by Tanwen Coyne
The gentle rhythm of Jennifer’s breathing soothes her. She has fallen asleep and Arianwen is left to listen to the easy in out of her breathing.
Her worries melt away, for now, and she allows herself to close her eyes and relax into the warmth of Jennifer’s body.
This is happiness.
Jennifer woke slowly and found herself surrounded by warmth. She turned her head and saw Arianwen lying beside her, asleep. Her face was smooth and calm in sleep. Jennifer wished she could be like that forever.
She reached out and touched Arianwen’s face. She ran a finger down her cheek and caressed her warm skin. She brushed her finger over Arianwen’s lips and felt the wetness there and the tickle of her steady breath on Jennifer’s skin.
Arianwen’s eyes fluttered open. Jennifer sighed. She knew the peace couldn’t last. She could feel what was coming.
Arianwen turned to her and graced her with a smile. ‘You look beautiful,’ she whispered.
Jennifer laughed, patting at her tangled hair. ‘Like this?’
Arianwen caught her hand and looked at her intensely. ‘Yes.’
Jennifer blushed and smiled. Silence fell and they held each other. Jennifer pressed her face into Arianwen’s neck and breathed in her scent.
‘This can’t last,’ she murmured.
Arianwen kissed her brow. ‘I know.’ She pressed her hand to Jennifer’s hair. ‘Please, not yet.’
Jennifer tightened her arms around Arianwen and kept her face close to hers. ‘I love you,’ she whispered.
Arianwen’s breath hitched and she turned to Jennifer. ‘How can you love me?’ she whispered. ‘I’m not even real.’
‘You are real. You are.’ She gripped Arianwen’s face firmly. ‘You’re real and I love you.’
Arianwen smiled. It was a broad smile, which overtook her face and made her eyes shine. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered. She nuzzled into Jennifer, holding her in return. ‘I love you too.’
Jennifer sighed contentedly and closed her eyes. Wrapped in each other’s embrace, they sank into a peaceful sleep.
Seren hadn’t had a reply from Jennifer to her latest email. It had been a few days, which was unusual. Usually, Jennifer replied quickly and eagerly to Seren’s emails. Seren was worried. Jennifer had seemed so sad the last time she’d been in touch.
She took some time off work. She had no commitments. She could just take off. She could drive down and stay with her Aunty Dilys who lived half an hour away. She was a bit dull but always keen to see her.
Yes, she’d go and check out Cilfachglas. She’d like to see the exhibition anyway and maybe she would meet Jennifer while she was there.
Arianwen wakes slowly and turns her face to Jennifer, still in her arms. She is beautiful, she thinks.
I could stay here forever, watching Jennifer grow old.
Endless time has passed her in each other’s arms and she could stay, she could be with Jennifer for always.
She watches Jennifer’s face, relaxed in sleep. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyelids flutter as she dreams. She has so much life. If Arianwen stays, Jennifer cannot live.
But she wants to stay. How can she leave Jennifer alone? How can she abandon the only woman who ever loved her?
Seren dragged herself off the rickety old bus and looked around. It had actually taken her less time to get through London and to Cardiff Central than it had to get from Cardiff to this tiny little village. She had thought that bloody bus would never stop bumping along.
She didn’t know Jennifer’s address and it would be a little weird to go knocking on doors for her. Still she would go to the exhibition and ask around a little.
She followed the signs to the village centre, then it doesn’t take her long to find the little gallery Jennifer told her about. It cost only a few quid to get in but Seren gave a little extra since it was only a small gallery. In London, they would have charged twice the price.
On the door to the exhibition, there was a little poster about Jennifer. It had her photograph and a little bit of information about her.
Jennifer Davies, a photographer and painter, has had five exhibitions in London. She is interested in people, past and present, and their lives. This is a study of Cilfachglas and includes many of our local people. Jennifer was not born in Wales but has Welsh ancestry and has returned to her homeland this year.
Seren studied the photograph. Jennifer looked nice. Her short dark hair brushed across her eyelids and she smiled at the camera. Yet there was a sadness in her dark eyes.
There were a few people dotted around looking at the photographs. There was a small girl bouncing around, loudly spotting many people she knew in the photos. There was no sign of Jennifer in the gallery.
Slowly, Seren began to look around. Jennifer had a good eye for composition. Each photo drew her eye towards the focus and allowed her to discover the rest from there. They had been set out like a tour around the village. Several had people in them.
Seren paused by a photograph of a little white cottage with a blue door. Halfway down a steep hill, it stood alone. Its little side garden was pretty but dropped away right into the cliffs. Bryn y Môr was painted on a sign beside the door. It was a pretty house and she felt a strange pull towards it.
She straitened. Bryn y Môr, the name seemed familiar and she gazed at it until, suddenly, it struck her. It was the name of the house her ancestor, Hywell Jones, had inherited. It had been Arianwen Jones’s house and now, it belonged to Jennifer. Well, if all else failed, she could find it herself.
‘That house is haunted,’ said a cheery little voice.
Seren turned and saw the loud little girl. ‘Is it?’
‘Yep. I’ve seen the ghost. She goes up the hill with her shopping basket. She used to live here, ages ago.’
‘Is she scary?’
The little girl shook her head. ‘No, just sad. I wouldn’t like to have to do the same things over and over again like that, especially not shopping!’
Seren laughed. ‘No, I know what you mean. You’d better go back to your mother now.’
The little girl skipped off to the weary looking woman on the other side of the room.
Seren moved on. The next photograph was of the graveyard. Row after row of gravestones emerged from the grass. Back and back they went, until they disappeared into mist. It created an eerie atmosphere.
She glanced back at the little girl who was jumping from tile to tile across the floor. Haunted? There were strange things in the world.
She turned back to the graveyard and her eyes widened. She managed not to gasp. There was now a woman standing in the graveyard, staring out of the picture. She was dressed in a long Victorian skirt, blouse and shawl and the corset underneath her clothing pinched her waist in. Her long dark hair was just visible under her bonnet. Her eyes stared out at Seren, following her movements.
Seren’s first instinct was to step back, away from that hard stare. Yet, after a moment, the gaze seemed to soften and became approving. Seren looked back at her, studying the face. It was familiar but she couldn’t think how.
Arianwen gazes at the girl. This strange young woman has Jennifer in her mind. She can see the feeling there, can sense the love which could bloom.
Here is life, Arianwen can feel it. Here is Jennifer’s future.
With this woman, Jennifer will not be abandoned or alone. She will not be sad.
She does not know what to do. They need to reach each other, make the connection Jennifer needs. Arianwen must lead this woman to her Jennifer.
Jennifer sleeps and Arianwen watches her. She is torn. She wishes to stay forever, to be with her cariad.
But she is not supposed to stay. God wants her to have peace. She has had happiness. Maybe now she can find her peace.
Jennifer sleeps peacefully, naked and with a happy smile on her face. Her breathing is deep and gentle. Arianwen leans over her, cups her face gently.
‘I love you,’ she whispers, then kisses her on the mouth.
‘Come to my grave.’
Jennifer stirs but does not wake. Arianwen turns and walks away.
Jennifer woke alone. She turned in her bed and looked around the room. Arianwen was not there. She knew she wasn’t there. She could feel it. Arianwen had gone.
Sunlight was streaming in through the thin curtains. It was morning. They had spent the night together. There was something comforting about that.
She knew what to do now. Hurriedly dressing, Jennifer left the house and made her way up the steep slope which led from her house to the village. To her relief, it was still early and there was nobody about. Reaching the church, she made her way around the back to the churchyard.
Arianwen’s body was lying in one of those graves. One of those dismal grey headstones had Arianwen’s name on it.
Jennifer began to walk down the rows of graves. She read the names and dates as she passed, the people of this village going back through the decades as she moved back through the rows. At first, the writing was sharply engraved into black marble but as she moved back, the writing became more faded until it was barely readable, engraved into the surface of grainy stone.
Then, there it was. Arianwen’s grave. She breathed slowly and steadily as she looked down at the words.
Arianwen Jones
1823–1879
She was startled to see there were no other words on the old gravestone. Had there really been no one to care enough about Arianwen to write something on her grave? It didn’t seem right.
Jennifer sat down by the grave. ‘I know you’re gone now, Arianwen. And I don’t think you’re coming back. But I want you to come back. I want you to stay with me.’ She sighed and picked at the grass. ‘Are you with God now? I never believed before but I can’t bear the thought of you being restless forever.’
She bit her lip. ‘I love you, Arianwen. I’ll always love you. I don’t even know if you can hear me.’ The gentle breeze through the churchyard was like a hand caressing her cheek. ‘I hope you’re at peace now.’
Arianwen watches Jennifer at the gravestone. She sits in the grass, beside the grave.
‘I love you, Arianwen. I’ll always love you. I don’t even know if you can hear me.’
Arianwen can hear her. She reaches out and strokes her cheek. ‘I can hear you. I love you.’
Jennifer’s eyes are sad as she reads the words on Arianwen’s grave. Arianwen remembers being here before, remembers watching them put her body in its grave. There had been nobody there but the minister and the ushers.
She gazes into Jennifer’s beautiful face and knows she will be remembered. She looks up and sees the young woman, Jennifer’s future, approaching the gate of the graveyard. Arianwen smiles. They will be happy together.
She leans forward and breathes a kiss onto Jennifer’s mouth Jennifer sighs softly.
‘I will be at peace now,’ Arianwen whispers. ‘Goodbye.’
She rises and pulls back. She hears music drifting across the air. She walks away, hymns playing in her head.
Jennifer felt emptiness surround her. She shivered and knew she was alone. She would always be alone now. Her love was gone.
She stirred and sat straight. Arianwen’s gravestone looked so empty. It wasn’t right. Casting around, Jennifer found a stone with a sharp, pointed edge. She shuffled up beside the gravestone and began to scratch words into the pale stone.
Jennifer loved Arianwen here.
‘Goodbye,’ she whispered, then stood. Her hand touched the corner of the cold stone before she turned and walked away.
As she walked, her gaze lifted to the gate of the churchyard. Standing there, in the shadow of a tree was a young woman with dark hair. Jennifer’s breath got stuck in her chest. It couldn’t be; she’d felt her go. She’d said goodbye.
But it was not Arianwen. This woman’s hair was short, cropped pixie-style about her ears. Her eyes were bright and she smiled softly at Jennifer as she approached.
Jennifer stopped a foot away from her. The smile was like Arianwen’s and so was the curve of her jaw. Yet her eyes were different. They sparkled at Jennifer, and suddenly she knew who this was.
Jennifer smiled and held out her hand. ‘Seren, I’m Jennifer.’
Seren’s smile widened. ‘I know.’
Seren walked with light, fast footsteps, chatting to Jennifer as they made their way back down to the cottage.
‘It’s very pretty here! I came by the harbour. The water’s so blue, even though it’s nearly winter. I could be inspired to write some new songs here.’
Jennifer smiled. ‘I remember. You’re a songwriter.’ There was something about Seren which made Jennifer feel like smiling.
Jennifer unlocked her front door and stepped inside. Seren fell silent and seemed to be listening to something. Jennifer shut the door behind them and frowned.
‘Seren, what’s the matter?’
‘Can’t you hear that music?’
Jennifer went quiet and listened. Then she gasped. She too could hear music. A happy little tune was dancing through the rooms of the cottage, growing louder. A smile spread across Jennifer’s face. She grabbed Seren’s hand and squeezed.
‘It’s Arianwen! She must be saying goodbye.’
They listened to the music in silence, holding their breath. It lasted only a few more seconds, then began to fade away. Jennifer let out her breath in a long sigh as it finished, certain she could feel soft lips brushing her mouth.
In the silence, Seren squeezed her fingers encouragingly. ‘Come on. Shall we go and play the piano? I’ll teach you a duet.’
Seren tugged her to the living room and Jennifer found herself unable to keep the smile from her face.
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten