by A. M. Kusi
“Oh, which one?” Maggie interjected before Ella could refuse.
“Bingham Falls.”
“That’s a great idea. Ella, the woods always help you feel better, and I really don’t think you should be alone today.”
Ella looked at River, studying him for any sign of pity. River plastered a smile across his face, his green eyes flashing with hope.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I asked you days ago, remember? I don’t want to get lost and get eaten by a bear, or lion, or whatever you have up here in the Green Mountains,” he joked.
He had a great way of flipping the mood from tense to relaxed in almost an instant. One of the skills that no doubt made him excel as a consultant. Ella knew she needed some of his energy today. She needed his closeness. She felt exhausted emotionally, and mentally drained, so she nodded her head.
“Great!” Maggie said, clapping her hands together. “Go have a good time.”
Ella nodded and followed River as Maggie nearly pushed them out the front door. Lucas gave Ella one more hug before returning to the inn.
“We can take my car,” Ella offered.
“No need.” River shook a key chain in the air and led her to a black Tesla in the gravel parking lot alongside the inn.
Of course he drives a fancy car. River opened the door for her so Ella could climb into the passenger side. He shut it once she was safely seated.
The hot car smelled like him. Ella took a few deep breaths, savoring the comfort River’s scent offered. He set the backpack he was carrying in the trunk of the car before climbing into the driver’s side.
He started the car with a push of a button, and a song by Imagine Dragons started playing over the blast of the air conditioner.
River looked at her surprised face as he turned to back out of the parking lot. “What? You thought guys like me only listened to rap music?” he joked.
Ella looked mortified. “What? No!” She was horrified that River would think she subscribed to such stereotypical beliefs. She looked over and saw his smirk. Letting out a breath of relief she continued, “I mean, I figured you were more of the classical music type. You know, important business guy, fancy car, old, rich white-man music.” She played along.
Now, it was River’s turn. “I love me some Beethoven,”
River glanced at Ella and they both burst out laughing. She felt good for the first time that day. They passed the short ride making small talk about the area as Ella gave River directions. Ella was thankful River didn’t press her for details and answers she wasn’t ready to give.
When they reached a stretch of road with gravel pull-offs either side, Ella directed River onto one on the right.
“This is it?” River asked, looking around.
“Yup,” Ella said, getting out and walking around the back of the car where River was removing his backpack from the trunk.
“This way,” she directed to a line of trees.
River followed her.
As soon as they entered the canopy of the lush green forest, Ella felt a rush of calm flow over her. She needed the woods. The previous summer, she would take long walks and hikes, helping her stay grounded. Since Mac’s diagnosis and the winter season kicking in, she couldn’t remember the last time she had visited the forest.
Once inside the woods, the air grew a few degrees cooler under the shade of the trees. They didn’t walk far before they came to the sign that read Bingham Falls. It gave the history of the ownership of the land, and information about black bears.
“You know I was only joking about bears. Do we really need to be worried?” River asked, lowering his voice. In true city-boy form, he was looking worried. His eyes darted around the forest as if searching for any sign of furry company in the lush greenery.
Ella smirked at him. “I have nothing to worry about, but they do tend to have a sweet tooth for guys who drive fancy cars,” she said, before skipping off down the trail, laughing.
River hesitated a second, before jogging to catch up to her.
They walked along the path, as she took in the atmosphere. Spring was in full bloom, and today was unusually hot for early June. Ella welcomed the coolness of the forest shade. The damp air smelled sweet from the greenery and blossoming wildflowers. Birds sang, as chipmunks and squirrels chattered over the distant rush of water. Various white and brown fungi grew on the sides of trees and on the edges of the uneven dirt trail. It wound ahead of them, knotted with roots and half-covered stones.
The forest floor was filled with lush green flora and ferns growing in the shade. Fragments of bark, leaves, and pine cones laid scattered throughout the brush. The reddish brown of the decaying logs contrasted with the green of the healthy trees and moss that grew on them. Tall strong oaks, mixed with saplings, rose out of the ground, appearing to have the sole intent of brushing the sky. The sun broke through the canopy, creating gold-dappled effect through the leaves. Making their way down the path, they could see a few fallen trees laying drunkenly against one another.
As they continued down the trail, a man walking a German Shepherd crossed their path. He nodded his good afternoon as he passed by. The dog hesitated to sniff Ella and River’s feet before continuing up the path with his master.
The sound of rushing water filled their ears, and the air grew even more moist. Ella led River across a footbridge to an overlook and pointed out the giant rock formations covered in moss and lichen. Green water rushed in between the boulders, having eroded a path over time for the river to flow through. They explored the cliff face watching as the assembly of smaller waterfalls that emptied into one another. The thundering of the cascading water grew louder the closer they got to the edge.
Ella held onto a thick cedar tree with one hand while bending over the cliff ledge to see the rushing blue-green water below.
Sounding nervous, River said, “Okay, let’s get back to the path.”
Ella looked over to River, ready to tease him about a fear of heights until she saw his face. He had his hand outstretched to her, his features showing concern for her. Ella took his hand. River had a strong grip, and pulled her back onto the path.
The connection of their bodies brought a renewed buzz of humming energy to her. He gave her hand a squeeze and let her go. Ella’s hand tingled, feeling as if he were still touching her. Her cheeks flushed pink as she remembered her admissions to him the previous night. It brought her comfort to know River felt the tantalizing current as well.
They continued down the well-worn trail of half-covered pebbles. The path that had sloped downhill the whole way now turned into a rough natural stone staircase that descended below them. The ground was wet from the moisture of the waterfalls and the forest. The trail was oozing mud from the spring rains, making the increasingly steep descent slippery.
Ella spun around to walk backwards down the abrupt decline. River watched her for a time, and then followed her example, walking on all fours. Once they reached the bottom, the roaring waterfall came into view. Ella climbed onto a small bare patch of ground, trying not to trip over roots.
“Woah. This is breathtaking…” River pulled his phone from his pocket and snapped a few pictures of the large waterfall before them.
He looked at Ella.
She had mud all over her legs and hands, as she looked around excitedly.
River turned towards the raging frothy cascade of water falling into a green plunge pool, before setting down his backpack.
The cliff walls were stratified rock with dark crevices covered in green algae and lichen. The waterfall emptied into a large green pool, surrounded by colossal boulders and rocky outcroppings. Air bubbles, bits of pine needles, and leaves flowed down stream. The sun-dappled surface of the water sparkled as it meandered down a rock platform over multi-tiered drops.
Ella’s skin was sticky from sweat mixed with the cool mist of the falls.
“Towards the end of the summer, the falls are not as powerful as they are now,” she explained, motioning towards the heavy white curtain. She squatted down and took off her shoes, placing her phone inside one of them. Next she extended her foot to one of the sturdy roots below her. Feeling the cool, damp earth against her bare feet, she used her hands to steady herself then quickly made the climb down to one of the boulders before River could notice.
River was busy taking a panorama photo, he saw Ella standing on a rock ledge on the edge of the pool, he asked, “Where are you going?”
Ella gave him a playful look over her shoulder. “Come find out.” She turned back and focused on making her way over the boulders safely, but she could feel his smirk. Ella had memorized the grin that showed off his white teeth, and the way River’s eyes smiled with it. She needed his relaxed energy today more than ever. She decided that, just for today, she would put everything out of her mind and focus on the here and now.
River took off his shoes and left them in a pile by his backpack, shoving his phone inside the bag before cautiously making his way down the incline. He reached the slimy rock platform on the edge of the pool where Ella stood. He tentatively put one foot into a few inches of the cold water. Goose bumps covered his body in response but he grinned at her again. They stood watching the falls as close as they could without actually swimming up to them.
“That’s one thing I can knock off my bucket list,” River said.
“You really have one of those?” Ella asked, surprised.
“Yeah.”
Ella was curious. “What else is on your list?”
“Finding my soul mate.”
Ella felt like the wind had been knocked out of her, momentarily unable to breathe. Her face burned with a red blush. River laughed. Ella turned to look at him, unsure.
“I’m just joking. You should have seen your face.” He laughed even harder, holding his stomach.
“I am going to get you back for that,” Ella challenged.
She turned around and carefully made her way through the slippery flow of water to the largest boulder directly across from the waterfall, closest to the river’s edge. She scaled up the cold stone of the small island while River watched curiously.
Once at the edge, Ella stood. Seeing the height was taller than she remembered, she swallowed nervously.
“You won’t do it. It’s freezing and too high up,” River said.
She could hear the doubt mixed with concern in his voice. “What? Rock diving isn’t on your bucket list? Too risky for the city boy?” Ella teased.
River didn’t say a word. He pulled off his shirt and tossed it onto the dry rock before following the same path Ella had taken to the top of the boulder. He reached out for her hand and she instinctively let him take it. He was breathing hard. She got the view of his sculpted abs up close, and at work, for the first time. She had to remind herself to breathe at the sight of his beautiful, muscular body so close to hers. Ella felt engulfed in hot flames of attraction.
She caught River staring back at her. He said suddenly, “I dare you.”
“Oh, what are you, twelve?” Ella teased, knowing she had already accepted his challenge.
“I assure you I am all man,” River said, meeting her gaze.
Ella felt her face flush as the remaining blood retreated south, making her suddenly aware of the growing heat between her thighs. Something about the way River had said man made her body shiver with salacious anticipation. She wanted him to show her exactly what he meant.
Ella closed her eyes. Holding his hand tightly, she pulled him closer. She jumped.
Chapter 11
The feeling of floating only lasted for a moment before it turned into falling. Excitement formed a knot in Ella’s stomach as adrenaline coursed through her body. She opened her eyes just before the icy liquid overtook her, blurring her vision in green. She let go of River’s hand and kicked.
Ella tried to gasp for air, breaking the surface of the freezing water. Her lungs wouldn’t take a full breath, still in shock from the frigid temperature. She glanced over her shoulder to see River surface a second later, complete shock overtaking his features. She made her way to the rock platform.
River reached the ledge at the same time she did, bolting out of the icy water, sucking in shallow shaky breaths. Ella felt goose bumps all over her skin and she shivered. After he regained his composure, River turned to look at her.
“I can’t believe you just did that!”
“You dared me!” Ella said, trying to laugh, but her muscles were too tight; it hurt.
“I didn’t think you w-would…” River trailed off. “Much less drag me in with you!”
“I told you I would get you back.” Ella’s breaths were ragged and her teeth chattered.
River smiled incredulously at her. Ella’s soaking wet T-shirt clung to her breasts like a second skin. She realized what River was staring at and crossed her arms across her chest, feeling naked, remembering she had forgotten to put a bra on that morning in the chaos.
River took her hand and they carefully climbed up the roots and rocks until they reached the bare patch of earth where they had left the backpack and shoes. He handed her an extra black T-shirt from his bag and turned his back to give her some privacy.
Ella looked around and saw no other hikers. She quickly peeled her soaking wet shirt off, and replaced it with River’s dry one. It smelled like him. “Thank you,” she said when she was finished.
“You’re welcome.”
They found a spot to sit where the sun was shining through the canopy of trees, providing them with some warmth. River pulled out two water bottles and handed one to her.
Ella took a long drink and then glanced at the contents of his backpack curiously. Seeing two sandwiches wrapped up, she asked, “Were you planning to have company all along?”
River looked like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “I had hoped.”
She looked into his hazel-green eyes, feeling the pull. River reached his arm around her, saying something about getting warm, but she was too distracted seeing his mouth move. She wanted to know what his kiss would feel like, and she didn’t care about anything else. She shivered and River pulled her against his chest. He was warm despite their swim in the frigid water. Ella welcomed the closeness, laying her head on his shoulder. They watched the waterfall splashing into the aqua pool, for a few moments before River spoke. “Is he why you came here to the inn?”
Ella glanced down at the droplets of water, dripping off her tattooed arms. She remembered that day like it was yesterday. Memories triggered and Ella watched herself from above as the seven-years-younger version of herself stared in the grey bathroom mirror.
***
She saw the hand-printed bruises around her neck, and her throat. She remembered losing consciousness, truly believing she was going to die. She traced the purple marks with her finger, moving up to the dark circles under her haunted brown eyes. She had seen more violence and trauma than a lifetime of most of those twice her age. She wasn’t sure when she had ever thought so negatively about herself.
She had been capable at one point in her life. She had left her mother’s home, but even then, it was because Declan had taken her in and cared for her. How could she know if she could make it on her own in the world? How would she know if she was capable of surviving by herself?
Ella looked into her reflection and saw someone else’s eyes staring back at her. She held her breath, realizing the likeness of her own eyes to her mother’s. She recognized the haunted look in them; her mother’s cloudy-blue eyes had the same faraway appearance to them.
“I’ve become her,” Ella whispered out loud.
She realized in that moment she had become what she’d hated her whole life. What she’d sworn not to be: weak. She never understood why
her mother chose to stay in all those horrible relationships with deadbeat men who used her mother for her paycheck and her body, and as a punching bag. She never understood why her mother hadn’t protected her or believed her, and had gone as far as blaming Ella for her past boyfriends’ unwanted attention and advances. Ella compared Declan to her mother’s boyfriends for the first time, realizing their similarities. She wondered how she could have been so blind.
Ella wondered if her mother had thought she could heal them too. Did she think if she showed them unconditional love and forgiveness that they would change and return that love to her? Ella felt sick to her stomach at the thought. She wasn’t clear when she became a victim to abuse, but she knew this wasn’t right. Declan had crossed the line. Sure, he had pressured her into sex before, punched her, along with a myriad of other emotional and physical abuses, but it was never as violent as it had been last night. Abuse had been her normal since her birth. She knew she’d never wanted to be treated like her mother, but it had happened so slowly and gradually. It wasn’t like Declan had woken up one day and decided to beat her. She’d never really believed he would try to kill her before last night.
This wasn’t normal. This was not okay. This was abuse.
***
River swiped a tear from her cheek, bringing Ella back to the present.
“Where did you go?” he asked.
Ella looked into his warm, hazel eyes. “Sorry. Sometimes the memories just flood over me.”
Ella sat back and turned to face River again, realizing he was waiting for an answer to his original question. “Yes. Declan is the reason I came to the inn. He had almost killed me the night before. I was in the bathroom, trying to think back to the last time I felt truly safe. My mother had one boyfriend who had never laid a finger on her or myself.” Ella looked up to see River’s jaw tense.
She continued, “Mac’s face came to my mind immediately. He lived in Vermont, across the lake from where I was in New York. I remembered how kind Mac had been to me. He was the only person who actually seemed to genuinely care about me without trying to take something in return. My mother had pushed him out of our lives when she grew bored, saying they didn’t have a spark. He was the high point before the lowest of lows came.”