by Abby Brooks
I don’t remember falling asleep, but I wake up to the sound of my mother singing in the kitchen, the scent of pancakes, bacon, and coffee wafting down the hallway. Max props himself up on an elbow and looks down at me.
“Morning, beautiful.”
“Morning.”
“How’s your head?” He brushes a stray hair off my face. “I think you had your weight in Long Islands last night.”
I crinkle my eyebrows together and take stock of how I’m feeling. “So far, so good, I think. Although I’ll hold off on judgement until I find out what’s waiting for us out there.” I wave my hand toward the door as my mom calls us for breakfast in the exact same singsong voice she’s used since I was little.
“Is she always like this?” Max sits up and swings his legs over the edge of the bed.
“Always.”
He shakes his head in wonder. “Our lives couldn’t have been more different.”
We pull on some clothes and take a moment to look halfway presentable before we shuffle down the hallway where we find everyone at the table. My sisters and Dominic are hunched over cups of coffee, looking as bleary-eyed as I feel.
“You guys don’t look as bad as they do,” chirps Charlie, looking almost proud of us, like we won some kind of competition.
Dakota peers up at him. “Thanks, kid.”
We sit and mom plops a platter laden with pancakes and bacon onto the table before presenting each of us with a champagne flute filled with something orange.
“Mimosa’s for the headaches and orange juice for the kiddo,” she says and then whisks back into the kitchen to pour Max and me some coffee. We eat and damn, it’s good. I forgot how delicious my mother’s pancakes are.
“So,” says my dad as we finish up breakfast. “The three of us talked last night and came to a decision. We’re all going skydiving today.”
There’s a pause as his statement makes its way into our hungover brains and then everyone explodes into conversation at once. Dakota and Dominic are thrilled. They actually high five each other and dance around the kitchen like they’ve just heard the best news ever. Maya goes white as a sheet and I can’t quite make sense of what I’m feeling yet.
“What about Charlie? He’s too young,” I say.
“Nope!” he says, popping the ‘p’ at the end of the word. “We asked and as long as I’m big enough to fit the equipment, I can do it. And I’m pretty big for my age…” He looks as thrilled as Dakota and Dominic. I’m surprised he hasn’t started dancing with them yet. I look at Max.
He just shrugs. “It’d be one hell of a memory…”
My mom claps her hands together. “That settles it. The London brood is going skydiving!”
The rest of the morning passes in a haze of excitement and what might actually be terror. I’m not so sure I want to do this, but I feel like I’d let my family down if I said I didn’t want to go. Thanks in part to Mom’s heavy duty breakfast, we’re all feeling fine by the time we have to leave for the appointment they made for us last night. We follow Dad on a long trip out of town and by the time we pull into a long driveway with a small sign that simply says Skydiving, I might actually be looking forward to it. And who would have thought I’d ever look forward to jumping out of a plane?
Charlie, on the other hand, has gone silent. “Maybe I’ll be too small,” he says as we park and I’m pretty sure that’s hope I hear hiding under the fear in his voice.
We’re greeted by a small man who practically vibrates with energy as he introduces himself as Dillan. “A wedding, huh? That’s pretty badass. How’d you hear about us?” he asks as he shakes Max’s hand.
“We’re renting a house from Ian and Juliet Moore. They told us about you.”
Dillan grins and bobs his head. “I promise you, if they’re any indicator at all, this jump is going to bring you guys some serious good luck.”
We spend the next couple hours learning all we need to know about what we’re doing today. Since none of us has done this before, we’re each doing a tandem dive. We’ll have a seasoned professional strapped to our back, making sure we’re safe.
Charlie is definitely big enough for the equipment and he has the green light to jump, if he wants to. As we’re heading to the plane, Charlie holds back, walking slower and slower until he’s at the very back of the group. Max and I slow down with him.
“What if I don’t want to?” he asks, looking up at Max with big, round eyes.
“Then you don’t have to.” Max stops and drops a hand on his shoulder. “You can change your mind and stay on the plane and they’ll bring you right back down to us when it’s done. But listen to me. You came through some seriously tough stuff in your life and look at you. You’re totally fine. I know you’re strong enough to do this if you want to. I have faith in you.”
Charlie nods and sets his jaw. He doesn’t say a word, but I can see him processing everything Max just told him.
“You’re so good with him,” I say as Charlie climbs up onto the plane.
“I used to be just like him. I just say the things my grandmother used to say to me.”
“Then she sure was one hell of a woman.”
Max nods his agreement as we find a place to sit next to Charlie. “That she was. You would have loved her.”
We take off and I keep reminding myself of Max’s advice to Charlie. I don’t have to jump if I don’t want to. In fact, I’ve pretty much decided that if Charlie opts to stay on the plane, I will, too. Imagine my surprise when the boy pops right up when they ask who wants to go first.
Max gives him a silent fist bump as they get his equipment set and strap him in with Dillan. They walk to the edge of the plane. Charlie’s blonde hair stands on end as the wind hits him in the face. His toes hang out over the edge and I hold my breath. And then, like that, they lean over and fall. My mouth drops open.
“I knew he’d do it,” says Max, totally and completely the proud father.
One by one, my family marches up to the edge and one by one they lean over and fall out of the plane. Even Maya, whose face is still white as a sheet and who hasn’t said one single word since we got here. Finally, there’s just me and Max left on the plane.
“Ladies first,” he says and kisses me on the lips.
“You promise you’ll follow me?” I ask, suddenly afraid that he’s planning on staying on the plane even though I know without a doubt he’s not scared. I need him to do this with me.
“Everywhere,” he says. “Always. For the rest of forever.”
And with that, I find myself strapped to my instructor, toes hanging over the edge, wind whipping past my face. And we fall.
Except it’s not like falling. It’s like floating. My body is cushioned by the air rushing up to meet it as we plummet to the earth. I scream, but the wind steals my voice and before I know it, I’m laughing as I float serenely towards the ground, the canopy open above me.
We land and I cheer, running into the arms of my family as soon as I’m unhooked from my instructor. We hug and the looks on their faces mirror what I’m feeling inside, exhilarated and alive. I turn in time to see Max striding towards me. He swoops me up in his arms and spins me in a circle before putting me down. He reaches out for Charlie and pulls him into our embrace.
“I love you guys,” Max says, his voice rough and raw.
“I love you, too,” says Charlie, and I realize it’s the first time he’s ever said it to us.
Before I know it, my family surrounds us. There’s hugs and cheers and so many damn pictures as we each talk about our own experience, comparing it to everyone else’s. There’s this moment where I catch myself smiling, Charlie’s small voice echoing in my head, just staring at this group of people. My family. A lump forms in my throat because I realize that for the first time in as long as I can remember, I’m well and truly happy with all of us together.
Chapter Five
That night, we’re all sitting out on the back deck watching the moon swoop down ove
r the sea. It’s late and Charlie’s in bed, but that hasn’t stopped us from talking about how proud we all are of him. My whole family picked up on his fear at the skydiving facility and not one single person other than Max expected him to jump.
“He seems to be adjusting well,” says my mom, her eyes searching mine.
I nod. “We’re getting there. We’ve had our rough patches, that’s for sure. I didn’t know how to be a mom and he didn’t know how to have a mom.”
She shakes her head. “I’ve got three full grown daughters and I still don’t know how to be a mom.”
That may be the first time I’ve ever heard my mother admit to a fault. It takes me off guard and I don’t know what to say. A quick glance at my sisters shows that they’re also still processing that statement.
“He was basically feral when he first moved in,” says Max. “Totally used to being in control of what he did and how he did it. We’re lucky he’s a good kid with a good heart.”
I stare out over the water, remembering some of the stories he told us about his life with a woman who really and truly had no right to be a mom. “It sounds like he was often the one in the parental role. As much as I hate it for him, what he went through when his mom left him, I’m very glad to know he’s out of that situation.”
“Is he talking to anyone?” asks Maya. “A counselor? A therapist?”
Max nods. “We see a family therapist once a month and he goes for some one on one stuff twice a month.”
There’s a moment of silence and serenity and I can’t believe that I’m sitting here, having a normal conversation with my family. There’s no stress. No anxiety. No barbed comments. It’s so nice. Why isn’t it like this more often?
“Well, I for one am so glad it’s working out,” says Mom and it sounds like she really means it. “Dakota found Dominic. Chelsea found Max and Charlie. Now I just need to worry about poor sweet Maya turning into the old maid of the family.”
Maya visibly flinches and clenches her jaw. So much for the no stress version of a London family gathering.
“Mom.” The word comes out of my mouth a little harsher than I intended it to.
“What?” She looks utterly confused and offended.
“Maya is only twenty-eight. And she’s a pediatric surgeon going through one hell of a residency at a trauma hospital. Just when do you expect her to find the time or energy to date?” I can’t believe what I just said, and judging by the looks of shock on my sisters’ faces, neither can they. No one stands up to Mom or Dad when they say stuff like that. That’s just not the London way to make waves.
“Oh, you know I’m proud as I can be of her. But I’m just saying. You girls aren’t getting any younger. The bloom is falling off the rose.” Mom makes it sound like that’s the worst possible tragedy or our lives. “You’re lucky you found someone like Max who wasn’t concerned with the fact that you’re looking a little older. And maybe, if you stop wasting time, there’s still a chance to have a baby of your own.”
I’m appalled. “Mom!”
“I just want what’s best for you.” Mom sighs, looking to Dad for support.
“Your mom’s right. It’s something you just don’t understand because you don’t have any biological children.”
And that, my friends, is the final straw. I can feel it settling on all of us. The weight of what they just said. The gravity of it. Years and years of comments like that baring down on me and Maya and Chelsea.
I sit up and look at my parents, the self-nominated spokesperson for me and my sisters. “Maybe it’s time to realize that at this point, we know what’s best for ourselves.”
Maya sits forward as Mom and Dad spit and sputter in exasperation. “She has a point. I’ve spent the last ten years of my life preparing for my career while other people were out experiencing life. And now that I’ve wasted my youth, or so you’d have me believe, I’m coming to the conclusion that I chose this path for you guys. Not for me. And this is where I am now, and as much as I love that I’m making a difference in people’s lives, I’m not so sure I would have gone in this direction if you hadn’t pushed me into it.”
Dad clears his throat, the customary warning sign that he is beginning to get irritated. The London version of a rattlesnake shaking its tail. “So you’d rather be like Dakota then? Living the kind of life that keeps us awake at night?”
Dakota sits up. “Hey! I like my life, fuck you very much.”
Mom gasps. “Dakota!”
This is all about to go downhill very quickly. And here I was just thinking that we might be able to survive this week together after all. I’m desperate to get things back on track, but have not one single idea what to say or how to do it.
Max stands up, showing his palms. “Listen to your daughters, Mr. and Mrs. London,” he says in his cop voice. “I know you don’t like what they’re saying, but as an outsider looking in, it’s clear they really need you to hear them.”
Dominic nods. “He’s right.”
Max continues. “I know you’re trying your best to make sure they’re good, strong women, capable of reaching all the potential you see in them, but, maybe it’s time to take a step back and look at who they are. They’ve accomplished so much. What more do you want for them?”
My mom stares at his, studying each of our faces in turn. “I just want what’s best for them,” she repeats.
“I love my life,” says Dakota. “I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
I stand up and wrap myself in Max’s arms. “I have a job I love, a man I adore, and a kid I think the world of. What more could you possibly want for me?”
We all turn to Maya who makes a sad face. “I have a job that sucks the very marrow from my soul sometimes, a crap load of student debt, and a home I can barely keep clean because I’m always at work or exhausted because I was at work. Congratulations, Mom and Dad. Mission accomplished.” And with that, she stands up and hurries inside, leaving us all to stare after her in surprise.
Chapter Six
Later that night, as we’re brushing our teeth and getting ready for bed, Max takes my hand. He meets my eyes through the mirror and smiles such a sad, sweet smile, that I take my toothbrush out of my mouth and turn to him.
“What?” I ask around a mouthful of toothpaste.
“I’m proud of you.”
I spit and rinse my mouth. “For what? For making a big scene with my parents and upsetting Maya when we still have two more days we have to spend in this house together?”
Max laughs. “No. For standing up for yourself. For your sisters. You parents have the best intentions in the world, I know they do, but they needed to hear everything you said tonight.”
“Maybe,” I say. “But I don’t think anything is going to change. They’re still going to be them, overbearing and passive aggressive as all hell.” I shake my head. “I feel really bad for Maya. I’m worried about her.”
After she ran upstairs, we all took turns trying to get her to come out and talk to us. She kept insisting that she was fine and just needed to be alone. The whole thing just breaks my heart. I keep thinking of her, locked in her room. Hurting. Alone. I can’t imagine how she’s feeling right now, after spending a decade in school and a small fortune on education, only to realize she might not actually want to be a surgeon. I want to fix it and make it all better for her and I’m not sure if that’s something I can do. I think that’s up to her.
“I’m not worried,” says Max.
“What? Why?”
He takes the toothbrush out of my hand and sets it on the counter. “Life is all about ups and downs. You’ve gotta recognize that you’re down in order to fix things and work on climbing back up again. Sure it’s bad when you’re in one of those valleys, but it only makes the view from the top all the more sweet. Maya’s down. She’s not happy and anyone who looks close enough can see it. But instead of addressing the issue, she’s pretending that everything’s fine when it isn’t. And that just makes life one long,
straight line. No ups or downs, just a whole lot of tedium. There’s nothing good about living a life like that.”
“No, there really isn’t.”
“That’s why I don’t feel bad for her.” Max runs his hands up and down my arms. “She got knocked out of that long, straight, flat line tonight. And sure, she’s in a valley now, but that only means she’s got nowhere to go but up.”
“What if she stays down?” I look up into those endless blue eyes and wonder how I ever made it this far in life without him. Funny thing is, I think I was in the middle of a long straight line before he found me and showed me the view from the top.
“Have you ever known a London who could handle staying down? Ever?”
I laugh, despite myself. “Never. If there is a ladder to climb, then by golly, we’re going to climb it.”
“Exactly. Sure, Maya’s down. But all you need to do is show her the ladder.”
I let out a long breath. “How do you always know how to say the perfect things?”
“Because I’m just that awesome.” Max gives me a huge grin, one that is so very rare on his typically scowling face. One that I don’t think many people ever get to see.
“You really, really are.” I dig through my makeup bag for my birth control pills. As I pop one out of the little individual seals, Max puts a hand on mine, stopping me.
The grin is gone from his face and the deep crease has settled back in between his eyebrows again. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something and then closes it again, letting a long breath out through his nose. His eyes are tortured. I haven’t seen him look like this in a long time and it’s all the harder to see in the wake of such a happy face only seconds ago.
“What is it, my love?” I ask putting down the pills and capturing his face between my hands.
“Are you sure?” His voice is twisted and thick. My stomach drops because anything that could have him this tense is certain to be bad.
“Sure about what?”