The Startling Inaccuracy of the First Impression

by A. E. Radley

  No, she was just the neighbour.

  The day could really not be over soon enough.

  28

  The Silent Treatment

  The radio was on.

  It hadn’t been on when they drove to the shopping centre, but Verity had been quick to switch it on now they were driving home. It wasn’t loud, but it was enough to make conversation problematic. And so, they sat in silence.

  This suited Katie perfectly because she was exhausted and still surprised at having seen Deanna. The waitress hadn’t changed at all; she was just as keen as she had been when Katie had seen her in Whitely’s.

  Katie had promised herself that she wouldn’t get into another relationship with someone so presumptuous and assertive, but Deanna’s smile and Katie feeling so off kilter meant she’d ended up saying yes to a date.

  Of course, it was nice to be wanted, but Deanna’s approach was intense. Katie could see her easily winning any conversation from sheer perseverance alone.

  That very thought exhausted Katie to the bone.

  She’d been in relationships where she needed to fight for her corner on a near-daily basis. Living with someone who was determined could be tiring, even if their heart was in the right place. Some of Katie’s previous partners hadn’t been argumentative, just strong-willed. The effect had been the same; Katie had collapsed in exhaustion and allowed them to walk all over her.

  She told herself that she’d go on one date with Deanna just to get herself back onto the dating scene.

  Verity had obviously thought it was a good idea, offering her a warm smile and an encouraging nod while Deanna took her phone and entered her number.

  Going on a date would also help Katie finally put aside her feelings for Verity. Seeing Deanna, and helping Verity find her own date, would allow them to firmly remain friends and not tiptoe towards anything more. Katie had to keep reminding herself that Verity deserved more, and better, than what Katie could offer her.

  Verity suddenly turned the radio down.

  “I just remembered, I have to help Mary with something tomorrow. Will you be okay on your own?” Verity asked.

  Katie tried to keep a light tone in her voice as she replied, “Sure, no problem. You two doing anything nice?”

  “Nothing special,” Verity said. “I probably won’t be back until late, and then you’ll be on your date with Deanna. So maybe I’ll see you Saturday?”

  “I’d like that,” Katie admitted.

  The idea of spending an entire day without Verity’s company seemed strange. It would be the first time in many days, and Katie couldn’t help feeling disappointed.

  The maybe seeing Verity on Saturday didn’t make her feel any better at all. Why was there a maybe? Was this it? Had Verity felt that successfully taking her to the shopping centre was effectively the end of the road?

  Katie sucked in a breath and held it for a while, trying to get her emotions under control. Eventually, she slowly let the breath out.

  In her heart, she had always known it would come to an end eventually. And this was the obvious time for that to happen.

  29

  Asking for Advice

  “This is a nice surprise,” Mary said while filling the kettle.

  Verity hung her coat up on the rack in the hallway and placed her handbag by the shoes on the ground. Mary had most Fridays off, and Verity had texted her that morning to see if she had anything planned.

  If she had, Verity would have simply found something else to do. The goal was simply to get out of the house for a few hours.

  “We haven’t spoken in a while,” Verity said. “Without Callum being around, I mean.”

  “That’s true,” Mary agreed.

  Verity entered the kitchen and took a seat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar. Following a large and expensive refurbishment, the kitchen had been converted from its previous small and dark style into a large and open-plan space. Skylights and a wall of full-length windows brought light into the room; it bounced off the shiny, white units that Mary had insisted upon despite having a toddler at the time.

  Verity glanced at the cupboard below the sink and could see clear handprints on the glossy material. The modern, minimalistic look that Mary craved was at direct odds with Callum’s desire to touch everything in sight.

  “So, how are things? How is the piano playing coming along?” Mary asked. She got two mugs from a cupboard, both artsy handmade things that they had bought during a trip to a local pottery that had opened in an old farm building. Verity wondered if the potter’s wheel that Mary had also felt the need to invest in still sat unused in the garage.

  “I’ve not had time to practice,” she confessed.

  “Oh?” Mary asked, her tone high-pitched and like she was already aware of the answer to her query.

  “I’ve been spending a lot of time in the downstairs apartment with Katie. She needed a lot of assistance after her accident,” Verity explained. She swallowed. “And I have to admit I rather enjoyed her company.”

  “Well, that’s nice that you got a chance to spend time with her. I suspect she’ll be getting back to work soon?” Mary asked, her back to Verity as she made the tea.

  “Presumably,” Verity said, not willing to get into the discussion about the gig economy and online marketplaces for freelancers. She knew that Mary knew less about it than she had at the beginning.

  “So, all back to normal then,” Mary said in a tone that indicated she thought nothing could be better than everything being the way it always had been.

  “I suppose.”

  Mary placed a mug of tea in front of her and regarded her with a frown.

  Verity tried to ignore it, but it was impossible after a while. “I’m going to miss spending time with her.”

  Mary nodded. “I suspected there was a little more to it than you helping her out, but it probably is best to take a break from her.”

  Mary knew of Verity’s sexuality, but it had never really been discussed. The few times that Verity had been dating, —or even just interested—in a woman, Mary didn’t say much. Verity had long since wondered if there was an underlying discomfort in Mary about her aunt’s sexuality. Or was it possible that she was projecting her own discomfort onto her niece?

  It was absolutely possible that Mary saw her as a mother figure and didn’t like to think of her as being sexually active at all. Verity had wanted to remove her eyeballs when she had once caught her own parents attempting to give her a younger sibling one evening when she burst unexpectedly into their bedroom.

  She shivered at the memory. Repressed souls like herself and Mary didn’t like to think of parental figures having a sex life.

  But Verity needed to talk to someone. She couldn’t talk to any of her friends; she didn’t have those kinds of friends. If she wanted to discuss the political climate, the financial outlook for South Africa, or the pros and cons of getting an electric car, then she had a plethora of people to call upon. Talking about her feelings for Katie Ross wasn’t a topic of conversation she would be comfortable broaching with anyone she knew.

  Except, maybe, Mary.

  “I thought, and, well, I rather hoped, that something was building between us,” Verity admitted.

  Mary looked at her passively, sipping tea from her mug. Verity couldn’t determine what she was thinking and suspected she was waiting for Verity to elaborate.

  “I know we’re not an obvious fit,” Verity admitted.

  “You didn’t like her at all when she first moved in,” Mary interjected.

  “True, but first impressions are often wrong.”

  “Are they?” Mary asked casually. She put her tea mug down and went to the sink to wash up the breakfast items. Verity knew full well that Mary would usually put them in the dishwasher; this was just so they didn’t have to have a face-to-face discussion. She wished she knew if it was general discomfort or the sort that sprang from the gender of the person Verity was interested in. On the other hand, maybe it wa
s best not to know.

  “I liked her, a lot,” Verity explained.

  “Liked, past tense? Is it… over?” Mary enquired.

  “I think so,” Verity admitted. “She’s got a date tonight. And I’m obviously far too old for her. I thought we could perhaps overcome the odds, but that was likely just wishful thinking.”

  Mary finished the washing up and turned around, drying her hands on a tea towel and offering a sad smile. “Maybe it’s for the best? You’ve always said you like being alone.”

  Verity had said that. She’d also said she was enjoying retirement and held no ill will against her former boss. It appeared that a lot of things she said were in fact utter nonsense.

  “And you like things the way they are,” Mary continued. “If you were in a relationship, especially with someone so very different to you, then things would change.”

  Mary sat beside her on a stool. “You know what it’s like, they leave the cap off the toothpaste and dirty mugs in the sink. I love Harry, really, I do, but sometimes I could just murder him.” She laughed. “I think I’d be better on my own. Then I’d be able to watch what I want to watch on the television at night and not have to beg him to watch his son while I go to yoga with Annie and Beth every Wednesday. Why he can’t remember that Wednesday is yoga night, I don’t know!”

  Mary wasn’t happy with Harry, and Verity wondered how much longer the relationship had. She suspected they stayed together for Callum, but if Callum’s constant comments about Mummy and Daddy shouting at each other were anything to go by, then Verity hoped they would reconsider. Sometimes separating was better than staying together.

  She should have known better than to expect a proper conversation from her niece. She loved Mary, but she was self-absorbed and convinced that her problems were greater than anyone else’s. Mary loved the status quo because that meant she didn’t have to adapt to change. Verity strongly suspected that Mary would happily sacrifice Verity’s chance at love if it meant that she didn’t need to change her plans.

  She looked down at her mug of tea and felt guilty for thinking ill of Mary. She was her flesh and blood, all that was left of her family. But she couldn’t ignore that Mary was, well, Mary. She could love her and be discontent with her at the same time.

  “I think you have the perfect life,” Mary announced. “You do what you want, when you want. You have flexibility and freedom. Do you know the last time I had a girls’ night out?”

  Verity held back a retort. Every time Mary asked such questions, the enormous amount of time increased. This was incredible considering Verity knew it to be untrue. Mary often found time to socialise with her friends and do whatever it was she wanted, but the truth was that it wasn’t enough for Mary. And so, she seemed to conveniently forget when she had a day away from her family and claimed that they never even existed.

  If Mary hadn’t been pushed along by societal norms to get married and have a baby, she probably would have been much happier. Verity suspected that many women would.

  In some respects, she was blessed to be a lesbian of a certain age. It had meant that the usual happy family route was somewhat blocked to her. For as much as she adored Mary and Callum, she knew that not having children of her own was the best decision she’d ever made.

  “Three years,” Mary replied at the continued silence. “Can you imagine? I bet you are out and about all the time! Don’t let anyone take your freedom away from you, Vere.”

  Verity sucked in a little breath and forced a smile onto her face. “Of course, you’re right,” she agreed. “The sooner things get back to normal, the better.”

  Mary smiled cheerfully and lifted her mug.

  Verity raised her mug, and they silently toasted whatever it was Mary had decided they were celebrating. Verity sipped her tea and reminded herself, not for the first time, to not seek out emotional advice for anything from her niece. It never went well.

  Hours passed before Verity deemed she could leave Mary’s house. She hadn’t gotten the support she’d been seeking and doubted if she ever would from her niece.

  She couldn’t blame Mary for lacking in that department. Verity had always presented herself as strong and capable, not requiring advice or support from anyone, especially given that Mary had lost her mother, and later her father, and now struggled in a loveless marriage while raising a child. Verity had always been of the opinion that she had things far better than Mary did, and she didn’t have a right to complain. Not to Mary, at least.

  As soon as she had spent enough time listening to Mary’s issues on whether or not to become a vegetarian, and deciding on which new car to purchase, she left. But she didn’t return home. She knew that Katie would still be there, waiting for Deanna the perfectly perky waitress to come and pick her up for their date.

  The very thought had Verity’s stomach churning, so she went to the library, the bookshop, the coffee shop, and for a walk around the park. Anything to kill time until later that evening when she felt she could finally return home assured that Katie would have left for the night.

  So when Verity turned from the street onto the garden path, she was surprised to find someone standing in her way. The woman was shorter than Verity and extremely muscular judging from the tank top she wore. Her hair was cut short, and she wore reflective sunglasses.

  “Hey,” she greeted.

  “Hello, can I help you?” Verity asked.

  “I’m looking for a friend of mine, Katie Ross. I’m Chris, I’ve been away for a while and just found out that Katie moved. She must have changed her number, too, because I can’t get through to her. I thought I’d swing round and say hi, but it seems she’s out.”

  Verity relaxed at the knowledge that the stranger was a friend of Katie’s.

  “Yes, she’s out to dinner, I’m afraid,” Verity replied.

  Chris lifted her sunglasses to rest atop her head. “Oh, you know her?”

  “A little,” Verity admitted. “I live upstairs. It’s hard to not know your neighbours.”

  If Chris had been away for a while, then it wasn’t Verity’s place to talk about Katie’s accident and subsequent recovery.

  Chris smile broadly. “Ah, great to know I’m in the right place. I’ve driven quite a way. I’ll hang around and see if she comes back later. Do you know a local café that I can wait in?”

  “Only in town,” Verity said.

  “Which way is that? I came in via Kingston, I think. I got so turned around on the flyover, I think I missed my turning three times! I’m not used to these busy roads. I’m a country girl at heart.” Chris got her phone from her back jeans pocket. “You know what, I shouldn’t be bothering you with all this. I’ll look it up. I’m sorry.”

  “Nothing to be sorry for,” Verity said. “Why don’t you come in? If you go to a coffee shop, then you won’t know if she’s back or not. You could end up with a lot of wasted time. If you’re upstairs, you’ll hear her arrive home.”

  Chris shook her head. “I couldn’t impose on you like that. Thank you for that generous offer but I really wouldn’t want to be a bother.”

  “Not at all, it will be lovely to have the company. Any friend of Katie’s is a friend of mine. I’m Verity, by the way.” She held out her hand.

  Chris took it in a firm grip. “Pleasure to meet you, Verity.”

  30

  A Terrible Date

  “But then, when I finished school, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. So I travelled a bit, you know?” Deanna continued her life story, which she had started when Katie had first got in the car that evening.

  It had carried on throughout dinner and didn’t seem anywhere near finished now they were on the way home.

  They were now sitting in London’s infamous city traffic, minutes away from Katie’s apartment, but it felt like it would take forever to travel the few hundred metres home.

  Katie distantly wondered if Deanna was filling in the gaps left by Katie not feeling particularly talkative or if she was so s
elf-absorbed that she could talk about herself for two whole hours without taking a breath.

  Ordinarily, Katie would have felt guilty about thinking like that, but Deanna had truly sucked up every second they had shared to talk about herself, her parents, her work, her art career that had never taken off, her love of horses, and her feelings about politics.

  Katie nodded and made all the right noises, but she was really just desperate to get home.

  What was I thinking going on a date with someone I hardly know? she asked herself. This all could have been avoided if you’d spoken with her once or twice on the phone.

  Katie stared at the car in front of them, willing it to move. Willing all of the cars in front of them to move. Meanwhile, Deanna carried on talking about her backpacking adventures across Australia.

  It wasn’t a great start to Katie’s launch back into the dating world. She hadn’t expected much, but she’d expected to maybe be able to say more than two sentences throughout the entire evening.

  The worst thing was that Deanna seemed to think the evening was going very well. She was smiling, laughing at her own jokes, and claiming that she and Katie were on the same page about everything, despite the fact they most definitely were not on the same page about hardly anything.

  It was barely eight o’clock, and Katie was exhausted. Part of it was undoubtedly the recovery process, but most of it was the terrible date she’d endured.

  Throughout the evening she had wondered what she’d be doing if she was at home with Verity that night. Verity would have cooked, and Katie would have managed to get a little more work done. They would have talked either about something from the paper or something relating to whatever random assignment Katie had been working on.

  Katie had felt as if she were getting close to wanting to talk to Verity about more personal things. To open up about her shitty childhood, her terrible relationships, and her ability to make the same mistakes time and time again.