Priceless Marriage

by Bonnie Gardner

  “Oh, it’s not a shot then?” Sam said, eyeing the syringe. Maybe this would be a piece of cake.

  “Nope. We just squeeze it in. Easy as pie.”

  With Sam catching the piglets, Ruby holding them and Melinda administering the sticky yellow syrup, the first three performed as Melinda had promised. The fourth and final piglet, one Ruby had dubbed Oscar, apparently had other ideas.

  As Sam reached for him, Oscar darted away between Sam’s legs and out the shed door in a break for freedom. Sam started after him as Oscar scampered across the yard, through puddles and mud. Damn, that pig could move!

  Too bad he couldn’t move as fast.

  He thought he had Oscar cornered by one of the cold frames, but the piglet feinted and dodged, darting away. Sam turned to follow and slipped in the mud. He tried to right himself, but his bad leg went out from under him with a searing flash of pain, and he landed soundly on his backside in a puddle. Oscar paused and watched, seeming to enjoy the spectacle as Sam tried to catch his breath. Was the blasted animal actually laughing at him?

  Sam muttered a curse and scrambled to his feet, unsuccessfully scrabbling for purchase in the clinging mud. Just as he reached the pig, Oscar turned and headed for the wide-open spaces near the creek.

  Dripping mud, Sam shook himself off, then hurried after him. Melinda and Ruby joined the chase, and the three of them managed to capture the fleeing piglet before he made a clean getaway.

  “Do not say a single word!” Sam growled as they trudged back to the hog shed.

  Ruby tried to stifle her giggles, but Sam did look ridiculous, covered in mud and who knew what else, as he held the squirming, squealing piglet against his chest in a death grip. “I can’t help it, Sam. You look like the Creature from the Black Lagoon.”

  He growled.

  Even Melinda looked amused, though it was apparent she was trying hard not to laugh. “I’m sorry, Sam. That does happen sometimes. It comes with the territory.”

  Sam grunted. “Let’s just get it over with or I might just make this…this creature into pork chops,” he muttered as they reached the hog shed.

  Melinda reached into her case for another syringe, measured out the correct amount of medicine and quickly administered the dose.

  Job done, Sam carried the squalling piglet to the newly finished pen, lifted him over the rails and let him loose. The animal shook himself and scampered indignantly away, ducking under the fence rail on the opposite side of the pen. He stood just outside the enclosure, seeming to taunt them.

  Sam glared, but Ruby caught him by the arm. “Oscar’s okay. He can’t get into anything right now.”

  “And in a few weeks he’ll be too big to go under the rails.” Melinda closed her case and smiled. “Well, that’s done. I hate to dose and run, but I still have to get out to the Purcell place this afternoon. Maybe I’ll have time for coffee next time, Ruby.” She picked up the case and strode out to her truck.

  “Anytime, Melinda. See you,” Ruby said, waving. Then she turned back to Sam.

  “Don’t even think about laughing, Ruby,” Sam said through gritted teeth as he tried to brush the thick, clinging muck and mud off his pants.

  “Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it,” Ruby said, again trying to stifle her mirth. But her attempts were less than successful, and she burst into gales of laughter. “I don’t know what was funnier—watching you run after that runaway piggy or seeing you try to get up out of that muddy puddle,” she said when she finally regained control.

  Sam looked as though he was trying to maintain a stern expression, but Ruby could see the twinkle in his eyes. Soon he was laughing, too.

  It felt so good to laugh again.

  To be laughing with Sam.

  “Seriously, though,” Sam said once they’d gotten past their laughter. “I’ve got to drive back to town in these pants. I have a clean shirt here, but I don’t have a complete change of clothes. If I had an old farm truck, it wouldn’t be a big deal, but I’ve got—” He stopped abruptly, as if he realized he was putting too much emphasis on a material possession like an eleven-year-old sports car.

  “But you don’t want to ruin the seats in the Corvette,” Ruby finished for him.

  “Something like that,” Sam agreed. “Do you have some old sheets or towels I can put on the seat?”

  “No, I bought all new. But why don’t you just give me the jeans, and I’ll run them through the washer and dryer? You can shower and they’ll be washing and drying while we eat.”

  “Works for me,” Sam said. “Are we done for the day?”

  “There’s nothing that can’t wait till tomorrow. You can shower off while I feed Petunia. I’ll get your wet stuff when I’m finished.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Sam said, saluting. Then he pivoted and marched toward the house.

  Appreciating the view of his backside in the damp and clinging jeans, Ruby chuckled as she watched Sam go. His limp was barely noticeable these days. Or had she just gotten so used to seeing it that she no longer noticed?

  Ruby dumped feed into Petunia’s trough. Though the sow had been fending for herself in the wild, she seemed to welcome the food, and she had apparently learned to anticipate feeding time. Ruby knew these animals were not pets like potbellied pigs, but still, she couldn’t bear the thought of sending them off to be somebody’s Sunday pork roast. Not after she’d met them face-to-face.

  “You know something, Petunia? You and your children are one lucky family. What do you think of that?”

  Petunia didn’t reply, so Ruby turned and trudged back to the house.

  She could hear water running in the shower as soon as she entered. Sam had left the door open to let the steam out so he could see in the mirror to shave, something he’d always done when they were married.

  What was she thinking? They were still married. Technically, anyway.

  As Ruby hurried to the bathroom, the water stopped running. “Do you need a towel?” she called as she moved down the hall. “I’ll just get your wet things and leave you alone,” she said, bustling into the room. But Sam had already stepped out from behind the curtain.

  True, he had wrapped a towel modestly around his waist, but the sight of her husband, half-naked from the shower, was not what shocked her. The angry-looking mass of scar tissue that covered his leg from ankle to thigh did.

  Ruby gasped, unable to draw her gaze away from Sam’s mangled leg. “Why didn’t you tell me it was this bad?” she finally managed to ask, her voice barely above a whisper.

  Sam shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d care.”

  Ruby covered her mouth with her hand and forced her gaze away from Sam’s injuries. Tears welled in her eyes, and she tried to blink them back. “Of course I care, Sam. I’ve always cared,” she said, choking back a sob. “I cared too much. Don’t you realize that every time you went off on a mission I held my breath until you came back to me safe and sound? I hung on to every report, every fragment of news, hoping for some tiny bit of information about how you were doing. Some clue that you were all right. Every time I thought about the possibility of you dying and leaving me alone, I died a little bit myself. I just couldn’t take it anymore.” Ruby turned away, chagrined that she had confessed so much to him.

  “I wish you’d have told me that a long time ago, Ruby,” Sam said huskily.

  “I was afraid if you were worried about me, you wouldn’t have your mind completely on your job, and it would cause you to make a mistake.”

  “And there I was fine and happy, thinking that you were safe at home, and instead you were worrying yourself to death. You should have told me, Ruby. It might have made a difference.” He reached for her and tipped her face up to his.

  “Would it?”

  “I don’t know,” he said, looking into Ruby’s eyes. The expression in his gray ones mirrored his confusion as well as her own. “I’d like to think it might have.”

  “I’m sorry, Sam. I really am.” Tears coursed down Ruby’s cheeks, unchecked.
“I didn’t know.”

  Sam cupped her face with one hand, then brushed the tears away with the tip of his thumb. “I’m sorry, too,” he murmured. Then he kissed her lightly on the lips and let go.

  When she turned away, he called her back. “Ruby?”

  She looked back quickly. “Yes?”

  “It happened, Ruby. We can’t undo it.”

  She drew in a deep breath. “How did it happen?” she asked expectantly, hoping that the full story would lift some of the blame off her shoulders.

  Chapter Eight

  “There’s not much to tell,” Sam said simply, staring off into space. He couldn’t look at her, not right now. He didn’t want Ruby to see the pain in his eyes. This wasn’t exactly the way he had planned this, standing there in the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, but he might as well get it over with.

  “I got back from that mission a couple days later, and I heard you’d called. You never called in the middle of the week, so I was worried. I was afraid something bad had happened. And when Honor answered, it seemed to confirm my worst fears.

  “Then she started babbling about winning the lottery, and I finally figured out that was probably what you’d called about. I asked to talk to you, and Honor said you wouldn’t talk to me. I figured maybe I’d misunderstood and you were busy in the store, so I asked Honor to tell you to call me back.

  “She seemed pretty uncomfortable, but she said she would give you the message.” He drew in a deep shuddering breath, then went on. “I waited for you to call, but you didn’t, so I called you and called you, as you know, and kept calling, and sending you e-mails that went unanswered just like the phone.

  “Then I got the letter from your lawyer, and it nearly cut me off at the knees.” Sam’s voice choked, but he swallowed hard and pressed on. “It was all pretty clear then. You’d won all that money and didn’t want to share it with me. You didn’t need me anymore.” He looked off into the distance, trying to collect his thoughts.

  Ruby touched him lightly on the arm, as if telling him to look at her. “Sam, that wasn’t the reason I filed for divorce,” she whispered. “That wasn’t why. When I learned that you’d been out on that mission after you’d promised me you’d stop, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t spend another day worrying about you. I couldn’t bear another moment of wondering whether you’d come back to me, and if you did, whether you’d be in one piece.” She glanced down at the mass of scar tissue on his leg and choked back a sob. “I didn’t know the full story then. If I had known, I might have understood.”

  “I know that now, darlin’,” Sam said. “I just wish you had told me how you felt a long time ago.”

  “This is my fault, isn’t it?” Ruby asked, her emerald eyes cloudy and filling with tears. “I made this happen. I caused you to be hurt.” Her intent might have been to stop her own pain, but she had caused Sam to hurt. How was she going to deal with that? “I was just so tired of putting on a brave front while you went off into harm’s way. I couldn’t deal with it anymore.”

  “And you thought that I’d gone on that mission thinking what the little wife at home didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, and she’d be none the wiser,” Sam concluded.

  “Yes, I’d never called you before. I’d always waited for you to call when you could. I thought that maybe you’d lied about staying behind the lines and had been going off on dangerous missions all along,” Ruby said, the pain at that realization clearly evident in her clouded green eyes.

  “If I’d had the time to as much as e-mail you, Ruby, I would have, but time was of the essence. And I couldn’t have told you much, anyway. You know that the nature of my job was classified.”

  “I know. And I always hated that part of it.” Ruby sighed. “But you seemed to love it so much, I didn’t want to tell you that. I tried so hard to be a good combat controller’s wife, Sam. But I’d just reached the end of my rope.”

  Sam sat slowly down on the edge of the tub. “I wish we’d talked like this…before…”

  “Me, too,” Ruby said, her eyes swimming with tears. “Maybe none of this would have happened.”

  “Oh, Ruby, don’t do that. Stuff happens,” he said honestly, reaching up to wipe away her tears. “After I got the divorce papers, I volunteered for every mission that came my way. I finally got one that would take our unit closer to the real action. We had to pass through a minefield that had supposedly been cleared, but…”

  Ruby gasped and sank to her knees on the cold tile floor. “Oh, God, no. You wouldn’t have been on that mission if I—” She couldn’t look at Sam, couldn’t face him. She covered her face with her hands and wept.

  “Sugar? Ruby honey, look at me.” Sam’s voice was soft and gentle, but Ruby couldn’t make herself look up at him, into his pain-filled eyes. “It’s not your fault I wasn’t careful. I have to take the blame for that all by myself.”

  She shook her head, unable to speak through her sobs. How could they have let everything get so out of control?

  Over the sound of her weeping, she didn’t hear him move, but she sensed when he came closer. She felt his hands rest on her shoulders, just a gentle touch, a caress. “It’s all right, Ruby. I’m here, I’m all in one piece, more or less, and I don’t blame you,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

  “B-but I blame me,” Ruby replied miserably. “It was my fault that you put yourself in harm’s way.”

  “Ruby, look at me.” His voice was cool and firm, but his hands were gentle and warm as he urged her upward.

  She scrambled to her feet with his assistance, but she still couldn’t face him. “I c-can’t,” Ruby sobbed.

  “Yes, you can,” Sam said, his right hand sliding up her arm to her shoulder and then to her chin. He tipped her face up.

  Ruby caught one glimpse of his deep gray eyes, then squeezed her own eyes shut. She didn’t want to see the blame there.

  “Oh, hell,” Sam muttered, and the next thing Ruby knew, she felt his lips on hers. Not a gentle, tender kiss as before, but a demanding one, a searching one. A welcome one.

  She responded to his kiss with all the longing and desire she’d penned up for all those months. She brought her arms up around him and caressed the short hairs at the back of his neck. She felt every bit of hunger and longing he possessed, and she shared her own in kind. Ruby closed her eyes, and it was as if Sam had never been away.

  Too bad they hadn’t been able to share with words as well as they’d always been able to communicate in the bedroom.

  The towel slipped off and Sam pressed his obvious desire against Ruby’s stomach. He wanted her to know how much he wanted her, needed her.

  Ruby jerked herself away, dragging her mouth from Sam’s. They couldn’t do this, not now. If they did, they’d just end up in bed, and they’d never be able to work their problems out. Ruby stood back from him, her eyes wide now, her hand at her throat as she tried to still her pounding heart and catch her racing breath.

  Sam reached for her, but she shrugged him off.

  “I’m sorry, Sam. I just can’t do this right now. I have too much to process before I can just fall back into bed with you.”

  “Who said anything about bed?” he challenged.

  “You didn’t have to, Sam. Remember, we’ve been married for ten years. It always ends like this. We never finished an argument because we always ended up making love. And sex can’t solve our problem, Sam,” Ruby said. “We have to deal with this logically. We have to talk it out.”

  “And we can’t do that with me naked and you in my arms,” Sam concluded. He bent down to retrieve the towel. “All right. I admit that I’m disappointed you don’t want to make love with me, but I’ll wait. If you’ll just give me my clothes, I’ll dress and go back to the apartment.”

  “I do want to make love with you, Sam,” Ruby said. “More than you know. But I have to keep my mind clear so I can deal with this. Otherwise, it’ll just get swept into a corner like all our other problems did. We never
really talked through our problems when we were together. We just ignored them and fell into bed.” She shrugged and smiled sadly. “We didn’t solve anything with sex, wonderful as it always was. Do you understand?”

  Sam nodded. “Yeah. I do,” he answered huskily.

  Ruby stooped to pick up his discarded clothing. “If you give me a minute, I’ll find you something to put on for now. Then I’ll cook supper.” Without giving Sam a chance to call her back, she hurried out of the room.

  SAM STOOD in Ruby’s bedroom and fingered the sweatshirt and pants she’d laid out for him. He remembered the garments well. They were old exercise clothes that he’d worn years ago and Ruby had refused to throw out. She’d told him once that she wore them when he was away on missions, and she would pretend that he was keeping her warm instead of the worn, gray fabric.

  Is that why she’d kept them? Did she still pull them out and wear them when she missed him?

  He shrugged. Did it matter? She’d already admitted that she still loved him. Had never stopped. Wasn’t that enough of a victory for one day?

  The well-worn fabric was soft and smooth as he pulled it over his head. The shirt had been washed so many times it was thin in spots, but it did cover him. And the pants would, too. As he pulled the drawstring tight around his middle, he looked around the room that Ruby had made for herself.

  The wooden furniture was warm, just like Ruby, and the bright yellow curtains and the quilted comforter suited her. He could see her in this room, and he could understand why she had chosen not to bring any of their old furniture here. He hadn’t been able to sleep well in their old stuff in the apartment because he’d been besieged by memories. Surely that was the same reason she’d left it there over the store. He looked again at the cheerful colors in the room. Maybe someday they’d make new memories in this room, but for now he’d bide his time. He’d given Ruby a lot to think about tonight, as she had him. Maybe it was best that they hadn’t made love.

  They had time for that. Now that he was out of the air force, they had the rest of their lives.

  He just had to convince Ruby of that.