Out of the Ashes (Marked as His Book 1)

by Rossi, Monica

  Emotions played over Sandy’s face. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly, “I’m just all messed up inside. My emotions are everywhere. I guess I’m just trying to make myself feel better about leaving,” he saw the tears about to spill over, “and I’m trying to make it where I don’t miss you guys so much. But I can’t. What am I going to do without you Dax?”

  He pulled her into his arms as she sobbed, maybe he’d been too hard on her. But she’d hit a sore spot. They hadn’t been born in the same household, they hadn’t had the money for Ma to adopt them, but as far as he was concerned, they were all the family he’d ever need. Her trying to disparage that had hurt something deep inside him.

  “You’re going to be fine,” he ran his hand down her long brown hair that had obviously not been brushed this month, “Besides, you can’t be Fungus forever.”

  Fungus was the nickname he’d given her when she’d been young. Because neither he, nor Joker nor Dex, had been able to get her to leave them alone for a full minute at the time. She was like a fungus that wouldn’t go away.

  But now she was leaving them, and he wasn’t sure how he was going to make it without her. Just her presence in his life was a reassurance that everything was alright. As long as they were all together nothing else mattered.

  He felt himself starting to get misty eyed and knew he had to lighten things up. If big brother started crying there was no telling how long this emotion-fest would last and he wanted to go to bed at some point.

  “Besides, at some point you’ve got to learn how to change the oil in your car, and pay the light bill, and the water bill, and the rent…”

  “I get it, I get it, I’m going to have to learn how to be an adult.”

  “Yup, it’s not all Netflix and Nails in your free time when you’ve got responsibilities.”

  “Oh really? Is that why you’re in here staring at the ceiling and hiding your boner with a pillow?” she asked innocently, “A very nice pillow. That’s a one of a kind work of art you’ve got in your lap.”

  He just stared at her. It was not ok for her to discuss his boner.

  “What? Jesus, you don’t grow up with three brothers and not know when someone is hiding a boner. Who is she? Or are you reverting back to adolescence where randomly appearing hard-ons are a thing?”

  “Three brothers?” he was pushing her, but she’s the one who was trying to needle him.

  “Two brothers and a Joker, whatever. Now, who is she?”

  He started to tell her to mind her own business, but with everything she was going through maybe telling her about his minor problems would help her.

  “Just some chick that came into the shop.”

  “Just some chick huh? I haven’t seen you mooning over a girl since you were, what, twenty or so, when you fell for that girl who had the orange hair. Jesus that was one bad bitch.”

  Ah yes, Rebecca, she was indeed one bad bitch. “I wasn’t mooning, I was just sitting here.”

  “Mooning. So tell me about her.”

  “There’s nothing to tell really. She came in for a consultation but then ran out.”

  “You ran her out?”

  “No, she ran out. Look, she’s obviously got some issues. The art I drew was too big for her to afford, I offered to let her pay for it by modeling for some promotional photos and she freaked out and ran out the shop. End of story.”

  “And yet you’re sitting here thinking about her.”

  He turned Sandy’s wrist over to the small apple blossom branch tattooed on her wrist, “Her name was Fern, I thought it was ironic that she was named after foliage and I was attracted to her.”

  “Mmm hmm. Ma’s got her number in the book right? Call her.”

  “She’s obviously got issues Sandy.”

  “And when has that ever stopped you before? You seem to like collecting broken people.”

  “You were never broken, maybe just bruised a little.”

  “Yeah well, maybe she is too,” Sandy said, “I haven’t seen you like someone in a long time, it’s worth giving it a shot. And if it doesn’t work then it doesn’t work. At least you tried.”

  Dax sat looking at his sister who was running away from all of her problems and wondered if she understood the irony of her words. But she was right, it wouldn’t hurt anything to give Fern a call.

  She stopped what she was doing and wiped her hands on a dish towel before resting her knuckles against her eyes.

  The thought of her becoming a bumbling idiot and running out of the tattoo parlor was haunting her. The memory turning up at the most unexpected times, making her pause and appreciate how much of an idiot she was.

  She looked down at the breakfast dishes in the sink and listened to the sound of Katy watching Saturday morning cartoons in the other room.

  The sound of her daughter’s laughter trickled over her, erasing the embarrassment and leaving her with a smile. It would be ok. It wasn’t the first time she’d make a fool out of herself and it probably wouldn’t be the last. And in the scheme of things, it didn’t matter at all. What mattered was what she had here, her daughter and their cozy, safe little home.

  Fern plunged her hands back down into the dishwater, she knew if she turned around and peeked over the counter into their living room she’d see her smiling girl, bouncing in front of the TV, in her own little happy world.

  She wished she could still be consumed by an imaginary world like that. She remembered being a teenager and reading books that would totally suck her in. Losing her own life of mediocrity as she dove heart first into the more extraordinary life of someone else.

  She felt like she hadn’t been able to get lost in anything in such a long time she’d almost forgotten what it felt like.

  What she hadn’t forgotten was how confused Dax had looked as she’d ran, panicking, out of his shop.

  She slammed her coffee cup down into the sink. God, would she just get over it already? People did weird stuff sometimes and it was ok that she was embarrassed, but she’d probably never ever see Dax again.

  It was a big place and she had gone years without seeing him before and she would probably never ever have to see him again. So, she should stop even thinking about it.

  It was a shame she’d over reacted, that was something she’d have to work on, but it was understandable.

  She’d been meditating lately, trying to control the fear that always seemed to creep up on her unexpectedly. Usually she only had her little ‘episodes’ alone at night. That had been the first time she’d had one in front of someone else, but the thought of being on a poster or billboard or even a flyer had sent cold dread through her that she hadn’t felt in a while.

  Anyone could see her and say, “Hey, I know that girl. Isn’t that Tim’s wife? The one that disappeared. Hey, I better call him and tell him about it.”

  And that would be the beginning of the end of her new life. The new life she’d carved out of nothing, having no help from anyone, except for Seanna, of course.

  And while Seanna was a godsend, she was also broke. She was willing to share everything but when there was nothing to share, what can you do? You make do, that’s what. And they’d had to scratch their way to where they were and Fern was proud of it.

  She dried her dishes and put them away in the cabinets before sitting down at the little kitchen table she’d tucked into the corner. She opened the cheap laptop she’d bought from a friend of Seanna’s and her browser was still open to the local job listings website she’d been perusing the night before.

  She’d been working on and off as a temporary cook at a little restaurant down the street. It was alright, but the pay wasn’t enough to support her and her daughter; and the money she’d managed to take with her when she’d left was going to run out soon.

  But it was kind of hard to find gainful employment when you didn’t have a driver’s license, a social security card, or a birth certificate. Not to mention no proof of education. She sighed as she refreshed the page and looked at
all the jobs she was overqualified, yet under papered for.

  She was going to have to do something. Maybe she could find someone to make her documents again, though she just didn’t know how she’d pay them. Fern remembered when she’d gotten them the first time and how she’d thought they weren’t that expensive. Now, the thought of the money she’d thrown away on them made her sick to her stomach. The cost, so far above her means, was comical. If she just had the money back she wouldn’t have to pay rent again for a year. Or more.

  Maybe if she could get to know more people in the neighborhood one of them might know of a job she could do that paid under the table.

  The tattoo place was in the neighborhood. Maybe if she wasn’t a complete spaz she could have asked them if there was something she could do around the shop. Instead, she had run out of there like a crazy person.

  God, she had to stop thinking about that. In the scheme of things it didn’t matter!

  The only reason it was bothering her so badly was because of who it had happened in front of. And the last thing she needed to worry about in her life was a man.

  She’d never even considered the thought of finding someone else after Tim. Her whole focus had been on just getting away and surviving. But she needed to think about it eventually. She was going to get lonely, she was going to want to feel someone hold her, as evidenced by the fact she’d reacted to some guy in a tattoo shop so strongly.

  But she wasn’t going to be one of those women who had men in and out of her life, letting her child grow fond of someone only to replace them with another someone a few months later. No, that wasn’t going to be the kind of life she made for Katy.

  Fern looked at her daughter again, with her oversized tee-shirt and her tangle of hair that framed her adorable chubby pink cheeks and bright loving eyes. She had everything she needed here. Except a job.

  Finished with the dishes, she rested her head on her fist and lazily scrolled through all the jobs she couldn’t get, before shutting the laptop in frustration and looking for the next thing to do that would keep her occupied.

  She didn’t have any plans, she didn’t have any extra money, and all of her chores were done. It was going to be a long Saturday.

  She looked at the clock. It really was going to be a long, boring Saturday. Too bad she didn’t have the money to take Katy somewhere fun.

  She closed the laptop again, “Alright, go brush your teeth and wash your face then meet me in your bedroom to get dressed. We’re going to the park!”

  The little girl jumped up and down and screamed like she’d been told they were going to Disneyworld before running off to take care of her hygiene in record time.

  Fern pulled herself out of her chair and started off to find something for the kid to wear when her phone rang.

  She picked it up off the table and looked at the number. It wasn’t one she’d saved in her contacts, so it wasn’t a call she was going to answer. Probably someone wanting to sell something anyway.

  She threw the phone back on the table and let it keep ringing, that was the second unknown phone call she’d gotten that morning. She wondered how those companies got people’s cell phone numbers anyway. She walked away and forgot about it before she even got to Katy’s room.

  The smoke curled, weaving in and out of the beams of morning sunlight that cut through half open blinds.

  He inhaled the sweet tasting tobacco deep into his lungs. Sometimes it burned when he inhaled so deeply, but that was ok, it was like inhaling a fire and it made him feel like a dragon that could destroy a village with a single breath.

  Smoking was new. He’d taken it up since Felicity had disappeared so cowardly. He’d started because the tension flowing through his body had been just a little too much. He’d begun snapping at co-workers, throwing things he’d rather not break, becoming known for his temper. And that just wouldn’t do. It was better that he start smoking and have his little fits be thought of as a side effect of losing his wife, than be seen as hot headed.

  No, he needed his cold calculations more than ever before and if smoking the occasional cheroot helped with that then so be it. Millions and millions of dead smokers couldn’t be wrong, there had to be some kind of payoff for the habit.

  And there was. His whole body felt at ease as he inhaled again, savoring the way his lungs expanded as he did. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, or maybe it was just the additives they put in the product, but smoking seemed to make him a more relaxed kind of guy.

  He watched the sun play across the room, it danced over random objects, a swath of it falling across a section of his leg, warming it until it was almost uncomfortable, but he didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to disturb the scene. He was feeling a moment of blissful serenity and he didn’t want anything to ruin it.

  He especially didn’t want to wake up the sleeping woman draped over the double bed across from him. The yellow light highlighting her exposed skin and turning her honey coloring into molten gold. With the woman, the dancing dust motes and the bland backdrop of cheap hotel room, he could take a picture that would be interesting if not quite good enough to hang. Well, it’d be good enough to hang in a hotel room just like this one.

  There was just one problem. The woman in the bed, no matter how beautiful her skin, no matter how luxurious her chestnut hair that sprawled across the pillow, no matter how rich her family, how good her name, that woman was not Felicity. And it was Felicity he needed. Felicity who caused his blood to boil with the all of the passions: lust, love, hate and anger. Right now, most of all anger.

  He watched the Not Felicity as she moved languidly, stirring the sheet and exposing even more of that honey gold skin. He’d had quite a few Not Felicity’s in the past few months. He’d thought they’d help slake the never ending hunger he felt inside. But they didn’t. He tried not to be angry with them, they couldn’t help it they were Not Felicity. They just weren’t.

  The knowledge that they couldn’t help it hadn’t changed the fact that a few had had to spend a day or so in the hospital after their liaisons, but they’d been well remunerated. And he’d spent a few long weeks of reflection about his behavior.

  That had been uncomfortable but he believed he’d grown as a person because of it. And he hadn’t flown into a Felicity induced rage since. Because these women whose bodies he used weren’t the ones who deserved to be punished, she was.

  While he was reflecting he’d even considered that he’d been too hard on her, maybe his style of leadership hadn’t been what she’d needed.

  He thought back to his own childhood and how much he’d hated his father for the way he’d treated his mother. He hadn’t understood at the time that it was a man’s responsibility to keep his family in check. His only responsibility behind providing for them, and up until she’d run away, he’d have said he had believed he’d been doing a great job.

  His wife kept their home beautiful and comfortable, she kept their child well trained and taken care of, and she’d kept herself fit, attractive, and well mannered. What else could a man ask for? Of course, he’d had to constantly stay on top of her about her responsibilities, but that’s what a husband was for, to make sure the wife was doing the job she’d signed up for when she’d gotten married.

  Tim finished his cigarillo and outened it in a Styrofoam cup of water on the little desk. Technically all the rooms in this hotel were nonsmoking but if you paid housekeeping a little extra they’d kindly over look a little smokiness when they cleaned. In life he’d found very few problems that money couldn’t solve, and luckily he had plenty of money. When you are wealthy all you really have to do when you have a problem is throw money at it until it goes away, and everything usually solves itself in no time.

  The one thing money hadn’t been able to solve yet was finding his errant wife and child. And it was beginning to drive him a little bit crazy. He couldn’t stand knowing they were out there but beyond his reach, beyond the god given right of a man to rule his family.<
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  He sat down beside the woman, he couldn’t even remember her name now, and stroked her thigh as he thought of the punishment he’d met out when he found Felicity again.

  He knew just were to touch her to make her scream the loudest, make her cry the hardest, make her beg the most pitifully. Those big green eyes pleading with him to stop.

  He’d thought she’d lost the ability to be brought to begging, but he’d found out he’d just lost the heart to bring it out of her. But when he’d found her little traitorous binder, the skill seemed to reappear magically.

  He remembered how her skin had felt beneath his hand, like he could slide it right off of her. The way her bones had felt, so frail and his own body so strong. How she’d felt ripping as he entered her. She hated anal sex anyway so he liked being extra rough when they did it, but nothing like he’d been that night. Her screams had shaken him, making him harder than he’d ever been before.

  His hand grazed over the woman beside him and slid gently between the firm cheeks of her ass, stroking her as he imagined himself entering Felicity again and again until she’d sagged in front of him, bloody and broken. She’d begged then. After he was done. She’d begged, but that had been her mistake. How could she have known that those pleading tear streaked eyes would have excited him so much?

  “I see you’re awake and ready to go,” the woman rolled over a smile on her face. Curls disheveled and standing at awkward angles.

  Some would say she was a rare beauty, all Tim could see was that she was Not Felicity. But he smiled anyway, and leaned back, letting his erection speak for itself.

  She smiled as she sat up and ran her fingers along the shaft, playing delicately along the surface. Tim wanted to smack her and tell her to quit wasting his time and put it in her mouth, but instead he put his hands behind his head and grinned while she continued to stroke him. She’d get around to sucking his cock eventually.

  See, he thought to himself as he closed his eyes, the smoking is helping.