No Turning Back

by Casey Peeler

  “Sure, see you Sunday.”

  I pull myself away from his arms and then back into my seat. I close the door, buckle up, crank the car, and drive to Grassy Pond.

  I make it home in record time. I’m not sure if it’s due to my anxiety or my lead foot. I’m voting for the lead foot. It’s just past lunch time, and Tessa is at school. Dad’s truck is gone and Mom is at work. I take a minute to breathe when Blue brushes up against me. “Hey, boy.” As I rub his ears, I pop the trunk and grab my bag. I look around the farm and nothing has changed. Everything is exactly where it was when I left a few weeks ago. I make my way to the porch and run my bags to my room.

  I grab a Choice Cherry Gold from the fridge and make my way to the swing on front porch. I push open the screen door and get comfortable. I stretch out across the swing and before I know it, I can feel something wet on my hand. I realize that I’ve fallen asleep and Blue is trying to wake me up.

  “Yuck, Blue!” I didn’t realize how tired I was until this moment. I decide to get my ass in gear and go help out on the farm. I walk across the porch and start to open the door when I hear a car coming up the drive. I know that sound anywhere. Piper.

  I hear the car door slam, and we both squeal in delight! I hustle from the front porch and act like a total spaz the closer I get to her. It’s perfectly fine because she is like my mirror image.

  “Dang Pipe, you get any more sun and you’re gonna have to check a different ethnicity.”

  “Hey, don’t hate ‘cause I’m not a ghost like you.”

  “Now seriously, what you been up to?”

  “Not much, but I will have to say that I love the beach life. Oh, and class, too.”

  “Yeah, I love Southern, but I do miss here.”

  “Girlie, you mean to tell me you really miss this place?”

  “Afraid so, I was about to go do a little work, you wanna go?”

  “Me work on the farm? I thought you’d never ask!”

  Piper and I are polar opposites. She didn’t do farm work or any work unless she was at my house and then for some reason, she couldn’t get enough.

  “Well, come on let’s go check on Joker.”

  Piper and I stop at the barn to put fresh water and feed out for the horses, pigs, and cows. I even talk Piper into going into the chicken house, which she never does because that’s a little too far in her book. Something about invading their privacy. I think she’s just chicken shit. We finally make our way out to Joker. He is staked out in the lower field to the right of the pond. He’s happy and on our side of the fence. This makes me smile. For once, Joker is behaving.

  Piper and I decide to take a quick boat ride to the island in the middle of the pond. We take the john boat and push it in the water, hop in and paddle our way to the island. I know that we need time to catch up and what better way than in the middle of a pond soaking up some Vitamin D, even if it is almost winter.

  Piper and I talk about everything that has happened since my birthday. I fill her in on Cash, Joe, Homecoming, Hank’s and the Freshman Orientation project. I do leave out the envelope and pictures that are buried underneath the club about thirty feet away.

  “Ohmygawsh, Piper. I wish you could have seen Joe at Homecoming… H-O-T!”

  “Oh, he’s H-O-T all right, and if I was you, I’d be all about that!”

  “We’ve been messing around, but since that one night, nothing that far. Honestly, I really think he’s more your type.”

  “I’m not so sure about that. But he does have that surfer dude look that I love.”

  I take a look at my watch and realize it is well after four o’clock. We have to get back, and if Tessa knows we’ve been out here she’s gonna be pissed.

  Piper and I continue to just chat it up as we make our way back to the house. I am in trouble because sure enough Tessa’s home and waiting.

  “Char, you mean to tell me you couldn’t wait two hours for me to get home before going to the pond? I mean you know I don’t ever get to go out to the island because I’m not allowed to without someone.”

  “Sorry, Tessa. We really just went to check on the animals and feed ‘em then had time to kill.”

  “I’ll forgive you this once,” as she hugs me. I. Have. Missed. Her.

  We all make our way into the house and take a seat at the kitchen counter. I grab us each a drink. As I hand Piper hers, I hear a knock on the screen door. Cash. I toss her the drink, do a happy dance, and smile.

  “I’ll be right back.” Piper starts making kissy faces at me, and Tessa joins in.

  I walk out of the kitchen toward the front door.

  “Cash, that you?”

  As I turn left from the kitchen doorway, I can smell the Lacoste cologne, and I know I am right. I make the turn to walk to the foyer and run smack dab into Cash.

  “Slow down there, Char-coal.” My body stumbles backward from running into his. He grabs my arm and retracts me into his body in one fluid motion. He takes his arms and folds them around my shoulder blades and takes a deep breath.

  “Watcha doing, Cash Money?”

  “Breathing you in. I don’t ever want to forget the smell of Aruba Coconut.”

  “You do know it comes in a bottle, right?”

  “But not with a splash of Charley.”

  “I can’t argue there. Hey, Piper’s here.”

  “I know; I saw her car.”

  I start to pull myself away to walk back to the kitchen, but as I try to pull away, Cash just holds on tighter. He starts to laugh, and I finally give up because I know I can’t win with him. I just look up at him with puppy dog eyes and finally he lets me go, or so I thought. Instead, he tightens the reins and I look up. Mistake numero uno.

  Cash smiles his crooked grin and moves closer to me. Just as I think that he is going to kiss me, he lets go and starts to walk toward the kitchen. As if he’s reading my mind, he turns back around, takes three large steps, wraps his arms around me once more, lifts me off the ground and brings my lips to his. As I kiss him, my left leg pops, ya know, like the one in The Princess Diaries, and I thought that mess just happened in fairy tales. Our moment is totally ruined when I hear Piper, “Get a room! The Super 8 charges by the hour!” With our lips barely touching we laugh together.

  “Guess we better get in there?”

  “Yeah, I haven’t seen Piper in a hot minute. I still can’t believe she is just now coming home.” I look at Cash like he’s on crack. He just shrugs his shoulders and we walk to the kitchen.

  “About damn time you two! I mean I love Tessa and all but at least if you are going to make out, give us a little piece of the action.”

  Cash looks at me, and before I can think, he starts to go in to kiss me, but then does a one- eighty, puts his hand over Piper’s mouth and fake kisses her. Her arms are flapping trying to get him to stop, Tessa is about to pee in her pants, and I’m right behind her. This is why I love Cash. He knows exactly what to do in the given moment. When he knows he’s about to have crossed the line, he backs away from Piper like he is a true gentleman and kisses her hand.

  “You are so dead, Cash! You just wait!”

  After a little small talk, Piper heads home, Tessa goes to Sally’s, Mom and Dad get home, supper is fixed and eaten, and Cash goes home.

  I go up to my room and decide to call it a night. I sleep like I haven’t in ages until four in the morning. I wake up in a puddle of sweat and a nightmare that is fresh in my mind. One word. Dylan.

  I get out of my bed and walk down the hall to Tessa’s room. She is knocked out, and I slide in the bed with her. I doze back off and wake up to the sounds of our rooster, Big Byrd, calling to rise and shine. I roll out of bed, throw on my clothes and go help Daddy with the chores on the farm.

  “Char, what you doing up so early?”

  “Just thought I’d help ya out. I’m sure Tessa isn’t getting up anytime soon.”

  “You’re right about that. How about you take the Gator out to Joker and feed him then stop
by the pigs and feed them, too?”

  “You got it.” I load up the Gator with feed and slop then make my way toward Joker. You know that goat is a pain in my ass, but I’ll always owe him. If it wasn’t for him, who knows what would have happened to me? I take my time feeding him and the pigs and slowly make my way back to the house. Then it dawns on me. Bacon! My mama’s breakfast. I haul ass back to the house and as soon as my foot hits the front step, I can smell that familiar aroma of hot grease sizzling on a cast iron frying pan. Bacon.

  “Well, look what the bacon dragged in.”

  “Hey, you know me and bacon.”

  Mom finishes cooking breakfast, and we all sit at the table to eat. There is just something about a country style breakfast. The café sure doesn’t even come close. After breakfast, Tessa and I wash and dry the dishes. As we are wiping down the table, I hear my phone chirp.

  Joe: Hope you’re enjoying home. Mtns r awesome.

  This makes me smile, but I don’t know what to reply to it. Tessa can see the wheels turning in my mind.

  “Who was that, Char?”

  “This guy named Joe.” She looks at me like she could kill me.

  “What?!” I say as I throw my hands in the air. “Cash knows if that’s what you’re thinking.” With that one comment, I know that I have opened up a topic I’m now going to have to fill in the blanks.

  “Start talkin, Char.” Before I start, I reply to Joe.

  Me: :)

  Then I turn to face the music with Tessa.

  She is seated on the other side of the counter on a stool with her elbow propped up and her hand under her chin. Good gracious, she’s waiting. I pull out one on the opposite side and take a deep breath. I take my time explaining to Tessa about what has been going on with Joe, Cash and me. I also tell her that Dylan is trying to continue to control me, but I have it under control and that is why Joe and Cash know of each other. I only tell her what she needs to know. I don’t want her to be in danger just due to knowing too much. After I spill my guts, Tessa sits there with her arms folded.

  “You know what? I can’t believe you haven’t told me all of this! No wonder you were so quiet when you were home for the Dixon-West game. I thought it was just because you and Cash were getting so close.”

  “Tessa, I told you we’re just trying to stay as close to friends as we can. But I will say that I’m glad that Joe knows because I can at least breathe a little bit at school.”

  Tessa sits there searching for words. She removes her hand from her chin and sits up.

  “If you think that I’m going to sit here and believe all that, you’ve got another thing coming. I know you like them both no matter what you say, but if Dylan keeps up this shit somebody’s going to get hurt. You have got to talk.”

  I just shake my head no.

  “Char, he’s just going to keep doing this.”

  As I’m about to argue, Mom walks back into the kitchen.

  “Who is going to keep doing what?” I look at Tessa with pleading eyes.

  “Oh, nothing, Mom.” She stops dead in her tracks and gives us this bullshit kinda look.

  “Girls, there are some things that a Mama knows, and I know right now that you aren’t telling me anything close to the truth, so talk.” Here we go again.

  “Really, Mom, it’s nothing. Char and I were just talking about a guy that likes me at school and won’t quit putting notes in my locker.”

  “Nice try. Try again,” Mom says with her hands on her hips.

  “Okay, I got a letter from Dylan. He just won’t leave me alone. I’m so done with him.”

  “Char, sweet girl, I know the way things ended with Dylan were bad. In fact, I know you haven’t told me why you really broke up, but just don’t let him get to you.”

  The fact that my parents only know what I wanted them to about Dylan and me makes this hard. I have to be extremely careful at how I word what I say. They think I got tired of him controlling me; they have no idea that he raped me. If so, he would have been dead a long time ago. Some secrets are better kept that way, and I plan never to tell my parents.

  “I know; it’s just hard when he keeps trying to walk back into my life in the littlest ways.”

  Now that Mom is satisfied by the answer I have given her, she leaves Tessa and me alone to finish cleaning the house.

  “Char, I can’t believe she keeps buying that crap! One day you are going to have to tell her.”

  “Not anytime soon.” I take the rag from the counter, drape it across the sink and walk out of the kitchen. I am done with this conversation. I decide a little more farm therapy is in order. I walk out the screen door and onto the porch, look out into the beautiful place I call home, take a deep breath and hustle down the steps in my boots to help Daddy in the barn.

  I spend the entire day out on the farm. It’s cold, there isn’t a garden to pick, but there is still work to do, not to mention that deer season is around the corner.

  “Hey Daddy, you seen any big bucks around yet?”

  “Yeah, the one is still around. I swear that one is going to be the death of me. He’s going on my wall one of these days.”

  “That is if I don’t get him first.”

  “That’s my girl! How ‘bout you take this corn and go put it out near the fence line? Check the stand, too.”

  I load the corn on the Gator and then take off. I make my way to the fence line. I put out the corn and hear a four-wheeler in the distance. As I begin to pull the bag of corn off the Gator, I look over my shoulder to see Cash approaching. He turns off the engine and hops off. “Char, let me get that.” I stop exactly what I’m doing because to continue would be a bad idea. Cash doesn’t do well with me trying to be independent. I step back and let him do the work. Once he has it off the Gator, I go help him put it out. He looks and smiles my way. We make a great team.

  “So, the old man still trying to get the big one?”

  “But, of course. You know if I get him first, Daddy just might cry.”

  “I know. If I’m in a stand and got a good shot, he’s mine. I know I won’t hear the end of it, Char, but it will so be worth it.”

  We finish putting out the corn, then Cash follows me to the stand. Dad has already put the stand on my favorite tree. I just make sure that it’s at my right angle. Just the thought of climbing that tree stand makes me excited and the thought of opening day makes me want to climb that stand right now.

  “Char, it’s a few weeks away for gun season, slow down why don’t ya?”

  “Sorry, Cash Money, you know how I am when it comes to hunting. I live for opening day of gun season.”

  “Yeah, speaking of that, what are you going to do? You’ll be at school.” I have already run through this scenario in my mind. I can’t have a gun on campus, and I don’t have land. I might have to come home. As I let these thoughts work through my brain, I hear Cash, “Race ya to the house.” Damn him! He cheated!

  Cash beats me to the house by a mile. When I get back, I give him a piece of my mind, and he just laughs. He puts his arm around my shoulder, and we walk to the front porch swing. We sit and he puts his hand on my leg while we swing back and forth. I have spent so much time in this one spot and each time it gets better. There is just something special about an old farmhouse with a front porch swing that looks into the beautiful country. That is an experience that everyone should have at least once.

  “Cash, I think I could stay like this forever.” Forever.

  “Me too, but I have to get home soon. What you got planned tomorrow?”

  “Helping Daddy, I guess, and Piper mentioned some party at the pool hall.”

  “She’s not been home in a few months and can still know what’s going on. I was going to see if you wanted to ride with me? Piper can too if she wants.”

  “I’ll check with her and see. I think she wanted to go together, but maybe I can just ride home with you?”

  “That’ll work.” Cash takes his hand and squeezes my leg. “I’
ll call later. I love you.” He kisses me gently and stands up. “I love you, too.” I wave bye as he walks to his four-wheeler and rides off into the country sunset.

  When I can no longer see Cash, I finally decide to get off my rear and head into the house. I walk up the staircase to my room and text Piper about tomorrow. She’s good with us going together and me catching a ride home with Cash. We then decide to talk after while about plans for tonight. I then realize that I have another missed text from Joe.

  Joe: Hope everything ok haven’t heard from u

  Me: I’m good been working on farm, exhausted!

  Joe: See you Sunday :)