Kellan: A Military Shifter Secret Baby Romance (Alpha Squad Book 1)

by Terra Wolf

  He glanced up and caught me staring at him. I looked down quickly, letting my nerves get the better of me, before I remembered my age and laughed. I looked back up apologetically and set my menu down on the table.

  “This is ridiculous,” I said boldly. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”

  “It’s okay,” he said. “I am, too.”

  “But we shouldn’t be,” I argued. “We’ve done this a thousand times before. You know me, and I know you. There’s no reason this should be so awkward.”

  “Isn’t it always awkward with exes?” Kellan asked.

  “Does it have to be?” I countered. Kellan looked at me for a second before he chuckled and leaned back in his chair.

  “You really haven’t changed much,” he said.

  “I like to think I have,” I said. “But I guess I’m still the same me.”

  “That’s a good thing,” Kellan said. “That wit of yours is infamous.”

  “Sometimes I’m not so sure,” I said. “I left Mountain Creek so I could change. So, I could move on and grow up. What was the point if none of that happened?”

  “It happened,” Kellan assured me. “You’re still you, but you’re more poised. You have a confidence now that you didn’t have five years ago. When I knew you, you were always just this little ball of energy. It was like you were going to burst out of your skin at any given moment. You don’t have that same energy anymore. You’re calmer, more sure of yourself.”

  “You got all that from just one conversation,” I laughed.

  “It was a good conversation,” Kellan shrugged.

  “It was,” I agreed. “I’m glad we decided to do this.”

  “I’m just glad you said yes,” Kellan laughed again. “I really didn’t think you would.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Because a part of you still hates me,” Kellan said bluntly. It was almost too easy to be honest with each other.

  “Hate isn’t the right word,” I said.

  “What word would you use?” Kellan asked. His eyes were fixed on mine and I knew he really wanted to know the answer. He was being sincere. It terrified me.

  “Let’s order our food before we get into the heavy stuff,” I suggested, trying to keep my tone light hearted. Kellan’s face told me he knew I was avoiding the question, but he was kind enough to let me.

  We ordered a glass of wine each and nibbled on some breadsticks while we waited for our food. Our conversation stayed in the shallow end as he discussed my family and his. He told me about his parents moving out of state and I told him that Lacey had another baby who was now almost four. He talked and I listened, I talked and he listened. We fell into an easy, unassuming rhythm that put me at ease.

  It wasn’t until our plates were cleared and the dessert ordered that things once again turned serious.

  “Julia,” Kellan said. “I want you to know that, despite everything, I still care about you. You may not believe this, but I never stopped thinking about you. Not once.”

  I watched his eyes as he spoke and I knew he meant every word he said. My fear escalated as I thought of the secret I was keeping from him. Over the years, I told myself it was better that Kellan never knew. I reassured myself over and over again that it was for the best. But, sitting there with him, enjoying a plate of cannoli, listening to him tell me how much he still cared for me… my resolve began to weaken. For the first time, I considered telling him everything.

  “Can I ask you that question again?” Kellan asked. His words pulled me out of my head. I blinked a couple times and frowned. “About hating me?”

  I laughed weakly and said, “I really don’t hate you, Kellan. Not even close.”

  “Then, how do you feel about me now?”

  “Well,” I said, speaking slowly. “When you left, I was mad. And hurt. It felt like our entire relationship was just marking time for you. Like you were using me as a distraction until your real life came along.”

  “That wasn’t…”

  “Let me finish,” I said quickly. “But, when I moved to New York I was able to get some distance from this town and from the memories I had of you. I knew then that I never hated you. There were times when I wished I did, but I couldn’t. You can’t hate someone when you spent so much time loving them. I think what I felt was just resentment. I resented you for getting out first, for leaving before I could. I resented you for not asking me to go with you, for not waiting to go with me.”

  “What would you have said?” Kellan asked softly. “If I asked you to go?”

  “I don’t know.” I shook my head and thought hard about my answer. “I think, back then, there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for you.”

  At my words, Kellan’s eyes closed for a fraction of a second. When they opened, I could see the pain he’d been hiding rise to the surface. Without thinking, I reached across the table and held his hand. He stroked my palm with his thumb.

  We sat in silence, holding hands and staring at each other, for what felt like hours. I knew he was remembering the same things I was: all those nights together in my room or his, in my car or his. Just the slightest touch made those desires flood back to the surface for us both. As he watched me, I saw that familiar glint in his eyes. He wanted me just as badly as I wanted him.

  This easy date was about to turn into some night.

  Seventeen

  Kellan

  “Thank you for walking me home,” Julia said with a shy smile. We were standing at the edge of her driveway, both of us shuffling our feet awkwardly.

  “Julia,” I said breathlessly. My bear paced. He wanted to claim her. We’d waited so long for this.

  “Please,” Julia said quickly. “We can’t, okay? We can’t go there.”

  “Why not?” I asked, taking a step toward her. “I know you felt it, too. At the restaurant. You felt that spark between us. I know you did.”

  “Of course, I did,” Julia said emphatically. “But that doesn’t change anything.”

  “Doesn’t it?” I asked. “Because for me, it changes everything.”

  “How?” Julia demanded.

  “Knowing you still feel that way,” I said. “Knowing you still want me… it changes everything.”

  As I spoke, I watched Julia’s face for any sign of a reaction. The second our hands touched over that table at Martello’s I knew we would end up here. There was something between us, something primal and intense. Our attraction was one that could never be ignored and now that we were once again in each other’s lives, ignoring it wasn’t even worth the attempt. It would never work. I knew that and judging from the hungry look in Julia’s eyes, she did too.

  I reached over and wrapped my arm around Julia’s waist. My fingers trailed along the waistline of her skirt as I pulled her roughly along. I led us around the side of the house and into the backyard.

  “What are you doing?” Julia hissed.

  “You know exactly what I’m doing,” I told her with a mischievous grin.

  “My parents are home,” Julia reminded me.

  “That’s why we’re going to the guest house,” I said. “I’m assuming it’s still empty? Used only for storage? The perfect place for a nightcap.”

  “Yes, but…”

  I stopped walking and turned to face Julia head on. My hands rested on her hips and I pulled her closer to me.

  “If this isn’t what you want, I’ll go,” I promised her and I meant it. “Just tell me.”

  Julia’s breathing was irregular as she laid her hands on my chest. She traced my muscles with her fingers and I could see the wheels in her head turning. The way she stroked my chest through my shirt was deliciously familiar. She used to do the same thing when we were together. It was her way of telling me how badly she wanted to feel my skin against hers.

  “Kellan,” my name was a growl on her lips. It was all the encouragement I needed. I lifted her off her feet and carried her up the stairs to the door of the guest house. She weighed practicall
y nothing to me, with my shifter strength. I had to remember to be careful with her. There was that one time I left marks…

  The door was unlocked. I shoved it open and stepped inside with Julia still in my arms.

  When I set her down, she stood on her tiptoes to stare into my eyes. The door swung shut behind us and we continued looking at each other. We didn’t move. We didn’t speak. We didn’t kiss. We just looked into each other’s eyes. I tried to read her every thought and I knew she was doing the same. It had been years since we were together and yet, in that moment, it felt like just yesterday. I could see the familiar flash in her blue eyes that told me to kiss her.

  I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist and pulled her against me. She lifted herself up further, wrapping her arms around my neck. We were moving slowly, slower than we’d ever moved before. I wanted to remember every moment of this night. I wanted to memorize the feeling of her arms around me, her lips against mine…

  When our lips finally touched, a shot of electricity went through my body, starting at my head and propelling its way down to my toes. Every inch of my skin was on fire from just the beginnings of a kiss. My bear roared. I could tell from the way Julia’s arms were trembling around my neck that she felt it too.

  I deepened the kiss quickly. My tongue slid inside her mouth and she groaned, her lips moving fast against mine. My hands moved from her waist to her hair. I tangled my fingers in the dark curls while she raked her nails down my back. We were both running out of breath, but we didn’t break the kiss. Once we started, we could never stop.

  Julia moved her hands to my chest. Her fingers frantically searched for the buttons on my shirt. She unbuttoned them one by one, her hands working at lightning speed. She shoved the shirt off my shoulders and let it fall to the ground. When she pulled herself away from my lips, she wasted no time before she was kissing her way down my neck and my chest. She kissed and tasted my skin, her tongue roaming freely over my hard muscles.

  My head rolled back and I stared at the ceiling while she moved lower. When she reached the waistline of my jeans, I pulled her face back to mine. I wanted this night to last forever. I didn’t want to rush anything.

  I kissed her with passion while I lifted her off the ground. She wrapped her legs around my waist and I carried her to the couch against the back wall. There were boxes everywhere, but I’d been in that guest house enough times to maneuver a smooth path around them. When we reached the couch, I threw her backward down and climbed on top of her.

  I buried my face in her neck and kissed her relentlessly. She lifted one leg and threw it over my back. I grabbed her thigh and dug my fingers into her skin. I moved back to her lips and kissed her again and again while my hand worked its way up her skirt. When I gripped her ass, she moaned into my mouth and rolled us over. She straddled me easily, sitting up just long enough to pull her shirt off and throw it on the floor.

  In an instant, I sat up and unhooked her bra. I’d waited so long to see her perfect breasts again, I couldn’t wait a second longer. When my eyes fell on her bare skin, I growled and flipped her back over on her back. My mouth found one nipple and my fingers began playing with the other. Julia writhed with pleasure beneath me while I kissed and teased and licked her breasts. I lost control of my body. Nothing was real to me in that moment except the feel of Julia’s body. I wanted to taste every inch of her.

  I trailed my tongue down her stomach until I reached her skirt. I ripped it from her body and quickly removed her panties. I glanced up at her face and saw her eyes alive with desire. She was breathing heavy, one hand tangled in her hair, her body rocking beneath me. Just the sight of her naked body sent me over the top.

  Without a second thought, I ducked my head down and went to work between her legs. My tongue moved faster than I knew it could. Julia let out a soft squeal as her body reacted to the sensations I was creating. Her hips lifted off the couch and I squeezed her ass hard while I continued licking her. She moaned louder.

  “Oh my god,” she whispered. I could tell she was trying to keep her voice down, but that was the last thing I wanted.

  I worked faster, pressing my tongue harder against her until her moans were louder than ever. I could tell she was close. Her thighs tightened and her fingers pulled desperately at my hair.

  “Kellan,” she growled. “Oh God. Please. Please. I’m so close.”

  The sound she made when she released was guttural and animalistic. My erection pressed painfully against my jeans. Julia moved fast. She sat up and pulled me roughly to my feet. She undid my belt and yanked it free. Her hands already unbuttoning my pants. I kicked my jeans and underwear off, letting my cock free. Julia’s hands were on me in an instant.

  She pushed me back on the couch with one hand while her other stroked my penis. She straddled me and grinned that devilish grin I knew so well. Her tongue was in my mouth in an instant. She kissed me until I couldn’t breathe and my heart was threatening to break free from my chest.

  When she pulled away, she slid down to kneel on the floor in front of me. Her tongue trailing the length of my penis. My entire body was on fire. I couldn’t think. I stared at Julia’s face while she teased me slowly. She was sexier than anything I’d ever seen.

  “Come here,” I ordered. I picked her up and laid her on her back. Her eyes locked on mine as she spread her legs apart, ready for me.

  I braced myself over her, watching her face as I slid inside of her. She exhaled sharply and pulled my face down to hers. The way she kissed was more intense, more desperate than any kiss before. I returned it tenfold.

  Our bodies moved together seamlessly. I didn’t know where I ended and Julia began. We were one entity as our hips thrusted wildly against each other. Our lips broke apart. We were panting, our hands gripping each other’s bodies with an insane passion.

  I wrapped my arms around Julia’s back and lifted us both up. Still inside of her, I sat her on top of me. She didn’t need any more encouragement than that. She held tight to my shoulders and bounced hard on top of me. I buried my face in her breasts while I gripped her hips. There was nothing better than this moment.

  “Holy shit,” Julia moaned.

  “Julia,” I whispered against her skin. “My God, I missed you.”

  At my words, Julia reared her head back and let out a scream of pleasure. Watching her was more than I could take. I felt a flood of ecstasy and my legs shook uncontrollably. Julia collapsed against me, sweaty and shaking. I held her tightly, letting the waves of pleasure wash over us both.

  When we finally pulled ourselves apart, I laid down on the couch and pulled Julia with me. She rested her head on my chest just as she’d done a thousand times before, but this time, it meant more than it ever had. We’d spent so much time apart. I didn’t know if we would ever find our way back to each other.

  “I can’t believe that just happened,” I said with a small laugh.

  “Yes, you can,” Julia argued. “You knew it was going to happen at the restaurant.”

  “Okay so maybe I had plans,” I admitted. “But even I didn’t know it would be like that. God woman, you almost killed me.”

  Julia laughed and placed a gentle kiss on my chest. I stroked her hair absentmindedly while I held her. We fell into an easy silence. It wasn’t long before my eyes grew heavy and I fell asleep.

  Eighteen

  Kellan

  “Kellan,” Julia whispered softly. My eyes flickered open and I saw Julia standing in front of me fully clothed. I frowned and sat up quickly.

  “What happened?” I asked with a yawn.

  “We fell asleep,” Julia explained. “It’s almost morning. You should go.”

  “I don’t want to,” I complained, reaching out to her. She stepped backward and folded her arms across her chest.

  “Seriously,” she said. “Come on. No one can know you’re here. You need to leave before anyone wakes up.”

  “Okay, okay,” I said, raising my hands. I stood up slowly and got dre
ssed even slower. I could tell Julia was annoyed with my pace, but I couldn’t move any faster. My legs still felt like jelly.

  “Julia,” I began, but she cut me off with a look.

  “Now isn’t the time to talk about it,” she said sharply.

  “Talk about what?” I asked.

  “What just happened,” she said.

  “I didn’t know there was anything to talk about,” I said truthfully. “I’m just really glad it happened. I thought you were, too.”

  Julia looked at me and her expression softened. She walked over to me and kissed me lightly.

  “Of course, I’m happy,” she said with a smile. “How could you ever doubt that?”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe because you’re kicking me out like a bad one-night stand.” My bear gruffed. He didn’t like where this was going either.

  “I’m not…” she began, clearly frustrated. “I’m not kicking you out. I just don’t want to have to explain things to my parents. You can understand that, can’t you?”

  “I can,” I said with a nod “But that doesn’t mean I want to leave you.”

  “And I don’t want you to,” she said. “Trust me, I wish we could stay in here forever. That would be amazing. To just hide out here with you all day.”

  “Let’s do it,” I said with a grin. I pulled her to me and kissed her cheek playfully. “I’m serious.”

  “What?” she laughed.

  “Let’s do it. Let’s lock the door and just hide out. No one will ever know we’re here. You can call your parents and tell them you’re out for the day. They’ll think you’re wandering around town or something. They’ll be none the wiser.”

  “You know that won’t work,” Julia argued. “You have a bear to feed. I’ve seen you eat, you can’t hide out anywhere. Or be trapped.”