and pushed myself to a sitting position from my slouched curl in the corner of the couch.