This Is Why (A Brookside Romance Book 3)

by Abby Brooks

  I turn to look at him over my shoulder. He has his dick in his hand, coating it with more lube. He climbs up behind me and pushes against my ass. I cry out as he oh so carefully slides inside me.

  His moan is so heavy and thick it’s almost a growl. “Oh, shit Lex. You are so tight.”

  I have no words. No thoughts. I am nothing but sensation and pleasure and oh, shit, I am his. He begins to move, his cock stroking along inside my ass while he massages my clit with his fingers. I scream a mix of words that would make me blush and sounds that don’t make sense but right now, in this moment, I don’t care.

  Ty picks up speed, moving with more abandon and his sounds join mine and send me to a place I’ve never been before. “Fuck! Ty!” My voice is strained, more shriek than anything. “I’m gonna come with your dick in my ass.”

  “Fuck yeah, baby.”

  He strokes my clit and pounds against me, skin slapping on skin, and I explode, screaming and keening as I come so hard I lose track of everything. Ty slaps my ass and I drop my face into the pillow and ride the waves of pleasure until he finds his own release, screaming my name towards the ceiling.

  When he pulls out of me, I slowly lower myself onto the bed. “Stay right there,” he says. “I’ll be back to clean you up.”

  I nod, not yet aware enough to find my voice.

  Ty crouches down to meet my gaze. “Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” There’s so much concern on his face that I let out a little snort of a laugh.

  “God no. That felt so good.” I smile shyly. “I’m just not all the way here yet. That’s all.”

  He places a hand on my back and rubs, the skin on skin contact making me sigh in pleasure. “Good. I’m glad.” He straightens and heads into the bathroom. I close my eyes and listen as he turns on the faucet and then open them again when he comes back into the bedroom. He has a damp towel in one hand and swipes it over my backside, cleaning up the lube.

  “I can’t believe we did that,” I say when he’s done. “I can’t believe I liked it.”

  “I like that about you. You’re not afraid to try new things.”

  “With you,” I clarify. “I’m not afraid to try new things with you.”

  “I like that even better.” Ty licks his lips. “Are you ready to move? What do you think about a shower?”

  “A shower sounds sublime.” I slide off the bed and stand on quivering legs.

  “You are such a gift.” Ty smiles, his gaze wandering across my body.

  I blush, at a loss for words again. He takes my hand and leads me into the bathroom, turning on the shower and then helping me inside. He soaps my body, running his hands lovingly over me, cleaning me almost reverently. He washes my hair, massaging his fingers into my scalp and I relax into him, allowing him to treat me like a queen.

  Something changed between us today. Or maybe it’s been slowly changing since the moment I met him and just finally became noticeable today. Somehow, I’ve given myself to him. He has the keys to my heart and my soul and instead of scaring me to death, it makes me feel safe. Ty will take care of me. He will cherish and protect me. I know this in the same way I know I would lay down my life for Gabe.

  I came out here to Hawaii certain that I would go back home to Brookside to continue my life there. As much as I couldn’t bring myself to admit it, I didn’t believe that I would throw away everything I’ve built for me and Gabe in order to be with a man I only met a few weeks ago. But now, having lived here with him, even for just seven short days, I see how wrong I was. Ty is worth more than a job at Grayson Memorial. Ty is worth more than my house or Gabe’s friends.

  This. Whatever it is that’s growing between us, this connection that has existed from the very moment we saw each other for the first time in Key West, it’s everything. Bailey said you can’t explain true love to someone who hasn’t experienced it before but you know it when you have it.

  I know it.

  I’m in love with Ty.

  And not the kind of love people throw around like crazy. This isn’t the kind of love that will fade over time. This is the full blown, real deal, soulmate, kind of love. I breathe because of him. I see him in my son and thank God for the parts of Ty that made Gabe who he is. And while I made a bad decision and kept them apart for the beginning of Gabe’s life, I’m ready to start making up for that. Ready to let Ty shape Gabe into the kind of man who would put his life on the line for his kin and country. The kind of man who continually searches out new experiences and knowledge to help him grow into a better person. I think I might be ready to move out here with him, if he’ll have me.

  I turn to face him, the shower beating on my back. “I’m sorry,” I say. “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m so sorry I didn’t do a better job of trying to find you when I discovered I was pregnant. I told myself I was doing you a favor, fooled myself into believing that we were all better off if I just raised Gabe myself. I was wrong.”

  “You don’t need to apologize…”

  “But I do. I robbed you of something special, robbed Gabe of the same thing. I was scared and selfish and I’m sorry.” Tears pool in my eyes, making Ty seem to waver where he stands. “There’s nothing I can say to make it better. Nothing I can do to give back the years I took from you two, but if I could, I would. You’re good for him. You’re good for me.”

  I love you.

  The words are right there. I almost say them but swallow them back. Now is not the time for that kind of truth. Not when I’m apologizing for one of my biggest mistakes. I don’t want to cheapen the words by using them now.

  Ty wraps me up in his arms and holds me close. “You did what you thought was best at the time. I don’t fault you for it.” He puts his hands on my shoulders and pulls away. “I don’t.”

  I blink back my tears. “If I could take it back, I would.”

  “I know. But the past is the past, Lex. We can’t live looking backward, we can only live in the right now. Hell, we can’t even really look to the future because the only thing that is certain is this very moment. Things change in the blink of an eye. And right now, we’re all here, together. You’ve done a great job raising our son, but you don’t have to do it alone anymore. Not if you don’t want to.”

  “I don’t want to.” I stare up into his eyes. “I want you to be part of our lives. I want to be part of yours. I want…” I want to share my life with you, I think but don’t say. “I want you,” I say instead.

  Ty beams. “I want you, too. Both of you. For as long as you’ll have me.”

  TY

  The call comes in the middle of the night. I answer it without managing to wake Lexi and then, after ending the call, I stand in the darkened hallway outside my bedroom for a long time. Just a few hours ago, I almost told Lexi I love her. Almost begged her to stay with me in Hawaii, even though I have been trying so hard to back off and give her space to make her decision without pressure from me.

  And now? It’s all gone to shit.

  I know things change in the blink of an eye. They go from normal, happy, innocuous moments to devastating tragedies with the push of a button, or the buzz of my phone in the middle of the night.

  I’m going to Afghanistan.

  This isn’t a standard deployment. I haven’t been given time to get my affairs in order. Some asshole is doing something that needs to be stopped and I’m the guy to stop him.

  Ready your men. You ship out in forty-eight hours.

  And the love of my life is sleeping in my bed, our son sleeping soundly at Jack and Tara’s. We only had two more weeks together at best and now we have nothing. How can I ask her to stay with me when I can’t even promise to stay with her? How can I ask her to uproot her entire life, Gabe’s entire life, and come out here to live with me when I can’t even promise to be here for them?

  I keep asking myself different versions of the same questions Lexi kept asking me when I first found her in Brookside. I wanted to be part of Gabe’s life and she wanted to move s
lowly so that we didn’t create too much upheaval for him. But oh, no. I was so sure that my way was right, so positive that I would come in and make everything better than it already was, that I didn’t stop to consider her side of things even once. I wanted to bring him stability but all I’ve brought is chaos.

  This isn’t the kind of father I want to be. I don’t want to be part-time. Here one minute and gone the next. And yet, this is my life. This is who I am. I am an officer in the United States Marine Corps. When the shit hits the fan, I go out there and clean it up so no one else has to get dirty.

  And then there’s Lexi. I love her. I don’t know when it happened. Hell, it probably happened the very first time I saw her in Key West. I’m head over heels, crazy in love with her. I want to make her life better each day. I want to make her smile and laugh and be glad every time she opens her eyes in the morning. And, while going overseas and doing the things I do will keep her safe, I can’t stomach the thought of leaving her.

  How will I breathe without her?

  How will our relationship survive?

  It feels so strong, so real, so unlike anything I’ve ever experienced with anyone, and yet, it’s brand fucking new. Will this break us? She’s here because she couldn’t fathom the thought of a long-distance relationship, and yet, the only way to move forward while I’m overseas is through Skype calls and video chats. There will be times I can’t speak to her for days on end.

  I sigh. Clench my fists and close my eyes. What good will all this self-doubt do me? Questioning things won’t change them. I have my orders and there’s no choice but to follow them.

  There’s no way through this but forward. When she wakes up, I’ll explain to her what’s happening. We can start building a plan on how to get through this and come out stronger on the other side. If we’re meant to be, we’ll survive this. And damn it, I know we’re meant to be. I just know it. How can something that feels this right break under something as trivial as a few months apart? Lexi and I are built from the kind of stuff that lasts forever. What’s a few months in the face of a lifetime?

  This deployment will not break us.

  It will only prove how strong we are.

  LEXI

  I’m numb. Sitting in Ty’s bed, with his down comforter bunched around my legs, all I can do is stare at him. The sun has just barely begun to rise. The faint glow through the blinds tells me it’s still early, but Ty looks like he’s been up for hours.

  “When?” I ask, blinking back the tears that I’m not ready to let fall.

  “I leave tomorrow.” He perches on the edge of the bed and puts a hand on my leg.

  “For how long?”

  He lets a long breath out through his nose, but doesn’t look away. “I don’t know.”

  “Why? Why do you have to go?”

  “I can’t tell you.”

  “And so just like that, everything falls apart.”

  Ty’s face crumples. “Who says it’s falling apart?”

  I sigh and drop my gaze to the bed, the tears welling up behind my closed eyes. “It feels like it’s falling apart.” I look up at him. “I’m scared, Ty.”

  “Everything is going to be okay.” His face is a mask and his words feel hollow.

  “Is it? How can you even know that?” I reach for him and he takes my hand.

  “I know it because I’ll do everything in my power to make it okay. You and me, we’ve got something real here, Lex. Something worth fighting for. We’re stronger than time and distance. If anything, our life has already proved that.”

  Stronger than time and distance. I’d love to believe that because I can’t imagine being without him now that I know what it’s like to be with him. “How? How have our lives proved it?” I ask.

  “We spent one day together seven years ago and that was enough to forge a connection between us that we couldn’t ignore the very next time we saw each other. Almost seven years passed between the first time I saw you and the next and I swear, I swear it felt like no time had passed at all. If we can survive seven years, we can make it through this.”

  “But I don’t want to make it through this. I don’t want to leave you and I don’t want you to leave me.” I hang my head and swallow hard against the tears. “Just when things were starting to make sense, this happens and now I’m more confused than ever.”

  “Hey. Look at me, Lex. Please, look at me.” Ty cups my cheek. ”Talk to me. Don’t close up. Not now.”

  I meet his gaze. “Last night, I was thinking I’m ready to pack up my life and move out here with you, but now I find out I have to pack things up to move back home.” I blink against the tears.

  “Really?” His eyes soften. “You’re ready to be with me for real?”

  I take a long breath and suck in my breath. “Yeah. Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you, Ty.”

  He leans forward, blinking in confusion. “What did you say?”

  I smile through my tears. “I love you. The kind of love that’s worth giving up silly jobs in Ohio and taking a great big risk to be with you.”

  “You love me?” His entire demeanor softens. He searches my face.

  “I do. I love you, Ty. I love you so much I don’t want to ever be without you, but, here we are. You have to leave which means I have to be without you. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this happy and this sad at the same time..”

  Ty scoots closer and takes my hand, his thumb running lightly across my knuckles. “I love you, too, Lexi. I’ve been in love with you since the day we met. All it took was one look and I was done for, but now that I’ve gotten to know you?” He smiles through sad eyes. “I don’t want to be without you either, but I don’t have a choice here.” He scoots closer. “But we will make this work. We will.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I just do.” He wipes a tear from my cheek. “Don’t you feel it? We’re stronger than time or distance.”

  I nod. “I do. I feel it. I don’t care how long we’re separated or how far away from me you are, I’m yours.”

  “And I’m yours. I promise.”

  The day disappears in a frenzy of packing and last-minute arrangements. Ty says Gabe and I can stay here as long as we want, but I don’t want to be here without him. Plus, maybe being around my friends will help make me feel less alone. I try to stay strong, but every time I’m alone, I cry. When we tell Gabe, he cries, too and that just does me in. I sit down in the middle of the living room, pull my son into my lap, and sob. Ty wraps his arms around the both of us and doesn’t say a word. What else is there to say?

  I finish the day on auto-pilot, making lists and checking off every item I can think of. Ty and I make dinner together, dancing around each other in the kitchen as if we’ve been doing it for years. It’s so comfortable and easy. I’m going to miss being with him.

  “I don’t want to go back to Brookside,” I say, leaning against the counter. “I don’t think it’s going to feel like home anymore.”

  Ty stops what he’s doing to look at me. “Then don’t. Stay here.”

  “But I don’t think here will feel like home either.”

  Ty puts the knife down on the counter and pulls me into him. “This is every bit your home.”

  “That’s the thing. You are my home. I belong with you. Not Brookside. Not Oahu. With you. Wherever you are, that’s home.”

  “Oh, Lex…”

  I look up at him. “I love you, Ty. You’re taking my whole heart with you to Afghanistan.”

  “And I’m leaving my heart right here.” He places his hand on my chest. “It’s an even trade.”

  “You promise everything is going to be okay?”

  “I promise. Everything is going to be okay.”

  That night, we make love. There’s a ferocity to our movement, desperation. We are starving men eating our last meal, desperate to soak in everything we can. I touch his face, cup his cheeks between my hands as he moves inside me. I can’t look away, even as tears stream down my face
and my heart swells until I’m afraid it might burst, I refuse to look away. This is the last time I’ll see him for who knows how long and that’s bad enough, but Tara’s voice keep echoing in my head.

  We’ve lost friends…

  That voice spent the day whispering insidious things to me. If they’ve lost friends, who’s to say you won’t lose Ty? This isn’t a standard deployment. This is something bigger. Something worse. What if this is the last time you look into those eyes? What if this is the end?

  “I love you,” I say, my voice a whisper, choked by tears and lust.

  “I love you, too.” Ty kisses me. “So much,” he says when he releases my lips. “I will move heaven and earth to get back to you.”

  “I know,” I say. I believe him. He will do everything in his power to get us back together. The realization that I trust him that much is my undoing. I come, wrapping my arms and legs around him, holding him tighter and tighter because there is no such thing as too close. Not with him. When Ty comes, he drops his head to my shoulder and we stay like that, wrapped up, him still inside me, for a long time.

  Morning comes and the hours pass, treacherous as ever. Ty drives us to the airport. Gabe hugs him tight, his tiny hands clutching Ty’s shirt. Emotions swirl in Ty’s eyes when he finally releases his son and then stands and reaches for me.

  “I’ve never minded leaving,” he says, his voice thick. “But this time is tearing me apart. I’ve never had to say goodbye before. Not to people that matter.”

  “This isn’t a real goodbye,” I say. “This is just goodbye for now. We’ll talk soon and be together again before we know it.” I pull Gabe close and Ty wraps an arm around the both of us. We don’t say much. Just stand there, soaking up the last few moments of connection we can before we have to let him go.

  Ty

  The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life is watch Lexi and Gabe walk through the TSA gate at the airport. I stand at attention as she gathers her carry on and takes Gabe’s hand. Watch as she hands her boarding pass to the agent and then, when she turns back to wave one last time, tears streaming down her face, it’s all I can do to keep myself together. I blow her a kiss. Place a hand on my heart. And when she’s disappeared from view, I do a neat about face and stride out of the airport.