by J Palliser
He looked into her green eyes and would've really liked to tell her what was wrong, but he couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was that had him down and certainly didn't know how to express it. "It's nothing, really. Thanks for offering, though." He let out an exasperated sigh. "You know, this is silly. Here I am looking forward to sitting in the dark and feeling depressed when I could be out with a friend. Ajax, I'd love to have dinner with you."
She grinned. "Good, because I wasn't taking no for an answer. You know, I've really missed you Aiden." She continued to smile and he found it infectious, his spirits already lifting. "I have an idea. You get yourself rested, washed up and dressed, and I'll be back to collect you in two hours. Remember, casual is the order of the day—no uniforms. We'll take a long walk to the restaurant I have in mind, and we'll see if we can't pep you up a bit."
She stood and stepped over to his door. He met her there and leaned across in front of her to punch the release button. The door opened and light flooded in from the brightly lit corridor. When Aiden straightened again, he found himself nose-to-nose with Ajax. For one endless moment, they stared into one another's eyes and suddenly his pulse began to quicken. She leaned closer to him and kissed him.
Her lips were soft and sweet, and the kiss was everything he could have expected and more. It was gentle, experimental, and he could smell a slight scent of perfume from her. Orchids, he thought mindlessly. She threaded her arms around his neck and his hands found her waist, sliding around to the small of her back. He gently pulled her closer, pressing their bodies together.
After a dozen heartbeats, she broke the kiss, more from a lack of oxygen than anything else, and started to pull away. But he pulled her to him firmly and returned her kiss with more passion. All of the fatigue he had felt earlier disappeared. He moved them away from the door and it closed again.
Their lips parted, and she pulled away from him again. This time, he reluctantly let her go.
"Well... now I know that flying is only one of the things you do exceptionally well." She sat down heavily in the chair that she had only just vacated.
Aiden still stood near the door, trying in vain to put his thoughts back in order and quiet the desire that had quickly begun to burn deep within him. "Uh, not to sound stupid or to ruin the moment, but what just happened?" He moved over to and sat down on the corner of his bunk, a couple of meters from where she sat.
She smiled sweetly at him. "I'm certainly no expert, but I think it was kissing. And I think we did it pretty well."
"Yes, but I... we... oh, never mind." He ran his hands over his face, feeling tired all over again.
"Aiden, why do you have to have an explanation for everything? Have you ever just let go and enjoyed anything in your entire life?"
He glanced at the floor, then back up at her. "Everything I enjoy usually ends up being taken away from me. My home, my parents, my friends. I've learned not to get too close to people today because they or I may not be here tomorrow."
She got up and walked over to him, kneeling down in front of him. She placed a hand on each of his knees, her face taking on a more serious expression. "I know you've lost a lot in your life and I am sorry for that, but there comes a time when you can't worry about it anymore. If you keep on putting up walls between yourself and everyone around you, you end up being very alone. And by the time you figure that out, it's too late. I'm sure deep down you know that as I well as I do."
Her words hit him like a missile, jolting the truth free from the back of his mind where it had been carefully locked away. She was right. He had made friends with the people in his squadron and those connected with it, but he tried to keep his distance and had no one to share his life with. Living in military quarters on the base while most of the rest of his squadron had made homes for themselves was proof enough. He was well and truly alone.
Aiden recognized the word that had echoed through his thoughts earlier. He looked down at Ajax and read the same loneliness in her eyes. He reached out with his left hand and caressed her cheek with his thumb.
She ran her hands up his legs and leaned her fists on the bunk on either side of his hips, then raised her face up towards his and kissed him again. There was force to the kiss, re-igniting the passion within him, as she shoved him back onto the bed. He willingly surrendered himself to her, feeling warmth in her embrace that he just now realized had been starkly missing from his life.
Aiden kissed her in return as she unfastened his flight-suit, running her hands across his bare chest, and he started on the buttons of her green uniform jacket. His hands ran up and down her back, through her hair and then down across her now bare shoulders. He ran his lips down to her neck, brushing his tongue gently along her throat. She moaned a little and he continued to caress her.
Moving back up to her face, he kissed her again, and he knew he wasn't going to get the sleep that earlier, for some reason, had seemed so essential to him.
But he didn't mind.
4
III
When he awoke, Aiden was a little surprised to feel someone in his bed with him. Then the details all flooded back to him and he couldn't help but grin.
He glanced at the watch and found that he had slept for the best part of an hour. Ajax still slept soundly in his arms, her breath gently brushing against his neck. Stray locks of hair had fallen over her face and he gently tucked them behind her ear.
He separated himself from her and got out of bed, trying hard not to wake her. In the shadows of his quarters he searched the floor for his dark flight-suit or robe. He couldn't find either, gave up, and headed to the lavatory to take the shower that he should have taken earlier.
Aiden relished the feel of the hot water on his skin and just stood there for a while as it flowed over him. But he eventually dragged himself out and dried himself off, wrapping a towel around his waist.
Returning to his room, he stopped and looked around in the dimness of early evening, hand drying his hair with another towel. The quarters that he had been assigned were small, but he had thought they suited him. Now he realized that living on his own in a one-room apartment on a military base should have been his first clue that something was missing in his life.
As a Commander, he had of course been offered much more spacious quarters, with more than one room for instance. But he had refused them, opting for something smaller and more... His thoughts ground to a halt at the word.
Intimate.
His gaze returned to the woman in his bunk. He had known for some time that he was alone, and that it was his own fault. Since his parents had been killed, he'd made sure not to get too close to anyone for fear of losing them. And once he'd been given command of Knights, he'd cut himself off even further. He'd built a wall around himself, brick by brick, letting only a handful of people past it. But even those people were often kept at arm's length. In order to keep loss, guilt, sadness out of his life, he had blocked out all emotions. He had just pushed everything and everyone aside, substituting loneliness with duty as responsibility after responsibility arose. All he had was his career, and he had effectively made that his life.
But he had blinded himself to that until Ajax pointed it out to him. Now when he looked at her, his life-if he could really call it that-was reflected back at him. He could clearly see the years that he had denied his own feelings for the people around him, constantly withdrawing within himself for protection.
He thought about Insha Wess, Otto Kitt's former partner from his KorSec days. Aiden had been attracted to her from the moment they had met over three years before. When he had finally gotten up the courage to pursue her, Dameer, her missing husband, reappeared. It was discovered that Dameer had been a victim of Yasmin Jaza's brainwashing. When he attempted to assassinate a prisoner under her guard, Insha had been forced to kill him. She had been a bit of an emotional wreck after that, but Aiden and Otto had been there to support her through the hard times.
During that period, Aiden and Insha had grown
close, but he felt it decidedly inappropriate to act on his attraction and they had eventually become more friends than anything else. He had felt it his duty to keep his distance, but was relieved in a way because he was saving himself from the possibility of heartbreak. Inevitably, both their careers took them in different directions, and he hardly ever saw her anymore.
Another opportunity at happiness had passed him by because of his procrastination and reluctance to open himself up to another person.
And here was Ajax. His attraction to her had not been as instantaneous as it had been with Insha. In hindsight, he should have seen what was happening between them. They were two lonely people, desperate to find someone to care for. And they just happened to find one another.
He wasn't sure he was in love with her, and didn't know if it would ever evolve that far, but he did care for her a great deal. However, once again he had not acted on his feelings. It had been Ajax that had initiated their friendship, and now they had become physically involved, all because of her. She had awoken him to the fact that he needed someone in his life, that something... extraordinary was missing. She had brought life back into what had merely been an existence.
He crept over to the bunk and kissed her gently on the forehead. "Thank you," he whispered.
Hanging his towel around his neck, he walked over to his one window and gazed out onto the great cityscape of Daraa. Though his room was small, his view was spectacular. The entire world was one big city, with the exception of the mountains and polar caps. Before him stretched kilometer after kilometer of immense steel and concrete buildings, with the Royal Palace visible in the distance. He watched as thousands of hover-crafts and other assorted vehicles sped through the artificial canyons created by the tall buildings.
It was about dusk, and the lights of the city were beginning to twinkle. He knew that it was an awesome and breath-taking sight, but all he could do was shiver. He began to feel walled in again. When he looked into those concrete canyons, he saw loneliness and solitude. He began to get depressed again.
"I was wondering where you had gone."
"I didn't go too far," he said as he turned and enfolded her in his arms. She melted to his body and his feeling of isolation dissolved. He looked slightly down at her and he could see the city lights reflected in her emerald eyes. "Do you still want to go out for dinner or can we stay here?"
She smiled lazily, but then her eyes opened wide in alarm. "Dinner! I completely forgot!"
He was surprised by the urgency in her voice. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I just remembered that the restaurant that I wanted to take you to gets really busy about this time." She kissed him on the nose and shoved him towards his closet. "You have to get dressed. Oh, my, so do I!"
He guessed she had just remembered that she was only wearing a sheet from his bed. "Why do we have to go out at all? I think you did a pretty good job of lifting my spirits. We can have dinner here."
"Aiden, I really want to take you to this restaurant. You'll love it, I know you will. But if we don't go now, we won't get in."
She kissed him full on the mouth and for a moment he was sure they would never get out of his quarters. But she shoved him towards his closet again and started to gather up the various pieces of her uniform, throwing them on in record time. "I'll be back in twenty minutes to get you. Be ready." Then she was gone.
Aiden sat on his bed, one foot in a pair of black pants. He looked around the room and couldn't help but wonder if he had dreamed it all.
***
As soon as Ajax was out of earshot of Aiden's quarters, she pulled out her comm and thumbed it on.
"Ajax to Hanson."
Relief filled Hanson's voice as it buzzed from the comm. "I'm here, Ajax. I've been trying to get you for the last hour. Where have you been?"
She blushed fiercely before she could reply. "Let's just say that you have one tough Commander. He took a lot of convincing."
There was a perceptible pause and she hoped that she hadn't said too much. She wasn't sure if Aiden would want anyone to know what had happened between them just yet. Although there were no regulations against officers becoming romantically involved, there was an unwritten rule against showing too much affection in public. But as the years went by and more and more of the Military began to settle down, the rule had been pushed into the background somewhat. However, Aiden had been a military man all of his life and she was unsure about his views on the subject.
"So he's going to be there?" Hanson finally said.
"Yes, I'm picking him up in twenty minutes. ETA about forty-five."
"I copy. We'll be ready. Hanson out."
She hoped that Aiden would enjoy the surprise party. I just hope that he still talks to me after it.
She headed off at top speed to the turbo-lift that would carry her down to her own quarters, fifteen levels below.
***
Ajax managed to get to her quarters, get ready, and return to Aiden in just under the twenty minutes she had given him.
She pulled at the green blouse she wore, straightening it over her shoulders. It was only when she reached Aiden's door that she realized that her blouse was fastened incorrectly. She had one button left over at the top. She sighed and knocked.
He opened the door almost immediately and when she saw him, she forgot about the button. She couldn't help but think that Aiden was even more handsome in civilian clothes and he looked more relaxed than she had ever seen him, maybe due to the lack of uniform and the goofy grin on his face. When she thought about it, she realized that this was the first time she had ever seen him out of uniform.
Well, the second time, anyway.
He wore a pair of black pants tucked into high black boots. His shirt was a dark wine red and was covered by a brown suede flight jacket. His hair was combed, but still slightly out of control. She decided she liked it that way.
His broad smile quickly faded and he made a stiff half bow at the waist. "Major, how nice to see you again."
She started at his official tone and change in manner. Then she saw the other officer coming down the hall. She gave Aiden a firm nod and played along. "Thank you, Commander. I am ready to escort you to your appointment."
The officer passed and continued down the hall without even a glance at the two of them. Aiden reached into the hall and pulled her into his room. The door closed behind her and he kissed her. "Sorry."
"That's okay. I was thinking on the way down to my place that you may have some problems letting other people see us together."
"How do you know me so well, Major?" He used her rank as a way to tease her this time. She knew it was going to be a while before he was comfortable with her and others at the same time.
This is going to be an interesting evening.
He kissed her again, his hands running up her back. "Are you sure you want to go out for dinner? I could have something brought to us here," he said as he kissed his way down her neck.
"We are going and that is final," she said firmly before kissing him one last time, not knowing if she would have the chance for the rest of the evening. "In fact, we had better be going right now."
"Ha! A Major giving a Commander orders." She gave him a playful punch in the stomach. After rubbing at his belly, he reached out and pointed at the button at the top of her blouse. "You missed one."
"I know," she said, and began to unbutton her shirt. As a smile blossomed on Aiden's face, she turned her back to him and continued to undo and then redo the fasteners. Giving the blouse one last check, she turned to face him again. "All right, Commander. Let's move out."
They worked their way down to the fiftieth level and crossed between buildings, using the connecting tunnels and walkways, and never actually stepping outdoors. It took a little longer to get to the restaurant than she had planned, but she was sure that Jarro and Hanson would appreciate the extra time to get everyone in place.