by Jenika Snow
It just felt right, and I hated that I had these delusions that there was something more than there was.
But do you really think there isn’t anything there?
I thought about the way I saw him look at me, at the fact I swore he felt the connection between us too. Hell, just a few minutes ago, I felt his stare on me as I cleaned up. And when I looked at him, I could see this intensity, this heat spear right through me.
God, just thinking about it now had me getting all hot and bothered.
It was another ten minutes before I was done in the kitchen. I heard the shower cut off down the hall, and I couldn’t help the pervy thoughts that slammed into my head.
Naked.
Water droplets on his body.
His flesh slightly red from the shower.
Lord. I could have had a heart attack.
I went into the living room, feeling pretty giddy at the prospect of watching a movie with Brendan.
I am some kind of pathetic, that’s for sure.
I heard a few knocks on the front door and contemplated ignoring it. I might live here temporarily, but I felt slightly weird answering his door. But then I thought not seeing who it was would be rude as hell, and I found myself walking toward it, gripping the handle, and pulling the door open.
I saw one of Brendan’s friends on the other side, his focus on his phone for a second before he looked up at me. The grin he gave me was slow, and I felt like he was trying to picture me naked by the way he was eyeing me up and down.
I thought his name was Hunter.
I’d met him one other time since being here, and although he was nice enough, I’d felt him checking me out. It was uncomfortable, not because it was him, but because I’d never been one to feel especially good when a guy eye-fucked me.
“Hey. Brendan around?”
I nodded and moved back to let him in. Before I could call out to Brendan, Hunter was doing that.
“Yo, bitch tits. Get your ass out here.”
I refrained from rolling my eyes at the macho attitude coming from Hunter.
I turned to go wait in the living room, but Hunter clearing his throat had me stopping and turning around.
He had this smirk on his face, one that told me he had something nasty on his mind.
“You seeing anyone?”
“Kind of a personal question for someone you don’t really know,” I said honestly, not trying to be a bitch about it, but also hating when this kind of thing happened. It wasn’t like it happened a lot, but in college, there had been a few times I got hit on, featuring lewd comments that made me feel like oil had been poured on me. I just knew where this was going by the way he was eyeing me and seeming to smack his lips.
“Just trying to be friendly,” he said, his grin widening. “So, seeing anyone?”
“No.”
His eyebrows lifted slightly. “No? Well, how about you let me take you out?” He came closer, and I turned around, about to tell him no thanks, but he started talking again. “Dinner, movie, and maybe afterward we can head to my place for some drinks?”
I refrained from rolling my eyes for the second time in less than five minutes of being in his presence tonight.
Then, surprising the hell out of me, Hunter reached out and wrapped his fingers around a lock of my hair.
“Just say you’ll go out with me.” He leaned in a little closer, and I cocked my head back, not about to go there with him. Before I could say anything, I heard Brendan.
“What the fuck, Hunter?”
Hunter looked to his side.
“She’s not on the market, so get the fuck away.”
I was surprised at what Brendan said, but also at the anger coming from him.
He came closer, his hair damp, and only a pair of sweats hanging low on his hips covering his body. He glared at Hunter, and I looked at the guy, seeing he was still close to me, and still had my hair wrapped around his finger.
“I said back off, Hunter.” There was a distinctive sharpness in Brendan’s voice, and instantly Hunter moved back. He looked between Brendan and me, then shrugged.
“I came by to talk you into coming out tonight and drinking.”
Brendan shook his head. “I texted you back I was busy.”
Hunter knitted his brows. “Busy with what? You’re like all ready for bed and shit.”
“I have plans already” was all Brendan said. “I’ll talk to you later.” The finality in Brendan’s voice had Hunter nodding. There was no argument, no trying to push him into going out. Instead, Hunter just turned and left.
I stood there, wondering what in the hell had happened. Brendan had been protective while we were growing up, but this seemed a lot different. He seemed possessive almost.
Or was that just my wishful thinking?
“Brendan, is everything okay?” I ran my now sweaty hands down my jeans and stared at him. He looked down at the ground, his jaw clenched. Under the stubble-covered flesh, I saw a muscle ticking.
“He didn’t do anything else before I got out here, did he?” He looked at me then, and I shook my head. “He didn’t touch you anywhere but your hair, did he?”
I shook my head again. “No. But are you okay? You seem … intense and angry about what happened.” Although Hunter had been forward as hell, Brendan’s reaction shocked me. He’d been incensed.
“I’m fine. It’s just Hunter has a pretty filthy reputation, and I don’t like the idea of him near you.” He looked at me, and I saw something flash across his face.
Was he lying?
Was he jealous?
Before I could really let that sink in, he came up to me, placed his hand on my shoulder, and led me into the living room. I didn’t miss how his fingers flexed on my shoulder, or how I felt his body heat seep into me. I also swore he leaned down and smelled my hair.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked and looked over my shoulder at him. I froze when I saw exactly how close we were. His face was lowered, and the only reason it would be that way was if I had been right and he’d smelled my hair.
If I rose up, I’d kiss him right now.
As if I said those words out loud, or maybe he thought the same thing, he lowered his gaze to my lips and held it there for long seconds.
“How about we watch a movie?” he said in a low, deep voice. He looked into my eyes again and as much as I wanted to kiss him, I nodded and turned back toward the living room.
Okay, there was something between us, and it wasn’t just one sided.
5
Brendan
Ever since the night I saw Hunter touching Meghan’s hair, and the kitchen incident, I’d tried to stay away and think about how in the hell I was going to go about this. It wasn’t as easy as just telling her how I felt; at least it wasn’t for me. I sure as fuck didn’t want to tiptoe around this, but I also knew I should be slow and gentle, and not just spring this shit on her.
I’d been the “brother,” the friend, and the guy who always looked out for her. I wanted her so fucking badly, but I knew me acting like that in front of her had confused the hell out of her.
At least I assumed it had. I didn’t want to give her whiplash.
If I just had the balls, I would have told her a long time ago that I loved her.
Tonight. I’d do it tonight after I came home from going out with the guys. Truth was I’d rather stay home with Meghan. But we all had some time off now. With Garrett having caught his girlfriend cheating, and beating the shit out of the guy who’d been plowing her, I knew Garrett needed his friends right now.
So, it was up to me and a few others to make him feel better. It was the least I could do as a friend.
But fuck, I wanted to stay home with Meghan. I wanted to just sit next to her, smell the sweet, floral aroma that always clung to her, and touch her because she was mine.
I grabbed my phone and sent her a text since these plans had just come up right now. I wanted her to know where I’d be and when I’d be back.
/>
I probably won’t be home until late. Taking a friend out to drown his sorrows.
I saw three little dots show up on the screen and knew she was typing a reply.
Meghan: Sorry to hear your friend is upset. I won’t be home until later anyway because I’m studying for finals. Be safe.
I hated she’d be by herself.
You be safe, too. If you need me, call. I can be to you in an instant.
Even if we were carpooling to the bar, I would get to her right away if she needed me. I’d always get to her, because she was my priority.
Meghan
I went into my bedroom and shut the door, feeling exhausted. School was in the final stretch of the semester, I had finals coming up next week, and I was trying to pick up extra hours at my mediocre job. Even trying to pretend it didn’t bother me that my former roommate worked at the same place was tiring. But quitting because tension was clear when I saw her wasn’t an option. I needed the money, especially now.
It had only been days since I moved in with Brendan, and God, it felt good being under the same roof again.
I was trying to put extra money aside to help Brendan out financially, even if he was adamant I didn’t do that. Cooking him dinner was the least I could do to stay here, but I’d also started doing all the laundry and making sure the house was picked up. He wasn’t horrible in the domestic duties, but the fact remained he lived alone, and it was clear he wasn’t that concerned about keeping up appearances.
He was funny and a good guy, and the fact he was helping me without expecting anything in return showed me there were decent guys out there. Of course, I’d known this well before now, but being in this situation, just the two of us, really showed me what I could have.
I closed my eyes and leaned against the bedroom door. What I could have? I didn’t think Brendan saw me as anything more than what I was, but I also couldn’t deny the feeling I got when he looked at me. It certainly didn’t seem like a passing glance. I felt heat come from his stare, and just thinking about it all, about the innocent touch of our hands, and how that made me feel … how he’d acted afterward, had this hope blossoming in my chest that maybe he felt something more for me.
But reality, and the common sense side of me said to wake up, focus on getting a job and move out, because wanting something like that probably wasn’t in the cards for me.
I needed to get my head on straight, stop letting my emotions and desires rule me, and focus on working toward the end goal. I couldn’t stay here forever—even if that sounded pretty nice. Brendan might say I could stay here for however long I needed, and I believed him, knowing he meant it, but I didn’t want to overstay my welcome.
What if he brought a girl home, or wanted to but felt too weird because I was here? God, just thinking about him with someone twisted my stomach. Just thinking about seeing a girl walk through that door with him, knowing why she’d be there, had me sick. Jealousy was like a living entity in me, and I hated it.
But then again, this was my mind conjuring up this shit. He hadn’t so much as spoken to a girl on the phone, and even if he did, there was nothing I could get upset about. He didn’t know how I felt about him, and he didn’t owe me anything with regard to being celibate.
I closed my eyes and shook my head.
I pushed away from the door and walked over to the dresser, grabbed a change of clothes, and heard the front door open and close before I even turned. The sound of guys laughing loudly told me Brendan was home, and he’d clearly brought some friends with him. I went over to the bedroom door and opened it, hearing the tail end of some crude joke, followed by everyone laughing.
I didn’t hear any women, and that made me feel like an asshole because I was trying to see if any were here. But I also wasn’t about to go check just in case she wasn’t saying anything. It wasn’t my business, and I needed to worry about myself.
“Thanks for coming out with me,” one guy said. “I don’t know what the fuck to do about Trina.”
“It’s all good, man,” Brendan said, his voice thick, deep, and slightly slurred. “Trust me, I know all about being caught up in my own bullshit, although I’ve never been in a situation like that.”
There was a mutter of agreement.
“I know how hard it is trying to wrap your head around someone.”
“Yeah?” the guy said.
“You got someone?” a guy asked after Brendan spoke.
A moment of silence passed, and I felt my chest seize. I found myself moving away from the bedroom and bathroom and closer to the living room entry. I looked around the framework. Three big guys were all sitting down, their backs to me. Brendan made up the fourth guy in the room, leaning against the wall, his focus on the guy who I assumed had asked the question.
“I don’t have someone, but I sure as fuck want someone.”
“So go after her. You fucking know you could get anyone you wanted, you bastard.”
A round of laughter filled the living room from the other three guys.
“Nah, it’s not that easy, and she’s not like other girls. I’ve been holding back for a while, needing to figure out how the fuck I’m going to get her.”
“Damn, you sound like this is the real deal,” one of the other guys said.
“It is,” was Brendan’s reply.
“And how’s that gonna work? Kind of cramping the style to tell the girl you’re banging to shut up so your sister doesn’t hear.”
“Fuck you, Max. One, she’s not my fucking sister, and her being here won’t be a fucking problem. So shut the fuck up about that.”
My belly clenched at hearing that. God, if I had to hear him having sex with another woman…
I shook my head, not going to think about that.
A hot shower was exactly what I needed. Maybe it would clear my head, and help me relax and not think about Brendan with someone else.
Once in the bathroom, I undressed and stared at myself in the mirror. I could still hear them talking and wondered how in-depth Brendan was going about how he felt about his mystery girl. Knowing he wanted someone, had enough feelings for someone to make it “the real deal,” made me feel like throat-punching someone.
I looked at my body, at the fact I wasn’t beautiful in the classical sense, not in the way a guy like Brendan would probably go after. Truth was, I actually didn’t know what kind of girl Brendan went after. During high school and college, he never brought any girls home for us to meet, never even talked about anyone he was interested in.
I turned from my reflection and started the shower, stepped in, and let the hot water run down my back. I stood there for long minutes, not doing anything but inhaling the steam-filled air, trying to clear my mind, and trying to figure out a way to act like I was “normal.”
Once I got out of the shower and was dressed, I tried to hear if the guys were still here. I just heard silence, but my heart was beating loudly, the sound filling my head.
What would happen if I were just honest, just told him how I felt? How could that be wrong? What could possibly be bad about that?
Of course, that was easier said than done.
I left the bathroom and looked toward the living room. The light was on, but I didn’t hear anything. Fixing the towel that kept my wet hair in place atop my head, I headed to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water before calling it a night.
I didn’t bother turning the light on and was glad I’d opted out of it when I heard noises right outside. Before I even could get what I came for out of the fridge, I looked out the kitchen window above the sink to see the three guys standing by a car, and Brendon in front of them. One of them was getting in the backseat while the other was climbing in the front. The driver, I presumed, was still talking with Brendan.
I couldn’t really hear what they said, just the deep timbre of Brendan’s voice as he replied to whatever his friend said.
He transfixed me. The way Brendan stood there with his muscular legs slightly apart, his big a
rms crossed over his chest, had me thinking pretty filthy thoughts. When the guy walked around the car and got in and Brendan turned, I should have taken that as a sign to get my ass out of the kitchen so I wasn’t caught being a creep. But when I saw Brendan looking right at me through the window, despite the lights being off, I was frozen.
I had a feeling tonight would be a break-it kind of evening, and I didn’t know if I was ready for that.
6
Meghan
I knew I should have moved, or even just looked away, but I couldn’t force myself to do either of those things.
We held each other’s gazes for long seconds, and it was only when I heard the slight crinkling of the plastic bottle I held did I realize I was crushing it in my hand. That had me coming out of my frozen stupor for a second, but then I felt the arousal tenfold, and hated that I couldn’t control myself better.
My shirt rubbed against my breasts, making my nipples harden. I felt dirty, but in a good way, in a way that told me I wanted something I couldn’t have. Brendan started heading inside, and I knew I just needed to get to my room so I didn’t make this an unbelievably awkward moment. But, of course, as soon as I left the kitchen, Brendan was stepping through the front door.
Lowering my head so I was looking at the floor, I planned on just mumbling goodnight and being done with it.
“Hey,” Brendan said, his deep voice causing me to still.
“Yeah?” I felt very nervous for some reason. I didn’t turn around fully, just looked over my shoulder at him.
He knitted his brows, probably wondering why the hell I was acting weird. And I was acting weird as hell. I felt like he could hear my heart racing, like he could see the beads of sweat starting to form on my body. This reaction had been instant, and I hated that I was acting like this; my emotions, feelings, even the way my body was responding, was out of my control.
It was like that one look he gave me had everything in me rushing around, becoming alive, and feeling if I didn’t just man-up and tell him how I felt it would eat me alive.