by Louise Lyons
Luke shrugged his shoulder and glanced up at the blond man. His lips moved, then the taller guy gave him a wry smile and backed off. In another minute Luke returned to my side, gripping two bottles of Budweiser by the necks. He passed me one and leaned in closer.
“The blokes in here are like vultures.”
“You got rid of that blond one easily enough.”
“I told him I’m not available.” Luke grinned and tipped his head back to gulp some of his beer. His Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, and blood rushed to my groin. I almost wished I liked dancing, just for an excuse to hold him in my arms and rub up against him. I swapped my beer from one hand to the other, took a sip, and picked at the label. Luke stood so close his arm brushed mine as he lifted his bottle to his lips, but I couldn’t bring myself to touch him. I imagined slipping an arm around him and pulling him against me; brushing his dark hair off his face and cupping his cheek as I kissed him for the first time. But courage failed me. I was too scared he’d pull away.
We stood side by side, drinking our beer and watching the dancers. I caught Luke’s eye and looked away several times, and eventually the smile slipped from his face. He lowered his eyes and chewed at his thumb nail, shuffling his feet until a small gap grew between us. My heart raced and my stomach fluttered with nerves. Things had been going so well and I sensed I’d fucked it up royally, just because I was gutless. Luke looked hurt and it occurred to me that he might actually want me to kiss him, and thought I was the one who didn’t want to.
I swallowed the last of my beer and leaned closer to him. “Do you want another drink?”
“Do you?” He looked sad and I mentally kicked myself.
“Yes, I’ll get them. Don’t go anywhere.” I took his empty bottle and made my way to the bar. Get a grip, Sam. What the fuck is wrong with you? Just kiss him, for God’s sake.
I had to wait a few minutes to be served and I continued to give myself a talking to while I stood there, reminding myself that Luke wouldn’t be out on a date with me if he didn’t want us to kiss. My lack of confidence threatened to spoil everything.
Finally I was served and I made my way back to Luke. He thanked me quietly as he took the bottle, but he didn’t look up. I took a deep breath, wiped my right hand on my leg, and lifted it to touch him. I brushed my fingers along his shoulder until he raised his head, seeming surprised. I cupped his cheek the way I’d imagined and lowered my head until our lips were lined up. The smallest of gaps remained between us and I paused for a second, giving him a chance to pull back. He didn’t take it and I pressed my lips onto his—a chaste caress until I felt his lips part beneath mine. I slid my fingers into his hair and curled them around the back of his neck as I deepened the kiss. Closing my eyes, I changed the angle so we fitted together perfectly.
Luke rested his hand on my chest and clutched at the front of my shirt. Encouraged, I flicked my tongue into his mouth, seeking his, and delighted in his response. I rested my free arm around him, pulling him in closer, while I gripped my beer firmly and placed my thumb over the top to prevent it spilling on him. He pressed his body against mine as he kissed me back, and I struggled to breathe through my nose. I didn’t want to break the kiss even to take a breath. My heart raced and my cock filled, pushed against my fly, and nudged Luke’s belly. I almost pulled away, but he hooked one leg around mine and rubbed his own restrained erection against my thigh.
Luke drew his mouth away from mine and tucked his face into my neck. Hot puffs of air fanned my skin as he panted for breath, and I couldn’t suppress the groan that rumbled up from my chest.
“Oh God. Luke.” I slid my hand down his back and hugged him tight. He gyrated his hips, grinding himself against me. Then he froze in my arms.
“Sorry. We should stop.”
“Yeah.” I kissed his hot cheek and loosened my hold on him. My cock throbbed and my underwear grew damp with precome. It was a very long time since I’d felt like this. I didn’t want the moment to end and yet I wanted to calm down so we could leave the club and go somewhere else. Would he want to go home with me? Would he want me to touch him? The kiss had dispelled my fears of being alone with him. “Do you want to get out of here when we finish these?” I removed my arm from his waist and gestured to my beer.
“Yes. Drink up.” Luke shot me a grin and tipped his bottle back.
It took us barely five minutes to finish the drinks. We left the club and took one of the taxis waiting in the street nearby. I gave the driver my address and gripped Luke’s hand tightly in mine as we sat in the backseat. Neither of us spoke until I’d unlocked the door to my apartment and ushered him inside. It was only when we sank onto the sofa in each other’s arms that my anxieties resurfaced.
I didn’t want him to see me undressed. I needed time to lose a few more pounds and I worried I hadn’t trimmed myself closely enough, and that he’d hate the amount of hair I had on my body. I knew he was smooth-chested; the top two buttons of his shirt were open and I could see just enough to know he didn’t have chest hair. Even if he didn’t care about that and liked a big bear of a man, what would he think when he saw my cock, nestled between my huge thighs and dwarfed by my mound of a belly?
As I held and kissed him, panic welled up in me and my cock lay soft in my damp underwear. Luke had no such problem. His erection was obvious, forming a bulge in the front of his pants. Maybe I could just do something to please him and I wouldn’t have to worry about myself.
Luke pulled his lips from mine and turned his head to kiss my ear. “Sam, what’s wrong? Don’t you want to do this?”
“God, yes I do.” I groaned. “I just… let me do something for you, okay?”
“I want to touch you.” He drew back and met my eyes. Then he lowered his gaze to my chest and slid his hand from my shoulder to the top button of my shirt. “Please.” He flicked the button open and moved to the next. I caught his hand in mine and held it still. My heart stuttered with nerves and I’d never felt less sexy in my life. I was desperate to distract him without his realizing how scared I was of him seeing me.
“Not so fast.” I gave him a cheeky grin. “I’ve been dying to get a proper look at you all night; teasing me with your shirt open not quite enough.” I unfastened the next button on his shirt, then another. Sliding my hand inside, I stroked my palm over his smooth skin. When I encountered a nipple, I rubbed my thumb over it until it pebbled under my touch. Luke closed his eyes and leaned back against the sofa cushions. I heaved a sigh of relief.
I unbuttoned the rest of his shirt and tugged it free of his trousers. The fabric parted and bared his gorgeous pale skin. I feasted my eyes on him, noting that he was hairless except for a few dark whiskers around each of his nipples, which were firm and pink with arousal. His pants rested low on his slim hips, revealing small but perfectly formed abs, the top of the ‘V’ of his obliques, and a tantalizing dark treasure trail heading south from his navel. His erection twitched inside his pants and I moaned again at the sight. Despite my worries, my cock filled and I couldn’t suppress another groan.
Luke opened his eyes and met mine. He smiled shyly and I returned it. I stopped staring and reached out to touch, stroking both hands over his chest and down over his rib cage, then back up to tease both nipples. Luke whimpered and shuffled around on the sofa.
“Is this okay?” I whispered. “I know it’s been a long time for you, too.”
“It’s okay. I trust you.”
My heart swelled at his words. I continued with my gentle touching, eventually making my way to his belt. I unfastened it along with the button at the top of his fly. He closed his eyes again and let out a soft sound, then bit his lip as my efforts to unzip him made my thumb brush his rigid cock.
Luke’s tight gray briefs barely held everything in. His erection strained against the elastic, and a dark circle of moisture indicated he’d been leaking for a while. He shuddered when I rubbed my finger over his tip. I tucked my hands into the sides of his pants, and when he li
fted his ass to let me pull them down, I snagged his underwear with them and drew both down to his knees. His cock sprang free and slapped against his stomach, the wet tip leaving a smear on his skin.
“You’re so gorgeous,” I murmured breathlessly.
“I’m going to embarrass myself.” Luke peeked up through lowered lashes and laughed softly. “I’m so fucking close. It’s ridiculous.”
Seeing him like that, half naked and so hard, made my cock throb. I longed to free it from my clothes and touch us both together. I imagined how it would feel if I rubbed my cock against his, mingling our fluids and stroking us until we came. My erection twitched and more precome oozed into my boxer shorts. I ached to come too, but I was determined to concentrate on Luke instead.
I took him in my hand, gently at first, gripping only loosely as I slid my fist up and down. He groaned in frustration, bucking his hips up from the sofa.
“Please, Sam. Fuck.” He bit into his lip and slid his legs apart as far as he could manage with his trousers around his knees. I wanted to hold that image of him in my head forever—his face and chest flushed with arousal, nipples stiff, cock hard and leaking over my knuckles. A neatly trimmed patch of pubic hair surrounded the root of his cock, and his softly furred balls pulled up against his body. I cupped them in my free hand and squeezed as I tightened my grip on his shaft.
“Oh fuck, yes. Just like that.” Luke arched into my grip, thighs quivering. I jerked him harder and in a few more seconds it was over. He spurted hard onto his chest and stomach, moaning loud enough for me to worry the neighbors might hear him. I released him reluctantly and grabbed the box of tissues from the coffee table to wipe my hand. Luke opened his eyes, lips parted as he gasped for breath.
“Fuck, Sam.” He chuckled and pulled himself upright. “Wow.”
I passed him some of the tissues and he cleaned the mess off himself, then pulled his underwear and trousers back up. He glanced at my lap and I looked down too. My erection strained against my fly and I wanted more than anything to feel his hands on me. But as I thought about unfastening my clothes and revealing what was underneath, my worry came back with full force and my cock softened rapidly.
“Sam? Don’t you want me to…?”
I avoided his eyes, wondering whether I should make an excuse or tell him the truth and admit how pathetic I was.
Chapter Six
THE SILENCE stretched out between us and I hung my head. I tried to say something, but the words stuck in my throat. Luke fastened his shirt, and when I glanced up at him he lowered his eyes and chewed his lip.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I couldn’t say anymore, as much as I wanted to make him understand.
“It’s okay.” He finished attending to his clothing and got to his feet. “I should go. It’s getting late.”
“Yeah.” I got up with a sigh. That was it, then. I’d spoiled the evening and I couldn’t even tell him why. I’d told Luke I wouldn’t hurt him and I’d done exactly that. I could see it in his face as he avoided looking at me and sidled to the door. He couldn’t wait to leave. “Do you want me to walk with you? Or get you a taxi?” I offered.
Luke shook his head. “I’ll be fine. Thanks.”
“I had a nice time tonight.” The words sounded lame considering how things had ended.
“I did too. I’ll see you at the gym.” He gave me a small smile and slipped out of the door. I closed it behind him and leaned against it.
“You fucking idiot, Sam,” I muttered. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I clenched my fists and thumped them onto my thighs. I noticed my legs felt firmer than I remembered, and I pinched the flesh through my trousers. I was toning up. I rolled my head back against the door and squeezed my eyes shut. Then I laughed. It sounded a touch hysterical and my throat was tight with the desire to cry, but I wouldn’t let myself do that again. Nor would I let myself delve into the bottom drawer of the freezer for the pizza and cheesecake I’d stashed in there. Instead I stripped off my clothes, took a quick shower, and went to bed.
I’d probably ruined things with Luke. I tried to imagine what he’d be thinking and feeling right now. Everything had been going great. I’d made him come and then… then I’d rejected him. It had been about me and my self-loathing, but because of it I’d pushed him away and made him feel bad. It was clear by the way he’d avoided my eyes and made a quick exit. I’d most likely thrown away the one chance I had to be with him.
I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow. I could try talking to him, but perhaps it was already too late. I turned onto my side and groped on the bedside table for my phone. I thought about sending him a text, but I got as far as tapping out two or three words before I deleted them. He might not answer and I’d feel even worse about it than if I didn’t make the effort. I decided the only thing I could do was talk to him face to face. I’d make an extra trip to the gym the next day and hope I could catch him on a break.
I didn’t sleep well which was no great surprise. I tossed and turned, unable to get Luke and my own awkwardness out of my head. By the time I got up to get ready for work, my head ached and I wanted nothing more than a greasy fried breakfast. I went as far as getting some eggs out of the fridge and reaching for the frying pan. But somehow I talked myself into poaching the eggs, placing them on two slices of toasted whole meal bread, and finishing with a pear. At least my willpower was better than it had been. If only my body image would follow.
I went to work and slogged through the day, finding it difficult to keep the friendly smile pinned on my face as I dealt with customers and staff. When it finally came time to leave, I hurried out the door without a backward glance. I’d brought my gym gear with me so I could go straight there instead of wasting time going home first.
It was almost six o’clock when I swiped my membership card and stepped through the barrier, and my heart pounded hard enough to make me breathless. I hurried to the changing room, looking around for Luke as I went, but there was no sign of him. I didn’t know if he was working that day or not. I’d assumed he would, because he worked most Saturdays and he’d had a day off on Friday. But for all I knew, he might have worked an early shift, or be taking a class, or have called in sick because I’d made him miserable.
“Dickhead,” I muttered. As if that would have affected him enough to take a sickie.
I peeled off my work clothes and reached into my bag for my jogging bottoms and T-shirt. As I straightened up with the shirt in my hands, Luke slipped into the changing room and halted just feet away from me.
Fuck! I gaped at him in shock. I held the T-shirt in front of me in an effort to cover my chest and belly, silently thanking God I had my boxers on. My face burned and my pounding heart quickened its pace until it slammed frantically against my ribs. I turned away to face the locker and yanked the shirt over my head, fighting for what seemed an age before I was able to get my arms into the sleeves and pull it down to cover myself. My Tshirts were all huge, and this particular one was long enough to cover me to the thighs. Even so, turning away would have given Luke ample opportunity to see my ass.
“Sam…”
“What?” I grunted. I glanced to one side and then the other, relieved we were alone in the changing room. I should have turned around and spoken to him the way I’d planned, but tears of embarrassment made my eyes prickle and I feared they’d spill over if I faced him. I grabbed my jogging bottoms and struggled into them. My face continued to burn and the heat spread to my neck and ears. Eventually, I forced myself to turn around, clenching my teeth and scowling. I probably looked furious, but I was merely steeling myself to see the look of disgust on Luke’s face. He took a step backward, eyes wide. Shit. Say something, you idiot.
“Luke, I’m sorry.” I forced my face to relax and took a deep breath. “I just… I…” I stopped and cleared my throat, taking another look around to check no one had entered the changing room and was witness to my embarrassing confession. “I didn’t want you to…” I wiped my sw
eaty palms on my pants legs and tried again. “I didn’t want you to see me.”
“Why?”
“Because…” I held my hands out on either side of my body. “Look at me!”
“I am looking. I like you, Sam. Why do you think I went out with you last night?”
“But I’m…” I gestured again helplessly.
“You’re you. You’re a great guy. You’re sweet and funny and attractive.”
I snorted at that last word.
“I know you don’t think much of yourself right now. I’ve been there, remember.”
“But you’re gorgeous,” I blurted. “And slim.”
“And I like you.”
“And this…” Another gesture to my stomach. “…doesn’t bother you?”
“No.” He took a look around the room, checking for observers the same way I had. Then he closed the gap between us, gave me a swift peck on the lips, and backed away again. “Maybe we can try this again? I mean, go out again? Only if you want to.” Luke flushed and gave me a shy smile.
“Yes, I want to. I know I’m being a dickhead, but you know why.”
“Well, I’m not Mark. Just like you’re not Jim. I like you as you are, Sam. If you lose more weight, that’s great, for you. I don’t like to see you ashamed of yourself. But it doesn’t matter to me either way.”
The door opened and Tom came in, sweaty and red-faced from one of his treadmill sessions.
“All right, Sam; Luke.” He nodded at us both and went to his locker. We both nodded at him in return.
“I’ll leave you to it. Are you doing cardio or weights today?” Luke asked, adopting a more professional tone.