The Circassian. "Wrong Side"

by Bob Bidecant

  7.11

  The butler was running through the main gates when Mikael’s carriage arrived. He was shouting and pointing to the house as the driver swung the cab to the left and into the grounds. Mikael looked out of the window as they went passed, his fingers gripped onto the window frame as he heard only the one word from the distressed man that turned his blood cold.

  ‘Murder.’

  As the cab approached the main door, another servant ran out shouting.

  ‘Stay here.’ He pushed Abraham back into his seat and jumped out of the carriage. Mikael stopped the servant as he tried to run pass him.

  ‘Who is murdered?’ he shouted.

  ‘Lord Jacobson, Sir, he is dead,’ the man said trying to pull his arm away from Mikael’s grasp. ‘I have to fetch the police.’ Mikael shook his arm.

  ‘Where is Miss Julia?’ He demanded.

  ‘Somewhere upstairs Sir.’ He replied running towards the road, shouting for help. Mikael ran through the main front door and up the staircase taking two and three steps at a time. As he walked along the hallway calling out Julia,’s name he turned the corner and stopped. There standing in front of him was Jaak.

  Jaak froze and stared at Mikael. He thought he was looking in a mirror. It was the first time he had seen him since he was six years old, twenty-four years ago.

  ‘You are dead.’ He shouted suddenly.

  ‘I am not dead Jaak. It is me Mikael.’

  ‘No, no, no. You are dead. Go away.’ He shook his head and shut his eyes. He opened them again and stared at Mikael, blinking his eyes several times.

  ‘Go away; leave me alone, all of you.’ He looked around the walls shouting at them.

  ‘Why don’t you stop? Leave me alone.’ Gurin’s voice rang inside Jaak’s head, Jaak looked around to see where the voice was coming from. It was inside his head.

  ‘Kill them all. They are all Russians.’ Gurin’s voice repeated itself again and again.

  ‘Where are you? Come out here.’ Jaak cried. Suddenly a picture of his mother being murdered flashed into his mind. He struck the wall with his knife repeatedly, the sharp blade penetrating the thin plaster.

  ‘Get off my mother, I will fucking kill you.’

  Mikael began to move towards him but he swung the knife around towards him, slashing at imaginary faces and throats, He stopped suddenly and cocked his head. He could hear someone singing sweetly. Mikael watched Jaak sing gently, his eyes shut. He stopped and spoke.

  ‘It’s Isabelle, listen, she sings like an angel, can you hear her?’Jaak looked around for Isabelle. Mikael could see nobody. The singing stopped and Jaak saw her body hanging limp from a tree, blood dripping from her neck. He dropped to his knees.

  ‘You killed her.’ He screamed His fingers gripped an imaginary throat and he stabbed the floor, slicing the thick carpet as if it was her face, screaming at the person only he could see.

  ‘You killed my Isabelle, you fucking old hag.’

  Gurin’s face swirled in front of Jaak again.

  ‘Kill them all Jaak.’ It ordered him.

  ‘No! Leave me alone.’ Jaak screamed at the wall. His head dropped forward and Mikael watched his hands caress someone gently. He dropped the knife and held the imaginary person in his arms rocking back and forward on his knees. He was sobbing. Mikael didn’t hear him at first, and then Jaak repeated the name as he cried. The name mixed with a howl of pain.

  ‘Emma, no, please no. Not my Emma.’

  Mikael went cold when he heard his sister’s name. A huge knot wedged in his throat and he held back his own tears. He put his hand in his mouth and bit into his finger to hold back his emotions.

  ‘I’m sorry Emma, I couldn’t stop them.’ Jaak’s voice was trembling as he whispered her name. He was holding Emma’s dead body, cold in his arms. Her eyes suddenly opened and she screamed out to him. Mikael listened to the voice that came from Jaak as high pitched as a girl.

  ‘They murdered me Jaak, they murdered me.’ Jaak shouted in the woman’s voice. Then his voice changed back to his own.

  ‘I will kill them all, all of them.’ his voice changed again.

  ‘Jaak, help me.’

  Jaak threw his hands to his head and pulled his short hair. He wanted the images to stop, but they kept coming, each one screaming at him or pleading for help.

  ‘Stop!’

  Mikael stood transfixed as he watched Jaak fight with his inner demons, begging them to go away. He knew his brother was completely insane. Jaak picked up the knife and screamed. He turned and ran back to the veranda, his knees hit the balcony and he swayed perilously, nearly toppling over into the water below. Mikael followed him outside. He turned and sat on the balcony, his knife pointing towards his brother. Mikael stopped at the doorway and spoke softly in Circassian.

  ‘Jaak, my brother it’s me Mikael.’

  ‘Go away you are dead.’

  ‘I am not dead, it’s me Jaak.’ Mikael held out his hand. Jaak took it and felt an electric shock cursing through his body. Memories seeped slowly from somewhere distant inside Jaak’s mind, like water leaking, it dripped images into his head, then they came faster and finally all the memories Jaak had locked away so many years ago gushed back in a flood of emotions. Suddenly Jaak could remember things he had tried to recall so many times before without success, his mother laughing, his father, the dogs, and the cottage. Jaak spoke quietly, staring at an imaginary dusty street.

  ‘We played in the street outside our home; we raced the bugs together in the dirt.’ Jaak whispered. ‘And you always cheated,’ Mikael smiled, tears streamed down his face as he did.

  ‘Yes I cheated.’ He laughed.

  ‘I can’t see her face properly anymore.’ Jaak’s voice trembled.

  ‘Who Jaak, our mother? She had a beautiful smile and green eyes, she sang to us every day. Do you remember?’ Jaak looked at Mikael’s charm. He lifted his own up.

  ‘They are identical, Jaak the same as you and me.’

  ‘We are not identical Mikael.’ Jaak pulled his hand away. His pupils dilated and he had a sudden urge for Cocaine.

  ‘I prayed every day for God to keep you alive. I asked him to send you back to me.’ Jaak’s body stiffened, his look grew cold.

  ‘God? You can speak with God? Well God listened to you, Mikael.’ Jaak spat the word out.

  ‘But why didn’t you ask him to let me die, it would have been better.’

  ‘Jaak, I meant…’

  ‘You meant what?’ Where was God when the Turks and Russian Generals sodomised me? I have never known a pain that intense. Where was he when Russian guards beat me every day for months? Where was he when I lay in the shit of a stinking sewer for months hiding? Where was he when they carved their names into the skin on my back with their knifes and hot irons? Where was he when the soldier’s knife was dragged across our mother’s throat?’ Abraham silently climbed the steps and stood horrified as he heard the two brothers talking. Jaak stared at him.

  ‘You?’ he recognised Abraham. ‘Is this the one that separated us?’

  ‘Abraham tried to save us Jaak. He is a good man.’

  ‘If he had let you go instead of me, you would know pain as I have known it, and I would know pleasure as you have known it.’ Abraham looked at Jaak and then the body of Jacobson. A terrible sadness overwhelmed him. He spoke, his voice quivering. He pointed to the body of Jacobson.

  ‘Did you do this to my daughter? Did you kill my beautiful Emma? Tell me the truth, I need to know.’

  ‘I loved Emma!’ Jaak screamed, ‘But your, “God” took her away from me as well.’ Jaak looked at Mikael.

  ‘You left me for dead, you forgot me. Mikael, I cried myself to sleep calling your name every night for years but you never came to find me.’ Mikael gently laid his hand on Jaak’s shoulder. They stared into each other’s eyes deeply without blinking.

  ‘Jaak, I am so sorry.’ Without taking his gaze from Mik
ael’s eyes, Jaak placed his hand on Mikael’s shoulder. His grasp loosened on the knife and he let it slip slowly from his hand onto the veranda balcony. Abraham sobbed as he heard the words. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He wanted to hold Jaak so much that his body shook. Abraham spoke.

  ‘Jaak it is my fault, not Mikael. I let go of you in the river, I wasn’t strong enough to hold you both.’ Abraham rushed forward to hug him. The look in Jaak’s eyes changed. His face hardened. Mikael saw the change in his twin’s eyes. He called out.

  ‘Abraham stop, Jaak no!’Jaak closed his fingers back around the knife handle and pushed the blade into Mikael’s stomach. Mikael screamed out in pain as the blade entered.

  ‘I am sharing my pain with you, Mikael. Now you can you share your pleasure with me?’Abraham ran forward, his hands held up with his palms stretched outwards.

  ‘Jaak please, it was not him, it was me. It is my fault. I failed to save you.’

  ‘You chose him to live and me to die.’ Jaak punched the words out.

  ‘No Jaak, I didn’t choose him. It was an accident.’ Jaak span Mikael around and then pushed him against the balcony. Abraham took a step forward fearing Mikael would topple over the low wall. Jaak drew his arm back to strike again. Abraham shouted.

  ‘Yes I let you go, I didn’t want you. I chose him.’ Jaak’s arm froze. He released Mikael and turned to Abraham.

  ‘You condemned me to hell!’ Jaak’s teeth chattered as he spoke, saliva dripped from his quivering lips and his eyes stared like a mad wolf. Abraham had never been so frightened in his life. This man who looked so much like Mikael, terrified him’

  Mikael was slowly losing consciousness; the blood seeped through his fingers as he swayed backwards towards the edge of the veranda. Jaak turned his head and looked at him. Abraham stepped forward and forced himself between the two men. His stood in front of Mikael facing Jaak. Jaak moved his face within inches of Abraham’s, he stared into his eyes but Abraham refused to move. The knife entered Abraham’s side. Abraham let out a sigh of pain and pulled back instinctively from the knife. He felt Mikael falling backwards, threw his arm behind him, and held onto Mikael’s jacket. Mikael was too heavy for Abraham’s frail body to hold, they both began slipping over the balcony. Abraham tried to hold him but was too weak; Jaak struck again, the knife pushed deep into Abraham’s stomach. He tried to pull the blade out but Abraham held his wrist, keeping the knife inside himself. As they fell back, Jaak struggled to release himself. His feet slipped towards the balcony as the combined weight of the two men pulled him with them. Abraham tightened his grip on Jaak’s wrist. Jaak pulled back away from the edge and tried to shake free from Abraham’s hand. The old man had a grip of steel and as he and Mikael fell so too did Jaak.

  All three fell ten feet from the roof into the cold black water of the Canal below. They hit the cold water several feet below as one tangle of bodies, Abraham refused to let go of either men. Mikael had already passed out before he hit the water face first; Abraham hit the surface feet first and disappeared under. He gasped as the cold racked his body. Jaak landed on his back. The force of the fall knocking the wind from him for several seconds. As he regained his strength, Jaak fought to release himself from Abraham. He lunged repeatedly with his knife, feeling it make contact with flesh time and time again. Abraham felt himself getting weaker as the knife struck him repeatedly. He held both twins away from each other, determined to stop Jaak from hurting Mikael. Finally, Abraham’s strength seeped away and he knew he had to let Mikael go or drag him under with him. He pushed Mikael away from him towards the side of the Canal as he felt himself sinking lower. He swung his free hand around and took a firm hold on Jaak now holding him more firmly with two hands as he sank down into the dark depths. Abraham was determined that Jaak was coming with him. Jaak kicked and struggled as they sank. His lungs were bursting, he lashed out with the knife repeatedly, and he slashed at Abrahams hands cutting deep into them. He began to black out, he stopped struggling, ready to open his mouth and submit to the cold water when he felt Abraham’s grip on his wrist loosen. Jaak wrestled his hands free and pushed himself away. His boot caught Abraham’s head pushing him further down into the black water below and propelling Jaak higher. He pulled great armfuls of water towards himself, trying to reach the pure clear air that seemed so far away from his aching lungs. He took in a small mouthful of water as his body forced him to breath in, then coughed it back out, the sound magnified by the water. He breathed in more water as he coughed, he could feel his heart hammering against his ribs. He kicked again and finally his head burst out of the water. He took a huge breath and then threw up the water that he had swallowed, coughing the water from his lungs. He heard himself wheezing as he struck out weakly for the nearest bank. The twins both lay panting for breath on opposite sides of the river to each other. Mikael lay there barely able to move. Jaak heard police whistles blow. He tried to raise himself and run.

  7.12

  ‘Mr Mikael let me help you.’

  Two servant helped him up from the muddy river bank and supported him as he made his way back to the main house and upstairs to his bedroom. They sat him on the bed and removed his boots and socks. He stood up and ushered them out then changed his wet clothes for the dry ones that had been laid out for him. He lay back on the bed and stroked the head of the Boerboel that sat next to him. Outside he heard voices. There was a knock and Detective Kelly entered, his eyes were drawn to the huge dog licking his masters hand. He spoke quietly.

  ‘I am sorry to inform you Sir, but we have found the body of Miss Julia. She is dead.’ He turned and left, there was no more to add. The servant spoke quietly as he entered the bedroom. He placed a small black book on the bed.

  ‘The carriage driver brought you this book, Sir. He said you left it in his carriage.’