Adored In Autumn

by Jess Michaels

  Felicity tensed at the apology. It felt incomplete, but she wasn’t willing to pursue that issue. Yet.

  “My husband tried to kill me,” Felicity said, not dancing around the subject, not trying to soften it. There had been too many years of that. “And I shot him when he attacked me in order to defend myself.”

  Her mother staggered and Felicity reached out to steady her. “You—you—”

  “Killed him,” she confirmed softly. “And then my servants and I made it look like an accident so I wouldn’t be punished for it. But someone found out. The reason Asher came back, the reason everyone has been so odd is that there was a threat of the entire thing coming out and all of us being destroyed.”

  She held her breath, waiting for her mother to speak. Lady Stenfax’s face had crumpled in pain, but it took her a moment to find the words she needed. At last, she reached out and took Felicity’s hand.

  “My God, what you suffered,” Lady Stenfax gasped out. “Oh, my love, I am so sorry.”

  Lady Stenfax’s arms came around her, and for a moment Felicity set aside her anger and her betrayal and took the comfort she was being offered. She sighed against her mother’s shoulder as Lady Stenfax stroked her hair gently.

  “It is taken care of now. Asher and John Dane saved me.”

  Lady Stenfax drew back and stared at Asher. Felicity couldn’t help but wonder what her mother saw. Was he truly just a servant to her? One who had nearly thwarted her plans all those years ago? Could her mother see his goodness? His strength of character? His intelligence?

  “I owe you a debt,” Lady Stenfax said softly. “More than one, I think.”

  Felicity watched Asher as he bowed his head. “I would do anything for your daughter, my lady. You owe me no debt.”

  Felicity folded her arms. Asher was easy on Lady Stenfax. Felicity wasn’t ready to be the same. “I don’t agree, Asher,” she said. “After all, there is more to this, isn’t there? Mama, is there some confession you would like to make?”

  Lady Stenfax tensed. “From your tone, it seems you already know.”

  “I want you to tell me,” Felicity said.

  “Yes, I suppose that is fair.” Lady Stenfax paced away. “When your father died, our situation was so tenuous. Gray had not yet made his investments, you were unmarried and this enormous burden had been laid on Lucien’s shoulders.”

  Felicity drew a breath, ready to tell her mother not to make excuses. But before she could, she felt the warmth of Asher’s hand on the small of her back, heard his soft voice against her ear. “Let her speak.”

  Her mother looked relieved, grateful as she smiled at Asher. “You know, my own marriage with your father wasn’t one of love. My financial position made me attractive to him. His title was something my father thought could further him. It was the way, it still is. So I encouraged you to marry well.” Her face fell. “What I considered marrying well. I thought I was helping.”

  “And when you sent Asher away because we’d kissed, when you threatened him, that was also helping?” Felicity whispered.

  “What I saw that night terrified me,” Lady Stenfax admitted. “Asher, please know that I always liked you. I was happy to have you spend time with my children. I saw such potential in you, as did my husband. And I had long suspected that Felicity might have…feelings for you.”

  Felicity’s lips parted. “You did?”

  “Of course. A handsome young man, so dashing and intelligent? I wasn’t a fool. But I hoped that I could steer you away. That when you came out, you would be too busy to think about such things.”

  Felicity fought the urge to scream at her mother and somehow managed to temper her tone. “You thought I would just forget Asher when fancier things were dangled before me.”

  “When I saw you kiss, I knew that was a foolish dream,” Lady Stenfax admitted. “It was obvious this was more than a mere girlish tendre.”

  Felicity moved toward her. “And so you banished him, upon threat of ruining him and his father.”

  “I have never been proud of that moment,” Lady Stenfax said. “God, how I hated myself the instant I said it. Seyton never looked at me the same way again, and when he left I knew it was a commentary on my fitness as a mistress. Worse, I saw how hurt you were, Felicity, when Asher left. I knew that I’d broken your heart. But then you met Barbridge and I hoped…”

  “You hoped we would be happy.” Felicity shook her head. “But we weren’t. You sent me into a nest of vipers, Mama. All for some desire to protect our purse. You sacrificed me on the altar of standing and position.”

  Her mother caught her breath on a sob. “I know I did, my love. I know that now and I despise myself for it.”

  Asher had been silent throughout the encounter, but now he stepped forward. He slid an arm around Felicity and the warmth of him soothed her. The gentleness took some of her own edges away.

  “I have something to say,” he said softly, but with strength.

  Felicity tensed as she prepared herself for it. She saw her mother do the same. After all, she wasn’t the only one who had been affected by her mother’s actions. And Asher had every right to say or do whatever he liked in response to her mother’s apology.

  Chapter Twenty

  Lady Stenfax lifted her chin and Felicity caught her breath. Her mother was ready for whatever came. She was ready to accept it.

  “Whatever it is, Asher, I know that you have every right to say what you will.”

  To Felicity’s surprise, Asher smiled, shaking his head. “You think I’ll censure you? Accuse you?”

  “I deserve no less,” Lady Stenfax said, her voice shaking.

  “No, that isn’t what I’m about to do. Lady Stenfax, at the time this all occurred, I was angry with you, yes. But I’m older now. I’ve seen so much. I wish you had been more open to me. I wish you had seen value in me. But I understand on some level why you did what you did. You wanted to protect your daughter.” He looked at Felicity. “Which is the most noble of motivations. Certainly, I have done some foolhardy things in the same pursuit.”

  “But it is my fault that she ended up with a man who abused her. Who tried to…to kill her,” Lady Stenfax sobbed.

  Asher turned on Felicity. “You once told me you blamed me for your marriage. But that changed, didn’t it?”

  She caught her breath. “Yes,” she admitted. “I wanted to blame you, but it wasn’t your fault.”

  “Whose fault was it?” he pressed.

  She looked at her mother, her shoulders bent, tears streaming down her face. She was broken by what she’d done. By the blame she now shouldered. And Felicity so understood that pain. She had felt it herself, carrying guilt on her own back for so long. She knew its weight. Its damaging power.

  She didn’t want to leave it on her mother’s shoulders.

  “Barbridge,” she whispered. “The only person there is to blame for what was done to me is the person who did it. I blame my husband.”

  Lady Stenfax lifted her head. “B-but I pushed you into his arms.”

  “And had you known what a monster he was, would you have done so? Would you have protected me if you knew what he would do?” Felicity asked, and knew the answer even before her mother spoke.

  Lady Stenfax’s eyes lit up with a flame of anger and protectiveness that Felicity had never seen before. Her jaw set as she said, “I would have killed him myself if I had known he had hurt you. I would have gone into the deepest ruin rather than put you in his path.”

  Felicity stared at her. As a child, she had considered her mother her champion, but somehow over the years they had been cut away from each other by the secrets they both kept. Now she saw that same champion. Perhaps not perfect, but filled with love and good intentions.

  She moved forward and caught her mother’s hands in hers. “You should not have done what you did that night,” she said.

  “I know, I apologize to you both,” Lady Stenfax whispered. “Even though I know it is too late for that.”
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  “But because of it, Asher got an education. He became a success and a man. And I became…me,” she said. “Less foolish than before. I cannot only blame the things that happened—I must also find the good in them and see how they shaped me and helped me to this place.”

  Lady Stenfax’s eyes were eyes wide and uncertain. “Does that mean you can…forgive me for my interference?”

  “I…can,” Felicity said, embracing her mother tightly. She felt Lady Stenfax buckle, and clung to her, keeping her upright as her mother wept into her shoulder.

  After they stood like that for a moment, Lady Stenfax wiped her tears and then slipped away to move toward Asher. “And what of you, Asher…Mr. Seyton. Can you ever forgive me for my actions that night?”

  His expression gentled and Felicity’s heart soared at the goodness of him. The generosity of spirit that was unlike any she had ever experienced. He held out a hand to Lady Stenfax and she gripped it with both of hers.

  “I forgave you a long time ago,” he said.

  Lady Stenfax’s shoulders rolled forward in relief. “Thank you.”

  Felicity smiled as her mother released him and stepped back. She almost looked like a new person. And Felicity understood that. She, too, felt reborn now. Lies had been burned away, betrayals answered. The future, for the first time in years, looked bright.

  And it was all because of Asher that it was true.

  “Well, now that it is all out,” Lady Stenfax said. “It seems I have a great deal to do.”

  “What do you mean?” Felicity asked.

  “The fact that everyone has kept me in the dark about all this is proof that I have not lived up to my duties as matriarch of this family,” Lady Stenfax said. “It is something I must work on. I think I’ll speak to Elise about it. There is a steel in her that I could learn from.”

  “Don’t underestimate your own steel, my lady,” Asher said.

  Lady Stenfax looked at him with kindness and then sighed. “But right now I think I shall go lie down. This has been a day of upheaval for us all.”

  “A good idea, Mama,” Felicity said as she stepped up to kiss her mother’s cheek. “There will be a great deal for us to address in the next few weeks and I know that you will be a great help to everyone now that you are aware of everything going on.”

  Lady Stenfax smiled. “Oh, I doubt I know everything. But I will endeavor to be of strength if I can. I’ll see you both later.”

  She slipped from the room and shut the door behind her with a wink for Felicity. Felicity drew a breath of shock at the action, the allowance that she be alone with the man her mother had once tried to keep her from.

  Asher’s arms come around her from behind and she leaned into his broad, warm chest. She let his strength seep into her, feeling herself fill with it, feeling it replace any fears she still had. Any questions.

  This was what he did for her. More than anything else. He brought out her own strength, he multiplied it.

  “Thank you for being here while I did that,” she said. “I needed you here, I needed to say it and get it out.”

  He nodded and his chin brushed the top of her head. “I think we all did. Your mother has carried a great deal of guilt for what she did. It is time we were all free of those things.”

  She turned in his arms and looked up at him. “It is. I can feel the cage door opening now and I…I hardly know what to do.”

  “Fly,” he whispered, smiling as he leaned down to kiss her.

  She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his neck, opening to him. He didn’t take or overpower, he just kissed her. But far before she was ready for it to be over, he pulled away.

  “There is something you said to your mother,” he said, his dark eyes holding hers steady.

  “What is that?”

  He shifted, almost like he was uncomfortable. It put her on alert and she fought to remain serene in the face of fear of what he’d say. “Am I truly your dearest friend? The one you trust above all others?”

  She blinked up at him. “Do you question that?”

  “You’ve said a few times that you couldn’t trust me. Couldn’t trust anyone after what you endured.”

  She pondered the words a moment. “Yes,” she said slowly. “I did feel that for a while. But these last few weeks have shown me something. It was me I felt I couldn’t trust, not you. You have shown yourself to be nothing but trustworthy. And Asher, you have always been my dearest friend. Even before I…I loved you.”

  There was a knock at the music room door and Asher’s lips pursed. “It seems we will be forever interrupted in his conversation,” he said as he backed away from her. “Yes?”

  The door opened to reveal John. His face was drawn and he motioned to them. “I broke the code. Come with me.”

  Asher’s heart throbbed as he entered the parlor where the rest of the family was gathered. As he walked into the room, he saw that Rosalinde and Celia were huddled together. Both women had been crying, though they tried to keep brave faces on as Felicity came to them.

  “What is it?” she asked, embracing them both. Elise joined them and the women clung together, a sisterhood of strength and love that warmed Asher’s heart. He was glad Felicity had that in these women.

  Celia shook her head. “Our grandfather seems to have…destroyed the pages of the diary that contained the truth about our father.”

  Felicity’s face crumpled, as did Elise’s. And Asher could see Gray and Dane’s pain, too, in the face of the pain of their wives. Though the two men looked less upset than he thought they might, and exchanged a cryptic look.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” Felicity said, hugging them tighter.

  “What can we do?” Elise whispered. “What can we do for you?”

  “Nothing,” Rosalinde said, clearing her throat and straightening up like she was gathering herself. “It is a disappointment, for certain, but Celia and I had long resigned ourselves to the fact that we would never know the truth. And there are very happy tidings. Tell them, John.”

  The attention of the room shifted to Dane, and he reached into his pocket to draw out pages from the hated book that had been their focus for so long.

  “I was able to finish the translation of the code,” he said. “These are the pages about the killing of your husband, Felicity. And as far as I know, they are the only proof of what happened that night.”

  She froze for a moment, then stepped toward him. Her hands shook as she took the pages, looking at them. “Such small things that caused so much pain for us all,” she murmured.

  “But not anymore,” Elise said, and the two women locked gazes. Asher saw the old remnants of their friendship in that look. As girls, they had almost been able to read each other’s minds.

  Felicity smiled. “Not anymore,” she agreed, and walked to the fire. She dropped the pages into the flames and watched, happy tears glittering in her eyes, as the words burned away.

  Asher’s heart swelled as she turned back. It was like she’d grown two inches as she faced her family. It was like she’d shed some of the pain of the past few years in that one simple action.

  Dane seemed to sense it, too, for some of the tension left his face as he smiled at her. “It’s over.”

  Gray stepped forward and hugged Felicity. “I’m happy for you, my dear. But now we must talk about something else.”

  Felicity looked up at him. “Something else?”

  Stenfax and Elise also looked confused by that statement, as did Celia and Rosalinde.

  “You look grave,” Stenfax said. “Was something else revealed when you broke the code?”

  “No,” Dane said. “As I already told Rosalinde and Celia, the pages about their father’s identity were not in the book. But…but Gray and I have a theory. One we’ve been researching, and now…”

  He trailed off, and Gray nodded, like he understood that Dane couldn’t continue. “We must bring it out.”

  “What is your theory?” Rosalinde asked, her hand strayin
g to her stomach as if she wanted to protect the child that grew inside of her. “Is it about Celia and me?”

  “Yes,” Gray said, his tone infinitely gentle as he covered her hand with his own. “You see, when Asher was talking to one of Fitzgilbert’s servants, it came out that his father worked for your grandfather.”

  “At around the same time that your mother met and fell in love with your father,” Dane said, reaching for Celia’s hand and squeezing it.

  Asher blinked as those two statements sank in. He stared at them, stared at their wives. “Wait, are you saying…”

  “You—you think Asher’s father is…” Celia breathed.

  “Your father,” Gray finished for her. “We think it is possible that Niall Seyton is the man your mother ran away with.”

  Asher could hardly breathe as he stared at Rosalinde and Celia and they stared back at him. In that moment, he knew what Dane and Gray were saying was true. Somehow, he’d known it even before it was spoken out loud. From the first moment he met these women, he’d felt a connection to them. A familiarity.

  “Why—why do you believe this?” Rosalinde whispered, breaking the silence that had hung in the room for what felt like forever.

  Asher cleared his throat, somehow finding his voice. “Yes, what is your evidence?”

  As he asked the question, Felicity moved toward him and took his hand. She didn’t seem to care she was doing it in front of her family, she just held to him and he was grateful for it. She was like a beacon in a storm in that moment.

  “We began to suspect it when you found out your father once worked for Fitzgilbert,” Dane said.

  “I’d never even known that,” Asher whispered. “I only knew he worked for a man who wouldn’t allow his servants to have families. It was why I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle for several years.”

  Felicity shook her head. “I know it was difficult to be away from your father. He never mentioned his employer in his letters to you?”