by T. K. Chapin
“You don’t even know me or Dylan. You don’t know our life. You didn’t care to. How could you know Dad would be the best for us? He was rough; that’s an understatement. Kids need both parents.”
Chris got up and left out the front door of the diner in a fury. Watching through the large windows as he stormed off out of sight, I shook my head.
“Well, I’m glad you took it well, Dylan,” she said.
“I didn’t take it well.” I paused as I narrowed my eyes on her. She had a smile on her face that cut me deeply. How could she smile at a time like this? I wanted to hurt her in that moment and I used my dad to do it. “Frank’s dead.”
Her smiled dropped away from her face. “When?”
“Back in February. He never told us you left while he was alive.”
“I figured he wouldn’t,” she replied.
“He said you were dead… And now, I wouldn’t mind going back to thinking that.” I stood up and dropped cash down for the meals as I went for the door. I didn’t want to see the twisted woman again.
Finding Chris out in the parking lot, he had a bottle of whiskey in his hand and he already had a quarter of it gone. “Chris, you can’t go backwards because our mom’s mentally screwed up. And how did you even have a bottle?”
“Backwards, Dylan?” He snapped at me as he stood up. “And the bottle… well I bought it a while back when I knew we’d find her. I stashed it in the trunk, waiting for something like this to happen.”
“I thought you were optimistic.”
“I was, Dylan, but I needed a backup plan if I was wrong. This whole trip was a waste of time.” Chris started sobbing as he took another swig.
Grabbing the bottle from his hand, I held it back behind me. He shook his head, “Give it back to me, now!”
“No, Chris. Stop.”
He pushed me roughly, causing me to fall back, slightly losing my footing. “You don’t want to do this, Dylan. Give me the bottle back!”
“No,” I replied confidently. My heart was racing as I feared for what my brother might do next. I was relieved when he didn’t swing, but I hurt as I watched him collapse onto the cement in tears.
Bending down next to him, I placed a hand on his shoulder as tears swelled in my eyes. My heart broke for him in that moment. “It’s going to be okay, Brother,” I said as I let his head fall into my shoulder.
Seeing our mother walking up to us, I shook my head at her. I tried to plead with my eyes for her to just leave us alone, but she ignored me. And then she said, “Chris.”
Looking up at her, with his swollen and red eyes, he waited for her response. Again, I pleaded with my eyes for her to leave. My heart began pounding.
She looked at the bottle of whiskey in my hand and snarled before saying, “Alcohol and fighting? Seriously? You two are the spitting image of your father. I don’t ever want to see either of you again.”
She turned and paused for a moment before she got into her car. As I watched her, my eyes began to water as her words seeped through the layers of my heart. It stung knowing how little she cared about Chris and me. As she drove off, I turned back to Chris.
Chris dropped his head back into my shoulder and began sobbing as he clenched onto my shirt. Before that moment, I hadn’t ever seen my brother hurt so badly and it was the worst day of my life. It beat out losing my dad by a long shot. And as I held my brother close to my chest, I questioned what good God would work this out to be. Scripture has told me for so long that God works everything together for good; but boy, did God have His work cut out for this one. How could a loving and caring God take our father and reveal to us our unloving mother? My flesh was weak in that moment, but God strengthened me in my weakness. I heard faint scriptures press onto my mind as I held my broken brother in my arms. One in particular was from Isaiah forty one, verse thirteen, ‘For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.’ Leaning my head against my brother’s, I continued to hold him until he was done crying.
CHAPTER 13
June 02, 2011
The following day after the heart-wrenching encounter with our mother, Chris and I left Lincoln City in the rearview mirror on our way back to Chattaroy. I had suspected encountering our mother wouldn’t be a pleasant experience, but I never took into consideration how painful it might really be. Our mother was better off dead than alive in my mind now and it was as if she died all over again. What kind of person does that? What kind of mother? Thoughts raced as I got onto interstate eighty four that ran alongside the Columbia River. Glancing over at Chris, he was passed out in the passenger seat with his feet kicked up on the dash and his baseball cap over his eyes.
Chris was a wreck. He hadn’t slept the night before, but by the time we pulled out of town, he was fast asleep. He was hurting like crazy and there was absolutely nothing I could do to help him with the pain. I’ve always felt protective of my little brother and yesterday there was nothing I could do to protect him from the turmoil that our mother wrought against him. It was eating me up inside and every mile marker along the interstate we passed I knew we were going to be home soon. I wasn’t sure what that meant for Chris. He had no job waiting for him back home, and he was depressed over our father’s death and meeting our mother. How could he not turn back to the bottle? It was how he coped for so many years. I prayed for God to intervene.
Chris woke up as we passed through the Tri-Cities and were now northbound for Spokane. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he stretched as he sat up in his seat and collected himself. Glancing over at me, he smiled and said, “It’s nice being back in our part of the country.”
I laughed. “The dryer air is nice.”
He looked out his windows at the fields, “Just has a homey feeling to it all. I will be okay if I don’t smell the ocean for a long time.”
“I agree,” I replied smiling over at him.
Turning to me, he said, “Dylan…”
“Yeah?”
“Where’s Dad?”
“He’s in Heaven.”
“How do you know that? You just have faith?”
“Pretty much…”
Chris let out a demeaning laugh. I knew where he was going before he even began to speak about it. “She said she goes to a Baptist church, just like you, Dylan.”
“It doesn’t matter, Chris,” I retorted.
“Why not? If that evil woman can go to the same type of church that you go to, then what makes you any different?”
“Really?” I snapped at him. “You really think the church makes you the person?”
“Well, I just know you two serve the same God.”
Shaking my head, I replied, “God sent Jesus to die for us on the cross because of our sin as humans. We, as humans, are capable of horrible things… but it’s God who can and has overcome the sin in our lives.”
“You’re confusing me.”
“Mom’s sins don’t dictate who God is. Mom messed up, just like every single human on earth.”
“You seem pretty okay though,” he replied.
Shrugging, I replied, “I’m still a sinner who needs God. Look at it this way, if you aren’t perfect you need Jesus’ blood on the cross to save you. Mom sucked, okay? I’m pretty disturbed by the entire situation we had with her. But I have to focus on my future and what God wants me to do moving forward. I can’t dwell on the past or it’ll eat me alive.”
Chris was silent as he turned his gaze back out the window. Then he said, “How could God let this happen?”
“He isn’t some controlling dictator; he gives us free will, Chris. It’s not a matter of God letting anything happen. The world is full of evil and bitterness and stuff that is just downright wrong, but that’s either going to make us bitter against God or rely more heavily on Him. In your case, I hope you might seek after God. He wants you, Chris, He wants to take all your pain and heartache away and help you be able to be happy.”
“I can’t be happy,
Dylan. My dad’s dead and I didn’t go to his funeral because I was off in la-la land trying to find our loser mother.” His eyes welled with tears as he struggled to continue, “I didn’t even get to say bye to him. He’s just gone!”
Putting my hand over on his shoulder to comfort him, I glanced over at him quickly and then said, “It’ll be okay, Brother.”
“I just want the pain to stop. My chest feels like it’s collapsing in on itself. And then sometimes, for a moment I’ll forget about it all and then the next second it all comes flooding back through me and about kills me.”
“I know,” I replied. “Being a Christian doesn’t make you immune to the pain of loss or emotional turmoil.”
“What good is it then?”
“A relationship with God is far bigger than even I can understand. He puts the stars in the sky and He knew us before we were born. He’s all powerful, all knowing and yet gentle enough to help us with the struggles we encounter in our daily life. He cares about you and loves you Chris, more than anyone ever will, even me.”
His eyes shifted back over to me as they widened on the last part of my sentence. “He cares more than you?”
Nodding my head, I said, “I abandoned you when you wanted to flee town, I rejected you when you wanted me to stay at the bar that night you got jumped, I failed you constantly… God, on the other hand, never leaves your side.”
Chris looked down at his hands as he brought them together. He looked as if he began to think for a moment and then shook his head. “I’ve done a lot of bad things… I don’t think He wants me.”
“It doesn’t matter Chris, you know that. I’ve told you a million times there’s nothing you can do to earn it.”
“Yeah,” he replied softly. “I want to be saved.”
I was floored by Chris’s request. Pulling off to the shoulder of the freeway immediately, I looked my brother in the eyes. “Okay. Let’s do it. Let me grab my Bible.” Walking to the back of the car, I couldn’t stop smiling. This was it; Chris was finally willing to make Jesus his Lord and Savior over his life. You really do work everything for good, I smiled as I looked up to the sky. Opening up the trunk, I grabbed my Bible from the duffle bag and journeyed back to the front seat of the car. Chris was breaking down in tears as I got back in. “What’s wrong?”
“I just feel so overwhelmed right now,” he said wiping his eyes. “I don’t know why I’m crying; I’m a dude! I’m not supposed to cry! And I feel like that’s all I’ve done lately!”
“It’s okay. Jesus even wept. Tell me, what’s going through your mind right now?”
“Just you and how you’ve tried so hard over the years to let me in on this truth about God and I’ve rejected you every time. I always felt a little pull, but I’d push it aside because I didn’t want to start following rules and regulations for my life. I wanted to be my own boss and ruler. But I’m ready to follow those rules now.”
“Those rules aren’t required for salvation, Brother. Those are there to help you have a wonderful life and experience it the way that God designed it to be experienced. He does have commands, but those rules you are referring to don’t save your soul. God’s love, heart and instruction was poured into the scriptures to help those who love Him have a life worth living. Many of those rules or instructions come naturally, as a byproduct to people when they decide to follow Christ and begin learning what pleases the Lord.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
Opening up to Romans we began with Romans three verse ten. “As it is written, there is none righteous, no, not one.” And then Romans three verse twenty three, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” After reading those I continued, “See, because of what happened in the Garden of Eden, with Adam and Eve eating the forbidden fruit, we are now born into a sin nature. We cannot forgo not sinning. We need salvation from God.”
“Okay.”
“You believe this passage to be true? You have faith in that?”
“Yes,” he replied as he started weeping. “I have screwed up so many times…”
“It’s okay, Chris… We all have sinned. Let’s keep going.”
We continued through Romans and discussed the penalty of sin, Jesus’ death, burial and resurrection and then the calling upon the Lord Jesus to be saved.
“Romans ten thirteen promises, ‘For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.’ And in Romans ten nine and ten, ‘That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believes unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.’ ”
“I believe that Jesus is Lord and he is my Savior.”
Smiling, I shut my Bible and said, “Welcome to God’s family, Brother.” Leaning over I hugged him.
Releasing from our hug, he smiled and said, “I already feel better, Dylan, like a weight has been lifted. I’m still sad somewhat, but I feel different… ya know?”
Nodding, I replied, “That’s the Holy Spirit. When we become saved, we get that. It’ll help you on your journey in life. I have it also, which has been a little thirsty for God’s word…”
“What?” Chris asked confused.
“It just means we need to nurture the Holy Spirit that lives within us. We need to read our Bibles, pray and really get into walking for Christ.”
“Can we do that together?” Chris asked.
I nodded. “I’d love that, Brother.” I smiled.
“That’s fantastic,” he said with a smile. “I’m so excited!”
Pulling back onto the freeway, we continued on our way back home to Chattaroy. On the rest of the trip, Chris asked me all sorts of questions about the faith and being a Christian. He was full of energy and passion for the Lord, reminding me of my early days of Christianity. I loved seeing this; never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined the trip ending like this. I might have re-lost my mother in my mind, but I gained my brother in eternity. It was worth it.
Arriving back home at about six o’clock that evening, we unloaded our stuff and decided to hit the Wagon Wheel for dinner. Chris had mentioned on the drive he’d like to see Elly again and maybe rekindle things between the two of them. I wasn’t in any mood to go to the grocery store and cook anyways.
“Hey strangers, been awhile…” Elly said, cautiously greeting us as we walked in.
“Hey…” Chris said delicately. “Could we talk?” He asked, digging his hands further into his jean pockets. I knew it was hard for him to muster the courage to talk to her, and it was a big moment for him.
“I’m working Chris, plus I’m with Mitch now, I’m sure he wouldn’t want me going off talking to you.”
“Okay,” he replied softly. There was no anger in his tone; he just seemed to accept what she said. I loved seeing how Jesus was already making a difference in his life, and I think Elly noticed a change to, judging by the surprised look in her eye at his soft response.
Leading us over to a booth, she left us with menus and went back up to the podium at the front of the restaurant. I noticed she turned and looked back at Chris on her way away from the table, but he didn’t catch it. “I wouldn’t give up on that one,” I said, opening my menu.
He glanced her direction. “She’s with someone new.”
“Yeah, but I still wouldn’t give up.”
“We’ll see,” he replied with a smile.
As we were finishing our meals, Missy came out to our table and joined us. She slid in next to Chris.
“So… how’d it go seeing your mom?”
Shaking my head, I said, “Not so great.”
“Your father never spoke much of her. I had seen her a few times when they came into the Wagon Wheel back in the day. She seemed like a good mom with you two.”
“Well, she sucks now,” Chris replied.
Missy turned and looked at him. “Did she say why she left?”
I sighed. �
�Yes. She had a different family back in Lincoln City with her first husband. She left this life behind to go be with them.”
“Seems a bit cold.”
“Yeah…” Chris said.
“You know you hear about these crazy women who kill their kids, abandon them, and so on… but you never really understand how a mom could do anything like that.”
“I think it’s just one of those things you can’t really explain with a reason. We, as humans, love to know why things are the way that they are,” I replied. “But really, you just have to trust God to help you through it.”
“I agree,” Missy replied.
“I got saved,” Chris added excitedly.
“Congratulations!” Missy said giving him a hug. “That’s great news Chris! I can’t believe it! Your father would be so happy to hear that!”
I nodded and smiled. “He’d be proud you came around to the faith he hadn’t had until later in life.”
“The guy was kind of a jerk for many years, but it makes me happy knowing he’d be proud of at least one decision in my life,” Chris said.
“Hey, he’d be proud of you not drinking too,” I added.
“You quit the bottle?” Missy asked, with a raised brow.
“Sure did,” he replied, glancing over at me. “Well, I had one hiccup after seeing our mother, but I’m done with that now.”
“That is amazing, Chris!” Missy said. Glancing towards the kitchen area, Missy’s eye was caught by something. Giving Chris another hug she said, “You have my number if you need anything, I know it’s hard at first. You boys take care.”
As she headed back towards the kitchen, Chris said, “She’s a kind woman; kinda wish Dad would’ve fallen for her.”
“Yeah, you and her both, she loved him up until the end.”
“She could have called the cops and got me arrested so many times,” he added.
“Yep,” I replied. “She’s been gracious to the both of us.”
Nodding, he said, “I feel like I’m more aware of others around me now.”