Concealed Desire

by Eden Summers

  “Then he’s been calling all week, grumpy as shit, constantly asking about you, which struck me as strange. Why would he ask about you if he didn’t care? If the whole thing between you guys revolved around payback to Max, wouldn’t he just move on like he has with every other conquest?”

  Conquest. The one word dampened Beth’s hope and hit her with a dose of reality. No matter what Angela said, nothing had changed. Dean had still used her. Even if he did care about her job, he didn’t care about her personally—in an intimate manner. The way he’d already moved on to another woman proved that.

  Beth finished making the coffees, stirring them slowly while composing herself. “ I know you’re—”

  “Hold up, I’m not finished. I was already thinking the whole situation didn’t add up, and then Steve starts being really weird. He’s acting as if someone kicked his puppy, walking around the office with a droopy expression on his face and won’t interact with anyone.”

  Beth grabbed the coffees and moved to the adjoining dining room, Angela following behind. “Steve’s probably pissed because I found the note he left for Dean. His cover has been blown now too. He isn’t the well-mannered gentleman I thought he was. He’s a jerk just like Dean. Both of them are obsessed with sex.”

  Angela nodded in contemplation, taking the seat opposite Beth at the dining table. “Yeah, maybe, but there’s more to it. On Monday when the whole thing blew up, Steve went into a major panic. He was worried about you, worried about Dean…even worried about losing his job. But one thing he said during his headless chicken impersonation proves there is more to the story.”

  Beth tried not to seem eager when she asked, “What did he say?”

  Angela gave her a sly smile but otherwise didn’t acknowledge her enthusiasm. “He berated himself for writing the message in the first place, and then went on to say that the comments he wrote had nothing to do with Dean bragging. He looked me in the eye and told me Dean cares for you. I tried to prod him for more information but he became jumpy, saying he’d already made a mess of everything.” Angela sipped her coffee and gave Beth a soft smile. “I know it doesn’t prove anything but when a guy says something like that, you need to search for the hidden meaning.”

  Ange was right. It didn’t prove much at all.

  “I even tried to take one for the team,” Angela continued. “On Friday I offered to take Steve out for a drink. I thought maybe I could get him liquored and encourage him to talk, but he wasn’t interested. Can you believe it? When was the last time we missed Friday night drinks?”

  Beth sipped her coffee instead of replying. She’d be missing every Friday night drinking session from now on.

  “It doesn’t matter, Ange. I already know Dean’s moved on.”

  Bright blue eyes narrowed from across the table. “How do you know that?”

  “I ran into him Friday night with another woman.”

  Angela’s mouth slowly opened. “What did he say?”

  “Not much.” Beth shrugged. “He wanted time to explain, but I wasn’t willing to listen.”

  “Oh, honey,” Angela gave her a sad smile. “I think the two of you need to sit down and sort all this crap out.”

  Staring into her coffee, Beth thought it over. She did want to hear the full story, but nothing would change. She wouldn’t get her job back and seeing Dean slip straight back into womanizer mode just proved things between them were never going anywhere.

  “No, I think leaving things alone and moving on would be for the best. Dean will be busy now if what you said about his father standing down is true. The last thing he needs is complications from me.”

  Beth felt Angela’s gaze on her face while she continued to stare into her coffee.

  “Do you trust me?”

  The softly spoken question came from left field. Beth frowned at her friend and answered on instinct. “Of course.”

  “Well, trust me in this. You have the biggest heart I know and as your best friend I don’t need you to tell me that you love Dean, I can already see it.” Beth cringed and kept her eyes busy, searching for loose cobwebs on the ceiling. “Now I know you’re hurting and I also know you have doubts. You aren’t entirely convinced that he’s done something unforgivable. You’re just too hurt and insecure because of his reputation to get the facts.”

  Damn Angela and her best friend intuition.

  “You need to think hard about how much he means to you. Are you willing to give up the chance of figuring things out because you’re too scared of what he’ll say? Even if there was only a ten percent chance that he could redeem himself, wouldn’t it be worth it?”

  Angela pushed from her chair, picked up her coffee cup, and walked around the kitchen counter to place it in the sink. “Don’t give up on him because of your insecurities. Think about all the good times you told me about from last Saturday. Think about it long and hard, because once you close the door completely you may never open it again.”

  Beth didn’t need to agree out loud; Angela knew she was right. That wouldn't make the decision process easier, though. Her heart already felt raw, each beat causing her entire chest to throb. She couldn’t handle more pain from Dean. What if he couldn’t be redeemed and the situation became worse than her wayward mind had determined?

  All the confusion had her closing her eyes to fight off the mix of anger and disgust in herself. She was smart; she should’ve figured out what happened by now. She read people well and had never been played like this before. The situation just didn’t make sense. Maybe it was all a misunderstanding and he really did care for her. Although the odds were slim, there was still the possibility that their time together last weekend had been real. Should she give Dean the opportunity to prove himself?

  Beth glanced up when Angela grabbed the empty coffee mug from her hands and headed back to the kitchen. Caught in her thoughts, she hadn’t noticed her friend’s quiet approach. “I’m going to leave, babe, and give you some time to think.”

  Letting out a sigh, Beth pushed from her chair and followed Angela to the front of the house. At the door Angela gripped her in a bear hug and held her tight. “I don’t know if it means much to you or not, but I think you should hear him out. I can see how you’re hurting and you know I wouldn’t encourage you to give him another chance if I didn’t think something good would come of it. He just seems different, like he’s hurting hard over you.”

  Beth nodded into her shoulder, knowing her best friend would never do anything to hurt her. Her intentions were honorable even though she could be wrong. “Thanks, Ange.”

  Stepping back, Beth watched her friend leave. Not only had she lost Dean, but now that she no longer worked at Sutherland & Son, her friendship with Angela would slowly drift apart too. They would no longer see each other five days a week and the time they could spend together on weekends would never equal what they once shared.

  If only she could turn back time and redo last Friday afternoon. If given the chance, she would tell Max Sutherland with confidence and respect that she appreciated his offer but wasn’t interested. If only she’d had the maturity in the first place she wouldn’t have lost her job, her best friend, and the man she now knew she loved.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Beth checked her bank balance on Tuesday morning and cursed at the numbers on her laptop screen. Instead of the usual weekly pay packet, the most recent deposit that came through that morning was larger than an entire year of her weekly salary.

  This must be Max Sutherland’s definition of financial compensation.

  Apart from her money for annual leave and the four weeks’ pay she was entitled to for not receiving notice of her dismissal, she didn’t want anything extra. It was insulting. The money felt like a payoff to keep her mouth shut about the sordid details of being fired.

  The situation made her angry enough to change out of her sweats into a pair of dark jeans and a vintage camisole and catch the train into town to sort the situation out. She wouldn’t need to sp
eak to Max or Dean; she would simply discuss it with Fiona in the accounting department, tell her the money needed to be returned, and figure out the correct payment she was entitled to.

  Yes, she could have spoken to Fiona over the phone, although speaking to her in person would ensure the matter was handled correctly. And OK, maybe she didn’t need to wear her favorite camisole, or put on light hints of makeup to highlight her eyes, or spend fifteen minutes doing her hair, but being unemployed didn’t mean she had to stop taking care of herself.

  Dean would probably be out at lunch anyway, or busy taking over his father’s position in the company. She wouldn’t even waste her time being polite and saying hello. However, if she walked past his office and he caught sight of her, the adult approach would be to give a friendly wave. After all their years of friendship she decided the least she could do was be amicable.

  By the time she reached the office building, her palms were sticky with sweat.

  Stepping past the sliding glass doors into the lobby, she moved out of the way of busy office workers on their way to lunch. One of the elevators had a sign posted on the doors saying Under Maintenance, so she had more time to contemplate her stupidity for being there.

  After today she would let the entire situation with Dean go. No matter what the outcome. If he wasn’t in his office she would take it as a sign. If he didn’t want to speak to her, she would shrug it off and move on. And if he did want to talk, she would listen.

  As the elevator ascended to the fifteenth floor where Sutherland & Son held their offices, she wrung her hands together, not entirely sure she would go through with the impromptu visit. Beth had always been a planner and rocking up to the office unprepared wasn’t something she would normally do. The nights of restless sleep and continued heartache made it impossible for her to move on. She needed closure. Maybe seeing Dean in his working environment, self-assured and moving on without her would be enough to get over him.

  When the elevator doors opened, she froze. This office felt like home and she had to swallow over the pain of now being an outsider. She found herself walking around the two other people in the elevator toward the buttons. Maybe the visit wasn’t such a good idea.

  “Beth?”

  Damn.

  Angela stood from behind the reception desk, taking the headset from her ears to rest on her neck as she moved forward. “What are you doing here?”

  Good question. Beth stepped out of the elevator and pasted on a believable smile. “I have a slight pay dispute I wanted to discuss with Fiona. Is she in?”

  Ange nodded, walking back into the reception area while Beth followed. “How have you been?”

  “Good,” Beth lied, making the word sound believable.

  Angela’s headset let out a soft beep and she placed the earphones back over her ears. “Sorry, I’ve got a call. Can you wait a minute?”

  Beth shook her head. She wanted to get this over and done with before she chickened out. “I’ll see you on my way out,” she mouthed.

  Angela nodded and pressed a button near her ear to answer the call.

  Not sparing a moment, Beth walked down the familiar hall and slowed as she approached Dean’s office. She walked past, pretending her destination had always been Fiona’s office. Not that it mattered. His door was open and the room was empty.

  She guessed it wasn’t meant to be.

  Continuing down the hall, Beth arrived at Fiona’s office and realized she no longer cared about being there. The pay issue hadn’t been a convincing reason to travel all the way into the city in the first place. But she gave a short rap on Fiona’s open door and waited for her to make eye contact before stepping inside.

  “Beth! It’s good to see you.” The middle-aged woman stood from her chair and walked over to give Beth a hug. “How have you been?”

  “I’m doing OK.”

  Twenty minutes of chatting passed before Beth brought up the pay dispute. When she inquired about the business bank account details so she could transfer the money back, Fiona simply shook her head. “I’m sorry; you’ll have to discuss it with Dean.”

  Great. She had a whole list of issues she wanted to discuss with him and receiving a payoff to stay quiet about the whole mistress sex scandal wasn’t one of them.

  She would write a check and hope the bank would be willing to deposit the transaction without a proper account number.

  “I understand.” Beth replied, offering Fiona a warm hug after she stood to leave. “Thanks anyway.”

  She didn’t want to push the issue and risk Fiona getting in trouble. There was no doubt in Beth’s mind the money would be resolved in the future. She just wouldn’t be discussing the issue with Dean today.

  After saying her good-byes, she stepped into the hall, her mind focused on leaving Sutherland & Son without making any more heartbreaking farewells. Maybe one day in the near future Angela could organize a night out with her old colleagues so she could see them one last time. For now, though, she needed to leave.

  She had only taken two steps down the hall when her sight strayed to Dean’s office door, which was now closed. Her heart skipped a beat, and then resumed pounding like a drum. This was it, now or never. Her final chance to hear the full story.

  Beth clenched her fists by her sides, battling an internal struggle not to run. She wasn’t a child. She could ask a simple question and be adult enough to listen to the answer. Couldn’t she?

  With determined steps Beth approached his office. She purposefully didn’t glance through the glass panel into the room, afraid she’d chicken out at the sight of him. The sound of her knuckles tapping on the door didn’t even register. Her focus was entirely on keeping her feet in place.

  “Come in.”

  Her hand paused on the handle, and she hoped the sudden wave of nausea would recede. Now or never. Now or never. Now or never. With a shaky hand she tightened her grip and opened the door.

  The sight of Dean behind his desk robbed her brain of thought. His face still held the dark shades of exhaustion, and when his eyes lifted to meet hers he pushed from his chair in a rush.

  “Beth.” Her name was a breath from his lips and for a moment she wanted to smile. Her traitorous body already broke out in goose bumps and the urge to rub her skin to stop the tingling was hard to resist. To maintain her determination she broke eye contact and realized they weren’t alone.

  The other woman sat in one of the vacant chairs in front of his desk, her hands politely clasped on her lap while she stared over her shoulder. Beth’s hand slipped from the door handle. She stepped back as she recognized the woman’s features. Dean had been with her Friday night.

  “I…” Damn. She really needed to speak. “I had a problem with my pay and wanted to discuss it with you.” She glanced back at Dean, still struggling to think straight. “But it doesn’t matter now. I didn’t realize you were busy.”

  Beth looked between Dean and the other woman. Something wasn’t right. Apart from the obvious realization that he’d gotten over his inability to spend more than one night with the same woman, something kept niggling at her.

  Dean moved around the desk, his hands coming up in a placating gesture. With each step he took forward, Beth took one back, needing to maintain the distance between them. The dark depths of his eyes hypnotized her, so she glanced away, looking back to the woman, who had the same hypnotizing eyes.

  Oh God.

  “Beth, wait.” His expression was tense, the lines of his face pained.

  The lady turned her body around farther in the seat, showing the small mound of her belly through the tight material of her maternity top.

  Megan. The face Beth couldn’t look away from was Dean’s sister; she just knew it. Her face was an older version of the young girl in the photo at Dean’s apartment. At this closer view, the resemblance between brother and sister seemed uncanny. Both of them with the same face shape, dark eyes, and hair color. Both with matching expressions of concern, as if Beth were a startled de
er ready to flee.

  She was so stupid. Her entire unemployed and heartbroken situation revolved around immature actions. If she hadn’t been drinking that Friday night and thrown herself on Dean, none of this would have happened. And even more recently she’d refused to allow the man she loved the chance to explain all because she jumped to conclusions about the woman he had shared a meal with—his sister.

  Beth numbly shook her head at her juvenile behavior. She didn’t deserve an explanation from Dean. If she couldn’t allow him the chance to explain, to defend himself when she first judged his actions, she didn’t deserve him—vindicated or not.

  “I-I’m sorry.” She spared them both a soft smile and pulled the door closed. In long strides she paced down the hall. She was so childish. A hypocrite too. All this time she’d been thinking of herself. Her feelings. Her betrayal. And not once had she allowed him to explain.

  Dean went away to be with his grieving sister and all Beth had done was make his situation worse. He’d only asked for a few minutes and she continued to knock him back at every opportunity.

  Their nonexistent relationship was best left in her dreams. She didn’t deserve him.

  * * *

  “Beth.” Dean called her name, not caring how loud the noise reverberated through the office. He didn’t know why she was here, but he wouldn’t let her go this time.

  She didn’t stop at his call, continuing to walk through the front office doors, not even acknowledging him after she reached the elevator and pressed the button.

  When he arrived at the doors he paused, not wanting to crowd her. Her shoulders were slumped, her head fallen forward, and still she didn’t turn. He wished like hell he could simply walk over and hold her in his arms. What he wouldn’t give to know what she was thinking. Her eyes had widened at the sight of Megan’s round belly and he knew she thought the baby was his.