The Masquerade

by Rae, Alexa

  My mom never knew about my terrors. When my brother died she kept herself busy with work to avoid facing the reality of it all. I suffered alone, but I wanted it that way. I didn't want anyone to see that part of me. I wanted to be strong. I wanted show everyone that I wasn't easily broken, that I was not awaiting a mental breakdown. I wanted to be more than that. Ben had just witnessed that side of me. The part of me I hid from everyone.

  "I'm sorry." My voice was drained. I tried to pull away, but his arms tightened. His eyes searched for mine, but I refused to give him more access. I kept my gaze on the ground.

  "Ella."

  My eyes hardened on the concrete.

  "Ella, look at me." His hand cupped my chin and he tilted my face up to look at him. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He said with such intensity that I could only nod in response. His eyes softened. "What happened?"

  I shook my head. "I can't." The words couldn't form in my mouth. I couldn't tell him. I didn't have the strength to. "I just have a lot of demons."

  His eyes filled with understanding. "I know."

  I pulled out of his grasp. I couldn't think under his touch, which may have been the best thing that had ever happened to me, or the worst. I hadn't decided yet. I exhaled and my gaze fell to something insignificant in the square behind him. I couldn't look at him. The embarrassment of what he had just witnessed was intimidating to say the least. "It's just something I have to fight."

  I could feel his eyes on me. "You don't have to fight them alone."

  His words struck me. He wasn't disgusted or disappointed. There was no judgment or criticism, only an understanding that brought hope. He alluded to fighting my demons with me. Although I wasn't ready to open myself up, I could share them with him. It was in that moment when I realized I would never be the same.

  My eyes flashed to his. In them I found the familiar darkness that I had grown accustomed to, the shadows, the tragedy, the horror, and even remorse, all tormenting him. I always felt alone or out of place, but for the first time in my life I felt safe. The hole in my chest that I hadn't noticed before was satisfied with a warmth that captivated my insides because I wasn't alone. He had demons too. I couldn't help but wonder if they played well with mine.

  I took a careful step forward. "I'm always afraid I'm going to loose it completely."

  "You can lose it anytime you want." He smiled. "I do."

  There was something burning behind his expression, threatening to expose his darkest desires. He meant more than he said, but I didn't question it because he didn't question me. He managed to pull me from my nightmares and make me feel safe in my moment of insanity. I would do everything humanly possible to return what he had done for me.

  I cleared my throat and motioned to the diner. "I need to lock up."

  "Do you want me to stay?"

  I shook my head and opened up the door. "No, it's fine."

  I was already inside so he couldn't see the shock on my face caused by my own words. Why had I said that? Of course I wanted him to stay. I never wanted him to leave.

  I didn't hear the door close. I looked over my shoulder and saw that Ben had caught it with his hand. The muscles in his arms flexed as he pushed it back open when he walked through. I was mesmerized by the way his black t-shirt exposed his toned arms covered with ink. I wondered if that had something to do with why I never wanted him to let me go.

  We exchanged a small smile before I moved behind the counter to flip off the lights and retrieve my things. I had already stacked the chairs up on the tables before Eli arrived. Everything was set for me to leave. Ben watched me as I mentally went through my checklist, which was immensely distracting.

  "Don't do that." I told him with a smile in my voice.

  "Do what?"

  "Look at me like that." I turned to him. "I can't think." His ghost smile grew and his eyes fell lower to devour other parts of my body. "That doesn't help."

  "Can you turn around? I'm feeling a little deprived of your backside."

  I shot him a dirty look. "Stop."

  One of his eyebrows rose. "Make me."

  My cheeks burned. I turned to the side and grabbed my wallet and car keys from underneath the counter to avoid responding. When I straightened I met his gaze. He watched me carefully, his attention never drawing elsewhere. I bit down on my bottom lip and stared back. My eyes fell to his lips. They were shaped to near perfection, his bottom lip full with the glistening ring pierced through the side.

  I cleared my throat. "Did you know I worked here?"

  "Don't flatter yourself. I'm not stalking you."

  "Super hot, creepy rock star who disappears and reappears faster than my phone charger isn't stalking me." I feigned disappointment. "Darn it."

  "You think I'm hot."

  "And creepy."

  "And hot." He smirked.

  I rolled my eyes. "I'm trying to tarnish your ego but I think you're a lost cause."

  "Maybe you're not doing it right."

  "Yeah?" I crossed my arms over my chest. "Please, school me. What's the best way to offend Ben Sloane?"

  "You can't. I'm indestructible." The smug look on his face made me sure that there was his personal joke thrown in there. I walked around the counter to face him.

  "Your last album sucked."

  "Lie."

  I raised my eyebrows. "I found it distasteful."

  His blue eyes ignited as his smirk drew into a sly smile. "Two nights ago, at the concert, you sang along to every song by heart." He was groveling in his evidence as his smile grew. "I wrote them all by the way."

  Shock struck me, mostly because he was right. I did sing along to every song, but how could he know that? He didn't see me. Whenever I looked at him it seemed like he purposely kept his eyes away from my section of the crowd.

  "I wasn't singing."

  He shook his head. "No, it was your voice I heard."

  I frowned in disbelief. "You heard me. Above the amps and every other noise the crowd made, you heard my voice?"

  He nodded. "And?"

  "That's impossible."

  "Your voice is mesmerizing." His eyes were smoldering.

  I knew he was lying, but the compliment still managed to make me blush. My lungs inflated as my palpating heart thumped so loud I was sure he could hear it. The tightness in my chest made it difficult to breathe. I dropped my gaze to the counter unsure of how to respond.

  "In Atlanta last year, your voice caught my attention." His eyes smiled as he brought up the memory. I was surprised he remembered me from the concert and not just from the alley. "I've heard millions of people sing my songs, but your voice..." he shook his head. "It's impossible to forget."

  "You couldn't have heard me sing, Ben."

  "I did." He lowered his voice and the sound sent chills down my spine. "And I want to hear it again."

  I allowed myself to look into his eyes and managed to do it without fainting...again. "I didn't think you remembered me from the concert last year."

  "I wouldn't have saved you if you were just some other girl."

  I shook my head. "I don't believe that. You would have saved anyone that needed help the way I did."

  He narrowed his eyes, holding my gaze. "I told you. I'm not a good person." He had told me, but it didn't change what I already knew. He still saved my life. I only wanted to know why. My voice wouldn't suffice as an answer.

  "Then why me? What makes me worthy of saving? I'm just some small town waitress. There's nothing fabulous about my lifestyle." I paused when the idea dawned on me. "Or is that it? Do you think you can save me because you're a big rock star?"

  He shook his head. "I don't need to save you, Bell. You're stronger than that."

  So he preferred the name Bell over my actual name. I wanted to remind him of my name, but I was beginning to like Bell. It was a pet name in a way. Although, I had no idea why he chose it.

  "You don't know me."

  "I know more than you think." He paused. "Are you do
ing anything tonight?"

  I bit the inside of my cheeks to hide my smile. "I actually have a date."

  "Oh?"

  I nodded. "Channing Tatum."

  His tensed jaw relaxed. "No competition."

  I scrunched up my face, pretending to give him a once over. "I don't think so." Another lie, there was not one movie star that could compare to Ben. He knew it too. "Anyway, I can't be late. There's popcorn to be made and warm blankets calling my name."

  I moved around him and pushed through the door. He followed me and moved the side so I could lock it. He leaned with his shoulder against the frame, watching me fumble with my keys. It was hard to focus on a simple task with his heavy gaze on me. He had already picked up on it too. He waited with one eyebrow raised.

  When I finally managed to lock the door, I turned to him. "I'm not inviting you over. That would do nothing to help me deflate your ego and it needs some serious bashing."

  He smirked. "Do you need a ride home?"

  "Then I would be obligated to let you in, wouldn't I?"

  His eyes, suddenly serious, narrowed. "You are not obligated to do anything for anyone. You're human. You should do whatever the hell you want for yourself because you can."

  I stared at him for a moment, my tooth dug into my bottom lip. "Is that what you live by?" Something clicked in my head. "That's why you're dangerous."

  He shook his head. "I'm not like you, but I pretend to be and that makes me bad."

  "Like me?" I repeated, attempting to decipher his words. His eyes watched me warily, waiting for my response. I knew what he was suggesting, but I didn't want to think about it. It wasn't rational. It wasn't possible. "I'm not sure I understand."

  His eyes darkened. "I think you do, actually."

  My feelings for him didn't change. That was all that mattered. "Maybe I don't care."

  His eyes widened for a fraction of a second before the curiosity in them leaked. "Why?"

  "You're bad. I get it." I swallowed, debating my words. "But I feel safe with you. I trust that." His eyes searched my face, but his expression was masked. He didn't feel the same way and now I looked like the idiot. I had to play it off. So I shrugged, "Unless of course you want me to run away from you screaming."

  I turned and walked across the street to where my car was parked. I only made it halfway when I felt his hand slip through mine. He spun me around to face him, his face only inches from mine. The hungry look in his eyes made my eyes grow wide.

  "I can think of other ways to make you scream." He said, his voice low and gravelly.

  My body quivered. I wanted him to show me those ways and I was shocked by the desperation I felt for him to prove it to me. His free hand was on the small of my back and he used it to push me against him. His other hand moved from mine to my wrist, grasping it gently, before it traveled up my bare arm. He placed it over my heart.

  He gave a small smile that faded into his expression. "Nervous?"

  I shook my head, unable to focus on anything other than his lips. They were right there. I wanted to touch them. I wanted them on me. I began to imagine what it would feel like, trailing over my skin. I raised my hand, my fingers grazed over his bottom lip. A shudder ripped through his body in reaction to my touch.

  His hand on my heart moved to cup my chin. My heart raced when he tilted it upwards. Just when he began to lean his head down, his eyes suddenly flashed up like someone had interrupted us. His gaze roamed over the darkness behind me. We were in the middle of the road, but I would have noticed the headlights if a car were behind us. He abruptly stepped away from me, our hands falling to our sides.

  His guarded eyes came back down to mine. "We need to get out of here."

  I resisted the urge to look over my shoulder. "Why?"

  "You said you trusted me."

  "I do."

  "I'll meet you at your house."

  Shocked by his sudden change in behavior, I could only nod in response. I nearly stumbled when I turned to walk to my car. Something was wrong. Just like the night before, Ben kept his attention on our surroundings like he was waiting for the paparazzi to catch him doing something wrong. It was more than that. There was something else that caused the sudden eerie feeling that washed over me.

  My eyes slid to the side, searching for the source of Ben's mood change. The streets were empty and most of the stores were closed. There was no one around, but something was wrong. I could feel it and Ben knew it.

  I quickly unlocked my car and pulled open the driver's side door. I cast another quick glance to Ben who still stood in the middle of the road watching me carefully. He nodded once for reassurance, but it caused a knot in my stomach to form. I gave him an uneasy smile and slid into my car without a word.

  I pulled out of the parking spot, expecting to see Ben in my rearview mirror. However, when I looked he was gone. I searched for him, but the longer I waited the stronger my uneasiness grew. With shaking hands I quickly put the car in drive and sped down the street wondering why the hell I could have gotten scared so quickly from nothing. Or what I thought was nothing.

  Seventeen

  When I got home I found myself standing in the middle of the kitchen, going through the previous events of the evening. I was hoping to find something that could explain Ben's unexpected change in behavior or my escalating trepidation. The only conclusion I came to, was that Ben was bipolar. I knew that wasn't the case. Someone or something was there. I couldn't prove it, but I just knew.

  I finally managed to snap out of it, make some popcorn, and put a random movie into the DVD player. I sat on the couch with my legs tucked up to my chest and waited. Part of me had already assumed Ben wasn't going to come over. After thirty minutes I decided he wasn't coming. With a disappointed sigh, I pulled myself off the couch, and trudged my way upstairs. I needed a shower.

  Before I got in the shower, I turned on my stereo to play Lana Del Rey's "Cola" on repeat. I stood in the middle of the shower with my head tilted back, allowing the hot water to run over my skin, erasing every awful memory of the night. The heat managed to push every chilling detail of my brother's death to the back of my mind while I focused on Ben.

  I didn't feel like some other girl to him. Of every restaurant in town, he came to the diner on my shift. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but it was safe to assume he went there to see me. He also came at a time when I lost myself to a girl who I thought needed to suffer in silence. He held me until I pushed him away. His very touch made the world seem a little less scary. Because of him I felt safe. He wasn't just some other guy and I hoped, more than anything, that I wasn't just some other girl to him.

  My plans of a quick shower dissolved when the hot water hit my skin, but after twenty minutes I forced myself to shut the water off. I was still lost in my thoughts when I stepped out of the shower. I wrapped a small towel around my body and walked into my bedroom.

  "Come on baby, let's ride." I found myself singing when I moved over to my nightstand to change the song. When I crossed the room, something by the door caught my eye. It took me less than a second to realize there was a person standing in the doorway and I screamed.

  Ben leaned against my doorframe, watching me with amusement. I let out a relieved sigh before my hand immediately flew to my chest. I clutched the edge of my towel and held it tightly against my skin to reduce the possibility of a free show.

  "How did you get in my house?" I yelled at him sounding furious. I still felt like I was going to jump out of my skin from his unexpected appearance. His eyes dropped, traveling down the length of my bare legs, my towel barely reached mid thigh. Despite my already heated skin from the shower, my cheeks burned as he continued to stare without shame.

  "Your door was unlocked."

  "So you let yourself in?"

  He nodded and his attention moved back to my face. "I think I'll continue to let myself in if this," he motioned to my revealing towel, "is the greeting I get." He walked towards me, his eyes devouring my expose
d skin to the point that I feared my legs would give out on me.

  I liked the way he was looking at me. I actually wanted him to touch me, which gave me every reason to put some clothes on before I did something stupid. "I need to change." I blurted when he stopped in front of me.

  His eyes darkened and his eyes fell lower. "I think that's a good idea." His voice had dropped a couple notches and I nearly dropped my towel. To avoid the temptation, he plopped himself on my bed and stretched himself out. His feet hung off my bed, while his arms rested behind his head for support.

  "I'll wait."

  I pointed to the closet door across from my bed. "I'll change in there. Don't get any ideas."

  "Don't tempt me." He retorted with one eyebrow arched.

  I eyed him while I made my way into my closet and shut the door behind me. It was a walk in closet with shutter doors. I clicked on the light and pulled out my red and black, plaid pajama pants and my long sleeve Parkway Drive shirt. After deciding on lacy panties and a matching bra, I quickly put on my pajamas.

  Before I turned to leave, my eye caught the worn leather jacket tucked neatly in the back of my clothes rack. I kept it hidden to avoid my mother's questions as well as my own sanity. I wondered if Ben remembered giving it to me. I bit down on my lip, before I shook the thought away, unable to ask him. I didn't want to give it back. It was something that made me feel close to him. Before the concert a couple days ago, looking at it brought me hope that I would see him again. Now he was lying on my bed.

  Oh god, he was on my bed.

  I pushed open the closet door. Ben was in the same position as before, but now one hand was holding my iPhone, scrolling through it with his thumb. His eyes flashed up and met mine. The corners of his lips turned up, a slight smile formed as he took in the sight of me. My damp hair was draped over my shoulders, my face clean any make up that I had finally resorted to wearing in small doses since senior year started. I felt naked under his attentive gaze.

  "Nice."

  I put my hand to my hip and the other arm in the air, striking a pose. "I try." I exasperated dramatically. I dropped my hands and moved over to the side of my bed closest to him. "What are you doing with my phone?"