by Amy Chan
3.Craig Gustafson, “Bruce Lipton, PhD: The Jump From Cell Culture to Consciousness,” Integrative Medicine: A Clinician’s Journal 16, no. 6 (2017): 44–50.
4.Sharon Muggivan, It’s Not About You. So Get Over It. (Bloomington: Xlibris Corporation, 2011), 10.
5.Maxwell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics: Updated and Expanded (New York: TarcherPerigee, 2015), 4.
6.Maxwell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics: A New Way to Get More Living out of Life (Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 1960), 2.
7.Joe Dispenza, Becoming Supernatural: How Common People Are Doing the Uncommon (Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, 2017), 171.
8.Sanaz Talaifar and William B. Swann Jr., “Self-Verification Theory,” in Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences, eds. Virgil Zeigler-Hill and Todd K. Shackelford (Cham, Switzerland: Springer, 2017), doi: 10.1007/978-3-319-28099-8.
9.Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics, 37.
10.Dispenza, Becoming Supernatural, 37.
11.Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics, 37.
12.“When You Stop Looking and Start Becoming,” Dr. Joe Dispenza’s Blog, https://drjoedispenza.net/blog/mastery-es/when-you-stop-looking-and-start-becoming/.
13.Graham, Bouncing Back, 94.
14.The Market for Self-Improvement Products & Services, Research and Markets, October 2019, https://www.researchandmarkets.com/reports/4847127/the-us-market-for-self-improvement-products-and?utm_code=fvt93q&utm_medium=BW.
15.Jon Kabat-Zinn, Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness (New York: Hyperion, 2005), 407.
16.Neil Strauss, “A Big Misconception About Happiness,” Neil Strauss (blog), March 17, 2017, https://www.neilstrauss.com/advice/your-happiness/.
CHAPTER 4
1.John Montgomery, “The Shocking Truth,” Psychology Today, July 15, 2014, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-embodied-mind/201407/the-shocking-truth.
2.Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (New York: Penguin, 2014), 56.
3.Pia Mellody, Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives (New York: Harper & Row, 2003).
4.Nirmala Raniga, “Using Nonviolent Communication to Nurture Your Relationships,” Chopra Center, February 5, 2014, https://chopra.com/articles/using-nonviolent-communication-nurture-your-relationships.
CHAPTER 5
1.Brené Brown, “Shame v. Guilt,” Brené Brown (blog), January 14, 2013, https://brenebrown.com/blog/2013/01/14/shame-v-guilt/.
2.Rune Moelbak, “Shame: The Hidden Root of Most Psychological Problems,” Insight (blog), August 30, 2015, http://www.bettertherapy.com/blog/shame/.
3.Holly VanScoy, “Shame: The Quintessential Emotion,” PsychCentral, October 8, 2018, https://psychcentral.com/lib/shame-the-quintessential-emotion/.
4.Donald Nathanson, Shame and Pride: Affect, Sex, and the Birth of the Self (New York: W. W. Norton, 1994), 325.
5.Fred Wright, “Men, Shame, and Group Psychotherapy,” Group 18, no. 4 (1994): 212–24, https://www.jstor.org/stable/41718776.
6.Robert Weiss, “Guilt = Good, Shame = Bad,” Psychology Today, January 6, 2014, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201401/guilt-good-shame-bad.
7.Tim Desmond, “Five Ways to Put Self-Compassion into Therapy,” Greater Good Magazine, January 27, 2016, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_ways_to_put_self_compassion_into_therapy.
8.“People with Self-Compassion Make Better Relationship Partners,” UT News, October 8, 2012, https://news.utexas.edu/2012/10/08/people-with-self-compassion-make-better-relationship-partners/.
9.Kristin Neff, “The Physiology of Self-Compassion,” Self-Compassion, https://self-compassion.org/the-physiology-of-self-compassion/.
10.Jill Suttie, “Does Self-Compassion Make You Compassionate Toward Others?,” Greater Good, June 1, 2018, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/does_self_compassion_make_you_compassionate_toward_others.
11.Kristin Neff, “Tips for Practice,” Self-Compassion, https://self-compassion.org/tips-for-practice/.
CHAPTER 6
1.“Romanticism,” Wikipedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romanticism.
2.Alain de Botton, “How Romanticism Ruined Love,” ABC Religion & Ethics, July 19, 2016, https://www.abc.net.au/religion/how-romanticism-ruined-love/10096750.
3.Emily Lenneville, “What Physiological Changes Can Explain the Honeymoon Phase of a Relationship?,” Scientific American, September 1, 2013, https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-physiological-changes-can-explain-honeymoon-phase-relationship/.
4.“2/10: ‘It’s Destiny!’ Most Americans Believe in Soul Mates,” Marist Poll, February 10, 2011, http://maristpoll.marist.edu/210-its-destiny-most-americans-believe-in-soul-mates/#sthash.BYki309S.rYzOYvz7.dpbs.
5.Raymond C. Knee et al., “Implicit Theories of Relationships: Moderators of the Link Between Conflict and Commitment,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 30, no. 5 (2004): 617–28, doi: 10.1177/0146167203262853.
6.Albert Wakin and Duyen B. Vo, “Love-Variant: The Wakin-Vo I.D.R. Model of Limerence,” paper presented at the 2nd Global Conference: Challenging Intimate Boundaries, Freeland, UK, 2008.
7.Michael J. Rosenfeld and Reuben J. Thomas, “Searching for a Mate: The Rise of the Internet as a Social Intermediary,” American Sociological Review 77, no. 4 (2012): 523–47, doi: 10.1177/0003122412448050.
8.David Sack, “Limerence and the Biochemical Roots of Love Addiction,” HuffPost, June 6, 2012, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/limerence_b_1627089.
9.Alexandra Katehakis, “The Link Between Adult Attachment Styles and Sex and Love Addiction,” Psychology Today, September 6, 2011, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-lies-trauma/201109/the-link-between-adult-attachment-styles-and-sex-and-love-addiction.
10.Ibid.
11.“What Are the Most Common Indicators of Love Addiction,” The Ranch, February 5, 2013, https://www.recoveryranch.com/articles/what-are-the-most-common-indicators-of-love-addiction/.
12.Rob Weiss, “The Neuroscience of Love and Love Addiction,” Addiction.com, January 4, 2015, https://www.addiction.com/blogs/expert-blogs/neuroscience-love-love-addiction/.
13.“Love Addiction,” Robert Weiss PhD, https://www.robertweissmsw.com/about-sex-addiction/love-and-relationship-addiction/.
14.Lindsay Mattison, “Researchers Say Craving for Ex Is Similar to an Addict’s Craving for Drugs,” Lifehack, n.d., https://www.lifehack.org/531836/researchers-say-craving-for-similar-addicts-craving-for-drugs.
15.Emanuel Jauk et al., “How Alluring Are Dark Personalities? The Dark Triad and Attractiveness in Speed Dating,” European Journal of Personality 30, no. 2 (2016): 125–38, doi: 10.1002/per.2040.
16.Drake Baer, “Narcissists Get More Dates,” The Cut, June 23, 2016, https://www.thecut.com/2016/06/narcissists-get-more-dates.html.
17.Megan Beauchamp, “What Is Gaslighting in Relationships? An Expert Explains,” MyDomaine, February 23, 2020, https://www.mydomaine.com/gaslighting-in-relationships.
18.Helen E. Fisher, Arthur Aron, and Lucy L. Brown, “Romantic Love: A Mammalian Brain System for Mate Choice,” Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society of London. Series B, Biological Sciences 361, no. 1476 (2006): 2173–86, doi: 10.1098/rstb.2006.1938.
19.Alan Booth and James M. Dabbs Jr., “Testosterone and Men’s Marriages,” Social Forces 72, no. 2 (1993): 463–77, doi: 10.2307/2579857.
20.Shelley D. Lane, Interpersonal Communication: Competence and Contexts, 2nd ed. (New York: Routledge, 2010), 283.
21.Helen E. Fisher et al., “Defining the Brain Systems of Lust, Romantic Attraction, and Attachment,” Archives of Sexual Behavior 31, no. 5 (2002): 413–9, doi: 10.1023/A:1019888024255.
22.Helen E. Fisher, “Broken Hearts: The Nature and Risks of Romantic Rejection” in Ann C. Crouter and Alan Booth, eds., Romance and Sex in Adolescence and Emerging Adulthood: Risks and Opportunities (Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Asso
ciates, 2006), 3–28.
23.Helen E. Fisher, “Lust, Attraction, and Attachment in Mammalian Reproduction,” Human Nature 9, no. 1 (1998): 23–52, doi: 10.1007/s12110-998-1010-5.
CHAPTER 7
1.“Familiarity Increases Liking,” ScienceDaily, https://www.sciencedaily.com/terms/exposure_effect.htm.
CHAPTER 8
1.John Bradshaw, Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child (New York: Bantam, 1990), 18.
2.“In a Different Voice,” Wikipedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_a_Different_Voice.
3.Kerry Lusignan, “5 Things Men Can Do to Strengthen Their Relationship,” The Gottman Institute, July 27, 2016, https://www.gottman.com/blog/five-things-men-can-do-to-strengthen-their-relationship/.
4.Nancy K. Dess, “Tend and Befriend,” Psychology Today, September 1, 2000, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200009/tend-and-befriend.
CHAPTER 9
1.Andrew Trees, Decoding Love: Why It Takes Twelve Frogs to Find a Prince, and Other Revelations from the Science of Attraction (New York: Avery, 2009), 200.
2.Dess, “Tend and Befriend.”
3.Elizabeth L. Paul and Kristen A. Hayes, “The Casualties of ‘Casual’ Sex: A Qualitative Exploration of the Phenomenology of College Students’ Hookups,” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 19, no. 5 (2002): 639–61, doi: 10.1177/0265407502195006.
4.Fisher, “Lust, Attraction, and Attachment in Mammalian Reproduction,” 23–52.
5.Jena Pincott, Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes? Bodies, Behavior, and Brains—The Science Behind Sex, Love, and Attraction (New York: Bantam Dell, 2008), 167.
6.Ibid., 156.
7.Neil Strauss, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists (New York: HarperCollins, 2005), 126.
8.David R. Hawkins, Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender (New York: Hay House, 2012), 19.
CHAPTER 10
1.Christine Evangelou, Stardust and Star Jumps: A Motivational Guide to Help You Reach Toward Your Dreams, Goals, and Life Purpose (self-pub., Amazon Digital Services, 2016), Kindle.
About the Author
AMY CHAN is the founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a company that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart. She has been featured in the New York Times, Fortune, Marie Claire, Glamour, on CNN.com, and more. She has appeared on national television programs such as Good Morning America, Nightline, and The Doctors. She’s the editor-in-chief of the online relationship magazine JustMyType.ca and has been a relationship columnist for over a decade. Observer calls her “a relationship expert whose work is like that of a scientific Carrie Bradshaw.” Her work has been published in the Huffington Post, Medium, Darling Magazine, 24 Hours, and the Vancouver Sun.
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Copyright
I have changed the names and identifying characteristics of some individuals discussed in this book, including all Renew participants, to protect their privacy. Some of the individuals I discuss are composites of multiple Renew participants.
While I have thoroughly researched the information contained in this book, the material in this book is for general educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for medical treatment, psychotherapy, or advice from a mental health professional. If you are experiencing depression, abuse, addiction, or any other severe emotional illness, please seek professional help immediately.
BREAKUP BOOTCAMP. Copyright © 2020 by Amy Chan. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
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Digital Edition DECEMBER 2020 ISBN: 978-0-06-291475-0
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