The Painter's Passion

by Dr. Rebecca Sharp

  “No, the problem is that she loves you. The problem is that a little bit of love reminds you just how big the hole inside of you is. Only this isn’t a little bit of love. This is the kind of love that could change everything, and suddenly, that big hole is swallowing you up.”

  “Yeah,” he admitted with a sigh. “So, can you let me go back to drowning now?”

  “No because that is the wrong thing.” Her voice sounded really agitated and he wondered why the hell she cared so much. “Why are you running?”

  “Jesus, Ellie. You just said it. I don’t deserve her, is that what you want to hear me say? I don’t fucking deserve her.”

  “Wrong. I don’t care what was said. What do you feel, Pierce? I want to know what you really feel.”

  He stared into the water in front of him, the liquid blurring an already hazy background, the alcohol numbing everything but the truth.

  “I’m afraid of hurting her. I’m afraid I already have.”

  “And you think she deserves someone better?”

  “Yes.”

  “Really? So, you’d be happy if she found someone else to love her, marry her, care for her?”

  Anger ripped through him at the thought.

  Hell fucking no.

  His hand balled into a fist.

  “No.”

  “Why not?” Ellie continued to push and he knew that she’d managed to take him right to the edge – the edge of the unknown, where good or bad could exist, where love and hurt lived, where the future remained uncertain.

  “Because I may be an asshole, I may have made it my purpose in life to try to hurt those who care about me, to keep them away, to keep them safe. I may continue to do shitty things to people that I love because it’s all I’ve ever known. I may continue to struggle to do the right thing – and let people know it. I may make mistakes. My heart may always be blackened and damaged from my past. But no one will care for her like I will. No one will fight for her like I will. No one will try as hard as I will to make sure she has a smile on her face every goddamn day. No. Fucking. One. Will ever love her like I do.”

  The moment he heard her sigh was the same second that he saw the drop of water on the bar beneath his face. His hand came up to his cheek and he realized that it wasn’t water, it was a tear.

  “So then do it.” Ellie didn’t wait for his response, she just hung up, knowing that there was nothing more to say.

  Fuck, this hurt.

  He wasn’t numb anymore. His body vibrated with the truth that he’d been trying to numb out of him.

  Yes, he’d hurt her – he knew what she thought she’d seen. Yes, he’d allowed himself to believe Morgan’s words, knowing that they weren’t the truth, but feeling that they were what he deserved.

  He’d made a mistake by leaving.

  He loved her and he should have stayed and fought for her because that’s what you do for the thing or the person who can save your life.

  And that’s what he was going to do.

  He stood up, surprisingly steady considering the amount of alcohol he’d consumed. He couldn’t go back there now though, not like this. Walking across the street, he took the elevator up to his hotel room. He needed to sleep and probably shower.

  And, as much as Morgan’s words and opinion shouldn’t play a part, he was her brother and Pierce couldn’t ask her to make the choice between them. Because she would forgive him, she would pick him. The old Pierce wouldn’t have cared. The real Pierce knew it that would kill Morgan.

  He rubbed the key to the bank box between his fingers, knowing what he had to do, before setting them down on the nightstand. This time, he was going to do the right thing and Morgan was going to know it – and if that didn’t change the man’s mind about him, well, then that was his problem.

  Knock, knock, knock.

  Groggily, Ana pushed up off the couch in her room; she’d been aiming for her bed, but the sight of it only made her think of Pierce. So, the couch had been a necessary fallback.

  If Morgan was here to gloat – to tell her that she should have listened to him all along about Pierce – she was going to disown him.

  The knocking persisted. Wiping her eyes, she sucked in a breath ready to let her brother have it, only to be stopped short when she opened the door to see Tash on the other side – the blonde’s eyes almost as red and swollen as her own.

  Rage. Hatred. Jealousy.

  Every horrible emotion that she could have crossed her mind. Like a switch, all of her hurt turned into hate and all of her anger at Pierce was about to be unleashed on this woman.

  A woman who looked far too traumatized for someone who had just been sleeping with Pierce.

  “I had a nightmare,” Tash’s soft voice burst the balloon of tension that had been about to explode, instead causing her anger to quickly deflate in favor of the truth. “I’m so sorry, Ana. I had a nightmare. He was trying to wake me.”

  She just stared at Tash, her mouth slowly dropping open as her eyes saw the scene that had been replaying in her mind in a different light.

  “What happened?” She managed to get out over the thickness in her throat.

  Tash’s eyes fell to the floor. “I’ve been having nightmares since the incident. The men… the men who were there… they work for Sanchez; it’s why I passed out – I recognized their voices.”

  Oh, God…

  “Every second since, I’ve wondered if they recognized me, if they had let him know that they found me, if he was coming for me. I haven’t really slept – and when I do, all I dream about is being tied up and beaten again.”

  “Tash…”

  “No, just let me get it out. I won’t be the cause of another problem for you all.” Tash was crying, but her voice was hard – determined to tell her tale no matter the cost to herself. “Pierce called Sloane who said I should lay low and see what happens before they just bring me back home. So, I did, but something must have happened, because Pierce came and told me earlier that I was going to be on a flight home tomorrow.”

  Her hands began to fidget in front of her.

  “He realized that I hadn’t been sleeping well; I think the sounds of my nightmares had been drowned out by… other things.” Ana felt her face flush, knowing exactly what those other things were. “So, he offered to let me stay in his room and he would sit with me to see if it helped.” Tash’s eyes rose and Ana saw that they were overflowing with tears. “I’m so sorry, Ana. I just wanted to sleep; I just wanted to feel safe.”

  Guilt shattered her – for thinking the worst of Pierce, the worst of Tash, and for all the things she’d been about to let loose on this woman who was just looking for a few hours of relief from her fears.

  “I-I took my clothes off because if I try to sleep with them on, I break out in a sweat, thinking that I’m being restrained again. I actually thought I was going to be ok – I really did. But then the nightmares were back, worse because I know that there is something that Pierce isn’t telling me, something that made them decide to send me home. I don’t remember much until I woke up with Pierce clutching me, trying to protect me from myself.”

  She paused and held out her arms, littered with minor bruises.

  “Without him, I would have just added more to the collection that I’ve been growing, banging against the headboard, the nightstand, the floor.” Her words became ragged and Ana could only hold her breath so that she didn’t break down as well. “I thought it was only Morgan who came in – he was all I saw as I came to… but when Pierce stormed back in to take his things and leave, I knew that you must have been there, too.”

  Ana barely found the strength to nod – the rug having been ripped out from underneath her for the second time that night. “I didn’t realize.”

  “I’m so sorry, Ana.” Tears flooded her face. “I would never try to come between you and Pierce; I don’t… I can’t think about him like that anymore. I don’t know that I can think about anyone like that right now. And if I could – if in the
brief moments that are becoming sparser and sparser, I could want someone, it would be the one person that somehow manages to make everything feel ok and that someone would never want me; that someone isn’t interested in me – or any woman for that matter.”

  Sebastian.

  A million puzzle pieces clicked together in her head at that moment and the sorrow that she felt for herself was inconsequential eclipsed by how Tash must feel.

  “Don’t apologize to me, Tash. I can’t believe I thought… I can’t believe how foolish—” Ana shook her head, completely disappointed in herself for wantonly and willingly believing the worst of the two people who deserved it the least – no matter how many times or how many ways Pierce tried to make it seem like he deserved everyone’s low opinion.

  “I’m still sorry, Ana. I never wanted to hurt either of you, especially after everything you’ve done for me. But I’m not the one who’s important right now.” She used the ends of her sleeves to wipe off her face. “I need to show you something.”

  “What?” Ana stared in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

  Tash didn’t respond, she just turned and began to take the stairs up to the third floor, leaving Ana no choice but to follow her.

  Walking back into Pierce’s room, she saw the scene she’d witnessed earlier, only this time, she saw it as Tash described. She saw the broken, tortured woman whom Pierce had been trying to save. She saw the look on his face when she and Morgan had entered the room; he could have blurted it out and explained immediately that Tash was having a nightmare – he could have thrown her and her weakness under the bus to exonerate himself. Instead, he chose to shield Tash from the embarrassment and the pain of having her weakness revealed to everyone that she was trying to be strong in front of; it wasn’t his place to share this woman’s struggle. So, like he was so fond of doing, he sacrificed his reputation to help Tash – to protect her.

  And she’d been all too willing to accept the superficial, rather than see him for the man she knew him to be.

  “What are you showing me?” Ana followed Tash into Pierce’s studio.

  Tash’s answer was to walk around the room, ripping the sheets that lay draped over works that Pierce had done. Only, when the fabric fell, Ana saw her own face staring back at her; they were all of her.

  Every. Single. One.

  Tash, the room, her pain – everything disappeared as she walked mindlessly from one canvas to the next, seeing the rainbow of expressions that Pierce had captured. This whole time – he’d been painting her. All the women he’d brought up here, there were no images of them; she’d been the only one on his mind and in his heart.

  She made it all the way around the room, finally ending with the painting that was on the easel. She hadn’t been able to see herself, but Ana recognized the exact moment that he’d painted it from – it was the moment that she’d told him that she loved him. And he’d captured it to remind himself that because she loved him, he was worth loving.

  “I need to find him,” she whispered, her head jerking up to Tash. “I need to talk to him.”

  Tash’s eyes widened. “I don’t know where he is. I don’t know if he’s coming back.”

  “He’s not.” Morgan’s hard voice boomed into the space; his matching hazel eyes clashing with hers.

  “What do you mean?” she asked. “What did you do?”

  “I saved you from that asshole.” His calm reply incensed her.

  “You have no idea what you are talking about.”

  Morgan threw his arms out. “Are you kidding me? Did you not walk in on what I did?” His eyes narrowed on Tash. “What the hell are you even doing with her… after…”

  “Morgan—”

  “Stop it!” Tash yelled, shocking the both of them into silence. “Morgan, I was having a nightmare.”

  “Tash,” Ana interjected, “you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to explain to him.”

  “No, I do. I thought I was being strong by keeping to myself, but I realized that it’s not only made me weaker, but everyone else around me, too. I can’t fight my demons if I refuse to acknowledge them.” Ana closed her mouth as Tash turned her eyes on Morgan who still looked resolutely skeptical. “Morgan, I’ve been having nightmares since the other night – to the point where I’ve been injuring myself in my sleep. There are more details, but what you need to know is that Pierce offered to let me sleep up here while he sat guard at the door with the hope that I could finally get some rest; needless to say, it didn’t work.”

  “Why are you having nightmares?”

  Tash’s eyes widened. “I thought… I thought Pierce would have told you.”

  “I’ve been at the hospital and somewhat under the radar…”

  “The men from the other night – they work for Sanchez. I recognized them and apparently, they recognized me. That’s why I’m flying back to the States tomorrow.”

  “Fuck.” Ana watched as her brother ran his hand over his mouth, glancing over to her and then back to Tash, realizing just how much he’d missed over the past few days.

  “So that’s why I’ve been having nightmares – and that’s why Pierce offered to let me stay here to see if it helped. When I started having another one, I’m sure he didn’t realize just how bad it would get. And then I broke the lamp on his nightstand, so, he climbed in the bed to try to forcibly wake me – and to protect me from myself; that’s when you walked in.”

  Morgan’s jaw ticked as he processed this information. “I see.”

  “And instead of exposing me to save himself, he let you think the worst.”

  “Shit.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I didn’t just think it; I told him exactly what was going through my mind.”

  “What have you done?” Ana asked again.

  He stared her in the eyes, never one to shy away from admitting to things that he’d said or done. “I told him that he was scum, that he didn’t and never would deserve you. That he took advantage of you and treated you just like he treats every other woman. I told him that if he tried to stay with you, he would destroy you because he only knows how to think about himself and that if he had any semblance of care for either of us, he would leave and never come back.”

  Tears overflowed down her cheeks, knowing what those words would have done to Pierce. “How could you?” she whispered.

  “I was trying to protect you!” He swore. “Christ, Ana. I saw the look on your face and when I saw some of his drawings on the floor, I realized what I should have recognized weeks ago – that there was something going on between you and I saw how he’d just broken your heart, so I reacted.” She wanted to hate him right now, she really did. “Without all of the information, obviously.”

  He walked towards her and she crossed her arms over her chest, preparing to step back if he got too close.

  “Why can’t you just let me be strong, Morgan?” she whispered.

  “Fuck, Ana, it’s not that I don’t want you to be strong.” He wiped a hand over his eyes. Was he crying? “But I’ll never be able to stop myself from thinking that I should have done more… all those years ago with Shane. I can’t stop blaming myself for what happened to you, thinking that if I hadn’t left after our fight, I could have been able to stop him from attacking you.” He laughed harshly at himself. “Don’t you see? You think I saved you from him that night. All I see is that I barely got there in time to clean up the mess that I’d made. If I hadn’t left, he never would have been able to do what he did.”

  She wanted to hate him, hearing how he’d used her and Pierce’s feelings for her to finally break the one man who’d been unbreakable. She’d been his weakness, his kryptonite, and Morgan had used her to take him down. But then, she saw her brother – her other half – standing in front of her, admitting to the torture that he lived with every day, and she wouldn’t let this tear them further apart. It’s not what she wanted and it’s not what Pierce would want either.

  “Morgan, I have never thought th
at. You did say something to me and my stubborn self didn’t want to believe it. A lot of things have changed about me since then, but that is one thing that hasn’t. He wanted me to tell you – days ago. But you were at the hospital and I told him that I didn’t want to do it over the phone. The truth was that I didn’t want to get into an argument with you because I knew you’d think I was letting you down, when the truth is, I’m finally happy.” She wiped more tears away. “Shane never treated me like I mattered – at least in the important ways. For Pierce, I’m the only thing that matters.”

  “I’m sorry, Ana. I know you’ve changed, I see it in everything that you say and do; I see how strong you’ve become. I wasn’t protecting you because I thought you needed it; I was protecting you because I thought it would help me forgive myself for my failure to do so with Shane.”

  There was a moment of silence as the tensions and struggles between them melted away. Ana let out a sigh and then wrapped her arms around her brother’s neck. “You didn’t fail me, Morgan. The more you would have fought it, the more I would have fought for it. If anything, your leaving allowed me to take stock of the relationship that I was in. If you had stayed, I would have driven myself into the ground trying to prove myself right.”

  “Well… that might be true,” he mumbled against her hair and she let out a small laugh as she pulled back.

  “I love you, Morgan. Everything that you’ve done for me has led me to this moment – a moment when I’ve finally found a love and respect that I never believed was possible for me; you have made my happily-ever-after possible. Now, can you please let me go find my dark prince and tell him just how much I love him?”

  He nodded. “But, I’m still not happy about it,” he grumbled. “I don’t think anyone is good enough for you, for the record.”

  She smiled sweetly at him before reaching up and planting a kiss on his cheek. “Duly noted. Now, I just need to find him,” she said, walking towards the door, Tash having disappeared from the room to let the siblings reconcile in private.