by T. K. Chapin
“Oh well, Tyler will take my spot, I’m sure. Besides that’s not what I want to do with the rest of my life anyways. I needed a good excuse to get out of that job.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. But you don’t have a job to go back to now.”
“I’m sure I’ll figure something out… Or maybe I’ll stay here after I find Mom. She might want to get to know me.”
“You’re thinking way too optimistically about this whole thing,” I warned.
“I don’t think so, Dylan. She’s our Mom and we are her kids.”
“We’ll see,” I replied.
After dinner, we headed outside to walk the pier. We were bundled up in our coats to keep the bite of the cool breeze at bay, but the coldness didn’t stop us from enjoying the beautiful sunset that was setting across the ocean. The red, pink and yellow hues in the sky were awesome and I thanked God for His beautiful design in that moment. We stopped at the pier’s railing.
“I miss Elly,” Chris said out of nowhere. Shaking his head, he continued, “I think my drinking got way too out of control.”
I nodded in agreement. “We make mistakes. Maybe she’ll take you back.”
“I don’t know… I messed up pretty big.”
“Just ask for her forgiveness. That’s all you can do.”
“Yeah,” he replied. He looked over at me and said, “On the drive out here, I had a lot of time to think.”
“I bet you did--you never got that radio fixed.”
He laughed. “Yeah, I’m glad I had the time to think though, Dylan. I thought about what you said about God and how we all have this big hole in our life.”
“Oh yeah?” I replied, my interest was piqued. Could Chris be finally coming around to God?
“If we all have this big God-sized whole, and you have God… your hole is filled.”
“Yes…”
“But what’s it filled with? I don’t see you go to church very often anymore, sure you don’t drink or have sex, but you aren’t in your Bible or anything… I just don’t see how you are different than anyone else.”
I felt convicted by my brother’s words, even though that was not his intention. God was speaking to me in that moment. I replied to Chris, “I have inner peace… I’m slacking quite a bit in my walk right now with the Lord, but that doesn’t change who God is. It’s His peace, love and comfort that keeps me. My faith is always here.”
“Slacking?” He sighed as he directed his eyes back to the ocean view. “You mean you haven’t been following the rules.” He laughed a little under his breath. “I don’t get why Christians have to follow all these stupid rules.”
“The rules don’t give you the peace, the Holy Spirit of God does. The rules and recommendations for how to live your life is God letting you in on how to get through this thing called life. It’s like an instruction manual. Sure, you can live life without the instructions. But life’s a lot easier if you have the instructions to go along with it; otherwise you are just swinging in the dark and missing out on blessings.”
“I see,” he replied with a nod. “Thanks for more to think about. But I think if we can find Mom, I’ll feel a lot better.”
“We’ll see,” I replied. I could tell he was trying to steer back away from the God talk.
Back to the hotel that evening, I fetched my Bible from my duffle bag and dove into God’s word. I felt kind of silly reading after feeling convicted, but I know that was just the devil trying to toy with my mind. He wanted me to feel stupid. As I prayed over my Bible reading, I prayed for my brother and for Lenny back at the inn. Even for Olivia and Sammy and Ally. By the time I finished praying, I felt relieved and my conscious felt a little lighter. Why’d I ever slack on this stuff? It’s so good for the soul.
Sitting down at the table in the hotel room, I pulled the corded phone over to me and called Roy’s house to speak with Ally. Turning away from Chris, who was on the bed watching TV a few steps away, I spoke to her.
“How’s Olivia?” I asked.
“She’s doing better… she told me you talked to her about your dad being gone.” I could hear the smile in her voice. “Thank you for that, Dylan.”
“You’re welcome. I just wanted to help … she seemed like she was upset. She is a smart kid though. She found my favorite hiding place and you all haven’t even been here that long.”
“She was upset. But thank you, and she is a little trickster, that’s for sure. How’s the hunt for your mother going?”
“So far it’s been dead ends, but we got a lot done today. I feel good about finding her… I don’t know what we’ll find when we do find her, though.” Glancing over my shoulder for a second to make sure Chris wasn’t listening, I continued, “I’m worried what will come of Chris, though, if we don’t like what we find.”
“Does he seem pretty determined it’ll be good?”
“Yeah,” I replied with a sigh. “She left for a reason… and never came back for us… I’m scared to know that reason.”
“It could be hard for the both of you, but at least you are there for Chris if he finds out some bad stuff.”
“Yep. I’m here for Chris…” My words trailed off.
“You want to be there for him, Dylan, you know that. How long are you going to be in Lincoln City?”
“I don’t know, Lenny called and told me he put a check in the bank for us. We could be here for a while.”
Her voice was soft. “I see…”
“I know it sucks. I want to see you again,” I assured her.
“We just saw each other yesterday,” she laughed before she got quieter. “But I feel the same way. I want to be near you.”
I smiled as the words came off her lips. She might have been hundreds of miles away from me, but I felt so close to her right in that moment.
CHAPTER 12
June 01, 2011
Days turned into weeks and weeks into months as we continued the search for our elusive mother. We even got jobs down at a local surf shop on the pier just to help fill the time while we waited for calls back from the flyers we put up all over the towns that ran along the Oregon coastline. I kept in touch with Ally weekly by phone calls. Every talk was unique and we never ran out of discussion. It was nice getting to know her more through talking, but it pained me deeply not be near her. I sent a few seashells to Sammy and Olivia in the mail, just letting them know that I was thinking about them. I was anxious to get back to my life in Chattaroy, but my brother and I were determined to find the woman who gave birth to us before we would go back to our lives.
Getting back to the hotel one late afternoon after my shift at the surf shop, I stopped by the office to check for any messages that might have come in.
“Hey, Gus,” I said.
“Hey, you got one,” he replied.
My eyes lit up. “Really?” I rushed up to him at the counter. “What town?”
“It wasn’t from your flyers. It was your uncle Lenny. And by the way, your monthly rate is going up.”
“Oh,” I replied. “I’ll give him a call when I get back to my room. Our rate is going up? Why?”
“The owner is increasing it for the summer months. Here’s your invoice,” he said, handing it to me. “Chin up, buddy,” he added. “You’ll find your mom.”
I smiled as I exited the office. Walking across the parking lot to our hotel room, I kicked off my sandals outside and went in to go shower before Chris got off work. When I shut the shower off, I heard the phone ring in the other room. Rushing from the bathroom with a towel around my waist, I hurried over the phone on the night stand between the beds.
“Hello?” Every time the phone would ring during those months, Chris and I would always be excited at the thought that it could be the phone call that leads us to our mother. We just couldn’t give up hope.
“Hey, it’s Lenny,” the voice on the other end said.
I sighed, sitting down on the edge of my bed. “I was about to call you back… Why are you calling again? I get i
t Lenny… you want us back in town-”
“Dylan, stop. It’s not that. I found a letter in your Dad’s stuff. He got one from your mother a while back.”
“What?” I said in shock. “How’d you not find it before?”
“It was inside an old cookie jar down in that room. Why would I look in a cookie jar for a clue about your mom?”
“Okay, okay, I get it. What’s it say?”
“It says here she is going by the name Aubrey and is staying on 6523 Sycamore Ave. At least that’s the return address on the envelope.”
“Sweet!” I shouted. I grabbed the pen and notepad we kept by the phone and jotted down the address and name. “That’s strange Dad didn’t give us her real name or fake name… or whatever.”
“Just a moment, Dylan.” He pulled his face away from the phone and began talking to someone in the background.
As he was away, I couldn’t help but sigh heavily with relief and smile. We had finally found her! We have an address! Glancing over at the alarm clock on the nightstand, I saw it was 5:04pm. Chris should be getting back from the surf shop soon and we could head right over to Mom’s and get this figured out once and for all.
“I’m back,” Lenny said. “I gotta run, but hopefully that sets you in the right direction.”
“Thank you so much Lenny!”
“No problem. I had to take a double take at it myself and give my arm a little pinch to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I’ve been searching high and low through everything of your Father’s and I just stumbled across it by accident.”
I laughed. “Good accident to have!”
“I know! I’m happy for you boys to finally meet her! Take care, Dylan.”
“You do the same!” I replied excitedly and hung up.
I jumped up and ran into the bathroom to get ready. I felt an extra little kick in my step as I began shaving. Realizing about half way through my shave I should call Ally, I rushed out of the bedroom and over to the phone.
“Hello?” Jess answered.
“Ally there?”
“She’s not...”
“Okay.”
“What’s up, Dylan? What’s going on? You sound excited.”
“Nothing,” I replied. “I’ll talk to you later, Jess.”
Hanging up, I went and finished shaving and getting ready. I didn’t want to tell Jess we’d be coming back, I wanted the first person I told back home to be Ally. I couldn’t stop smiling as everything with Chris and my mom was finally falling into place for us.
Hearing the hotel door open, I cracked the bathroom door and said, “I have some good news buddy.”
“What is it?” Chris asked, walking over to the mini fridge next to the entertainment stand.
“We have an address for Mom!”
“No way!” He replied. He ran over to the bathroom door. “It’s really her?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“How?”
“Lenny found a letter from her to Dad.”
“Oh man, I am so relieved,” Chris replied with a sigh followed by a laugh. “I was starting to feel like it was a dead end journey. This has been an adventure but I need some fruits of our labor man.”
“Yeah, I felt that in March,” I replied.
“I’m glad you stayed, Brother,” he replied just on the other side of the bathroom door.
Smiling into the mirror as I shaved, I said, “So am I.”
Arriving to the house, Chris and I couldn’t help shaking a little from the nervousness we both felt. We had spent months looking for this woman, our mother, and meeting her had finally arrived. I think a small part of us both knew we built it up to be this big thing and no matter what happened, it was going to be a letdown.
“You knock,” Chris said, turning to me at the door.
“What? Why? You knock. You were the one who ran away from Chattaroy to come here.”
“Whatever; you followed me here, dude.”
Suddenly the door opened. It was a woman with sandy blonde hair. Recalling the pictures, I knew right then it was her. Chris and I both stood idly without saying a word.
“Yes? Can I help you?” She asked. “If you are missionaries, we already attend Calvary Baptist. And honestly anything you’re selling we don’t need, I hope you both have a wonderful day though…” She began shutting the door.
“No, we aren’t missionaries or selling anything,” I replied quickly before she could get the door shut.
Looking behind us at the car, she looked again at us. “Then who are you?”
“Are you Aubrey? Previously known as Elyse Miles?” Chris asked.
Her eyes widened. She glanced over her shoulder inside for a moment and then pushed the screen door open and stepped out, shutting the front door behind her. “Who are you? Tell me now.”
“I think we’re your sons,” Chris said with a shaken voice.
I searched her face for some sort of response in her body language as she compiled her thoughts. She was speechless for moment as she covered her mouth with both her hands, and then she said, “What?”
“I said I think we’re your-”
Interrupting Chris, she said, “No, I mean what do you want?”
“What do we want?” I asked defensively.
Calmly, Chris said, “We wanted to meet you, and to know why you left us.”
“Mom,” a girl said looking outside from the window.
“Yes, Jenny, what is it?” she said, smiling over at her.
“Can Megan and I make some chicken nuggets? We’re getting hungry and Dad said you weren’t cooking anything for dinner.”
“Yes, just make sure you make some for your brother,” she replied.
“He’s twenty eight; he can make his own food,” the girl argued.
“Just do it,” she retorted.
Sighing, the teenage girl rolled her eyes and left the window.
Aubrey looked back at us. “I didn’t leave, I returned.”
“What’s that mean?” Chris asked.
“Mom… where’s the cookie sheet?” the teenage daughter came back over and asked at the window.
“Should be in the dishwasher,” she replied. Turning back to us, she asked, “Could we meet for a cup of coffee later tonight? I can explain things better to you then. Let’s do the Home Again Diner over off Main Street, about eight?”
“Sure,” I replied.
“Just tell us why you left,” Chris insisted.
“I didn’t leave, I returned, and I honestly can’t do this right now. I will talk to you then.”
Chris left the steps infuriated and kicked a lawn gnome as he cut through the grass back over to his car. “Thanks,” I replied. Chasing after Chris, I stopped him from getting into the driver seat.
“Stop it, Dylan, get out of my way,” he said steaming.
“No, you can’t drive like this; let me.”
Dropping the keys, Chris went around the front of the car and got in. As he glanced over at the house, I saw him glare, angered.
“Chill out, man,” I said.
“I can’t. She was rude as all get out. And I even kept my cool, for a minute. But did you see that? She has a daughter, and an old son it sounded like! She has this whole other family, one that she obviously cares about. Why doesn’t she care about us?”
“I don’t know, Chris; those kids could be from a new marriage. We’ll get some answers tonight.”
Going over to the diner early, we ate a meal as we waited for eight o’clock to come around. After we finished eating, we began talking about our mom again.
“She didn’t seem very nice,” Chris said.
“Yeah, that whole ‘what’ thing kind of worried me. I don’t know how good this conversation is going to go, Bro,” I replied.
He nodded. “You said before that she probably left for a reason, I hope it’s a good one though, she’s our mom...”
Interrupting our conversation, Aubrey slid into our booth. “It’s not good to talk about your mother
that way,” she said smiling. With our lack of smiles on our face, we must have made her a little uncomfortable. She continued, “Jeez… lighten up, life isn’t that bad.”
“What’s the deal, Mom? What’s your real name?” Chris asked.
“It’s Aubrey. I changed it when I moved back.”
“Okay. Thank you. And why did you leave us?” I asked.
“That’s complicated,” she said.
Chris shook his head as he began to get up from the booth, but she leaned across the table and stopped him from leaving. “Please, don’t be upset with me.”
Sitting back down, he asked, “How? You left Dad and us when we were just in diapers… How could you do that?”
“Markus was getting bad, and he needed my help.”
“Who’s that? Your boyfriend?” Chris snapped.
“No, my son, here in Lincoln City.”
“How many children do you have?” I asked.
“Let me explain it to you this way. I was married before your father to a man name Kyle, here in Lincoln City. I left him for your father because I thought I wanted a different life. I even changed my name to help give me that real feel of a fresh start. Then years went by and I kept thinking of Kyle and then I got a secret post office box in Spokane that Frank didn’t know about and started writing Kyle. Our old romance grew back. And when I found out Markus was struggling in Kindergarten, I had to leave to go be with him. I changed my name back. He’s my firstborn with Kyle and has special needs. It was all I needed to escape the life I thought I wanted for the one I was supposed to have.”
“You thought just leaving and never reaching out to us was the answer? We were your kids. too…” Chris said, smacking his fist on the table.
“I left the life with your father long ago. That part of my life is gone now; it wasn’t even supposed to happen. And I have a new one.”
“But why? Why did Markus matter more?” Chris asked as tears welled in his eyes. “Why didn’t we matter, Mom?”
She shifted in her seat as she shook her head. “I knew you’d be okay with your father; that’s why I left. You’re bright boys. Kyle and Marcus needed me. You guys didn’t. Sure, your father was a little rough, but he was a good dad. And look, you two turned out to be great…”