“The emergency room is full of sick patients that need to be seen, but, hey, I think it would be more intelligent for me to go work on the computers in the wing of the hospital that is completely empty, because that would be a better use of my time!” Tess threw up her hands for emphasis to no one in particular and continued her lonely rant. “Maybe when I’m done fixing these computers, I can go take apart the vending machine, because, hey, those are important!”
Tess finally found a light on behind the fourth door she opened. Because no one else was in that particular wing of the hospital in the evening, she knew she had found the right person and went off the moment she opened the door. “Do you think, possibly, that you could tear yourself away from the machines that are completely useless at this point, until seven o’clock tomorrow, and actually do something productive, like… I don’t know…” Tess stopped and pointed at her temple for sarcastic emphasis, “…fix the computers in the emergency room so we can function to actually help the patients that are… you know, emergent!”
Tess nearly choked on her own sarcasm when a familiar and confused face popped out from behind the x-ray monitor.
“Excuse me?”
Tess stared at the woman looking back at her. The same gorgeous face that had been standing in her kitchen fixing her own computer the prior week. The same lips that had grazed her own when they parted, setting butterflies alight in her stomach. She had black, stylishly framed glasses with wisps of dark hair following over them that, for some reason, sparked the butterflies to start fluttering low in Tess’s stomach again. Crap.
Courtney nearly laughed out loud at the look that passed over Tess’s face when she realized who she was yelling at, but thought she would save her a tiny bit of embarrassment because the woman looked like she was about to unravel. Instead, she pulled the ear bud out of her ear and feigned that she hadn’t heard her, due to the music, and grinned instead. You make frazzled look very, very good. “Sorry, what did you need?” She motioned to the Ipod, “I didn’t catch what you said.”
Tess tried to find her voice, but the embarrassment was creeping up her neck in crimson waves. “Um… we are ah… having some trouble with the computers in the ER, and I was wondering when you might be able to get to them?”
Courtney frowned and checked her file. “The only thing I have on my ticket is the radiology machines. I’m not the hospital tech, I’m just filling in on some old machines.” She looked at the machine she was working on and then back at Tess, “I can check them out, though, if you need me to. This isn’t exactly urgent.” She stood and put a few tech tools back into her bag.
“That would be great, thank you so much!” Tess wanted to run and hide in a corner with her embarrassment, but led Courtney down the hall instead.
“Are you always on edge, or do you actually have down time?” Courtney glanced at Tess while they walked, thinking even when the woman looked like she was ready to implode, she was still beautiful with her messy hair and scrubs hugging her in all the right places.
Tess smiled timorously, “I’m sorry, it has been a really long evening.” She led Courtney through the ER doors and to the front desk. She showed her where the computers were and scrawled the mainframe codes onto a slip of paper. She handed the paper to Courtney and looked at the computer in frustration. “They just keep freezing and shutting down. I can’t even finish a chart before it shuts off, and it takes forever to reload again.”
“Tess! I need you to take room five!” A short, plump nurse rushed past the desk and disappeared into another room. Tess looked at Courtney, not wanting to walk away from the woman. “I need to take that, are you okay here?”
Courtney mumbled in agreement, already typing away at the keyboard. She looked up briefly, “I’ll let you know what I find out.” She waited for a second while Tess stared at her and smiled when the woman thanked her and spun quickly to rush down the hall. Courtney didn’t attempt to stop her eyes from wandering down before Tess disappeared into an open doorway.
Tess was busy for the next hour, and though she barely had time to move from one patient to the next before she was being called somewhere else, the woman behind the desk never left her mind. The anger and frustration she had experienced early in the evening had turned to curiosity. When she finally did get a break, she found the nurse’s desk empty, except for one of the older charge nurses. She glanced around, but no one caught her vision. When she realized the nurse was on the computer, she sat down behind the adjacent one. “Are they working?”
Elsie, the nurse beside her, shook her head in acknowledgement. “Yeah, something about the blah blah blah and now they should work fine.” She chuckled lightly. “Remind me never to piss you off. When you said you were going to find the tech, I didn’t expect you to drag the first one you could find back here.” She raised her eyebrows at Tess, “You know she wasn’t even the hospital tech, right?”
Tess shrugged. “The computers are fixed, aren’t they?”
“Sure,” Elsie clucked, “I’m grateful, but I don’t think John shares our excitement.” She pointed to the papers clipped to Tess’s mailbox. “He called down a few minutes ago, something about granting unauthorized access to thousands of blah blah blah, and something about lawsuits and needing confidentiality forms signed.” Elsie rolled her eyes, already bored with relaying the message. “Your tech girl needs to sign those. I told him she left already, but he said it was your problem.”
“Ugh.” Tess groaned. “I suppose HIPPA violations should’ve occurred to me, but really, I’m sure the benefit outweighs the latter.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket to see if she still had the number in her contacts and then remembered the card Courtney had given her. “I’ll call her after shift.”
Elsie grunted caustically. “You could ask Logan how to get ahold of her, I’m pretty sure he got her number.” She stood and grabbed a pen to sign off the charts she was working on. “He was over here drooling the entire time she was here.”
This time it was Tess’s turn to laugh. “I doubt it. She’s not his type.”
Elsie pursed her lips, “Oh, honey, does anything with a penis really have a type?”
Tess snorted in acknowledgement. “I guess not.” She logged into her computer account and opened one of her charts. “I guess I should’ve said, he isn’t her type.” She glanced over her shoulder at Elsie, “due to the penis and all.” She was filling in the third line of her chart when Elsie responded.
“Really?” She pursed her lips and looked up, her interest piqued and mulled over what Tess was suggesting. “She was such a pretty girl. It’s almost sad.”
Tess’s irritation budded. “It’s sad that she’s gay?” Tess rolled her eyes. “Why, because she won’t find a nice boy, settle down, and have lots of babies?” Tess felt a rant coming on and thought about shutting her mouth, but found that the more she thought she should remain silent, the less she was able to. “Because pretty people can’t be gay, because it’s a waste right? Only ugly people can be gay.” With the last word, Tess banged her finger on the keyboard a little too forcefully and continued mumbling to no one in particular. “It is a complete waste for a girl to like another girl because some pretty boy is left somewhere sad and alone.” When she realized she was protesting a little too much, she glanced, flustered, over at the nurse who apparently thought the same, as her eyebrows were raised and she was studying Tess intently.
She smirked a little before she responded. “No, I meant it was sad that this wasn’t pointed out when Logan was drooling all over her. I would’ve loved to see his face when he found out the pretty girl wasn’t going to be lusting over the member in his pants.” Suddenly intrigued, Elsie pulled the chair she had been sitting in previously over so it was next to Tess and sat, propping her head on her hand inquisitively. “Anything you would like to discuss?”
Tess’s face flushed, and she shook her head. “No, why?”
Elsie chuckled. “Well with your sudden stance in defense of pre
tty gay girls, I thought maybe you might want to chat.” Always the outspoken woman in her mid-forties, Elsie knew she was embarrassing Tess, but couldn’t help but ruffle her feathers a bit more. “Is it possible that Logan wasn’t the only nurse on this unit that wanted to get on the computer tech’s pants?” When Tess’s face flushed a new shade of red that Elsie had yet to see, and looked like she wanted to jump out of her chair and run, Elsie laughed loudly, knowing when a joke had turned into an admission. She poked Tess in the shoulder and stood. “Relax, kid, I’m just kidding. Hey, I’m going to take my break, can you cover the desk for a few?”
Tess shook her head, unable to form coherent words when Elsie walked away. She had been too busy wondering if the nurse had any idea that she actually was gay, or if she was just picking fun at her. The thought made Tess increasingly uncomfortable. Tess was not a people person. Straight people made her uncomfortable, because she always wondered if they knew she was gay and were judging her for it. Gay people made her uncomfortable because she wondered if they were judging her for not being gay enough. Having struggled with her own sexuality, no one was a harsher critic of her than she was of herself.
Though she had never formally come out to anyone, Tess had a few close friends and family who knew that she had for some time been in an on-again-off-again, long-term relationship with a woman. Tess was often more uncomfortable with the situation than the people around her were. She watched the older nurse walk down the hall and shook her head, thinking she had too much work to do to let her paranoia get the better of her. She pulled the notebook out of her scrubs and was pleasantly surprised forty minutes later when all of her cases had been updated and the computer was still functioning properly. She pulled the paperwork out of her mailbox and looked over the papers that needed to be signed. She folded them in half and stuck them in her purse, making a mental note to call Courtney the following day so she could sign the papers.
She frowned when she noticed the purple Post-It stuck to one of the papers. She pulled it back out of her purse. Her face flushed when she read the note. Relax, take a breath, now you can get to your emergent patients… It was nice seeing you. – C.
Tess’s face flushed with embarrassment. She did hear me.
She let her mind wander a little and wondered if the woman had been putting as much thought into seeing her as she had been, and then shook her head. The first time I see her, I am a mess about my ex. The second time I see her, I am a mess and yell at her. Great first impressions, Tess. I would totally not want to see me again. She looked at her cell phone, thinking about the repair number, and then thought about the card that was sitting on her microwave at home. She stuck the cell phone back in her pocket and thought tomorrow sounded like a better day to call. Tomorrow, when she was home, in front of her microwave. If nothing else, she owed Courtney a thank you and an apology.
CHAPTER FOUR
Tess pulled into her sister’s driveway on Monday and put her car in park just as her phone chimed. Still exhausted from work the night before, after not getting enough sleep to begin with, Tess sighed and knew before she looked at her phone who the message was from. The messages had started coming sparingly, rather than in large spurts, since Tess hadn’t replied to any of them, and though she thought better of it, she found herself typing a quick text. Please stop Hill, I had a long night, and I am not up to dealing with this today. She stuck her phone in her pocket and made her way into the house.
The smell of something delicious hit her when she walked through the front door, and she groaned in appreciation, unaware of how hungry she had been. She tried to remember the last time she had eaten something that didn’t come from a vending machine and gave up when she was back three days. “Is there a pretty little girl here somewhere?” Tess called playfully and smiled when she heard the squeal from the kitchen. Her sister, Breanne, appeared in the dining room doorway grinning. “No little girls here, you must have the wrong house.”
Tess smiled. “I guess I’ll have to go home and look around.” She opened and closed the door loudly behind her as if she left, and laughed when the little blonde girl squealed again and came running frantically from the kitchen. “Wait, Mom, I’m here, I’m here!!” Tess scooped her up and hugged her tightly. “How was your night pretty girl?” Tess released her hold when Ali wriggled free. “We made you lunch!” Ali turned and rushed back into the kitchen, yelling behind her, “Aunt Breanne says you don’t eat enough!”
Breanne looked at her sister affirmatively, “Don’t tell me you aren’t hungry either. When is the last time you ate?”
Tess rolled her eyes. “I don’t know, but I’m starving. What did you make?” Tess followed her sister into the kitchen and took the bowl Ali handed her.
“Chicken chili.” Ali shoed her mom to the dining room table and rambled the whole way. “Aunt Breanne says I can stay up, even though James is sleeping because he is a baby and I’m not.” Ali referred to her four-year-old cousin as a baby. “So I get to cook lunch!” When Tess was seated, Ali waited patiently for her mom to take a bite. When she did and assured Ali that it was the best chili she had ever tasted, Ali beamed from ear to ear and informed her that she was allowed to watch cartoons now, because Aunt Breanne said so, and ran from the room.
Breanne sat a glass of water in front of Tess and sat down across the table. “So?”
Tess stuffed a bite of Chili in her mouth, and rolled her eyes, hoping it was enough for her sister to realize she didn’t want to have this conversation. It didn’t help that two seconds after she had put the bite in her mouth her phone chimed in her pocket.
Breanne tapped her finger on the table and looked at Tess disapprovingly. “That’s what I thought.”
Tess rolled her eyes again and swallowed the bite of food she had in her mouth. She pushed the bowl of chili away from her, suddenly losing her appetite at the thought of the lecture she was about to get and rested her elbows on the table, face in hands. She took a deep breath, and though she knew it was a waste of time, attempted to reassure her sister that she had not been talking to Hillary.
Breanne shook her head. “I swear Tess, if you go back to her this time, I will run you over with my damn car!”
“I’m not going back to her Breanne, I’m not even talking to her.” She lifted her face out of her hands and ran her hand through her hair. “She texts me, every day, calls, at least twice a day, and I don’t respond.”
“They have a word for that, you know.” Breanne gave Tess a look. “It’s called stalking. Harassment. Crazy!” She tipped her head in sarcasm. “Oh, look, they have several words for that!”
Tess groaned. “Save it, Breanne. I do not need a lecture from you about Hillary today. I worked twelve hours all weekend, I am tired.”
Breanne hadn’t been surprised years ago when Tess and Hillary had started seeing each other. Hillary had been their childhood friend, and anyone with eyes could see that the two were more. The sideways glances and not-so-secret looks had been glaringly obvious to anyone who had known them. She had even given Hillary the benefit of the doubt, the first time the two had broken up and gotten back together. She had listened to Tess’s sob story about how they were in love and how people make mistakes and how it was difficult for them. However, after the second and the third times, when she had to watch her sister cry herself sick and had to peal her out of bed, she was done hearing sob stories. As far as she was concerned, the woman was a whore, and Tess deserved better.
“It’s different this time, Breanne.” Tess looked at her sister, tears welling in her eyes as she realized how hollow the statement sounded. “I like to think I’m a little smarter than I used to be. I don’t answer her text messages, except to ask her to leave me alone. I don’t answer her calls. I didn’t leave her pictures on the wall. I don’t cry myself to sleep.”
Breanne watched the tears well in her sister’s eyes, and she hurt for her. “I just don’t want to see you hurt anymore, Tessie.”
Tess wiped a tear
away that had escaped down her cheek and looked at her sister. “I know you don’t get it, Breanne, but it isn’t easy.” When she saw her sister’s eyebrows raise, she defended her statement. “I know it should be. Common sense right? She cheated on me, so it shouldn’t hurt, but it does. It hurts worse, and I don’t stop feeling for her, because she hurt me.” She wiped away another tear and took a deep breath. “I’m trying, okay?”
Breanne nodded. There was a time to push her sister, and she knew that this was not the time. She hated the look of pain and defeat she saw on her sister’s face. “There is other woman out there, you know. Hillary isn’t the only lesbian on the planet.” When Tess agreed with an “I know.” Breanne looked at her sister skeptically.
Tess recognized the look on her sister’s face immediately and cursed herself for not being able to hide things better. She picked the bowl of chili up and made her way to the kitchen to scrape the remainder into the garbage. When she turned to put the bowl in the sink, she found her sister standing behind her, arms crossed. “Spill.”
Tess feigned ignorance. “Spill what? I told you, I’m not talking to her.” She tried to walk around Breanne, but Breanne side stepped in front of her.
“Every time I have ever mentioned you finding someone else, you have given me a sob story about how there is no one else and you will never meet anyone else and so on,” Breanne mocked her sister, “but today, you just nonchalantly say you know.”
Tess swallowed and willed herself to keep a blank face, but she could feel the look of guilt spread across it even as she spoke the words. “I told you, it’s different this time, I have a new outlook.”
“You met someone!” Breanne exclaimed excitedly and followed Tess to the dining room. “Who is she? Do I know her? When can I meet her?”
No Expectations Page 3