by Jenika Snow
“What’s wrong?” he asked, the worry in his voice very evident.
“Nothing,” I said, my voice slightly raised, feeling like I was on a cliff and about to fall right over. His brows dipped even lower.
“Meghan, what the fuck is wrong? You’re acting weird as hell.”
I shook my head and ran my sweaty palms over my legs. “I’m fine,” I lied, but I knew it wasn’t convincing. The more I stood here, staring at him, thinking about him wanting some other girl, the more I wanted to tell him how I felt. I wanted to tell Brendan it should be the two of us and that no one else would get us. But I didn’t even know what the hell that meant. All I knew was I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I was afraid. The scenario of me actually spitting the words out, and admitting I loved him, was so terrifying I felt my hands start to shake.
I hadn’t planned on telling him, at least not now, not yet, but then hearing about this mystery woman of his, the fact I might see him with her, hear them together … yeah, I couldn’t handle that, didn’t even want to imagine that.
He took a step closer and shook his head. “What the hell is going on? You drunk?” he asked and looked me up and down. I know it was more out of concern, but him looking at me had this chill racing up my spine. It had my already lit arousal burning brighter.
And, of course, my nerves were shot, my throat was dry and tight, and I felt like if I tried to say anything I’d trip over my words.
“Turn around and look at me,” he said with a voice harder than I’d ever experienced directed my way. He took a step closer, his brow furrowed, his big body tight. “Did something happen at school today?” I could feel the anger and heat coming from him. “Did someone fuck with you?” His voice was deadly quiet.
I tuned around and shook my head. “No,” I said softly, not trusting my voice. “I’m fine.”
He shook his head, stopping me from saying anything else to assure him I was fine with regard to someone hurting me.
He eyed me up and down again. “I don’t believe you, because you don’t look fine. You look scared or nervous, or like something pretty fucking serious is going on, Meghan.” He took another step closer, and I felt the heat from his body move along mine. I shivered, curled my hands into fists by my sides, and tried to work up the courage to tell him how I felt. I knew if it didn’t go well, I couldn’t stay here. I was sure he wouldn’t kick me out, but I would feel too awkward being here after being turned down.
But being homeless wasn’t why I was so afraid to say anything.
Losing Brendan, having our relationship change, scared the shit out of me.
He grabbed my shoulders in a gentle hold and leaned down so we were eye-to-eye. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
A moment of silence passed, and I nodded. “I know.”
He gave my shoulder a squeeze and slid his hands down my arms, the electricity I felt from his touch spearing every part of me.
Just tell him. You’ll only feel worse if you don’t.
But still we stared at each other, because the fear of losing him was too much.
“You’re scaring the shit out of me right now,” he said, a thickness in his voice that told me he was really worried.
I found my nerve and inhaled and exhaled. I took a step back because I needed a little distance to do this. The scent of the alcohol he’d had moved between us. Although I could tell he was probably a little intoxicated, he didn’t act drunk right now. He acted alert, ready to hear what I had to say.
I doubt that’ll be the case once I open my mouth.
“Meghan, come on, sweetheart, talk to me.”
I took one more deep breath and just went for it. “You love someone?”
He seemed taken aback, but hell, I would have too if he’d thrown that question at me.
He didn’t answer for a second and lifted his hand to run it over the short strands of his hair. “What?” he said, his voice tighter, it seemed.
“I…” God, could I do this? “I overheard you saying you cared about someone, and I wondered.” I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat. “It’s none of my business–”
“Yes, I’m in love with someone,” he said, cutting me off. He looked at me for just a second before turning away, as if the sight of me was uncomfortable. “But it’s complicated as hell.”
Yeah, probably more for me than you.
“Isn’t it always complicated?” I asked in a teasing voice, but the situation seemed very tense, and I felt awkward saying anything at all. He looked at me then, his face strained, as if this were almost painful.
“This is pretty fucking complicated.”
I swallowed after he spoke and nodded slowly.
“But I don’t understand why you’re asking me that.”
My tongue felt too thick at the moment, but I knew I needed to grow some balls, so to speak.
“Is that what has you acting like this?” His brow was furrowed again.
“I—”
“Are you worried about me loving someone, Meghan?”
His question took me aback, and I blinked a few times, not sure how to answer, although the answer was pretty damn easy. As the seconds passed, and the weirdness of this entire situation grew, I felt this dawning realization come over me as I stared at him.
He knew or at least guessed. That was clear by the look he was giving me. It was a mixture of shock and something else, something I really couldn’t put my finger on.
Might as well just spit this shit out then.
“Meghan?” He said my name deeply.
“Yes, that’s what has me acting like this, but that’s not the only thing.” I ran my hands over my legs again, trying to stop them from shaking.
“Why?” he asked and moved a step closer again. I couldn’t breathe at the moment and began to feel lightheaded.
“Because…” I managed to say, my voice nothing more than a whisper.
“Because why?” He took another step closer; the shocked expression still on his face was mixed with that other thing I couldn’t put my finger on.
He was just a foot from me now, the smell of the alcohol that laced his breath and the cologne he wore making me feel drunk.
“Because why, Meghan?”
God, why was this so hard?
“Because I don’t want you loving anyone.” There, I’d said part of it. That was an accomplishment, right?
But my heart was beating so hard, so fast, that I swore he’d be able to hear it, see it beating rapidly under my flesh.
He didn’t move, but he still held my gaze, still made me feel like he could see right inside of my soul.
“You don’t want me loving anyone?” he said softly, deeply and lowered his gaze to my mouth.
Oh God. I felt like I could combust right here and now.
“I don’t want you loving anyone else,” I whispered. I could have closed my eyes at the sheer terror that went through me, but instead, I forced myself to look him in the eyes. I don’t know how long we stood there, both of us barely breathing, but finally he leaned back an inch. I found myself breathing in deeply, not realizing I’d been holding my breath.
“You love me?” The way he said it made me feel really off kilter, like maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.
“Yes, I love you, Brendan.”
He broke eye contact with me, looking at the ground, and I saw his jaw working. It was clear he was deep in thought, and I knew I’d just ruined this.
Too late to take it back now. Too late to try and make this seem less serious than it is.
Because it was serious, so serious I now knew telling him was the right thing, whether it turned out horribly or not.
“Say that again,” he said, but his brow was furrowed, as if he were still so confused at hearing me say it. I couldn’t gauge how he felt by his expression, either.
“I love you and knowing you love someone else hurts.” I said it again, and it didn’t get any easier.
A second of
silence passed as he watched me, and then he exhaled and closed his eyes. “You have no idea what hearing you say that does to me, Meghan.”
Disgust?
Awkwardness?
Being uncomfortable?
“Because knowing the girl I love feels the same way is pretty fucking incredible.”
Wait.
What?
7
Meghan
He moved closer, placed his hands on the wall beside my head, and said in a low voice, “You are the girl I was talking about.” He looked down at my lips. “You are the one I love.” When he looked at my face, my heart jumped into my throat. “I’ve been in love with you for years, but didn’t have the balls to say anything. I didn’t want to ruin what we have, the friendship we’ve created.” He leaned in close again, and I closed my eyes as I smelled his intoxicating scent. “It’s always been you for me, Meghan.”
“Brendan?” I don’t know what I was asking him, but I felt like I was Alice and had just fallen down a rabbit hole.
“You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted, but I didn’t want to say anything and ruin this,” he said and pulled away an inch.
“I didn’t want to say anything either.” God, was that my voice; deep and husky and filled with longing?
Is this really happening?
“I would rather have you as a friend than lose you because I freaked you the fuck out by admitting how I felt.”
I didn’t know what to say, didn’t even know if I could have spoken if the words had been there.
My heart was in my throat at the things Brendan said. He’d never been one to share something sentimental, never been one to show any kind of emotion, actually. He’d been tough and strong, and the guy that had made sure no guys messed with me, even if at the time it drove me crazy. He’d always looked out for me, so the fact he was saying he loved me too was almost too much, and was almost too unbelievable.
Right here, right now, with the way he looked at me, that whatever was going on between us was … real.
He wanted me the way I wanted him, and all I wanted to do was be with him.
I didn’t care if there were any risks in being with Brendan, or even if I should.
I felt him playing with the wisps of hair by my ear, and chills raced up my spine. The tips of his fingers would brush the curve of my ear every so often, and I just wanted to be strong here and go for what I wanted … him. We might have said we loved each other, but it still felt so unreal.
“It’s only ever been you, Meghan.”
“That’s so hard to believe,” I said sincerely. Brendan was gorgeous, smart, and witty. He drew people in. He could have had anyone he wanted, even if I’d never actually seen him with anyone.
He shook his head and looked at my mouth again. I felt him move his fingers along my jawline and then over my cheek. I parted my mouth as I sucked in a breath when I felt him move those digits along my lips.
“No, it’s just you for me. It always has been.” He moved just a little closer so his body was now pressed against mine. I made this involuntary noise in the back of my throat when his muscles came in contact with my softness.
I also felt how hard he was.
Big.
Thick.
Long.
And all because of me.
“I can’t even think of anyone else because I’m so fucking in love with you,” he murmured, still looking at my mouth, still running his fingers along the swell of my bottom lip. “I don’t ever want anyone else, Meghan, and I’ve been working up the courage, trying to be a man about it all, and tell you how I felt for years now.”
I couldn’t think, couldn’t even breathe after he spoke.
“I want to show you with my mouth,” he said low, deep, his voice moving along my flesh. “I want to show you with my tongue and hands how much you mean to me.” He pressed his lower body harder against mine. “And I want to show you with my cock just how good I can make you feel.”
Oh. Shit. I had definitely just fallen down the rabbit hole.
8
Brendan
I wanted to kiss her so fucking badly, but I was also still reeling over the fact the woman I loved felt the same way.
She looked so vulnerable and beautiful right now. Hell, she even had a towel wrapped around her head.
I stared at Meghan, looked at her lush, pink lips, and wanted to get lost in kissing her. I wanted her to be weak in the knees as I devoured her mouth. I wanted her to be so scatterbrained over what I was doing to her she could only hold on to me.
Fuck. I wanted to take control, but in the way that had her screaming my name and getting off all over my cock.
Yeah, maybe I was going a little fast, seeing as we’d just professed how we felt, but it seemed like the perfect opportunity to really show her what she meant to me.
I wanted her to really see how devoted I was to her, that this whole time it had only been her in my eyes, taking root right in my heart.
It was only her I’d ever love, and I wanted to show her in the most physical sense.
But I wouldn’t rush her. This was on her terms, on her time. I’d go as slow or fast as she wanted, because I wasn’t letting her go.
“I want to kiss you so fucking badly,” I said, more to myself than anything else. But the little sound she made after I said it had my cock jerking so fucking fiercely it was like it was its own entity.
“I want you to kiss me,” she whispered and looked down at my mouth. “Is this crazy?” she asked.
“No. It’s fucking perfect. You’re perfect,” I said instantly. I waited until she lifted her gaze and stared at me in the eyes. “And you’re mine, Meghan. You always have been.”
And then I snapped, all self-control just leaving me as the gravity of this situation settled into me.
Meghan loved me.
She wanted me.
I wouldn’t deny either of us.
I cupped her face with my hands, tilted her head to the side slightly, and finally claimed her mouth. She tasted sweet, innocent, and all mine. The way she gasped, opened her mouth slightly, and let me have my way with her, had me so fucking turned on I could have come in my pants just from kissing her alone.
When she rose on her toes, pressing her chest to mine, and I felt the curves that made up her body, I groaned, not able to hold the sound in, not wanting to hold it in. My cock jerked behind the fly of my jeans, and I wanted more, needed it. My heart was beating wildly, and I wanted to kiss her harder, possess her, and have her consume every part of me.
What I wanted to do to Meghan was filthy, but only in the best ways, only for her. As the kissing intensified, and I felt her grab my biceps, digging her nails into my flesh, what little control I had snapped. I pulled the towel from her head and tangled my hands in the dark fall of her damp hair.
She’d have to shower again, because when I was done with her, she’d be fucking sweaty as hell.
I thrust my tongue in her mouth, groaning, the sound guttural and full of need.
“God, this is how I imagined it, but so much better,” I murdered against her mouth. I slid one of my hands down her chest and wrapped my arm around her waist. Without thinking about what I was doing, I used my strength to lift her off the ground. Thank fuck she wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. I pressed her fully against the wall, settled my pelvis between her spread thighs, and ground my hard cock against her pussy. God, I could feel how hot she was, and it was all for me.
I stroked my tongue along hers and pulled it deeper into my mouth, loving that she moaned for me. I couldn’t help but thrust my cock harder against her pussy, wanting desperately to have nothing between us so I could be buried inside her.
I broke the kiss after long seconds and looked down at her face. Her mouth was swollen and red, and it was all because of me.
“I want you so fucking badly.” I’d been drinking tonight, had a good buzz going on, but after hearing Meghan say she loved me, knowing she wante
d this … me, I had sobered up considerably. I wanted to make her feel good.
I wanted to make her come.
I was so fucking possessive of her, and if she only knew I’d scared off any guy that thought they could have her, she might think I was a damn creep. But I wanted her to know, wanted to be honest with her. Even if it was like a splash of cold water on this situation, she needed to know.
“I want to get it all out in the open.”
My heart was pounding fast and hard.
“I’ve loved you for so long, Meghan. I loved you before I even knew what that was.” I looked at her lips, so red, so swollen. “I haven’t been with anyone because I want you. Only you.”
“Brendan—”
“It’s only ever been you, and because of that, I’ve watched you, gone to your school to make sure you were okay, and kept fuckers back.”
She parted her lips slightly, and I wished I knew what she was thinking.
“I’ve scared them off, told them if they fucked with you I’d fuck them up.”
She didn’t speak, but her breathing picked up.
“I’m not proud of the lengths I’ve gone to, of the fact I watched over you, protected you, Meghan. I won’t apologize for any of it. I can’t.”
She didn’t speak for long seconds and wouldn’t look me in the eye. “You came to my school, watched me, and scared off any guys that tried to, what, date me?”
We untangled each other’s limbs from the other, and I moved a step back, making sure she was stable. “Yeah. I said I wasn’t proud of it, but I also won’t deny I liked knowing you were safe, untouched from those assholes that would use you and leave you.”
She knitted her brow. “But you didn’t know that. They could have been really sweet, Brendan.”
I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, because I didn’t want any guy, asshole or gentleman, being with you.”
More silence stretched.
“That’s … intense, Brendan.”
I nodded. She lifted her head and looked me in the eye again. “You didn’t have to tell me that.”