Before I Knew (The Cabots #1)

by Jamie Beck

  “I’ll call you on my drive home.” Colby leaned across the seat and kissed him. It’d take weeks for him to get used to that.

  “Sorry to bail. I’ll see you in the morning.” He cupped her face and kissed her deeper, determined to convince her that he was worth her esteem. “Bye.”

  “Feel better.” She smiled before exiting the car and climbing into her own. He watched her drive off before going next door to his parents’.

  The porch lights were off even though it was getting darker. Tension coiled in his gut as he approached the front door. He knocked before entering. “Mom?”

  He wandered from room to room, finding no one. Uneasiness stole through him, but nothing appeared to be broken—at least nothing inanimate.

  Colby found her sister lounging in the hot tub with a Moscow mule in one hand and the stereo remote in the other. A pulsing beat and high-pitched vocals blared from the speakers.

  “Can you turn that down?” Colby edged a corner of the lounge chair closer to the hot tub.

  Gentry lowered the volume. Nodding toward the icy pitcher on the table, she asked, “Want a drink?”

  “No, thanks.”

  “Your loss.” Gentry’s free hand tapped out the beat on the slate around the hot tub. She’d piled her auburn hair on top of her head and fastened it with some bejeweled hair sticks.

  When Colby had been twenty-five, she hadn’t had time for Monday-night hot-tub cocktails. She’d already graduated from law school, been approaching her first wedding anniversary, and just received Mark’s bipolar I diagnosis. It hadn’t been all roses, but she’d had purpose and meaning in her life, and she’d still believed that the love she and Mark felt for each other would be enough.

  Hardship had forced personal growth. And no matter how broken Colby might still feel, she’d learned that she was a survivor. But Gentry? She’d never been tested, and Colby wondered how her sister would fare when confronted by real hardship.

  “What brings you by?” Gentry’s toes broke through the water. “Dad’s not home.”

  “I came to see you.”

  Gentry raised a brow. “Something wrong?”

  Her sister’s defensive reflexes exhausted Colby, although in this case they were justified. “Must you always jump to negative conclusions?”

  “So you came to hang out?” Gentry’s sardonic delivery called Colby out.

  “Not exactly,” she admitted. “I wanted to talk, that’s all.”

  “I sense a lecture.” Gentry sank deeper into the water, steam rising up to curl her hair. “I don’t need another person telling me that my life is on the fast track to nowhere.”

  “That’s not why I came.” Not exactly, anyway.

  “If this is about my ‘loser’ boyfriend, don’t start. If you need to report back to Dad that you talked to me, go ahead. I’ll pretend I’m thinking seriously about what you said.” Gentry leaned her head back and closed her eyes, dismissing Colby.

  Perhaps a few confessions of her own might help Colby sneak past Gentry’s armor. “Alec and I have decided to date.”

  Gentry shot up, water sluicing everywhere, brilliant green eyes wide and sparkling with mischief. She raised her copper mug in the air before taking a gulp and said, “To Colby Cabot-Baxter breaking a rule.”

  “Ha-ha,” Colby smirked, although her sister’s silliness could be infectious at times.

  “I knew you liked him the second you snapped at me for saying he was hot.” Gentry broke into a shit-eating grin before drinking more of her cocktail. “You’ve always sucked at hiding things.”

  “That’s not true.” The words escaped before she’d thought better of them.

  “Oh, please. Your face is an open book.” Gentry set the empty cup down and wiggled her eyebrows. “Easier to read than comic strips.”

  The dismissive tone grated.

  “Gentry, trust me.” Colby leaned forward, holding her sister’s smug gaze. “I’ve hidden a lot from people.”

  Gentry swam across the hot tub and rested her chin on her hands along the edge near Colby’s feet. “Cheat on a high school paper? Double-bill a client once? Shoplift a candy bar?”

  “No!” Colby laughed. “I said I keep secrets, not commit crimes.”

  “Well, spit it out. You can’t make that claim without offering proof.” Gentry flicked some water at Colby’s legs, causing Colby to scoot back.

  Bonding would require her to be vulnerable. To take another leap she’d been resisting. If she could save her sister heartache down the road, it’d be worth it. And if she wanted to be convincing, she might as well drop a bombshell. “I had a troubled marriage. Now I’m not sure I know how to have a healthy relationship.”

  Gentry’s face sobered. She pushed away from the wall and latched on to the other side of the hot tub, putting distance between them. Apparently, her sister was equally uncomfortable with intimacy. “Troubled?”

  “Yes.”

  “You and Mark were always affectionate.” Gentry’s distrustful gaze narrowed. “He bragged about you all the time.”

  “In front of others, yes. But in private, we had problems. Big ones. I even consulted a divorce attorney.”

  Colby could practically see the cogs spinning in Gentry’s head. “Because of the stupid dare with Joe?”

  “No, because Mark . . .”

  Gentry waited. “Mark what?”

  Colby glanced at her wedding band, still unused to its new home on her right hand.

  “Cheated.” A true, if incomplete, explanation. One that allowed the conversation to continue without sharing Mark’s diagnosis and inviting dozens more questions. “He made me wary, and lonely.”

  Gentry grew very quiet and then sank beneath the water. When she came back up for air, she asked, “Did you ever tell anyone else?”

  “Never.”

  “Why not?”

  Good question, Colby thought. “I didn’t want the family to turn on him in case we worked it out.”

  “What’s to work out?” Gentry’s derision smacked Colby upside the head. “I’d never put up with someone cheating on me.”

  Colby’s first instinct was to get angry at her sister’s insensitive comment. But Colby would’ve thought the same thing before her marriage to Mark. Youthful ideals are easy to believe until you’re faced with tough choices involving love, disappointment, and commitment. “You’d be surprised what you might forgive under a given set of circumstances.”

  “Were you fighting about divorce when he . . . you know.” She mimicked a dive, which shocked Colby into holding her breath for a second.

  “No!” Breathe.

  The haunting look Mark had given her over his shoulder just before he took flight surfaced, but Colby shook her head before the rest of the memory formed.

  She fell speechless, having not expected this turn of conversation. The tight band of pain cinching her chest would be worth it if this discussion helped Gentry to be more thoughtful about her relationships. Now she’d have to navigate from Mark to Jake without Gentry clamming up.

  “Joe’s death—the dare—drove Mark into a serious depression. The fact I was thinking of leaving him probably amplified his hopelessness. He acted so suddenly—no note—so I’ll never know for sure what he was thinking.” A flickering image of his forlorn gaze resurfaced. “It haunts me. It always will.”

  “That sucks.” Gentry looked down at the water bubbling around her body, lost in her own thoughts. “No wonder you checked out around here for a while. So why tell me this now?”

  “Because you’re my sister. We can’t get back all the years our mothers didn’t foster our relationship in the past, but we can start now. Talk about things sisters discuss, like boyfriends.” Colby intentionally lightened her tone now, getting to the heart of the matter. “Like Alec and Jake. Tell me about Jake.”

  “What’s to tell?” Gentry shrugged one shoulder. “You’ve met him. He’s sexy and I’m having fun, like I told you before.”

  “So he’s fun
?” Colby leaned forward. “In what way? I haven’t heard him say much.”

  “He’s better at using his mouth for other things,” Gentry snickered, taking obvious pleasure in shocking Colby.

  “I’m serious.” No wonder their dad was exasperated.

  “So am I!” Gentry laughed. “What’s the big deal?”

  “I guess I worry that he might be using you to drum up business and to buy him stuff.”

  “That’s okay, ’cause I’m using him for sex.” The casual remark rolled off her tongue as easily as “please” and “thank you.”

  “Gentry!”

  “Listen, I appreciate the sisterly-love thing you’re going for here, but you really don’t need to worry about someone taking advantage of me.” Under her breath, she added, “I’m not you.”

  As if anyone would confuse them. “That sounds like an insult.”

  “It’s not . . . but you did rush into a marriage with a guy you’d only known a few months, which I’d never do. And you have to admit you’ve let people like your mom manipulate you a lot. I’m not interested in smoothing things over and avoiding conflict. I look out for myself ’cause no one else does.”

  Colby gestured around the mansion and pool area, galled. “Says the girl who’s living in this place free and clear.”

  Gentry’s emerald eyes looked fathomless and pitying. “Did your money and pretty condo make Mark look out for you?”

  Another shrill pop song frayed Colby’s nerves while she collected her thoughts. She stared at her sister—who sat amid the steam still billowing into the sky—unable to respond.

  “No?” Gentry gloated in the face of Colby’s silence. “Didn’t think so.”

  Colby wanted to knock that chip off Gentry’s shoulder more than she needed to defend herself, so she kept calm. “Why are you attacking me?”

  “Because you’re judging me.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m worried about you.”

  “Then stop projecting your baggage onto me. Trust me, I respect myself too much to be taken for a ride I’m not willing to go on.”

  “You think I don’t respect myself?” Colby’s thoughts raced.

  “Your words.” Gentry shrugged.

  “I see. So because I tried to honor the commitment I made to a man I once loved deeply, I’m weak and insecure?” Colby wanted to scream, but that would give her sister the satisfaction of having baited her into a fight.

  “All I’m saying is that I don’t need anyone’s approval, okay? So chill! I’m not planning a future with Jake. I like living in the moment and being independent. You might give it a try if you don’t want Alec to get bored and cheat on you, too.”

  Her sister’s cruel remark tipped Colby off the edge. Gentry had opened the door to some harsh reality, so now Colby would force her through it. “You pretend well, I’ll give you that, but you’re full of crap, Gentry.”

  “How would you know? Like you said, it’s not like we’ve ever been super close.”

  That retort sounded depressingly like Jenna.

  “You don’t exactly make it easy. And since you’re so eager to judge and insult me, here’s a little truth for you. We both know you’re dating Jake to piss Dad off. And if you were actually as independent as you claim, you’d be living on your own instead of here with your parents, for whom you have such contempt. But that’s the rub, isn’t it? You’re stuck here because you’re intimidated. It’s easier to mock all of us than to risk failing at something, or risk getting close to someone. So go ahead and say I’m easily manipulated if it makes you feel better, but at least I went out and did something with my life. And maybe I failed at marriage, but at least I took a chance. As for Alec getting bored, he prefers grown-ups to children, as proven by the way he politely rejected all your flirtations.” Colby stood, fists on her hips. “How’s that for smoothing things over?”

  “Nice.” Gentry got out of the hot tub and dried off. She lifted the pitcher off the table. “Let’s see how long it takes before you feel guilty for unloading how you really feel about me.”

  She started to leave, then glanced over her shoulder. “By the way, I quit. You’re just too intimidating for me to handle.” She snorted and scurried up the steps into the house, leaving Colby with nothing but some truly bad music.

  Colby waited for the guilt to bunch up in her gut, just as Gentry had predicted. When it didn’t form any kind of knot, she stared up at heaven. If Mark was watching her now, what would he think about who the person she’d become? Would he feel sorry about how he’d hurt and changed her?

  Then again, Gentry had to learn not to start something she couldn’t finish. No matter how weak others might think Colby for her willingness to compromise and forgive, she knew it took more strength to do that than to run away. She’d lost sight of that these past couple of years, though. Maybe she’d just needed this reminder.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Whoa, what’s the rush?” Colby’s dad caught her before she made it out of the house.

  He seemed to be huffing, like he’d raced up a flight of stairs. Colby was just about to ask if he felt okay, when Jenna piped up.

  “What are you doing here?” She smiled in that empty manner she managed around Colby, while putting their restaurant leftovers in the refrigerator.

  “Visiting Gentry.”

  “Where is she?” Her father glanced around.

  “Probably in the shower. She was in the hot tub when I arrived.” Colby forced herself to stop fidgeting with her purse strap. So she’d had a fight with her sister. Big deal. Sisters fought all the time. She paused, replaying that last thought—the one she’d used to justify Joe’s ragging on Alec. A dynamic she didn’t want to copy.

  “How’s the marketing thing working out?” He leaned against the counter, one foot crossed over the other, his face filled with hope. Hope Colby would have to dash.

  “She just quit.”

  Jenna shot Colby’s dad a worried look. “Why? She told me she’d created a lot of buzz. She liked the PR work.”

  Colby had suspected Gentry had been enjoying the job despite her cavalier act. “We got into an argument. She didn’t like what I had to say, so she quit.”

  “What did you say?” Jenna’s fists balled on her hips while Colby quickly summarized the tail end of their conversation.

  “Why would you say those things?” Jenna ground out. “Do you get off on making her feel small?”

  “You know we’re trying to keep her motivated.” Her father’s disappointment nipped at Colby’s conscience. “I was counting on your help.”

  “I did help, Dad. I hired her. I came here tonight to spend time with her, and then she insulted me—more than once.” Colby’s raised her chin. “Am I supposed to roll over just to keep her happy? You’ve tiptoed around her crappy attitude for years, and where’s it gotten you? I didn’t treat her any differently than I’d treat Hunter or Sara under the same circumstances.”

  “I’d better check on her.” Jenna tossed a cold glare her way, but Colby couldn’t care less about Jenna. There, another truth.

  “What’s gotten into you tonight?” Her dad crossed his arms.

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that your wife’s making me the bad guy after I confided in Gentry and she threw it in my face?” She paused, realizing that she’d armed Gentry with information no one else had. Serious misstep—especially considering Gentry’s lack of discretion even when she wasn’t out for revenge. “Don’t expect me to take whatever she dishes out just because you spoiled her.”

  “If I spoiled her, it was to compensate for all the time I didn’t spend with her while I was busy building the business.”

  Colby sighed and shook her head. Really? “You didn’t spend time with Hunter and me, either, you know.”

  “You had your mother, who was able to stay at home with you because of her generous alimony, by the way. Gentry didn’t even have Jenna.”

  By Jenna’s choice. Given that Jenna’s nurturing skill
s were nonexistent, however, it might not have been the worst choice she could’ve made. Of course, Colby didn’t get that honest with her dad. “Seems to me that you all need to have some serious discussions then, because Gentry’s bitter, and you two continuing to kowtow to her isn’t working.”

  “We’ll see how easy you think it is once you have kids.” He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, and for the first time he looked every minute of his sixty-five years.

  “I never said it was easy,” she replied, although the idea of motherhood briefly bewitched her. While with Mark, she’d given up the idea of having kids. Now, that possibility didn’t seem so hopeless. Maybe, with the right man, in the right relationship, she’d want to be a mother. “In other news, Alec and I have decided to see each other outside of work.”

  “Alec Morgan?” Her father’s brows rose to his hairline.

  “Yes.” Colby braced to defend her decision, like she had with Hunter an hour ago.

  Instead of issuing warnings, her dad grew thoughtful. “I can see that working out, actually.”

  “Really?”

  “Sure. You have a lot in common.” He shrugged. “You’re also working together to build a business. It’s very seductive, that part.”

  “So you don’t think it’s a mistake to mix our personal and professional lives?”

  He gestured toward the door that Jenna had recently exited through. “Obviously not. It worked out well for me.”

  Colby hadn’t considered that. Her dad and Jenna had made a formidable team and stayed married for decades. Maybe Hunter was wrong about something for a change.

  That thought instantly lightened her heart. “Thanks, Dad.”

  “Sure. Now let’s get back to your sister.” He shifted his weight to his other leg. “Are you going to hold her to this resignation?”

  She should. Gentry needed to learn about consequences. On the other hand, Colby didn’t want her family to become like Mark’s, with siblings scattered about, barely involved, never knowing the intimacies of one another’s lives, or sharing the joys and sorrows. She also didn’t want to mimic Joe and Alec, who’d lost years of time they’d never recover. “Give me a few hours to cool off. I’ll call her later.”