by Mia Knight
Carmen clearly picked up on her reticence because she tried to make it easier.
“Fine. Rate him on a scale of one through five.”
“Four,” Lyla said without thinking.
“Really? Impressive.”
“He was...” She fumbled for words. “He was great. If you met him—”
Carmen gripped her arm. “You know that’s not an option, right?”
Her words were an echo of Blade’s. Lyla bristled, irritated. She looked pointedly down at Nora. “I know that.”
“Okay. Because you sound like you’re thinking... I don’t know.”
“I wasn’t expecting to see him and then he was just there. It was like seeing Manny again.” Lyla waved her hands. “It’s the shock. Seeing him reminded me of my other life.”
“Let’s go,” Blade interrupted.
They walked out to the car. Blade placed Nora in her car seat. He fumbled with the buckles and swore fluidly under his breath. When Lyla offered to help, he gave her a killing look that made her sit back with a shrug. Nora chattered excitedly and touched his face when Blade leaned forward to examine the tiny mechanisms. He froze, gave Nora a reproving glare that made no impact on the baby and checked the straps before he slammed the door.
As the SUV left Gavin’s casino behind Lyla let out a long breath. God, she felt as if she spent all day away from home instead of only a couple of hours. She forgot how fast life moved. For four months she took a time out to learn to be a mother and refine her fighting skills so she could act accordingly in case of an emergency. One day out of the house and she became emotionally shipwrecked.
Lyla glanced at her cousin who had gotten all dolled up for today. “Sorry we didn’t stay out long.”
Carmen shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Today was a bust for me too.”
“Where did you go?”
“I gambled a bit, won a thousand dollars and got hit on a lot.”
“And?”
“Nothing.”
“So why was today a bust?”
Carmen didn’t reply. Lyla’s intuition pinged.
“What happened with Marcus?”
“Nothing happened with him.”
“Do you want something to happen with him?”
Carmen examined her nails. “No.”
“Carmen.”
“What?”
“You’re gunning for him, aren’t you?” Lyla was relieved to focus on her cousin’s love life instead of her own. “Wait, so he wanted you, you turned him down and now you’re trying to get him to make a move again?”
Carmen looked irritated. “I never said that and I can get any man I want, thank you very much.”
“And you want Marcus.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You don’t have to. You won money, got hit on and still aren’t happy.”
Carmen tapped her nails together, a nervous habit she didn’t exhibit often. “I don’t know what I want.”
“You don’t have to figure it out today.”
“I have to figure it out sometime. I can’t live with you forever.”
“Yes, you can.”
Carmen snickered. “I’m sure that’ll go over great with Gavin.”
“He doesn’t get a say,” Lyla said sharply.
Carmen’s brows rose. “Wow. You really did love your ex, didn’t you? He got you all riled up.”
How could she explain what Jonathan had been to her? She had been struggling to survive when he came along. He coaxed her out of the dark and just... loved her.
“He was so good to me. I never wanted to hurt him. I walked out with just a note.”
“You love Gavin,” Carmen said.
“I know that, but...”
“But what?”
“I don’t know.” She waved her hand. “It was just a shock to see him and it reminded me how fucked up my life is.”
“It isn’t fucked up. You have a baby and a man who loves you.”
Lyla jerked her thumb at the line of SUVs behind them carrying the rest of her security.
“You have security, so what? You’re rich.”
“So are you. I don’t see you with an entourage of hired guns.”
Carmen shrugged. “You’re high profile.”
“I killed at least two men,” Lyla whispered.
“They deserved it.”
“Well, yes, but still.”
Carmen slapped her thigh. “I can’t believe you ran them over with a car. That is totally badass.”
“It wasn’t badass. I was desperate.”
“I wish I could kill somebody.”
“Carmen!”
“What?”
“You can’t want to kill somebody!”
“I mean, kill somebody who deserves it, duh.”
“You’re crazy.”
“No, I’m not. I grew up in the business and know how it works. Some people deserve to live and some don’t. If you don’t put the wild dogs in their place they spread rabies so we contain or eliminate it. Simple.”
Carmen’s father had been an enforcer so she grew up knowing what the Pyres did. Lyla hadn’t. Everyone around her had a crooked view of the world, which is why she latched onto Jonathan. She didn’t have to turn a blind eye to the things he did or twist her morals for those she loved.
“You were born to be a crime lord’s wife,” Lyla observed quietly.
It made more sense for Carmen and Gavin to be together, but there was no attraction between them. Maybe it was true that opposites attract since Carmen had been with Vinny who was even-tempered and steady while Carmen was restless, manic and hyper.
“I was a crime lord’s wife for less than a week.”
Lyla saw the sheen of tears in her cousin’s eyes and leaned against her. “Vinny was a good man.”
“He was. No one can replace him.”
“No,” Lyla agreed, “but hopefully you have room in your heart to give a part of yourself to someone else.”
“I don’t think I have anything to give. I’m just horny.”
The driver shifted restlessly. Lyla was glad they were pulling up to the fortress. She didn’t need security guards offering to relieve Carmen’s needs. Carmen deserved better than a quick fuck.
They walked into the house and collapsed in the living room. Nora laughed delightedly when Beau rushed to greet them and sniffed her madly.
“So, are you going to help at the hospital?” Carmen asked.
“Gavin said no.”
“He’s right,” Carmen said, slipping off her heels and reclining on the couch like Cleopatra.
Lyla scowled at her cousin. “I can’t stay in this house forever and this event sounds amazing. It’s the largest effort yet. How come you didn’t tell me you were rounding up celebrities to help with this?”
“I knew you’d want to help and Gavin would kill me for suggesting it. But, since Alice got you fired up for it, that’s not my fault.”
“I want to be a part of this. I want to be around normal people for a day.”
“I’m normal!”
“No, you aren’t. You’re as crooked as they come,” Lyla said.
Carmen waved her hand. “Don’t flatter me when I’m so horny.”
Lyla sank into the cushions. “I want to be a part of this.”
“Gavin hasn’t found a lead on him yet?”
“No. How long is this going to last? One day I’m going to want to take Nora to a park and meet other kids. I might want to go shopping or visit your mom instead of making her drive all the way out here.”
“Mom doesn’t mind.”
“That’s not the point! We’re here twenty-four seven. I keep waiting for another attack or a phone call telling me Gavin’s hurt.” Her hands clenched into fists. “I want to do something. I need to help and I want some kind of normal in my life. This isn’t what I want for Nora.”
“It won’t always be this way and Gavin can handle himself.”
“I know that, but he’s still
human. He bleeds and can be killed just as easily as someone else.”
“I think of him as The Terminator,” Carmen said. “He can go into any situation and come home without a scratch.”
Lyla thought of the knife wound on the back of his hand. “He’s human.”
Carmen gave Nora big, smacking kisses. “I used to be so focused on going to the clubs. Now, this is my whole day and I’m good with it.”
“We’re getting old.”
Carmen sniffed. “You’re getting old. I’m just getting more fabulous.”
“Whatever you say.”
Carmen settled Nora on a blanket, turned on her belly and propped her chin on her hand. “Tell me about him.”
“Who?”
“Your ex, hello!”
Lyla pictured him in her mind. “He’s cute.”
Carmen scrunched up her face. Lyla felt compelled to defend him.
“Jonathan’s an average guy in every way. He’s cute, polite, stable.”
“Gavin would kick his ass,” Carmen predicted.
“Of course he would. I don’t think Jonathan knows how to throw a punch.”
“If Gavin finds out about him, mention that. Maybe Gavin will let him live.”
“Gavin can’t get mad about Jonathan. We have a baby together.”
“So?”
“So, I’m taken.”
“That hasn’t stopped Gavin from being a jealous psycho.”
True. “He won’t find out about Jonathan.”
“You better hope not,” Carmen said.
Lyla played with Nora and Beau while Carmen watched TV. When Nora and Carmen drifted off, Lyla carried the baby upstairs with Beau on her heels. Lyla activated the baby monitor, which gave her a view of the crib from her phone and walked outside. She wrapped her arms around herself as she paced around the pool.
Of course she didn’t regret Nora or her marriage to Gavin. Despite the rocky dips in their relationships, they were meant for each other. She knew it in her bones, but that didn’t stop her from realizing how much she changed since she left Jonathan. With Jonathan, she could be herself. With Gavin, she had to stand her ground against his much stronger personality and her moral compass no longer had a needle.
She changed after witnessing Manny’s demise at the hands of the criminal underclass. Seeing Jonathan made her realize how far off the path she traveled. It forced her to look at her life and it was uncomfortable. She witnessed and experienced things Jonathan never would and that colored her world in shades of gray. Lyla hoped once they discovered Sadist’s identity, she and Gavin could settle into some kind of normal. Until then, she would live under the suffocating security blanket Gavin provided.
Lyla went inside and stretched out on the couch across from Carmen. Even in sleep, her cousin looked photo-shoot ready. Lyla inwardly snorted and checked on Nora who was sucking her thumb with her other arm tossed over her head. Lyla listened to her daughter’s quick breaths and shut her eyes.
CHAPTER FOUR
Lyla
“Lyla.”
She opened her eyes. It took her a moment to realize she was stretched out on the couch in the living room. Gavin sat beside her, hand on her hip while his other held Nora.
“She’s hungry and there isn’t any bottles in the fridge,” he said.
Lyla sat up, smoothed back her hair and smiled at Nora who drooled over Gavin’s pristine slacks. She glanced at the couch where Carmen had been and found it empty. She yawned as she shifted her dress aside to nurse Nora.
“What time is it?”
“Four,” Gavin said.
“That was a long nap.”
Gavin said nothing. She looked up and found him watching her closely.
“What?” she asked.
“We argued today.”
“I know.”
“I’m doing this to keep you safe.”
He wouldn’t let up. She hadn’t even been up for five minutes and he was already drilling her. No, she would never have a restful life with Gavin.
“You’re donating so much money to a good cause and I want to help.”
“There will be other events.”
Lyla braced herself. “I want to go, Gavin.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “You’re pissing me off.”
“Why?”
“You’re being distant and bitchy.”
Lyla said nothing.
“You’re still doing it.”
“I’m a human being. I have emotions. I can’t ditch them as easily as you do.”
He tensed. “There it is again. What the hell happened at that meeting with Alice?”
“This has nothing to do with Alice.”
“Then what is it about?”
Nora made an urgent sound, clearly ill at ease by their heated voices. Lyla made comforting sounds and angled her body away from Gavin.
“We’ll discuss this later,” she said pointedly.
Gavin didn’t move. She tensed, wondering if he was going to push the issue. He was on edge and capable of anything.
“This isn’t over,” he said and went to his office.
At the meeting with Alice and Janice the fear and worry lifted, giving her a glimpse of life outside the underworld. She wanted to be a part of it so badly that her eyes burned with tears. Couldn’t she tiptoe into the light for a couple of hours without being shot at? How could she explain that she wanted to be around people who would fill her battered soul with light and goodness? She needed to live despite the dark cloud that had been hovering over them. How long would she have to live this way?
Lyla took a deep breath and tried to smile at Nora who was watching her with rapt attention. “Why is life so complicated, honey?”
Nora splayed her tiny hand on Lyla’s cheek and regarded her seriously as if to say everything would be all right.
Lyla burped Nora and headed upstairs to bathe her. Carmen ambled in during Nora’s bath.
“How’s my goddaughter doing?” Carmen said to Nora who flapped her arms excitedly.
“I’m going to freak out when she starts walking and talking,” Lyla said as Nora sat in the tub with only a hand braced against her back. Babies were amazing. They were intuitive, intelligent and observant. She loved watching Nora respond to her surroundings. She wanted Nora to be around people like Janice, Marcus and Alice, not locked up in this house.
“She’s growing up fast, isn’t she?” Carmen sighed. “I can’t believe we were babies once.” Carmen’s eyes widened. “I can’t imagine Gavin as a baby.”
Lyla snickered as she imagined Gavin as a stern-faced baby. Carmen chattered to Nora who listened to every word with wide eyes. Carmen carried Nora to the nursery to change her. Lyla began to follow and came face to face with Gavin who blocked the doorway.
“Can you watch Nora, Carmen?” Gavin called.
“Sure,” Carmen said from the nursery.
“I need to talk to Lyla.”
Gavin closed the door. Lyla turned away from him and went back into the bathroom. She drained the tub and hung the damp towels.
“I watched the surveillance videos,” Gavin said from behind her. “Blade said you had a panic attack, but he didn't mention that a man came up to you.”
Lyla stilled. Gavin was too damn thorough.
“Did you know him? He followed you through the casino.”
With a feeling of dread, she turned to him. “He’s an old acquaintance.”
Gavin regarded her through narrow hazel eyes. “Who is he?”
“Someone I used to know.”
“Who?”
She realized with a sinking heart that Gavin wasn’t going to let it go. “It doesn’t matter.”
“If it doesn’t matter, why won’t you tell me?”
“Because I don’t want you to freak out.”
He folded his arms across his broad chest. “I don’t freak out.”
She threw up her hands, completely over this fucked up day. “Fine, Hulk out, but I don’t want to
deal with it.”
“Tell me.”
“It was Jonathan.”
Gavin’s expression didn’t change. “Jonathan?”
She could see it didn’t register. “My ex.”
Every inch of his body went rigid. His eyes took on a dangerous cast. “What the fuck is he doing here?”
“He’s here for a conference.”
He cocked his head. “You spoke to him?”
“He recognized me.”
“And you spoke to him?”
“Yes.”
“And you weren’t going to tell me?”
“Nothing happened.”
“Nothing happened,” he repeated and the way he said it sent a ripple of alarm down her spine. “He’s the reason you’re fighting to go to the hospital and why you picked a fight with me twice today.”
“Volunteering has nothing to do with Jonathan.”
“Don’t say that weak fuck’s name in this house.”
Lyla took a step back. “Are you serious?”
Gavin prowled towards her.
“Am I serious about hearing that the man you lived with and gave you romance saw you today?” He leaned down so their faces were only inches apart. “Am I serious about the fact that you weren’t going to tell me? Fuck yes, I’m serious, Lyla. Deadly serious.”
“What do you want me to say?” she challenged.
“I want to know how you felt when you saw him.”
She blinked. “Felt?”
“Yes. Felt.”
“I was shocked. I never expected to see him again,” she said.
“And?” he pressed.
“I felt... sad.”
“Why?”
“He’s a good man.”
“A good man,” Gavin repeated without inflection.
“Will you stop that? Geez.” She ducked under his arm and paced away so she could breathe. “He asked why I left him and I...” She wrung her hands, looked up and realized she’d made a massive mistake.
“You don’t owe him shit,” Gavin snapped.
“You don’t know him!”
“I don’t need to. He’s nothing.”
“He isn’t nothing.” Her eyes pricked with tears. “Jonathan took care of me. He was my friend. I disappeared almost three years ago, but when he saw me today, the first thing he asked is if I was okay. If a woman left you high and dry, would you bother saying anything to her if you saw her again?”