by Abby Brooks
Oh, God. What if he’s asking about the wedding? Was that scene with my family too much for Max Santoro, the man who boldly proclaimed himself as not a family man? A series of cracks splinter out across my heart.
“About the pill,” he says and finally looks me in the eye. There’s so much pain and love all twisted up in there that I gasp. “Are you sure you want to take it?”
“Are you asking me if I want to try to have a baby with you?”
He nods. Swallows and purses his lips and then shakes his head.
“I watch you with Charlie,” he says. “You’re so good with him. And I look at us, this haphazard family that shouldn’t work. Not at all. But we do. And it’s good, Chelsea. I stare at the two of you sometimes and I’m just in awe of what our life has become.” He swipes a finger across my cheek and its only then that I realize I’m crying.
“You’re the one whose good with Charlie,” I say. “He says these things and asks these questions that I’m so unprepared for and you just get down in front of him and hit him with this big dose of wisdom. He’s going to grow into a great man, and that’s because he’s going to grow up to be just like you.”
“Then maybe we need to have a little girl who will grow up to be just like you,” says Max. “I wonder what it would be to look a child and see your face and my face. And your strengths and my weaknesses and I wonder what it would be like to watch Charlie take on the role of big brother…” He trails off and damn if there aren’t tears in his eyes.
“Max,” I say. “This is a huge thing. If it’s not something you want, and remember? It wasn’t long ago when you told me you didn’t want it.”
“Believe me. I remember.”
“Well, what’s changed?”
“You. You came into my life and changed everything for the better.”
I frown, feeling a crease appear between my brows just like his. “Is this something you really want? This isn’t something to just do on a whim and change our minds later after it’s too late.” The truth is, I’d love to have a baby with him. I just never let myself think about it because I didn’t think he would want to make our family any bigger than it already is.
“I’ve been thinking about it for a long time now. This isn’t a whim. At least not on my part. I can’t get the thought of a little girl out of my head, sweet and strong like her mommy. I want this. Do you?”
I nod, too full of too many feelings to find words. Max takes the pills out of my hand and pops them out one by one into the toilet and flushes them away.
“Good.” He smiles. “Now stop crying and let’s go make a baby.”
That night, the sex isn’t just sex. Nor is it simply making love. Max and I forge a connection so deep there’s no coming back from it. I give myself to him and he gives himself to me and while our bodies writhe and sweat on the bed, our souls complete a union. As my fingernails rake down his back, and he spills himself into me, whispering my name over and over and over, I realize that this is the moment we’re truly married.
Not standing in front of some stranger on a beach.
Not signing a paper to file with the state.
But now, lying in bed, committing ourselves to each other and the creation of another soul. A promise to love each other through our children, to see the best of each other in who they become.
Forever.
And ever…
…and ever…
Chapter Seven
We sneak out the next morning before my family is awake. I know I didn’t sleep much, and I don’t think he did either, both of us too excited about what we’d done the night before. I just want to steal some more time with Max and Charlie before I have to face my sisters and my parents.
And so that’s what we do.
We creep upstairs and wake Charlie. Get him dressed as he yawns and rubs his eyes. And then we take off for downtown Bliss.
“Where are we going?” asks Charlie once we’re in the car. “I’m hungry.”
Max looks at me and shrugs, a question in his eyes. “Want to get something to eat?”
“Sure.” We didn’t have a destination in mind when we left. All we knew was that we wanted to end up not where we were.
Of course, curse of the small town, there’s not much open this early. We’re just about to give up on finding a place to eat and find something else to do when we come across Good Beginnings at the very end of the street. And they’re very decidedly open.
“Isn’t this the place Ian mentioned?” I ask, my hands placed flat against my stomach. Is something happening in there? I can’t help but wonder. I can’t help but hope.
“I think so.” Max parks and then spins in his seat to look at Charlie. “Want to give it a try?”
“As long as there’s food, I’m good.”
We climb out of the car and press through the door into the café. There’s a woman behind the counter, her hair a mess of dark curls. “Morning,” she says with a smile. “You must be either the couple that’s getting married or you’re with them.”
Max flares his hands. “Guilty on that first count. How can you tell?”
“We don’t get too many new faces in here and word travels fast. Alas, there are no secrets in Bliss.”
A tall man comes out of the back while we study the menu. He’s almost as big as Max, which is surprising, although he’s not nearly as intimidating. However, that could be because of the baby boy giggling on his hip.
“Hey, Ellie?” he begins and the stops when he sees us, a look of surprise darting across his dark features. “Woops! Sorry. Didn’t expect to see a customer. The locals don’t show up this early.” He shifts the wiggling boy over to his other hip, who promptly reaches for Ellie. “So,” continues the man. “You the ones getting married or are you just here for the wedding?” he asks as he hands the baby over.
“Wow,” I say, shaking my head.
Ellie smiles at me as she kisses her son’s head. “What did I tell you? There are no secrets in Bliss.”
If I had any doubts about the way Max truly felt about having a baby, the way he’s watching Ellie and her son obliterates every last one. He studies them almost reverently, smiling to himself. He takes my hand and gives it a little squeeze before wrapping an arm around Charlie’s shoulder and pulling him close.
We finally decide and place our order, egg sandwiches for Max and me and pancakes for Charlie.
“You want a coffee?” Max asks the boy as Ellie hands us two large cardboard cups of the stuff.
“Ew. No.” Charlie wrinkles his nose and shakes his head. “That stuff is nasty.”
“Just wait, I bet you’ll change your mind about it here in a few years.” Max leads us over to one of the tables in the empty café and pulls out a chair for me.
“No way.” Charlie plops down next to me, shaking his head.
Max and Charlie babble on, talking about caffeine and skydiving and whatever else comes to their minds. Charlie actually says he can’t wait to get back to school so he can tell his friends all about it. As smart as he is, he never wants to go to school.
It’s a simple thing, this. Sitting in an empty café with my family while we laugh and talk and eat. Simple and beautiful. A glimpse of the rest of my life.
I know we’ll have our ups and our downs. I know that it won’t all be beautiful. I know there will be times when we don’t agree. When Charlie grows and spreads his wings and pushes against us, testing his independence. But I’ll take those downs if it means that the ups will be this good. Besides, what Max said last night is true. I’m a London. I won’t stay down long.
Max and I are waiting for Charlie to finish his pancakes when my phone vibrates in my purse. Frowning, I pull it out only to find that I’ve missed about a million texts from Dakota.
Where are you?
Mom’s loosing it.
Check your damn phone.
Did you leave for good?
And then finally:
For real. Where the fuck are you? Mom thi
nks you changed your mind about the wedding and went home. She’s blaming Maya. Call me.
I close my eyes and sigh.
“What’s up, babe?” asks Max.
I show him the phone and watch him read through the texts, brow furrowed. “I don’t even want to go back,” I say, smiling weakly. “Maybe we just do what they already think we did.”
Max pulls me into him. “You don’t mean that.”
“I know.”
“Here’s what we’ll do. Text Dakota back. Tell her we just ran out to get breakfast for everyone and we’ll be back soon.”
Max heads up to the counter to place a to-go order while I send the text. He’s so smart. If I mentioned anything about needing some space this morning, that would be like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it. Mom’s certain to be hanging over Dakota’s shoulder, waiting for me to reply. If I even imply that I’m upset about last night, Maya will never hear the end of it. Even though it’s not Maya’s fault.
We gather our things and pile back in the car. I take a moment to be grateful for the serenity of the simple family moment the three of us had this morning because we are about to walk into a giant family explosion.
Chapter Eight
The moment we walk in the door, Mom sweeps me into a huge, tear-soaked hug.
“I am so glad to see you. I thought you all ran away and decided to hide from us after Maya’s outburst last night.”
I extricate myself from her embrace. “Mom. Maya didn’t have an outburst last night…” I know now’s not the time to bring up anything remotely honest, but I do want to start laying the groundwork for when the time is right.
Maya shakes her head and gives me a wry smile. “It’s okay, Chelsea. I was really out of line last night. I don’t know got into me.” She shrugs and her eyes have that look in them that means she’s shoving all of her actual thoughts and feelings far, far away. “I’m feeling much better after a good night’s sleep.”
The hope I had for her dies a little. Either she’s decided not to make a big deal about the pressure our parents put on her the day before my wedding, or she’s decided to go back to dealing with that long, straight line. To just putting one foot in front of the other without recognizing how unhappy she is.
I stare at her for a second, trying to see if I can figure out what’s going on behind that big, fake London smile. But of course, she’s just as good at hiding what she’s really feeling as I am. Whatever. It doesn’t matter which of the two things she’s chosen. I’m still going to make it my mission to help her find some happiness.
We all spend the morning walking on egg shells around each other, smiling too big and laughing too loudly. But after a few hours, everyone settles down and things feel almost normal again. It’s an easy day, and I choose to spend it out on the beach with Max and Charlie. We build sandcastles and find shells and watch as the ocean laps up around our ankles and drags the sand away from around our feet.
Our wedding rehearsal is this evening and I giggle through the whole thing. Not because I think it’s funny, but just because I can’t contain my joy. My laughter is contagious and before I know it, my whole family is just as happy as I am. Even Maya. I think.
Afterwards, we pile into two cars and head to Moore Good Eats for our rehearsal dinner. I watch the sun set over the ocean as we drive out there, trying to drink as much of it in as I can before we leave tomorrow evening. I can’t believe the wedding is tomorrow. I can’t believe that in less than twenty-four hours, I’ll be Chelsea Santoro. I hate to admit it, but it’s almost a relief not to be a London anymore. I love my family, but maybe, just maybe, the Santoro family will be a little healthier and happier than the Londons.
The restaurant is absolutely perfect. Warm and inviting. Simple and sophisticated. We check in with the hostess and as she’s looking up our reservation, a tall man with sandy hair and a warm smile walks up to greet us.
“I assume you’re the London and Santoro party?” His voice is low. Subtle and quiet.
“None other,” I say, smiling widely.
The man dips his chin in greeting. “I’m Harry Moore, the owner. I just wanted to take a moment and personally welcome you to Moore Good Eats.” Assuming the dark-haired man we met this morning at the café was also a Moore brother, I have to say that I understand why they’re so popular here in Bliss. They all have a certain magnetism about them. Not anything like my Max, of course, but it’s still there. An undeniable charisma and charm. No wonder they’re akin to royalty here in Bliss.
Harry instructs the hostess to show us back to the special occasion room while he puts a hand on Max’s arm. “May I speak with you for a moment?”
Max agrees and the rest of us follow the hostess while I peer over my shoulder to see Max and Harry, heads close, speaking in low tones. The look on Max’s face is incredulous and then we pass through the doorway and I lose sight of him.
“What was that about?” I ask in Max’s ear when he joins us a few seconds later, pulling out his chair to sit down next to me.
“You won’t believe it if I tell you.”
“Try me.”
He glances around the table at the family and finds them all totally engrossed in conversation or scouring the menu for dinner options. He leans in very close.
“He told me he knows how intense these family things get and that if you and I end up needing a private moment, there’s a place out on the deck where no one will see us after the sun sets.”
“He didn’t,” I say, shocked.
“He did.”
“Do you think he meant it like that? Like, do you think he just told us we can go have sex on his deck?”
“I do.” Max nods his head.
I sit up, eyes wide. “No way.”
Max shrugs and flares his hands. “I mean, I’m not going to lie. I appreciate the information and knowing we have permission is going to take some of the pressure off...” He winks at me.
“Are you saying you think we’ll end up needing that private moment?”
He looks around the table. Mom’s busy insulting Dakota and Dad already has Maya’s jaw dropped in shock over something he’s just said. Dominic looks lost as to how to help and Charlie’s just quietly studying his menu, oblivious to it all. Then he brings his eyes to me, lets them linger on my breasts as he runs his hands up my thigh under the table. “There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that we’ll be taking advantage of that private moment.”
Chapter Nine
The next day, I spend the morning getting ready for my wedding. It’s not the big fancy affair I imagined as a little girl. I’m doing my own hair instead of hiring a hairdresser. My dress is tasteful and something I’ll wear again rather than something inspired by too many Disney princess movies. Something that will spend the rest of its life in my closet.
But, simple or not, I’m laughing with my sisters as we do our hair and makeup in the master bathroom at the house. I couldn’t think of a better way to spend the morning of my wedding.
Wait.
I take that back.
I can most definitely think of a better way to spend the morning of my wedding. I could be in bed, making babies with Max. But seeing as how we’ve done that already today…
“Where did you and Max disappear to last night?” asks Dakota, interrupting my thoughts.
I blush, partly because I was busy thinking of Max naked and partly because of Dakota’s question. “What do you mean?” I ask, trying to look like someone who did not have sex on the deck at her own rehearsal dinner last night.
Maya sets her curling iron down with a light thunk. “You are one hell of a bad liar.”
“I’m not lying.” And I’m not. At least not yet. I’m just not actually answering the question Dakota asked me.
“You guys didn’t have bathroom sex, did you?” Dakota wrinkles her nose, but there’s a gleam in her eyes that makes me want to circle back to that question. None of us Londons are very good liars.
I
lean into the mirror to check my eyeliner. “I most certainly did not have bathroom sex.” I consider leaving it right there, but what the hell? It’s my wedding day. Why not be a little shocking? “We had sex on the deck overlooking the ocean.”
The look on my sisters’ faces is so totally epic I wish I had a picture of it.
“No way,” breathes Maya.
“Maybe we actually are related.” There’s that look on Dakota’s face again. Impish. Secretive. And totally ready to spill the beans on a secret that’s been in her head for too long.
“What makes you say that?” I ask sweetly.
Dakota’s got her mouth open as she sweeps on mascara. She closes her mouth but doesn’t look our way. “Oh, nothing,” she says to her reflection.
“Not buying it.” Maya grabs Dakota by the shoulders and spins her around. “Not even a little.”
Dakota smiles and bites her lip. “Ever heard of the mile-high club?” She tilts her head to the side. “You’re looking at a card carrying member.”
We laugh our way through the rest of getting ready and before I know it, it’s time to get married. Max is already out on the beach with Charlie, Dominic, and my mom. Dakota and Maya walk out of the house ahead of me and dad offers me his elbow.
“I love you, Moo,” he says as we reach the door. I try not to flinch, but I do anyway.
He pauses, pulling me back into the house.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t realize that nickname hurt your feelings. When I look at you, I still my baby girl, all chubby cheeks and massive smiles, pigtails streaming behind you as you run up to me for a hug. That’s my Moo. My daughter. My little girl. That’s what Moo means to me.”
I look up at my father and, as if his words weren’t enough, the look in his eyes brings tears to my own. There’s so much love. So much pride. So much tenderness. I remember him sweeping me up into his arms when I was little, singing silly songs and chasing me around the yard.
“I just want to be good enough for you,” I say, choking on the raw truth of the words, the root of all my insecurities, a need so strong, it’s shaped me into the woman I am.