by Gavin Atlas
“I always did what I was supposed to. I wanted to go to DC and be gay and join the Mattachine Society, but instead I went to Viet Nam. When I got back, I wanted to go to New York with all its free love, but I stayed in Richmond and took care of my parents.”
“Sounds like you’re a wonderful and responsible guy,” Troy said with no hint of sarcasm.
“Do you know I never break the law? Never. That’s how I was raised.”
He looked at me for a moment. “So, until Virginia was forced to repeal the sodomy law, you’d never screwed?”
I nodded. He was smarter than he looked. “I marched. I donated money. I wrote letters to politicians, but I never had sex. All so you could lie about and spend your life getting fucked.”
He gave me an impatient look and lifted his legs in the air. “But now you can put your frustration aside and reap the benefits of all your hard work!” God, his rump was nice. How did I get myself so worked up? Why was I mad at him?
“Do you even have a job?” I asked, unable to hide the bitterness in my voice. “Or is this what you do for a living? I figured I’d have to pay you. Just like the rest.”
He kept his legs in the air. “I work in a candle shop in The Fan District. It’s not much, but I’m saving money so I can go to one of those online colleges. And if you’re paying guys for sex, then actually you are breaking the law.”
I shook my head. “I don’t pay cash. We just work something out. A used car. A trip to Miami. Maybe I should pay for a college class for you.”
“No.” Troy looked irritated. “You don’t have to buy me anything.”
“You’re not attracted to me,” I said, looking at the floor. “Why would you be?”
He sighed and lowered his legs. “Rudy, trust me, I like you. Or I did like you, but I’m feeling insulted now. I think we should forget it.”
My stomach lurched. What had I done? Why am I always my worst enemy?
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”
“It seems like you think because I didn’t serve in the armed forces or dedicate myself to a celibate struggle for gay rights, I’m a worthless person. I think you should leave.” He wouldn’t look at me. Oh, gosh, did I feel bad.
“I’m sorry. You’re not worthless. You’re…you’re just so beautiful it makes me angry. I’m sure no one ever felt for me the way I feel for you.”
“The way you feel for me? You don’t even like me.”
I nearly gasped. “You can’t think I don’t like you!” I grabbed my crotch. “Believe me, if you could see this, you’d know I damn well like you.” I looked at his dick. “Meanwhile, you’re not even hard.”
“My lust is like moonlight,” he said. “The moon only shines when hit by rays from the sun. So when I’m hit by a man’s lust, especially a man like you, someone older and impassioned, that’s when I’m turned on.”
“Especially a man like me?” I said, swallowing. I rubbed my neck and gave Troy an apologetic look. “Can we…start over?”
Troy didn’t respond except to fold his arms defensively.
“Troy, I’m sorry. I think…what happened is that I think so little of myself that a boy who’s going to let someone like me fuck him must have something wrong with him, too. I deeply apologize.”
“You saw the anti-depressants,” Troy said.
“Yeah, I did,” I confessed.
“That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me. I think I’m a good guy,” Troy said quietly. “Maybe you don’t think so, but I like who I am.”
“I guess you won’t believe me now,” I said, “but I promise I like who you are very much, too.”
Troy gave me a doubtful look. “Do you think you know me well enough to really mean that?”
I chuckled. “Okay. I like…that you’re able to stand up for yourself when someone criticizes you…and I love that you enjoy giving up that ass to men like me.”
He laughed. “Oh, you like that, huh?”
“May I show you how much?” I said as I moved to his mattress. Before I fucked up again, I needed to go into action. Ever since he’d told me “especially a man like you,” I believed he really wanted me. And if, in return, he needed me to tell him about all the different ways I lusted after him, I’d be more than happy to oblige.
“Your rump is so delectable.” I said as I unzipped my jeans and gawked at the perfectly curved and smooth mounds of his rear. “God, it’s nice. As nice as the men on your computer screen. I’m very lucky I get to fuck it.”
He moaned softly and began to stroke himself. When he saw my dick, his eyes widened. “Damn, you are hard. It’s kinda big.”
“And it can’t wait to be inside you,” I said. Yes, though also hopped up on Cialis and Enzyte, I knew from my time in the army my cock was a good size to begin with. He reached for a bottle of lube, but I slipped it from his grasp. “I’d like to prepare you myself.” I lay back on his mattress, my cock jutting straight up. “Will you turn around so I can fondle your hole while you suck me?”
“Of course.”
As his lips engulfed my shaft, my shoulders relaxed and I sighed. All boys should be this obedient and respectful of their elders. “You have a talented mouth,” I said, thrusting gently upward. “I bet all the guys line up for your blowjobs.” He moaned but didn’t stop to talk.
I took a dollop of lube and massaged his anus. He arched his back to allow me as much access as possible. I probed in deeper with two fingers, then three. My breathing increased yet again.
I told him to stop sucking. I didn’t want to come yet, and he’d begun to eagerly deep throat me. I had no idea oral sex could feel so pleasurable.
“I’m sorry. I have arthritis in my knees,” I said. “Would it be all right if you straddled me, so I can fuck you cowboy style?”
“Don’t apologize and don’t ask. Just tell me. You can have me however you want.” He had a dreamy expression on his face, and his dick was at full attention. Unlike the other couple boys I’d had, he really loved this.
He fitted the condom on me with an expertise I hadn’t mastered. Then he swung his right leg over my middle and situated his hole right above my dick. I reflexively began to make thrusting motions. I wanted in so badly I couldn’t stop them.
He grasped my dick gently and began to lower himself onto me. As I figured, he wasn’t all that tight, but for my size, that was a good thing. I pulled his hand away so he’d fall onto my cock all the way to the hilt. He gasped in effort and looked at me with wide-eyed surprise.
“Now you can feel how much I want you.” Troy merely nodded and began to slowly bounce on my shaft. I stopped him and held him still. “Don’t lift up. I need to start deep and go deeper.”
He moaned and leaned down to kiss me. That surprised me as the other boys had no use for kissing. But now I discovered my favorite thing was to have my tongue and dick inside Troy at the same time. My body flooded with the energy of a man forty years younger, and I pounded into Troy’s ass again and again. Both of us began to sweat.
I broke from the kiss. “I don’t care about arthritis. Your ass is so gorgeous. I have to take you doggy.”
“Yes, sir,” Troy said. He placed himself on all fours and arched up his perfect rump. I pushed myself up to my knees, wincing. As I climbed aboard, all I could think was how I wished this moment could last forever. This young man was giving his ass to me, to me, and it was soft and warm and felt so good I trembled with each thrust. “You’ve got the best ass I’ve ever seen,” I told Troy. He moaned and pressed back, offering himself completely. I nearly came, but I pulled out and pinched off my dick.
From the way he’d put his legs in the air, I knew what position he liked. “Now I want you on your back,” I said. He flipped over, breathing hard. To show him the extent of my lust, I yanked his legs in the air the moment his back hit the mattress and slammed back into his ass. “God, my dick belongs inside you all the time, Troy. It really does.”
“Yes, sir,” he whimpe
red, stroking himself at a mad pace.
“I’m going to fuck you all the time, boy. All…the…time.”
“Uh…uh…yes, sir!” Troy’s body shuddered and he shot come clear up to his pillow. Now that he’d climaxed, I could let myself have my own. I reamed him, imagining having Troy’s body to fuck anytime I needed it. Any time I was angry or sad or frightened, I could release my cares inside this young man. I pushed in one last time and came like a gun going off again and again. I heard myself screaming, “Yes!…Yes!…Yes!”
Before I’d regained my senses I found myself pressing my lips against his in the fiercest kiss I’d ever given. From his moans, his come and his sweat, I knew I’d given him better sex than he’d expected from a man my age.
“Sometimes I have trouble coming with all the meds. So that…that was so nice,” he said. “Will you really come back? All the time?”
I didn’t know if I would or should. Even in the immediate afterglow, I knew I didn’t want to risk falling in love with someone who gave up his body like it was a public service. However, if I could keep heed of that…
“Yes, I will come back, boy.” I collapsed on my side to give my knees relief. The way he looked at me, I could see true desire in his eyes. My ardor had indeed sparked his. I grinned like a fool. I hadn’t felt so good about myself in years. I understood lust like moonlight, and maybe, if I’d learned my lesson, I could keep making it shine its brightest.
The Boy Can’t Help It
I never thought I’d ever be attracted to a man. I wouldn’t have even described myself as curious. At first I thought of Shaun as simply a roommate I needed to share my tiny apartment with while I worked on my graduate degree. I’d grown up in an Arab household with some fairly typical cultural mores, but I had spent most of my teen years in California, and I’d already had one gay roommate, which had done much to change my perspective. So when Shaun asked if his sexuality would be a problem, I told him “not at all.”
And it wasn’t a problem. He didn’t cook at home often, but if he did, he always made enough for me. He practiced guitar regularly, but as soon as I came home, he’d stop so he wouldn’t disturb me. Furthermore, he was tidy to the point that he would wash my dishes before I even had the chance. There was even a time I had a paper due on toxic chemical interactions, and my laptop crashed. Shaun spent an hour recovering my file and then lent me his computer, no questions asked. He was a good roommate and a sweet fellow.
About three weeks after he moved in, a guy I’d seen on campus named Lucas was in our apartment sitting next to Shaun on his bed. I didn’t think too much of it because we had hardly any furniture. I saw Lucas give me the evil eye, so I knew he wanted to be alone. I could only shrug. We shared a studio apartment, so unless I took a long shower there was no way I could give them privacy, and I was too tired to go back to the library. Instead, I just went to the bathroom to change into sleeping shorts. When I returned, Shaun gave me an appreciative glance, then quickly looked away. He was shy and not at all aggressive, so it wouldn’t rattle me if he found me attractive. Lucas would have been another story.
“It’s getting late, Lucas” Shaun said, looking at me. “Maybe I’ll catch up with you at lunch tomorrow.”
“Nah, we need to catch up right now,” Lucas said. The look on his face was one of intimidation, as if he didn’t want Shaun to dare say “no.” I slid under the covers and turned off the light by my bed. I pretended to close my eyes, but I kept them slightly open. With his left hand, Lucas started to tug down Shaun’s drawstring shorts, and with his right, he tried to press Shaun down to the bed.
“No, Lucas, I can’t,” Shaun said, trying to stop the downward direction of his shorts. “I’m not ready.”
“Jason broke up with you weeks ago. I can see in your eyes that you need it.”
“I shouldn’t start something else that’s only about sex, don’t you think?”
Even in the low light, I could see the outline of Shaun’s hardening dick under his shorts. Lucas grabbed it and Shaun moaned.
“No, I think you want me to fuck you,” Lucas purred.
“Okay, okay, you can,” Shaun whispered. “But not in front of my roommate. That’s too inconsiderate.”
Lucas huffed in frustration. “I can’t have you in my place. Hey, you! Shaun’s roommate! You don’t mind if I fuck him, do you?”
“Lucas, my God. He’s Arab. Have some respect for other people’s culture. Fadil, I’m sorry. Lucas was just leaving.”
I don’t know why I said what I did. It was on the tip of my tongue to say, “Yes, I do need some sleep, so if you want to, as you say, ‘get busy,’ would you mind waiting until I’m not here?” Instead, I pretended to yawn and gave them a bleary look. “Go ahead. I don’t care.” Yet I felt unsettled. What did it say about me that I was allowing this? Nothing, I hoped. It sounded like they had no other place to go, right? And I had claimed I was open-minded.
As soon as I gave my consent, Lucas yanked Shaun’s shorts down to his knees. Shaun covered his hard-on with his hands.
“Hey!” he protested, “I’m too embarrassed to do it in front of Fadil!” Lucas paid no heed, stripped Shaun’s shorts completely off, and started pulling up his shirt. I knew Shaun was fit, but the contours of his body were more muscular than I’d expected, especially his chest and shoulders. It crossed my mind Shaun might have been on the college swim team. He was masculine but a little short, and looked overpowered by the much taller Lucas.
“That’s too bad.” Lucas started rubbing Shaun’s dick rhythmically and with each stroke, Shaun’s legs lifted higher into the air.
“God, you want it, don’t you?” Lucas said.
“Okay,” Shaun whispered. “You can have my ass. But be quiet and let Fadil sleep.”
Lucas unzipped his jeans and pulled out his dick. I’d seen enough in locker rooms to know Lucas was not small, but not as large as I am.
“You’re going to have to suck me off first.” Lucas pushed Shaun’s legs down and flipped him onto his knees. Shaun bent forward to Lucas’s cock. Then Lucas put his hand on Shaun’s head and gripped his sandy-brown hair, pushing him farther down onto his prick. The light was behind Shaun so his face was in silhouette, but I could see he was able to take the entire shaft. How often did he do this? Since my teenage years, I’d had several girlfriends, and he could suck better than any of them.
Lucas had both hands on the side of Shaun’s head and roughly fucked his face. I caught myself thinking Shaun had a very pretty mouth, but then shook that thought off. Shaun’s a guy. Girls have pretty mouths.
“I shouldn’t do this,” Shaun said, pulling back. “It’s not right.”
“The Muslim guy doesn’t care, Shaun. It’s fine,” Lucas said.
“But I’m not okay…” Shaun protested, but Lucas had him on his back again, and he was massaging Shaun’s dick. It seemed like Shaun’s legs lifted back in the air almost reflexively, involuntarily. Lucas started rubbing Shaun’s asshole. Shaun moaned and looked at Lucas helplessly. Was he pleading with Lucas to stop or to start? Regardless, Lucas produced a tiny bottle of lubricant from the pocket of his jeans and started preparing Shaun, who did nothing but keep his legs obediently raised and breathed heavily.
In a blink of an eye, Lucas had a condom unrolled down the length of his dick. He must have had so much practice at this as he executed the maneuver with one hand while keeping Shaun held down with the other. I doubted Shaun had any desire to move away.
Then Lucas flipped Shaun over and positioned him on all fours on the edge of the twin bed. He buried his dick in Shaun’s ass, Shaun’s head snapping up at the shock of what appeared to be a rough entry.
Lucas growled. “Damn, what a tight ass you’ve got, Shaun.”
Shaun looked back over his shoulder at the man penetrating him and made a hushing sound, imploring him to keep quiet and not wake me up. Lucas paid him no heed and started grunting with each thrust.
“This is amazing,” Lucas said. “Now
I know why Jason was bragging about every time he fucked you.”
Shaun tried to suppress a moan.
“Don’t squirm so much. Let me all the way in,” Lucas said.
“Please, can we do it on my back?” Shaun whispered.
“No way,” Lucas said. “Your rump is so round and perfect. I have to watch it get fucked doggy.”
Shaun did his best to stifle his moans for my sake while Lucas rammed in and out. I was fascinated and soon I no longer pretended to sleep. Their coupling struck me as rough and crude, as something from a nature show. Even in the dim light I could see Shaun’s face was red with embarrassment, but Lucas’s frenzied thrusts were unstoppable.
Eventually, Lucas came with a guttural roar. I noticed Shaun did not, but Lucas didn’t seem to care. He merely dressed and left, still breathing fast. I felt surprised and confused to find I had a slight erection myself. Other than porn videos, I’d never seen other people have sex. I had no idea the act could be so wild and tumultuous in real life.
The next day I relaxed in the quad near the chemistry building, enjoying the California sunshine and sitting close enough to Lucas and his friend, Martin, to eavesdrop. Shaun walked by in drawstring shorts and a tight t-shirt that showed off the muscles he’d developed. From their conversation, I learned I’d been correct. Shaun was a member of Fonseca College’s swim team.
“He always smells so good, and he doesn’t wear cologne,” Lucas said, watching the shift of Shaun’s backside. “It’s intoxicating. Sometimes I feel like I almost have to bite him because inhaling his scent isn’t enough.”
That struck me as intriguing. I had noticed Shaun often had a nice smell, at least for a guy, and I had thought it was some kind of soap or aftershave. Could it be a naturally occurring chemical?
“Look at how everyone turns to stare at him,” Martin said. “Guys. Girls. It’s like he’s irresistible.”
Lucas nodded in agreement. “He is. It was as if I had no choice. I had to fuck him. I wish I could bend him over right here.”