Friendship on Fire

by Danielle Weiler

  Despite the reassuring words of his letter, I still felt like I wasn’t anywhere near strong enough to face another rejection if I got my heart set on a relationship with Roman and it didn’t work. I couldn’t lose another friend. Plus, how did I know I wasn’t moving on to something safer than Nate, and rebounding? Yes it had been a reasonable amount of time in between the two boys, but how did I know I could trust my own intentions?

  Until I did, I probably shouldn’t go near Roman in that way.

  So I panicked and decided that I needed more time to think about what I’d say. It had to be planned. It had to be perfect.

  I didn’t reply.

  Three weeks after grad, it was Roman’s birthday. He was a year older than our class because he was born so late in the year. Nineteen funnily enough seemed old to me, but I’d be there within six months.

  I didn’t forget the letter. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I realised we needed to talk, and soon. But I didn’t know how to reconcile not replying for so long. Was it unfixably awkward now? How could I show him I still thought about him and wanted to talk, but was a scaredy-cat to actually do it?

  A gift and a card stuffed into his mailbox? I probably should have consulted one of my wiser girlfriends, but I couldn’t help it.

  Roman and I used to shop together and I knew how much he liked t-shirts. I saw one while shopping at Twin Rocks Central that would suit him perfectly and I got it.

  Inside his small card, I wrote:

  Happy Birthday Roman,

  I remembered.

  Wishing you all the best in your 19th year of life and whatever you decide to do next year.

  Keen to talk soon,

  Daisy:-)

  Before I threw it in the bin and canned the whole idea, I knew I had to deliver it in a moment of insanity. That way, when the gift was already at his place, I couldn’t stress about it anymore. Even better, I couldn’t steal it back.

  Like a stalker, I strategically watched his house for the moment his parents left for work in the morning. Racing across the road like a preying lion, I stuffed the gift into their too-small mailbox and prayed no one would steal it before Roman decided to wake up and check the box. If he checked the box. A passerby could easily see blue wrapping paper sticking out. I had to take my chances.

  Bolting as fast as I could away from his house, around the corner and the few blocks to my house, I giggled with nervousness at doing something so mysterious. So … unseen.

  Until Christmas I kept my mind busy so that I didn’t think about Roman. The anticipation of his acknowledgement, or better, his reply to my birthday present plagued my mind and emotions until I couldn’t sit still anymore. I visited Nanna during the week besides our Friday night rituals and she told me of kindness, wisdom and contentment with what you have in your life, no matter how good or bad it seemed to be. I used up my nervous energy by exercising every day, morning or night without fail. I continued to work at Maccas, even though I was planning to quit as soon as I heard about uni.

  My brothers included me in their ‘hanging out’ more often, which I felt must be a graduation from ‘little sister’ to ‘fun sister’. Shane got a job in sales and quit Maccas. Treston is preparing to graduate the middle of next year and Josh decided to go back to uni and begin a business degree.

  And still, no word from Roman.

  Maybe he didn’t like the shirt. Maybe he felt awkward receiving a gift from me. Maybe he’d found another Scandinavian girl and had run away to Europe with her.

  Time was running out.

  An unlikely visitor knocked on the door just before lunch on Christmas Day. Mum was rushing around like a mad woman trying to organise last minute preparations for the mountains of guests she had to cook for, so she tasked me to watch the door and invite people in as they arrived.

  I opened the door expecting to see a family member, but I instead saw Pam.

  She had dyed her hair to a chocolate brown colour, ditched the make up and smiled warmly at me as I was about to ask her nicely what she was doing here again.

  ‘Daisy. Look at you. All grown up and graduated now,’ she said, giving me a strong hug.

  ‘Uh, yeah I know, crazy how things turn out, isn’t it?’ I replied, irony heavy in my voice. Did I have to get Josh and make him tell her to leave?

  ‘Sure is. So where’s Josh at?’ she asked casually. ‘I bet he’s helping your dad with the barbeque out the back.’

  ‘He is, but …’

  Josh came up behind me and pulled Pam through the door.

  ‘Daisy it’s a million degrees outside. Don’t keep her in the heat,’ he scolded me, just before kissing Pam passionately on the mouth.

  Some things hadn’t changed then.

  ‘Josh, when did this happen?’ I asked bluntly and waited for them to finish pashing.

  ‘Haven’t you told any of them yet?’ Pam asked, slapping him half-heartedly on the arm.

  Josh pretended to rub his arm like it hurt and I wanted to puke at their silly antics.

  ‘Never you mind, Daisy. But it’s back on, it’s true. And we’ve never been happier,’ he said in a sappy voice, before Pam launched herself at his face again. I rolled my eyes and shut the front door.

  Roman’s parents were the last to arrive for Christmas lunch. I couldn’t help but look behind them and wildly search for Roman. He wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Not even hiding in the car with a petulant look on his face.

  I must have looked crestfallen, because Jordan slapped his great hand on my shoulder and said, ‘Don’t fret Daisy. Roman is spending Christmas with his sisters in Perth for a week.’

  He watched my reaction when he gave the information and saw the disappointed look remain on my face. ‘But, he did leave a message for you,’ he added, eyes twinkling.

  ‘What did he say?’ I begged, trying not to sound so vulnerable.

  Jordan chuckled. ‘He said to tell you he’d speak with you when he got back, Daisy,’ he said with a wink. ‘But on one condition. Quote: “As long as you promise to actually ring the doorbell next time you feel like dropping off a gift”.’

  My heart leapt so violently it threatened to leave my chest. Embarrassment entwined with excitement inside my stomach. Roman’s parents laughed at my expense.

  So he did get the shirt and it wasn’t stolen. I nearly forgave him for not thanking me for it. I should have known he wouldn’t let me live it down.

  I smiled and nodded in thanks, ushering them into the kitchen and trying to keep my emotions at bay. This piece of news technically didn’t mean anything, but the whole ‘message from his parents’ thing had to imply something good.

  And he teased me. That was the real Roman.

  Mum made the most food I’ve ever seen her make along with Dad and Josh’s barbeque. There were plates of food everywhere, and great music — as far as Christmas carols went. The air-conditioner was cranked up as high as it would go and we still sweltered in the summer heat.

  Sarah and Shana came over after lunch and we exchanged gifts. The girls put their money together and gave me a bright pink Roxy beach towel with multi-coloured polka dots on it. I got them a necklace each, though Sarah’s was leather and way more hippie and Shana’s was silver and shiny.

  For the rest of the afternoon we sat on the new sun chairs in the gazebo and talked giddily about the past, the present and the future.

  Selfishly I hoped everyone would stay in Twin Rocks to complete their studies or begin new jobs, just so I could choose who I wanted to hang around with but still have a comfort zone. I knew life wouldn’t be that easy and that I would be disappointed somehow by missing those who would leave.

  ‘I have a secret,’ Shana announced suddenly, to which Sarah and I both oo’ed and ahh’ed accordingly.

  ‘You’re running away to Mexico with James,’ I suggested. ‘No,’ Shana exclaimed, shocked.

  ‘You’re getting married,’ I tried again and Shana shook her head.

  ‘You’re sleep
ing with James’ best friend,’ Sarah said, then all of us realised that would be Roman and shook our heads together.

  ‘You girls are the worst guessers. It’s nothing about me, directly. My parents are back together,’ she said quietly, nearly bursting with excitement.

  ‘Congratulations. That’s awesome,’ I said, hugging her around the shoulders. ‘When did this happen?’

  ‘Well, Dad had to give Mum the dates for grad, so while they were on the phone Mum said she missed Dad and that it was over with the internet guy.’

  ‘How did he take that?’ Sarah asked, always one for the juicy details.

  ‘At first he was like, “Well it’s your fault for running away with him so don’t think you can waltz back into our lives and go back to happy families” and she accepted that. But after a few weeks talking, they started to hit it off and fell in love all over again.’

  ‘Like, long distance romance,’ Sarah said. ‘Over the phone.’

  ‘Sorta, yeah. So when Mum came back for grad, they were all cute and awkward, but now everything is fine and she’s moved back in. Dad is so happy.’

  ‘Trust issues …?’ I had to ask, considering what happened to me this year.

  Shana nodded knowingly. ‘Definitely, but they’re working through it and they want to make it work for themselves as well as me. And, she wants to stay here.’

  ‘Cool, Shana. I’m so happy you have your mum back. I can’t wait to get to know her properly,’ I said, feeling genuinely happy for her.

  Sarah was grinning.

  ‘What now?’ I said, pinching her leg.

  ‘It’s nothing, really,’ she said, barely containing her laughter.

  ‘Spit it.’

  ‘OK. I so thought you were going to say that you’re pregnant,’ Sarah said, giggling mischievously.

  ‘So not. James isn’t like that,’ Shana said blushing.

  ‘Like what?’ Sarah and I asked her together.

  ‘Never mind. Hey, speaking of,’ Shana said, eyes suddenly popping open. ‘I saw Skye in the shops last week. She was wearing a tight singlet, as always, but I could swear she had a baby belly.’

  ‘Really.’ Sarah’s eyes joined Shana’s, intrigued.

  I smiled to myself. So she is keeping the baby.

  ‘Are you sure?’ Sarah asked Shana, looking slightly doubtful.

  ‘Fairly sure. You know what she’s like about her weight and other people’s. Look how many times she told Daisy she had a fat arse.’

  Shana stopped, looking at me apologetically. ‘Sorry Daisy, bad example, but you know what I mean. I doubt she’d just let herself go.’

  ‘Yeah I guess you’re right. But heck, who could the father be?’ Sarah mused.

  ‘I have no idea. What do you think, Dais?’ Shana stabbed me in the leg with her fingernail.

  ‘Wow. I can’t believe it hey. I have no idea who it might be. It’s such a surprise,’ I said.

  I don’t know what made me want to keep Skye’s secret, but I did. Now that people will find out by looking at her, I didn’t have to keep her pregnancy to myself anymore, but it wasn’t up to me to spread the gossip to the world either.

  Skye hadn’t answered my calls as I kept to my promise, but to hear she hadn’t aborted the baby gave me hope that one day she would answer them and we could be friends, outside the confines and walls of high school. If not, like my mum said, I made my choice and tried. The rest is up to her.

  ‘Yeah, and the Brigade is pretty much splitting up,’ Shana continued. How did she know all this stuff?

  ‘What do you mean, splitting up?’ Sarah wrinkled her nose. ‘As in, they’re not going to sleep with each other anymore?’

  ‘Ew, I don’t know about that, but I heard from James who heard from some boys in the ex-Grammar gang. Apparently Rachael is leaving to go overseas for a year or so, Tiffany is moving to America to pursue acting.’ I rolled my eyes to that one. ‘And Bree is leaving school to start a hair-dressing apprenticeship.’

  I can’t say I was surprised at all of those. Maybe I was a little smug at the idea of them splitting up. Things in high school don’t last forever, cool or not.

  ‘Holy cow,’ I said, whistling. ‘What about Nate? Does anyone know?’

  Sarah shook her head.

  ‘Actually, I do,’ Shana said. ‘Apparently his mum is dragging him and Amelie to Queensland to get away from his dad. That’s all I know.’

  ‘Not surprising, but I feel sorry for them having to move again,’ I remarked.

  ‘True, but at least he’s away from here, and you,’ Sarah added.

  ‘On the bright side, most of our boys are staying around here. James is, and …’

  ‘Roman?’ I interrupted, looking too eager to be casual.

  ‘Don’t know that one babe, sorry,’ Shana replied apologetically.

  I shrugged, shoulders hunched. ‘It’s OK.’

  ‘I’ll listen out for any extra information from James.’

  ‘Thanks. Not that it’ll do any good. Look what happened last time,’ I said, remembering James’ unswerving loyalty to his friend.

  ‘I’m much better at it this time,’ she grinned.

  ‘Good girl,’ Sarah encouraged.

  ‘You know, I think Ethan is the only one moving interstate for uni, but I didn’t know him that well anyway. He was very quiet.’

  ‘That’s a shame. He was cute,’ said Sarah miserably.

  We burst out laughing at Sarah’s declaration of affection for Ethan and continued sunning ourselves outside until the sun disappeared on the distant horizon.

  he beach continued to be my natural medicine. I would sit on the rocks for hours and write in my diary, wind and sun on my skin, strangers passing me with their energetic dogs. Or worse, couples would pass. When I saw them so happy and content, jealousy slid over me like a snake and I had to take deep breaths and reassure myself that one day I would get it right.

  One day I might get closure from Roman, too. I counted the days so I knew he was back in town, but he still hadn’t contacted me about the not-so-anonymous birthday present, or to follow up on his parents’ message. I told myself in self-protection that he had probably given up on me because he was moving away or I was useless at communication.

  A few days after New Year, I took my pastels with me and decided to try my hand at dodgy stick figures again at a very balmy South Beach. Believe it or not, I began to miss my bored drawing sessions during maths and human biol and felt inspired enough at this point in time to see what came into my head to draw.

  With a black pencil, I sketched myself standing calmly looking out of the page. Taking other colours, I added my hair colour; me as a redhead from the past, with a mixture of blonde hair too, with pink thongs and black skirt. I looked like I was fourteen and I giggled.

  Strangely, I had the urge to keep drawing. It seemed empty to have one lone piece of information on the bleached white page. So, next to my stick Daisy, I drew a taller boy, with sandy blonde hair and compelling blue eyes. He was wearing only board shorts and thongs. I paid particular attention to his facial features, trying to get them as accurate as I could to Roman’s likeness.

  I don’t know what possessed me to do what I did next. Taking a red pencil, I drew a giant love heart around us, taking care to shade the thick border to make the heart stand out just as much as the people. And, being in the centre of the page, it thudded in my eyes as though it were alive.

  ‘I hope I don’t look like that in real life,’ said a familiar voice behind my left shoulder.

  Heat rolled into my ear as goose bumps covered my body, spreading from my ear across my head and down my arms and legs. I snapped the art book shut, spinning on my towel to face the amused blue eyes of my long lost friend, Roman. He was wearing the t-shirt I bought him for his birthday.

  My lack of speech made him chuckle. ‘It’s unlike you not to have a comeback.’

  ‘You surprised me.’

  ‘Caught you, you mean.’

&nbs
p; ‘Shut up.’ I stuffed the book into my bag and as good as sat on it.

  Uninvited, he sat down on the spare space of my towel and reached his arm around me. In one fell move, he pulled the bag from under my right leg and began to systematically rummage through it. Out came my iPod, thongs, purse, car keys, hair ties.

  ‘Can I help you with something?’ I asked, heart racing.

  ‘Yes. Thank you for my birthday present,’ he said casually, as if I hadn’t been waiting for him to say that for nearly a month.

  ‘That’s OK. Glad to see you wearing it,’ I said shortly. ‘You could have told me you got it and that no one stole it.’

  ‘You could have answered my letter.’

  I opened my mouth to speak, but didn’t know what to say. Finally, I recovered. ‘Anything else?’

  ‘Lollies. Where is your stash?’ he accused, happy with the change in subject, but eyebrows raised in disapproval. He couldn’t find any sweets in my bag.

  I pointed to my stomach. ‘In here.’

  Roman shook his head. ‘Unbelievable.’

  ‘Sorry, didn’t know you were coming.’ Which is probably for the best. I might have bolted before you arrived like the coward I am, if I knew. ‘How did you know I was here?’

  ‘Your parents told me,’ he said matter-of-fact.

  I made a mental note to give them a good talking to when I got home.

  ‘Never mind that. So, how’ve you been?’ he asked, as he gently placed all the items back into my bag. Except the art book.

  ‘Not bad hey,’ I said casually. ‘Cleaning up my life and getting my priorities straight. You are one of the last things I have left to do, actually.’

  ‘Do, hey?’ Roman raised one eyebrow while flipping through the art book. He stopped on the picture of us and I thought I would faint.

  ‘On my list. You know what I mean.’ Think. Distract him.

  ‘Glad we cleared that up,’ he murmured, cheeks tugging in a small smile.