Impulse (New Adult Romance)

by C. J. Lake

  “Not too much,” Jordan replied.

  “Hey, how did it work out with basketball?” Cady asked, suddenly recalling her cousin's aspiration to join the team.

  At that, Jordan cynically twisted his mouth. “Really not too great. Tryouts are next week. Bennett and I have been trying to run drills, but...”

  “But what?” Cady said, concerned by her cousin's obvious dejection.

  “I'm afraid he's no better than me.” With a sigh, he straightened his glasses and admitted, “I am not feeling optimistic.”

  At this point, Aunt Helen and Pauline re-entered the dining room and Cady took the silent cue from Jordan to drop the subject for now. Jordan wasn't one to discuss his frustrations in front of his overachiever mother, who, despite meaning well, could be quite overbearing. Still, hating to see him feeling hopeless, Cady considered her cousin's basketball problem. If only she were good at basketball, she could help him. This definitely felt like one of those moments Jordan needed his dad around. Or at least someone he could look up to who actually liked sports, Cady thought...suddenly getting an idea.

  ~

  Later that night Cady found herself at the campus library, leaning against one of the high tables between the stacks, searching through a Critical Analysis volume, when her phone buzzed. A smile spread across her lips when she saw it was Mick calling. It was just as well Mick was calling now since there was something she wanted to ask him.

  Discreetly Cady brought her phone to her ear. “Hello.”

  “Hey, babe. What are you doing?”

  Just the deep, rough timbre of Mick's voice lured her to a happy place. “At the library right now,” she answered, trying to whisper.

  “You sure you don't want to hang out tonight?” he asked.

  “I can't. Too much work,” she said, reminding him, “You got me off track on Sunday.”

  “Oh, that's right,” he laughed. “The cardinal sin: sexing up Homework Day.”

  Feeling her heart tick faster, Cady grinned. “Exactly.”

  Mick said, “Hey, speaking of homework, guess what? I got an A on that paper.” He had to be referring to the one Cady had encouraged him to spend time on last week, instead of putting it off until the morning it was due.

  “That's awesome!” she replied, recalling what Mick had told her previously—that he usually got a 'B' on his papers for Professor Stone's class.

  “Yeah,” Mick agreed, sounding pleased. Then flirtatious. “So are you turned on yet?”

  Even as she laughed and rolled her eyes, she told him, “Actually, I sort of am.”

  “Really...” he began, flirting more.

  “But it has nothing to do with the grade. It's your voice,” Cady commented truthfully.

  “Babe...c'mon let's hang out tonight,” he urged, his voice lower, raspier. It made her think about being in bed with him. Which made her remember how intensely passionate he was. She felt a familiar warmth pouring over her.

  She sucked in a breath and tried to summon all her willpower. Fortunately, at that moment she spotted a disapproving librarian, squinting through her glasses and shooting Cady a pruny look. It temporarily broke the spell.

  “Honestly, I'd better go,” Cady whispered. “I'm getting looks, you know, being on my cell at the library and I've got to get stuff done...”

  “All right, I get it,” Mick relented.

  Before they disconnected, Cady remembered what she had wanted to ask him. “Oh, wait! One thing I needed to know.”

  “What's that?”

  “Are you good at sports?”

  “Yeah. Why?”

  Thinking of her cousin, Jordan, Cady replied, “There's a problem I need your help with...”

  Chapter Forty-two

  Once she hung up with Mick, Cady decided to leave the stacks and go to The Lounge, a large reading room, which was still part of the library but had a more casual ambiance. Once Cady dropped her bag down, she settled into a soft armchair, the Critical Analysis volume still tucked under her arm. Before she cracked it open, she heard someone say:

  “Juliana...”

  Reflexively, Cady's ears sharpened. Maybe it wasn't the same Juliana whom Mick knew, but it wasn't exactly a common name. Subtly, she glanced over her shoulder. As she figured, it was the same girl she had met at Polar a few weeks ago—the cute blonde who was friends, or at least classmates, with Mick. She and two other girls were sitting in a trio of armchairs a few feet behind Cady.

  “...so is Jessica happier at school now?” the girl on Juliana's right continued. “Or is she still thinking of transferring?”

  “No,” Juliana said, shaking her head, “she's liking UConn much better now.”

  UConn. Cady furrowed her brow at that. And kept listening. “It was great seeing her! Oh my God, we had so much fun.”

  “How was that party?” asked Juliana's other friend.

  Uncertainly, Cady swallowed a lump of anxiety that was rising in her throat. Were they talking about the same party that...? Wait, was Juliana there, too?

  “Good,” Juliana replied cheerfully, then gave a laugh. “Of course it eventually got pretty out of control. I actually saw a few people from BU, too,” she remarked. Cady's already knotted stomach tensed up even more.

  “Who was there?”

  Juliana rattled off a few names that meant nothing to Cady. Then her friend's tone became more sly. “Sooo, did you hook up with anyone?”

  “Please tell me you hooked up with someone!” the other one joined in dramatically, clapping her hands together.

  Sheepishly, Juliana admitted, “Yes. I did.”

  “Who?” they grilled her. “You mean a UConn guy? Or someone from BU?”

  “It was...Mick Croft,” Juliana said.

  As the words fell, Cady's mouth dropped open, and it felt as though her heart had plunged to the floor. Suddenly a glass menagerie of emotions began pummeling her, hard enough to leave bruises. Hurt, anger, embarrassment, denial, and despair.

  Meanwhile, one of Juliana's friends said, “Wait, who?”

  “You know, that guy I had to do the paper with for my history class?” Juliana reminded them.

  “Oh wait...the tall guy with dark hair?”

  “Yeah. He was at the party,” Juliana explained. “And, you know, we hung out for a while...”

  Swallowing was painful now; Cady felt her stomach roil and her eyes burn, as she tried but failed to absorb Juliana's words. No, it couldn't be true...

  Except that it could be. It wasn't like Mick had told her anything to the contrary; he hadn't said a word about the night in question. And it wasn't as if he and Cady had made an official commitment yet. They'd only been seeing each other for a little more than a week. Cady had just been thinking—or hoping—that exclusivity was implied.

  Juliana was cute and apparently available. So why the hell not? Cady thought with disgust.

  Closing her eyes, she didn't think it could get much worse than this moment—until she heard one of the girls gleefully pester Juliana for details. Excitedly, the friend asked, “Did you have sex with him?”

  Of course, the perfect answer was: “None of your damn business, bitch—but since you asked, no, of course not.”

  A runner-up would have been: “I kissed him for half a second, before he quickly pushed me away.”

  Unfortunately neither statement matched Juliana's response. Instead, she lowered her voice to a more modest whisper, replying, “Well, yeah. We had sex.”

  Her confession was straightforward; she didn't seem to be bragging about the encounter, nor did she sound ashamed. The admission was almost blasé. Meanwhile, Cady felt like her throat was closing up, as a volcano of emotion threatened to erupt inside her.

  Sex with Mick—her Mick?

  Just the words seemed to inflict pain. Thank God Juliana hadn't noticed her sitting there! Cady was so angry and upset, she doubted she could convincingly act her way through a fake smile or a wave. She was too aware of her pounding heart, banging so hard agai
nst her ribs now, it hurt.

  Meanwhile Juliana's giddy, boy-crazy friends were all in a tizzy. “Oh my gosh!” one of them celebrated. “How was it? On a scale of one to ten?”

  “Are you gonna keep seeing him?” the other one interjected, then squealed, “And how could you not tell us this sooner!”

  “No, no, it's...it wasn't that serious,” Juliana demurred. Then offered a sickening litany of clichés: “It was just one of those things. We both had too much to drink. It just happened. You know how it is, one thing led to another.”

  As both girls nodded, one asked, “So, are you just not that into him?”

  With a shrug, Juliana answered, “Don't get me wrong, Mick's cool, but the whole thing was kind of random. I really feel we're just friends.”

  One of their phones rang, and fortunately, with that, the subject seemed to die.

  They soon began chattering about concert tickets, while Cady sat there, trying to process. No, better yet, trying to forget. Desperately wanting to erase the last five minutes.

  When she looked down at the book in her lap, she couldn't bring herself to open it. Tears filled up her eyes, causing the gilded letters to swim before her in a murky sea of gold.

  Should that last part have made Cady happy? Should she be relieved that Mick and Juliana's hook-up hadn't meant anything? That it was a “random” one-time thing and now Mick was all hers again?

  God... Everything seemed blurry. A tear spilled down her cheek, and then another. She couldn't stay here for one more moment.

  Abandoning the library book on the chair, Cady grabbed her bag and left.

  Chapter Forty-three

  Some girls were the type to call a guy when he disappointed them. Some would confront him, question him, maybe even flip their lid and explode into a teary, screaming mess. Probably that was the more emotionally healthy way to handle heartbreak—but it had never been Cady's style. So she didn't call or text Mick to tell him what she'd heard; she didn't ambush him at his apartment. Putting him on the spot would only force him into a situation of denying everything or “explaining” it—and the details would surely wreck her.

  Instead, Cady needed to think. So she withdrew into herself. Even avoiding Torie for the rest of the night. Though Cady typically talked to her best friend about her problems, occasionally there was something that bothered her so deeply that it hurt too much even to articulate it, much less to analyze it.

  In terms of Mick, Cady ducked his call after she got home from the library, then put him off later over text, telling him that she had a headache and she was going to bed early. She supposed she did that as a way to prolong the inevitable, almost to convince herself this could all somehow be less painful if she eased her way out of the relationship.

  Well, was it even a “relationship,” come to think of it? They hadn't set rules, they hadn't talked about being exclusive, and obviously Mick hadn't been. She just wished she could stop picturing him and Juliana together, while she continued to toss restlessly all night.

  Oh, God, Cady thought, suddenly struck by a disturbing possibility. What if Mick and Juliana hadn't just run into each other at the party? What if they'd both planned to be there—what if they'd even driven down together?

  No—probably not. Her friends would have known about Mick if that was the case. Still, the idea that Mick had spent the night with the very girl Cady had expressed jealousy over made her feel sick. Stupidly, she squeezed her eyes shut to stop the stream of lurid images, but since the graphics were in her head, there was no way to lock them out.

  Maybe she should simply call Mick and just get this drama over with—why avoid him? It wouldn't change the outcome. If he slept with Juliana at the UConn party, there was no middle ground here, they were done.

  Determinedly, Cady reached for her phone. She'd give Mick a chance to come clean with her, on his own. Or maybe she was testing his honesty in general. She texted: Hey, I just realized smthg- you never told me about your trip to UConn.

  A few minutes later, Mick replied: hey babe, how's ur head?

  Nice deflection, Cady thought cynically, and typed back: Ok. So, UConn?? Just realized you never told me anything about that party you went to or the trip in general.

  After a few beats, he responded: what do u want to know?

  Was the party fun? she asked.

  not particularly

  Crowded?

  yes, very

  Did you see anyone you know?

  It took almost a full minute for Mick to get back to her with “no.”

  Getting angrier and more hurt by the second, Cady pushed harder: I'm surprised no one from BU was there. She supposed she was trying to give him another chance to tell the truth.

  He didn't take it, though. Instead he doubled-down. Didn't see anyone. Then Mick texted: why do u ask? Party was almost a week ago.

  Hey, if he could lie so she could see. No reason, Cady typed, just forgot to ask you about it and was curious.

  ok. well i'm glad your head is better.

  Well i'm tired, she lied again, ttyl.

  Disgusted, Cady tossed her phone into her covers and seethed. Well, that was a test and Mick had failed—big time.

  Again, she felt tears bubbling up, and this time they were even more agitating and painful, because now she knew for a fact that this thing with Mick was done.

  Even if he'd “technically” had the right to sleep with another girl last week, that didn't change the hurt Cady felt just knowing that he would. That he did, that he wanted to, even.

  Obviously Mick Croft was not going to be the guy that got Cady over her trust issues. Even if he agreed to monogamy going forward, the damage was done. Now she would be too insecure and jealous with him, always wondering what deception-by-omission he might be committing when they weren't together. She never wanted to be blindsided again, the way she had been with Wes.

  Whenever she confronted Mick about what she'd heard at the library tonight, it could go one of two ways. He could tell her it wasn't true and protest his innocence—which Cady just wouldn't believe. Or he could apologize, say he didn't realize Cady wanted to be exclusive, say he had too much to drink, blah blah, maybe even throw in an “it meant nothing.” But, even if Mick's appeal seemed sincere, it wouldn't erase the upset Cady felt. Haunted by the image of Mick and Juliana having sex, while Cady was home cuddling his shirt like an idiot.

  She tried to sleep, but her mind kept waking her up—and every time she woke up, she remembered what had happened. Then she felt the slow-burn of sadness all over again.

  More than weary of this whole subject, Cady huffed a sigh and threw the covers off her. Checked her phone. It was almost four A.M. Also, there was an unopened text from Mick.

  Miss u, babe...feel better. Wish u were next to me right now.

  The tip of her nose stung, as a lump clogged up her throat. She scowled at the words on her screen, wishing Mick hadn't ruined everything. Then, with resignation, her thumb hit “delete.”

  She had to stop getting so emotional but she couldn't help it; she just didn't see Mick the same. Now she saw him as a player. Or, at the very least, an opportunist where women were concerned. Maybe what bothered Cady the most was knowing that Mick wasn't truly fulfilled by her—just as Wes had not been, either. She supposed if she wanted to look at the dismal “bright side,” she could be grateful that she was getting an early warning sign this time around. Definitely better to get out of this, before she fell even harder for him.

  Chapter Forty-four

  Cady thought the coast was clear at ten-thirty the following morning when she finally ducked out of her bedroom.

  “Hey!”

  “Oh...” Cady said, startled to see Torie perched at the breakfast bar. She was scrolling on her phone with a muffin and a mug of coffee in front of her.

  “I thought you and Ember had spinning class on Wednesday mornings,” Cady said.

  “We do, but I was feeling too lazy,” Torie said. She picked up her muffin, look
ing thoughtfully before peeling away the wrapper. “I'll probably regret this,” she remarked, then bit into it. “God, I can't believe the semester's almost over! Only three more days of finals,” she commented.

  “Mm-hmm,” Cady managed, forcing a smile. She still wasn't ready to talk about Mick. But she was terrible at hiding things from Torie.

  “How's it going?”

  “Fine,” Cady lied. Avoiding eye contact, she rounded the breakfast bar and went to the coffee maker.

  “Are you hanging out with Mick tonight?”

  “Why do you ask?” Cady replied awkwardly.

  Her friend shrugged. “I thought you said you were seeing him Wednesday; that's today. Oh, wait, isn't today also when your dad gets back from his honeymoon?”

  Ugh...though no fault of Torie's, this conversation kept getting more dispiriting.

  “Yes, he called and left a message,” Cady said. “He and Linda are on their way back.”

  “Still married?”

  With a smirk, Cady nodded. Then the room was quiet, except for the sputtering sound the coffee maker right before it brewed a cup. Barely a moment passed, before Torie spoke up. “What's wrong?”

  Considering the best response, Cady stalled by taking a sip of coffee. Apparently “Nothing” was the best she could come up with, as that was what she mumbled, right before her phone rang.

  She jammed it back in her pocket as soon as she saw it was Mick calling.

  “Okay...so, what are you and Mick doing tonight?” Torie asked, obviously still trying to have friendly chit-chat. Finally Cady told her:

  “I'm not seeing Mick tonight.”

  “Oh. Is everything okay?”

  Cady's phone chimed. Now it was a text message from Mick; she pursed her lips as she read it: How r u feeling? Haven't been able to talk to u yet...