For Keeps

by Rachel Lacey

  She stood with her back against the wall, arms crossed over her chest while he led Tango into the barn. She looked at the gelding, her expression shuttered. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”

  Frankly, neither could he.

  * * *

  Merry stared at the horse and swallowed over the bolt of terror that had seized her by the throat. She loved horses. She trusted Tango, and T.J., for that matter. But the thought of getting up on the handsome red gelding was almost too much.

  She’d wanted to ride so badly for so long that the idea of actually doing it left her mouth the consistency of sandpaper. What if it didn’t live up to her expectations? What if she sucked at it? What if she fell on her ass and broke something? She absolutely could not afford a medical bill right now.

  And somehow, in some stupid, ridiculous way, getting on that horse felt like letting her father down. As if it belittled the sacrifices he’d made in raising her to admit she’d wanted something so much and he couldn’t afford to give it to her.

  “I can practically hear you thinking,” T.J. said. “Stop it.”

  “I should go check on the dogs.”

  “The dogs are fine. Come help me with Tango.”

  Good gracious. She was acting like such a baby that even T.J. could see she was being weird. This was so dumb. She’d let him lead her around on the damn horse, and then she’d go home.

  End of story.

  “First we’re going to pick his feet,” T.J. said.

  “Right.” She’d seen him show the kids how to do that with Twilight and Peaches.

  “Like this, see?” He slid his hand down the back of Tango’s leg, and the gelding lifted his hoof. T.J. propped it against his thigh and used a metal pick to scoop dirt out of the horse’s hoof. “Be mindful of the frog, this part in the center. That’s soft and sensitive. You want to scrape out the V-shaped part here.”

  He demonstrated, then handed the hoof pick to her. “Your turn.”

  She copied what she’d seen him do and soon held Tango’s left front hoof in her hand. She bent and carefully scooped dirt. The pick snagged on something, then a rock popped out.

  “See that?” T.J. said. “That’s why we always pick the hooves before riding. Working with a rock like that in his hoof could make him lame.”

  “Gotcha.”

  Under T.J.’s guidance, she helped to groom Tango, then watched as he lifted the large western saddle onto his back. T.J. walked her through the process of tightening the cinch and putting the horse into his bridle.

  Then the only thing left to do was ride him.

  Great. Just that.

  * * *

  “Ready?” T.J. led Tango to the mounting block.

  Merry stepped up, placed her left foot in the stirrup, and swung into the saddle. She gave a slight wiggle to center herself on Tango’s back and smiled. It started as a small, tight smile, but quickly widened into a genuine grin that did funny things to various parts of his anatomy. He’d expected the rush of arousal, but not the funny sensation in his chest as if she’d literally taken his breath away.

  “Okay, now what?” she asked, but the bite had gone out of her voice. That nervous edge she’d been sporting since he brought Tango into the barn vanished the moment she sat on his back.

  Now it was T.J. who felt a nervous edge creeping into his tone. Because the sight of Merry on his horse was far more magnificent than he’d imagined. “Hold on to the horn here, for balance.”

  He guided her left hand onto the leather horn at the center of the saddle. Her fingers wrapped around its hard length and squeezed, and damned if his mind didn’t nosedive straight into the gutter.

  Merry’s hazel eyes gleamed with excitement. She sat straight and tall in the saddle, her lean legs draped around Tango and anchored by the stirrups, her back stiff as a pole.

  “You look like a natural up there,” he said.

  She shook her head, sending brown curls bouncing through the summer air. “I haven’t done anything yet but sit here.”

  “First thing you need to do is relax.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him. “If I relax, I’ll probably wind up in the dirt.”

  “He’s going to bounce you around a lot, and the easiest way to ride is to relax and move with him. Stay loose here.” He placed his hands on her hips, telling himself it was part of the lesson and not an excuse to touch her.

  Merry sucked in a breath and glared at him.

  He moved his hands to safer territory, stroking Tango’s neck, before this exercise took a turn down a road neither one of them wanted to travel.

  “Hold the reins like this in your right hand.” He showed her. “Tango’s mouth is very sensitive. You’re going to want to keep the reins slack. Just lay them against his neck to turn him, left to go left, right to go right.”

  “Left, right, got it.”

  “To stop him, you’re going to sit back in the saddle and say ‘whoa.’ ”

  “And pull back on the reins?” Merry’s fingers tightened over the leather reins in her right hand.

  “Nope. You won’t need to.”

  She looked dubious. “If you say so.”

  “All right then, give him a nudge with your heels and let’s get started.”

  Merry nudged Tango’s sides, and the gelding started forward eagerly, bobbing his head in approval. Her body swayed to the rhythm of his gait, looking as natural as if she’d been doing this for years.

  “Sure you’ve never been on a horse before?” he asked.

  “Positive, and uh, why aren’t you holding on to him?” She clutched the horn and gave him a slightly terrified look.

  “Because you’re not eight. Relax. Think of it like walking a dog.”

  She nodded, and the tension went out of her shoulders. Head up, she walked Tango in a circle around the ring, guiding him easily. Granted, most eight-year-olds could probably achieve the same thing on their first riding lesson, especially on that horse, but still he felt proud of her, conquering whatever it was she was conquering right now by riding his horse.

  Her posture was still a little stiff, which was common in new riders. The more her body resisted Tango’s movements, the more difficult it would be to sit in the saddle.

  “Make sure you stay nice and loose in your hips,” he said. “Just relax and let him move you.”

  Merry nodded. She kept her left hand on the horn, the reins held loosely in her right, and as he watched, her posture relaxed, and her hips began to sway with Tango’s gait.

  Beautiful.

  “I haven’t fallen off yet,” she said over her shoulder.

  “Not even close, sweetheart.” He stood in the middle of the ring, thumbs shoved through his belt loops, watching Merry and Tango move together. Tango was alert but relaxed, ears pricked as he stepped them around the riding ring.

  T.J. had her practice steering the horse left and right, starting and stopping, until she had gotten comfortable in the saddle. It was time to step things up a bit. “You ready for a jog?”

  “Like trotting?”

  He nodded. “Basically the same thing, a little slower and smoother on a western horse.”

  “Um, I think I’m good walking.”

  “Hey now, even the kids jogged on their first lesson.”

  Merry narrowed her eyes at him as Tango walked past. “No, they didn’t. It wasn’t until the third day of camp.”

  “Close enough. Just give him a little nudge with your heels and ask him to jog.”

  She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, then nudged Tango into a jog. The gelding moved smooth as molasses, but even so, Merry quickly began to bounce and flail in the saddle, clutching the horn with both hands.

  “Remember what I said, sit up straight and relax your body. Relax your back, your hips. Let yourself move with him.”

  She tipped dangerously to the left. “Help!”

  “Whoa,” T.J. called, and Tango drew himself to a halt just before Merry hit the dirt.
/>   She gripped the horn and righted herself. “Yikes. I suck at this.”

  T.J. walked up to them and placed a hand on his horse’s neck. Tango head butted him with affection. “On the contrary, you’re doing really well. We’re going to try again, and this time I want you to concentrate on moving with him. Pretend your butt is glued to the saddle and let your body do the rest.”

  “Easier said than done.”

  “When’s the last time you tried a new sport that was easy on the first try? Go on now.” He slapped Tango on the rump and sent them on their way.

  Merry walked the length of the arena, then asked Tango to jog. She held on to the horn and bounced along, her ponytail flopping in the breeze.

  “Remember, glue your butt to the saddle. Just absorb that movement through your hips.” Why the hell was everything out of his mouth sounding dirty today? Maybe because his mind was still in the gutter. Goddamn but she looked gorgeous up there, even bouncing along like an amateur. He wanted her something fierce.

  “I feel ridiculous,” she panted, trying valiantly to keep her butt in the saddle.

  “You’re doing great. Keep your head up. Always look where you’re going. You look down, you’re picking out a spot to land.”

  Her chin went up. “Good to know.”

  She kept going, alternately jogging and walking on Tango until she’d somewhat found her stride on the horse’s back. Her face glistened with sweat, but she smiled triumphantly. “Okay, that was pretty fun. Now I have a request of my own.”

  “Oh yeah, what’s that?”

  She looked at him, and he felt the heat in her eyes like a punch to the gut. “I want to watch you ride him. Show me how it’s done.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Show you how it’s done, huh?”

  Merry wiped the sweat from her brow to keep from staring at him. “Yep.”

  “You want to watch me ride my horse?”

  Well, now she was starting to feel foolish. But gracious, she really did want to see him ride. “Unless you’re not in the mood to show off.”

  He chuckled, shaking his head at her.

  She felt buzzed, high on adrenaline. She was breathless, sweaty, and probably going to be sore in some interesting places tomorrow, but horseback riding had been worth the wait. It was glorious and amazing to feel the powerful animal beneath her, to communicate and work together with him as he carried her.

  “You ready to get off then?” T.J. asked.

  She nodded, then looked down. “Uh, how do I do that exactly?”

  “You’re going to kick your feet out of the stirrups and swing your right leg over the saddle. Then slide down.”

  “Just slide down?” The ground looked pretty far away from where she was sitting.

  “I’ll catch you if you need catching.” He tipped his hat back, looking totally ready to make good on his word.

  I’ll catch you if you need catching.

  That sentence defined him perfectly, and for some stupid reason it made her want to swoon in his arms. It must be the horseback riding euphoria going to her head, because Merry Atwater did not need anyone to catch her. No thank you.

  Except, as it turned out, she did.

  She swung her leg over Tango’s back, then hung there with her belly against the saddle, feeling ridiculous and terrified to let go, lest she land on her face under the horse. Then T.J.’s hands closed around her waist and lifted her free of Tango. He set her down as if she weighed nothing at all—which she greatly appreciated—then turned her to face him.

  “You looked great up there, you know that?” His hands were still on her waist, and he looked so ridiculously handsome looking down at her from beneath his cowboy hat that she lost all control of herself and leaped into his arms.

  “It was awesome.” She clung to him for a moment, already feeling silly. She had so firmly resolved not to be impulsive around him anymore.

  Horseback riding had seriously dangerous side effects.

  She slid down him to get her feet back on the ground, and he let out a low, male sound, tightening his arms around her. Her pulse skittered into overdrive, shooting red-hot desire through her system.

  “You are the craziest thing,” he said, then his mouth was on hers, taking her in an all-consuming kiss.

  She melted in his arms, kissing him until stars dotted her vision, tearing her mouth free before she passed out from oxygen deprivation. “Holy shit.”

  “That seems to be a common theme with us.” His chest heaved beneath her fingers.

  “We could try to keep ignoring it.” She shrugged but made no attempt to pull free of his arms.

  “But it’s not going to go away, is it?”

  She shook her head, remembering her words the first time they’d kissed. Why fight chemistry? The best way to burn it out is to let it happen.

  And his reaction. Her body temperature cooled. “Unlikely. But even less likely? Us living happily ever after, so you know, why waste your time?”

  A muscle in his jaw twitched. “I never said you were a waste of time.”

  She rolled her eyes and started to pull away.

  “Dammit, Merry.” Then he was kissing her again, and she was so far gone she couldn’t even remember why it was a bad idea. All she felt was the magic of his mouth on hers, the need pulsing inside her, his hands on her butt, pressing her into him.

  If there’d been a bed anywhere nearby, she’d have pulled him into it and surrendered blindly to what would have probably been blisteringly hot sex.

  But they were standing in the middle of the riding ring with a mildly bored quarter horse watching them make out, the hot Carolina sun above them, even hotter earth beneath them. And she’d lost her damn mind.

  She pulled her mouth from his and stepped backward out of his arms. No way was she having sex with T. J. Jameson because he wanted all the things she feared most: love, commitment, starting a family.

  And somewhere deep inside, she was terrified that if she gave herself to him, if they surrendered to this all-consuming passion, she might forget the reason why those things didn’t work for her.

  Because T. J. Jameson meant more than sex. He was honorable and strong and dedicated. He championed his autistic nephew and took in a stray dog he feared because she’d asked him to. He’d make a fine husband and father.

  And as she ran out of the arena without him, she realized she hadn’t even gotten the chance to see him ride.

  * * *

  T.J. loped down to the creek at the back of his property on Tango, using the time alone on his horse to untangle what had just happened with Merry. The only thing he knew for sure was that he should have gone after her.

  He hadn’t.

  She’d run, and he hadn’t tried to stop her. Cowardly on both of their parts. The truth was, if she’d stayed, they’d probably be in his bed right now. And… fuck. Best not to think about it while on Tango’s back or things could get mighty uncomfortable.

  Tango waded into the stream where it widened at the bend. He bent his head and drank from the cool water, then pawed its clear depths, splashing them both.

  “Thanks for the cold shower.” T.J. lifted his hat to wipe his face. He wasn’t complaining. The cool water felt good on his overheated skin.

  The look in Merry’s eyes just before she ran troubled him. She’d looked hurt, and if he’d been the one to hurt her, well, that made him feel like dirt. His daddy had raised him to always treat a woman right, and while he’d had a few cocky moments in his teens he wasn’t terribly proud of, he’d never mistreated a woman.

  Never felt he owed an apology. Until Merry.

  She twisted him up, and turned him on, and pissed him off. One thing was for sure: the chemistry between them wasn’t going away. The only question then was what were they going to do about it?

  And damned if he knew the answer.

  * * *

  That night, Merry tossed and turned. Restless energy pulsed through her veins and twitched in her toes. There was n
o way she and T.J. could go back to pretending nothing had happened between them. Not after she’d flung herself in his arms, then run off like a coward after he kissed her.

  Three weeks of camp remained. That was a hell of a long time to fight this chemistry without making things any more awkward than they already were.

  She shoved her face into the pillow and exhaled into its feathery depths. Man problems of this magnitude weren’t her forte. She didn’t play games, didn’t let messy emotions sneak in and make things complicated.

  She didn’t do complicated. Period.

  Life was too short for complications.

  She reached for her phone and groaned at the time. One forty-three. Tomorrow—or technically today—was Saturday, and she’d agreed to cover a shift for Tara so that the other nurse could spend the day with family in town for the weekend.

  Much-needed overtime.

  And the shift was going to kick her ass if she didn’t get some sleep.

  Five mostly sleepless hours later, she stepped onto the hospital’s pediatric floor and began what promised to be a grueling shift. Saturdays were always busy, with extra visitors and patients cranky about spending the weekend in the hospital.

  Her patients were all new, except for Baby Jayden. Hopefully in a few weeks he’d go home with his foster family and get the chance to be a normal baby, as normal as life could be for an infant with a rocky medical history and no family to call his own.

  Merry tracked down his outgoing nurse, Nadya, and together they went into his room. He’d had another seizure on Friday, but nothing since. Maybe he was turning a corner in his recovery. Jayden usually slept during her first morning round, exhausted after a grueling night of screaming.

  He was alone this morning. His mother, Crystal, had returned to jail on Thursday after receiving treatment for kidney stones.

  He was better off without her. Wasn’t he?

  Nadya left the room, but Merry lingered. She stood by his crib and watched the baby as he slept, those pink cheeks and rosy lips that still quivered. She’d recognized the look on Crystal’s face when she held Jayden.