Silent Honor

by Danielle Steel

  “Only if you do everything I tell you,” he said, feeling like a boy again, as they walked through the cool air, and into the Tanakas' front garden.

  “And what will you tell me to do?” She was teasing him, and he loved it.

  “This is what I'll tell you to do,” he whispered to her as he pulled her into his arms in the doorway, and then he kissed her. No one was watching them, and they were safe here. And as he had before, he took her breath away, and she did the same for him, and both of them looked slightly disheveled as they walked into the kitchen.

  But Reiko and Takeo didn't look as sympathetic to them as they had before, and all Tak would say as he looked at them was that they should be very careful. Peter knew what he meant, nodded, and then left a few minutes later. And her cousins said nothing to her, but she felt their concern as she went upstairs to sleep with Sally.

  They were well aware of Peter's relationship with Hiroko by now. No matter how discreet the two young lovers had been, it was obvious that something had changed between them and they had become much closer, particularly since war had broken out. Tak and Reiko hadn't acknowledged it, but they knew, and they didn't disapprove of Peter, but they were afraid for Hiroko. And for the same reasons, they told her the next day to put away her kimonos. This was not a time to draw attention to herself, or to remind everyone that she wasn't a nisei. She didn't argue with them, but she was sad when she put them away. Her kimonos were so beautiful and she felt so awkward in Western clothes. With very few exceptions, she thought that most of them were ugly.

  But Sally was delighted to see her in Western clothes, and she bought her a pair of saddle shoes for Christmas.

  Christmas was quiet for them that year. Takeo took Ken to chop down their own Christmas tree, as he always did, but somehow the entire Japanese community seemed to be keeping very quiet. And day by day, the news was never good. Two days before Christmas, the Japanese took Wake Island. And on Christmas Day, the Japanese took Hong Kong. Even for the Tanakas, it was a quiet day, and Takeo raised an eyebrow when Peter joined them. He appreciated his friendship, but he thought he was making things difficult for himself. Even at the university, in the past two weeks, for Peter's own good, Tak had tried to keep his distance.

  “Don't put yourself on the line for us.” Tak said to him quietly that afternoon. “It isn't worth it. Eventually, people will get used to what's happening, but right now tempers are still hot.” But it had to do with more than just him, and he knew it. Peter felt constantly drawn to the Tanakas so he could be close to Hiroko. And however unfortunate the situation may have been, or even dangerous for Peter, Takeo knew that he was sincere and that he loved her.

  And on Christmas night, after everyone else had gone to bed, Peter slipped the smallest of silver rings on Hiroko's finger. It was only a symbol of what they felt, and a small tiling. He had bought her a beautiful silk shawl, and some old books of poetry he had found in Japanese, and he had written her a haiku. But he also wanted to give her the ring, as a symbol of what they had now, and hoped to share one day. It was the narrowest of bands with two hearts entwined. It was Victorian and he had found it in an antique shop, and it was so small, he thought that no one would notice.

  “You are too good to me, Peter-san,” she said breathlessly, and he kissed her fingers.

  “You must not call me that anymore. Tak is right.” She had lost her kimonos, and the privilege of bowing to him, and now she must lose yet another sign of her respect for him, but she did not argue.

  “Why is everyone so frightened of clothes and words, and even little girls?” Earlier that day she and Tami had been in a store and someone had made an ugly comment. She and Tami had hurried away, but one of Reiko's friends had told her that in a store down the street where they had always been nothing but hospitable to the Japanese, they had refused to serve them.

  “We're Americans, we're not ‘Japs’ “Tami had said, fighting tears, as Hiroko hurried away with her, and she had looked to her older cousin for an explanation, but at first Hiroko had none to give her. She had been shocked by the man's willingness to hurt a child, and she was very angry.

  “It's because you are with me, and I am Japanese,” Hiroko had explained to her finally, but even that seemed a paltry explanation. She was barely more than a girl herself, and she was only a woman, not a soldier, or an army.

  “People are going to stay frightened for a while, until they forget some of it, and things start to improve. In the meantime, you all have to be very sensible and very careful,” Peter warned her.

  “And when they are wise again, may I wear my kimonos?” she asked, amused for a moment by the absurdity of all of it, and he laughed.

  “We'll go to Japan one day, and you can wear them all again.” But their dream of his going to visit her father next summer, to meet her family, had been shot down in flames at Pearl Harbor. She had no idea when she would be able to go home again, and thinking about that depressed her. At times, she was so lonely for them, and she had no idea when she'd see them. It made her reach out to Peter all the more, and as he kissed her that night, she wondered what would happen. In June, he would go to war. But until then, they had to seize each precious moment. There would be many of them, and she would string them like beads, to finger until he returned again. And he would return, she prayed, as he kissed her again, and she felt the ring, and promised herself that one day he would visit her parents. In the meantime, all they could do was cling to the present, and wait for the future, together.

  Chapter 8

  ON DECEMBER twenty-ninth, all “enemy aliens” in the western states were ordered to surrender their “contraband,” which included shortwave radios, cameras of any variety and size, binoculars, or weapons. The only confusion came regarding the term “enemy alien,” which would have appeared to mean Japanese nationals, but within hours it became clear that the term meant anyone of Japanese descent, whether citizens or foreigners.

  “But that can't be,” Reiko said, as Takeo explained the term to them. “We're Americans, we're not aliens.” She looked puzzled.

  “Not anymore,” he said grimly. Up until now, being a resident alien had never bothered him. And it hadn't even caused him a problem at Stanford.

  But suddenly everything had changed, and like Hiroko, he was an enemy alien. Even more shocking than that, so were his wife and children, all of whom had been born in California.

  They collected all the cameras in the family, and he had a pair of binoculars, which he used at Lake Tahoe when they went sailing. They delivered them to the local police station, and he saw several of their neighbors there, and the policeman who took the things from him looked extremely embarrassed.

  For Takeo and his family, it was their first taste of reality. And Hiroko began to worry that her staying with them might cause them trouble. She silently decided to stay at St. Andrew's as much as she could. Perhaps it was even dangerous for them to have an “enemy” staying with them. And perhaps even more so for Peter to love one.

  But despite their growing fears of reprisals in the area, and panic over attacks from air or sea, Peter asked Tak if he could take Hiroko out on New Year's Eve. It was to be their first official date, and Peter looked extremely formal, and a little nervous, when he asked him.

  “You're serious about her, aren't you?” Tak finally asked him, looking worried. He knew he couldn't put off asking him any longer. Peter had acknowledged his own feelings to him long since, but never Hiroko's. And it was time now.

  “Yes, I'm very serious about her, Tak.” He admitted it almost proudly and without hesitation. “I tried to run away from it …but I just couldn't…. Every time I saw her I would think about her for days…. She haunted me. I've never known anyone like her.” His eyes told their own tale. But so did Takeo's. He was deeply concerned about both of them. If nothing else, they were cursed with dismal timing.

  “She's a sweet girl, but you're both wading into dangerous waters,” he warned. It had only been three weeks
since Pearl Harbor, and anti-Japanese feelings were running high. Takeo had already heard of investigations by the FBI, and people he knew being questioned. He didn't want something like that happening to Peter. “You're going to have to be very careful.” It was obvious from what he'd seen that nothing was going to stop them.

  “I know that. I wasn't suggesting we go to the USO, or dancing at the Fairmont. One of the assistants in psychology is having a little gathering on New Year's Eve; he invited me and some of the other assistants in our department. It'll be very circumspect and very private.”

  Takeo nodded as he listened. In a way, it was a relief for all concerned to acknowledge their relationship, and although Takeo had had serious doubts about it at first, he wasn't so sure now. He had thought it unwise for her to become involved with an American, and he had been acutely aware of his responsibilities to her father. But somehow he couldn't bring himself to object any longer. So many things had changed, so much pain had been caused. If anything, their involvement was more dangerous now than it had been when she first arrived, and yet they had a right to some hope in their lives, and Takeo sensed how intent Peter was on taking care of Hiroko. And what right did he have to deprive them? But he felt a keen responsibility nonetheless to warn them of the dangers. Takeo was frightened now, not only for them, but for his own wife and children.

  “Just be careful, for both your sakes,” Takeo urged him again, looking at Peter intently. “And if things don't feel right when you go out, come back home immediately. Don't put yourselves in an awkward position.” God only knew what people would do when driven into a frenzy by fear and national emotion.

  “I'll be careful,” Peter assured him, looking at him sadly. “And Tak, this isn't about politics, for either of us. It's about her. I'm American. I love my country. I'm willing to die for it. This isn't about sympathies, it's just about her, and me …and people. … I love her. I'll stand by her.”

  “I know that,” Takeo said, looking sorrowfully into the future. Their two nations were at war, it was going to affect the entire world, not just two people. “But it could get more complicated very quickly.”

  “I hope not. For her sake. It must be very hard for her, she's the one with divided loyalties. She loves her family, her country, but she likes it here too, and she feels loyal to all of you. It must be difficult for her to be here.” But fortunately, in spite of her father's, and her cousin's, interest in politics she viewed the political issues from a distance. Like most girls her age, she was worried about the people she knew, and loved, and not the ramifications of decisions made by governments. Her vision was limited, as was most everyone's at that point. “Anyway, will you let me take her out?”

  Takeo nodded at him thoughtfully, and repeated himself again, “Just be careful.”

  But on New Year's Eve, politics were far from everyone's mind. She had borrowed a black taffeta dress that Reiko hadn't worn in years, and she covered it with a little velvet jacket of Sally's. She looked beautiful, with her single strand of pearls, her exquisite face and huge eyes, and her long shining black hair that hung to her waist. And Sally had forced her to learn to walk in a pair of her mother's high heels. According to Hiroko, they were much, much harder to wear than geta.

  Peter's eyes grew wide when he came to pick her up, and this time she didn't bow. She simply stood there, looking very shy, and very lovely. It was as though she had suddenly grown up, and everything that had been concealed from him was unveiled now.

  “You look fantastic,” he said, and he meant it. He had never seen anyone as beautiful, and this time he felt shy with her, as Takeo poured them each a tiny cup of sake.

  “No more after this,” he said cautiously, but he and Reiko toasted the New Year with them. It reminded Hiroko of important family occasions in Kyoto with her father. And it made her feel homesick again. She hadn't heard from them since he had gotten word to her through the consulate that he wanted her to stay in California. “Kartvpai!” Takeo toasted them, and Reiko smiled at them. They looked so young and so hopeful. And they did remind her of her first days with Takeo, when she was one of his students, and falling in love with him. It was irresistible, watching them. And Hiroko's cheeks glowed pink from the sake.

  “Where will you be tonight?” Takeo asked conversationally as they chatted for a few minutes.

  “Not far from here, the psych assistant has a house a couple of blocks off campus. We're going to have dinner there, and do a little dancing.” He smiled at Hiroko. It still shocked him to realize that he was going out with a freshman. She was far less sophisticated than most of the girls he'd gone out with for the last five years, but in many ways, she was far wiser. “What about you two?” Peter asked. Reiko was wearing the red silk dress Tak had bought her for Christmas, and it was very pretty.

  “Well just be down the street for dinner,” Reiko explained. Sally was going to friends across the street. Ken was going to Peggy's house, and Tami was staying home with a sitter. As they left, Peter promised that they wouldn't be home too late. But Tak didn't give them a curfew.

  Hiroko giggled as they went out, and Peter smiled at her, admiring her again. It was impossible not to, she looked dazzling, and he knew his friends would be very impressed with her. It was their first official date and they were both excited. “You look very grown-up,” he teased, and she laughed again as they ran to his car. It was chilly.

  “Thank you, Peter,” she said deliberately, eliminating the san after his name. She had listened carefully to all her cousin's warnings. No kimonos, no bowing, no foreign terms, no speaking Japanese in public. She had to make an effort now not to be different. He felt it was important for her well-being and her safety.

  It was her first date with any man, and she almost trembled with excitement as they drove along the edge of the campus. The house where they went was small, but there was a record on, and there was lots of noise. The house was filled with graduate students and young teachers. And no one seemed to notice when they arrived, although when she took her coat off and moved inside, Peter noticed a few people stare, but no one made any comments. There was a young nisei couple there too. Peter knew them vaguely, and knew that she taught biology, and he was in the language department. But Peter never got close enough to them in the crowded room to introduce them to Hiroko.

  There was plenty of food, red and white wine, and cheap champagne, and some of the guests had brought their own bottles of gin and scotch and vodka. Several of the guests were pretty drunk, but most of them were talking or laughing, or dancing in a back bedroom that had been cleared and filled with balloons and streamers for just that purpose. And in the distance, from where they stood, they could hear Frank Sinatra crooning.

  Peter introduced her to everyone he knew, and helped her to fill her plate with roast beef and a little turkey. And eventually they set their plates down and danced in the back room to a record of Tommy Dor-sey's band with Frank Sinatra singing. Peter held her close to him as they danced, and it was almost midnight. He could feel her warmth next to him, and she felt so delicate in his arms, he was almost afraid to hurt her. There were no words for what he felt for her. It was as though they were there alone, in a deserted world, with no one else around them.

  It was the best New Year's Eve he'd had, just dancing with her, and holding her, and when someone shouted that it was midnight, he kissed her. Afterward, she looked up, terribly embarrassed that he had kissed her in public. But she saw that others were doing it too, and Peter whispered to her with a smile that it was the custom.

  “Oh.” She nodded seriously, and he kissed her again, as they danced slowly around the floor, and ushered in 1942, with dreams of hope and freedom.

  “I love you, Hiroko-san,” he whispered so only she could hear, and she looked up at him with eyes full of wonder and nodded. She didn't dare say the words to him with so many people around them.

  They were still dancing, held close in each other's arms, when the air-raid siren went off, and there was a co
llective groan. No one wanted it to spoil their evening, and there was a momentary urge to ignore it, but their host insisted that they had to go down to the cellar. Someone turned all the lights off, as the din grew, and people hurried down the stairs carrying bottles of champagne, and wine, and Peter noticed that many of them were drunk. And once they all got to the cellar it was very crowded. It had been built for a small family, and it was jam-packed now with at least fifty people. The young nisei couple were gone, and several of the others Peter knew had left, but it was a jovial group, until people started to get hot and uncomfortable and a couple of the girls complained that they couldn't breathe, and everything was so dusty. It was really miserable in the cellar, but the sirens raged on, and they knew they had to stay there even though there were blackout shades on the windows upstairs. The Tanakas had put them in too; everyone had in the three weeks since Pearl Harbor.

  “Christ, you'd think they'd leave us alone on New Year's Eve, damn Japs,” someone said in the far corner. It was dark and all they had were flashlights. In one corner a couple kissed, but as Peter stood with his arm around Hiroko, the cellar seemed anything but romantic. All they wanted to do was go upstairs and go home, and so did the others. Half an hour later they were still there, and fed up with it. But the sirens continued for an hour. Finally, at one-thirty, they all went back upstairs, looking dusty and tired, their festive mood destroyed, and one of the men looked at Hiroko and lurched toward her.

  “It's goddamn little Japs like you that spoil it for the rest of us, you know,” he said to her angrily. “I'll be in the army next week, thanks to you. And by the way, thanks a lot for Pearl Harbor.” He looked as though he was going to swing at her, and Peter pushed her swiftly behind him.

  “That's enough, Madison.” He was drunk, but it didn't excuse what he was saying, and behind Peter, Hiroko was white and shaking.

  “Oh, go shove it, Jenkins,” the drunk responded. “You're such a Jap lover you can't see straight. When are you going to get smart, and stop kissing ass on Tanaka? The FBFII get you one of these days, you know. Maybe they'll even grab your girlfriend,” he said, and then stormed off, as Peter glared at him, not wanting to start a brawl on New Year's Eve, or upset Hiroko any more than she had been. He could see that she was fighting back tears, and he took her with him to get her coat. The joy of the evening had been shattered.