Diamonds and Dreams

by Rebecca Paisley

“I’ve been called many things, but never Uncle Saber.” He grinned, marveling over the fact that a smile came so easily to his lips despite what he’d learned tonight. It was yet further proof that his mourning was indeed over.

  “Saber, what—”

  “You were frightened,” he explained softly, brushing curls from her eyes. “But it’s only thunder.”

  “Saber—” Her words were drowned out by a second tremendous clap of thunder. The explosion was so powerful it shook the bed. “Sleep with me, Saber,” she begged, clutching his arms. “I—The thunder. I thought I was over bein’ afraid, but—It’s so loud! Louder’n American thunder, and I—”

  “Goldie—”

  “Please sleep with—”

  “I—”

  “Saber—”

  “Yes, Goldie,” he murmured directly into her ear. “Yes, poppet.” Still holding her in his arms, he lay down with her, pulling her as close to his body as he could.

  “I’m cold, Saber.” She curled herself into a ball.

  “You kicked all your covers off.” He reached for the blankets, drawing them over both himself and her.

  She caught his hand. “But—You still have all your clothes on. Even your shoes.”

  He raised an obsidian brow. “Yes. I do.”

  Taking the covers away from him, she pulled her gaze down the long length of him. His body was so big, she mused, the chill she’d felt earlier fading quickly. Her own body was so tiny next to his.

  Her own body, she repeated silently, looking at herself. She waited for the familiar trepidation to fill her. She knew how it would begin. Her cheeks would warm, her hands would tremble. Shame over her imperfect form would flood her. She waited in tense apprehension for it to all begin.

  But it didn’t. She remembered the night in the coach when Saber had touched her so intimately. She’d felt no fear then either. Confused, she looked down at her body again, reminding herself how unfeminine, how lacking it was.

  But try as she did, she could summon no embarrassment. Not even a hint of unease. Instead, she recalled sweet words. Peaches, Goldie. See how perfectly they fit into my palms. You are so delicate. Your daintiness is not a thing to ridicule. It’s a thing to prize.

  As Saber’s words sang through her, a gentle peace settled over her. Smiling, she raised her eyes, her gaze caressing every part of his face. “I’m naked,” she announced, as if he were unaware of that fact.

  “So you are.” He saw satisfaction in her smile, and was confused by it. He’d been waiting for her to become embarrassed. Instead, she seemed proud of herself. His heart skipped a beat when he understood the reason for her pride. “You’re not ashamed for me to see your body anymore, are you, Goldie?”

  She shook her head. “I’m—I’m little, but I’m not ugly.”

  Emotion filled his throat. It was a moment before his voice found a way past it. “You’ve no idea how glad it makes me to hear you say that.”

  “You taught it to me. You made me believe it.”

  He could think of no words to tell her, and remained silent as her sweet compliment eased through him.

  “And I’m not afraid either.”

  “Of me, or the thunder?” he teased.

  “Neither.” Tentatively, she laid her hand on his cheek. “I’ve never been in bed naked with a man before.”

  “Surely you jest.” He tugged on a flaxen ringlet.

  “No. Daddy’s honor.”

  His hand cupped the gentle swell of her smooth hip. “Why aren’t you afraid?”

  “I’ve had time to think it over. The thunder’s not really all that loud.”

  His grin broadened. “Goldie,” he said, a feigned note of warning in his voice.

  She giggled. “Oh, y’mean why aren’t I afraid of you?”

  “Is there another man in this room to fear?”

  “There’s just you and the man I keep in the closet.”

  Before he could catch himself, Saber glared at the closet. When he realized what he was doing, he laughed out loud.

  But his laughter faded instantly when he saw the expression in Goldie’s eyes. They reflected the luster of unseasoned passion. Innocent desire.

  She wanted him.

  The knowledge made him wild with need for her. Every fiber of him yearned to make her his, and it was only with great effort that he managed not to rip off his clothes and ravish her.

  Inhaling raggedly, he tore his gaze from her and studied the canopy. He had to get control of himself. Goldie wasn’t some experienced courtesan. He refused to take her as though she were.

  Take her. He hated the way that sounded. Like she was something to be grabbed and stolen. You didn’t just take something so precious.

  You received it, he decided. With great patience, you waited for it to come into your keeping. And when it did, you treated it with profound reverence.

  “Saber, what are you thinkin’ about? Why are you starin’ at the canopy?”

  He raised his brow again. “Are you mad at me?” he asked slyly.

  “Mad?” she repeated, baffled. “Why would I be mad at you?”

  He watched her tenderly, waiting for her to realize the significance of her own question. He knew she had when her face softened and a sheepish grin appeared on her mouth. “Now you understand why I was always confused when you asked me that same question, Goldie. There are situations when anger is appropriate. On other occasions mere irritation is quite sufficient. And then there are times when anything remotely related to ire is unjustifiable. As of late, I’ve been seeing signs that tell me you are beginning to comprehend that. I hope you never forget it.”

  “I won’t,” she whispered, mesmerized by the softness in his eyes.

  He decided to take the conversation one step further. “I know how you’ve been criticized and ridiculed,” he began, his hand still caressing her hip. “I’ve told you what I think about your ‘devil eyes,’ your ‘yellow bush hair,’ your ‘unripened figs,’ and your ‘disease-like freckles.’ Now Goldie, let me tell you what I think about the beauty inside you.”

  He turned to his side, so he was face-to-face with her. “Your courage impresses me beyond words. You’ve dealt with much heartache in your life. Much—”

  “Saber,” she said uneasily, not wanting to be reminded of things that made her ache. “Don’t—”

  “Please, Goldie.” Before she could argue further, he touched his lips to hers, kissing her more gently than he ever had before.

  Mellow pleasure drifted through her. His tender kiss drew all anxiety from her heart. “Tell me.”

  His lips still very close to hers, he put his arm around her shoulders, almost groaning when her breasts met his chest. “Your life with your uncle has been a chain of unfulfilled dreams. Because of that, you find trusting a difficult thing to do. You’re wary. It’s like you have an invisible shell, and when you feel threatened, you crawl inside it.

  “But in spite of it all, you continue dreaming,” he proceeded, his hand sweeping into her hair. “Even when you have little hope of attaining your dreams, you don’t let them go. Take your home in Hallensham. Think of your extraordinary efforts to keep it! Surely you know deep down—that the odds are against you. That—”

  “But you’re gonna be the duke, Saber.”

  Like the lightning splitting the sky outside, guilt stabbed into him. He shifted uncomfortably, wondering what she would think of him when he told her he would not be returning to Ravenhurst with her.

  “Saber? You all of a sudden look sad. What’s the matter?”

  “I—Nothing. It’s nothing, poppet.” He kissed the tip of her nose, smiling at her. “Goldie, I’m speaking about the unshakable determination you have. It stands you in good stead. And through all the bad times in your life, you’ve retained an innocence that I find beautiful and unique. Goldie...sweet poppet, though you are tiny in stature, you are quite the biggest woman I’ve ever had the extreme good fortune to know.”

  “Big?” she asked, wo
ndering what he meant by that.

  “Your heart is huge. So tremendous, I cannot understand how it fits within your breast. I’ve heard the expression ‘Good things come in small packages.’ After knowing you, I realize the truth of it. How you manage to hold such an abundance of wonderful things inside you is quite beyond me.”

  Gazing up into his beautiful eyes, she felt contentment fill her. And the longer she concentrated on the sweet things he’d told her, the more her pleasure grew; soon it became joy so great it brought tears to her eyes. “Oh, Saber,” she sniffled, her hands cupping his cheeks, “no one has ever said such nice, meanin’ful things to me. It doesn’t even matter that they aren’t true. It doesn’t—”

  “But they are true. Believe them, Goldie. Believe each and every one of them, and remember them always.”

  The look of pure awe in her eyes seized his heart. God, she needed so badly for someone to cherish her. Someone other than Big, whom she considered family. Someone who did not feel obligated to tell her loving things, as family members often did.

  She needed a man to love her. A man who would treasure everything about her. A man who would devote his entire life to making all her many dreams come true.

  His guilt grew, increasing to such an extent that he felt poisoned with it. He couldn’t love her, and he had no intention of allowing their relationship to go that far. And yet he was courting her in every true sense of the word. Dammit, he was in bed with her!

  He sat straight up. Staring at the wall, he rammed his fingers through his hair. It wasn’t fair, he knew. Wasn’t fair to either of them. But dammit, what was he to do? He couldn’t resist her. Couldn’t for the life of him figure out how to end what was between them, though he knew it would come to naught.

  What was the way? he demanded silently. What in heaven’s name was he to do?

  “Goldie,” he said, refusing to look at her, “I—I should never have come tonight. I woke you up. You were sleeping so soundly. I’m sorry. I’ll leave you now so—”

  “But I don’t want you to leave, Saber. I want you to stay.” She sat up beside him, turning his face to hers. “You said you’d sleep with me.”

  “But—”

  “You don’t want to stay with me, do you?”

  He saw the glint of pain in her eyes, and remembered how profoundly sensitive she was. Considering how much of herself she’d freely given him tonight, it almost killed him to see the hurt he was causing her now. She was nigh to trusting him. He knew if he wounded her now, that trust would disappear.

  But leaving her bedroom was the biggest favor he could ever do her! Dear God, what was the way? he asked himself again.

  “Goldie, yes,” he said, his voice strangled. “I do want to stay with you.” But I’m so afraid of hurting you.

  His answer filled her with happiness. She curled her arms around his waist, leaning into him. Timidly, she pressed light kisses to his shoulder, enjoying the feel of muscle beneath her mouth, the scent of sandalwood that floated around her. “Then stay. Because if you go, I’ll be sad. Don’t make me sad tonight, Saber. Stay the night, and hold me in your arms.”

  Don’t make me sad tonight. Her plea echoed in his mind. Perhaps the sadness would come. Perhaps it was inevitable for them both. But tonight...it didn’t have to happen tonight.

  A moan escaped him as he pulled her into his arms. His lips met hers in a deep kiss so full of passion it made him shake. But it wasn’t her physical surrender that he craved.

  It was Goldie herself he wanted. From head to toe, inside and out...he wanted all of her, and he wanted it with a desperation he could find no will to fight.

  As Saber laid her back down on the mattress, Goldie realized she yearned for whatever he would give her tonight. Whatever special thing he did to her, whatever wonderful words he told her...she wanted it all. All of him.

  The thought brought her gaze to the bit of his chest she could see. With trembling fingers, she touched the top button of his shirt.

  And undid it.

  She continued until the shirt was opened completely, then slid her hand across the hard, warm expanse of his bare chest. The feel of his skin was so wonderful, her breath caught in her throat.

  Saber began to chuckle. In spite of the sensuality of the moment, he simply could not keep from laughing. “Goldie, I’m terribly ticklish,” he informed her, trying to roll away from her hand.

  She smiled, feeling mischief take hold of her. Quickly, she reached toward him again, her fingers searching for his most vulnerable spots. She soon found they included his lower abdomen and the area around his collarbone. Deftly and delightedly, she concentrated her attentions there.

  Saber howled, his laughter so great he couldn’t breathe. Knowing he would soon die if he didn’t get some air, he curled his body into a tight ball, shielding his tickle spots from her wiggling fingers. “Goldie!”

  She found a shred of mercy and ceased her torture. But no sooner had she taken her hands from him than his came at her. “Saber, don’t!” she begged, her own laughter even louder than his had been.

  “I haven’t even touched you yet!”

  Her stomach heaved with laughter. “I know. But all you have to do is think about ticklin’ me, and I laugh!”

  “Well I’m going to do more than just think about tickling you, poppet.” One hand began kneading her inner thigh, the other waltzed up and down her rib cage, before he discovered another good spot near her belly button.

  “Great day Miss Agnes!” Goldie exclaimed, struggling to breathe through her laughter. “Saber, show mercy!”

  “No.”

  “But I showed you mercy!” She tried removing his hands by force, but her laughter seemed to sap all her energy, and she could do nothing but hang onto him and continue laughing.

  “So you’re merciful, and I’m not.” He tickled her for a moment longer, then stilled his hands upon her belly, his thumbs stroking her lightly. He thought about what they were doing, tickling each other. He hadn’t been tickled since he was a boy, and had forgotten how much fun it was.

  Goldie panted with relief. “You don’t play fair. I couldn’t tickle you well because you have all your clothes on.”

  Desire returned to him instantly. “Shall we remedy that?” His eyes never leaving hers, he removed his shirt altogether, kicked off his shoes, and pulled his stockings off. But when he touched the fastening of his breeches and Goldie’s eyes widened at his action, he left them on.

  She watched in wonder as he rose to his knees and began running his hands down the sides of her torso. The feelings his touch evoked made her every nerve pulse with heat, and need, and that sweet ache he always gave her.

  Her eyes fluttered closed when he leaned down and took her breast into his mouth. She heard her own soft moan when his tongue began circling her slowly. “Saber, why do we groan and make noises when we do stuff like this?”

  He smiled, his kisses meandering up to her mouth. “Because it feels good.”

  She thought about that. “Does it feel good to you too?”

  He didn’t answer, but only spread more kisses over her face.

  “Well, of course it doesn’t feel good to you,” she decided out loud. “How could it? I’ve never touched you the way you’ve touched me.”

  His kisses ceased. His body went rigid. Would she touch him, he wondered? In the intimate way in which he touched her? “Goldie—”

  “Saber...” Her voice trailed away, her hand found the fastening of his breeches.

  Saber clenched his teeth. God, she hadn’t even done anything to him yet, and he was already on the verge of losing control! “Goldie—”

  “It’s all right, Saber,” she said huskily, succeeding at unfastening his pants. “I’m not afraid.”

  “You’re not afraid?” he asked before he could stop himself.

  She dropped her hand from him, certain she was going about this all wrong. “Are you afraid?”

  “I—Afraid isn’t exactly the word. Goldie,
I’ve—I’ve wanted this for so long, that it’s hard for me to—That is to say, it’s not easy to hold back—You haven’t even touched me yet, and I’m already—You see, it’s like you laughing before I tickled you.”

  “Oh,” she said, frowning. “Saber, what’s like me laughin’ before you tickled me?”

  He laid back down beside her, realizing a bit of explanation was in order. Frightening her was the last thing in the world he wanted to do. He searched intently for the right words. “Goldie, remember how you said it was like a sneeze?”

  “A sneeze?” She felt herself blush when his meaning became clear.

  He saw the color tint her cheeks and knew she understood. “Men can have that ‘sneeze’ too. I—Goldie, you’re so beautiful, so desirable, that it’s hard for me to keep from sneezing—”

  He broke off, feeling laughter rumble through him again. His explanation was so absurd! Sneezing, of all things! “Suffice it to say, poppet, that I’m so ready for you, that it’s very difficult for me—”

  “I’m ready for you too, Saber,” she announced, wondering what it was she was so ready for.

  Her declaration nearly rendered him senseless with desire. “No. No, you’re not. Not yet. But I’m going to ready you, Goldie. I’m going to do it slowly. Gently, so you won’t be afraid.”

  “W-when?” she stammered.

  He smiled. “Now. Right now.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  “I’m not afraid, Saber.”

  He took her at her word. As smoothly as he could, he removed the rest of his clothes, his eyes watching hers. “If you’re not afraid, Goldie, why won’t you look at me?”

  She knew exactly what he meant, but kept her gaze directly on his face. “I—It’s just that... Well, you said I wasn’t ready. And you said you’d ready me. You said—”

  “I know what I said, and part of making you ready is having you look at me. Look at me, Goldie. Look so you’ll understand.”

  She took a quick glance, then turned her eyes away again. “You have a birthmark on your upper left thigh. It’s dark brown and shaped like a diamond.”

  “How very observant you are. Did you happen to see anything else?”