Euphoria Lane

by McCright, Tina Swayzee

  Each step brought them closer to the pond’s edge. A fountain in the center sprinkled water drops across the pond’s surface, sending ripples toward the outer banks. Ducks gathered on the grass on the opposite side.

  Luke strolled along the water’s edge, annoyed by the facts and his inability to resolve the chaos born from the board’s decisions. “I admit Harry needs to get a hobby, but now that your garage door is fixed, everything should settle down.”

  “Not from what I hear.” She planted both hands on her hips and turned on him. “I can’t believe you chose this career.”

  “The other homeowners’ associations I work with are not as bad as Euphoria’s.”

  “I don’t care about the other associations right now. I care about my community, my sister, my new neighbors, and my new friend. Are you going to do the right thing and toss out the fines I owe? Toss out everyone’s fines?”

  How can I make her understand?

  “My hands are tied.”

  “No one tells you when you sign on to live in a community with an HOA that you are about to be ruled by dictators. I have never seen a small group given so much power over others. How is this allowed in a country based on a system of checks and balances?”

  “HOAs do have their good points. They keep the roads and buildings in good repair.”

  “Do you live in a community with a homeowners’ association?”

  “No. Does that make me a hypocrite?”

  “Until someone has spied on you on your own property, turned you in repeatedly for their interpretation of the rules, and sent you violation letters with fines attached, you can’t possibly understand how the people in this community feel. It’s like having a police officer following you around with a radar gun all day long.” Her gaze followed a duckling waddling across the grass to catch up to his mother and siblings. Her voice softened as though the innocence of nature had touched her heart. “Put yourself in my place, Luke—and then stop Harry.”

  “Andi, I’ll do what I can, but I can’t make any promises. My job is more of an advisory position. I can’t make the board listen to me. My advice to you is to make sure you follow any interpretation of the rules and run for the board. Make more friends and persuade them to run for the board, too. Nothing will change until Harry is outnumbered.”

  “These people are either too busy or afraid of retaliation if their fight against him is unsuccessful. Many would rather pay the fines than fight back. I, on the other hand, am a Stevenson. I’m going to beat that man at his own game.”

  He couldn’t blame her for being angry.

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “Harry parked on a fire hydrant and Valerie drank from crystal glasses at the pool. They broke the rules. So you have to send them violation letters. It’s your job.”

  “Are you sure you want to antagonize Harry? Once you start this war there is no going back.”

  “Someone has to stop him. At the very least, he needs a taste of his own medicine. Maybe he’ll see the light, but I doubt it. Regardless, by proving the board is breaking the rules, I will be able to prove he is singling people out. Homeowners will be able to sue the board. I will win one way or another—even if it costs me everything I own.”

  “Why are you willing to risk so much?”

  “He told me he was going to force us to move. He believes my sister is an ‘undesirable’.” Before he could speak, she held up her hand. “I can’t prove anything.”

  Harry could be singling out Andi and her sister, Luke realized. He had made a strange comment about people being worthy of living in the community. He would have to find a way to help the sisters. A way that wouldn’t involve losing the account—or his promotion.

  Andi turned toward the pond, shielded her eyes with the side of her hand, and then pointed to a dozen dead carp near a clump of reeds. “What’s up with the fish?”

  “I’m not sure.” He was hoping the answer would be obvious, like the Exxon Valdez oil spill. He had no clue what might cause fish to turn belly up. “I’ll have the water tested.”

  Andi’s gaze traveled from the pond up to the first hint of color peeking up from the horizon. Night was approaching.

  Watching her took him back to a sunset of long ago. They had spread out a blanket beside Lake Pleasant and watched the sky burst with waves of pink, orange, and red. He had held her in his arms for hours, wishing the evening would never end. Holding her then came as easy as breathing. The realization of all they had lost physically hurt.

  “I never fully understood why you dumped me when you did,” the words blurted out of her. “Why couldn’t you accept that family is important to me? Why didn’t you even try to understand?”

  His jaw fell open. “I did try to understand. I do believe family is important, but you took it to the extreme, Andi. You repeatedly cancelled dates with me to talk to one of your sisters.”

  “They needed me.”

  “How would I know that? You never shared why they called you, yet every single time you dropped everything to run home. Whenever I asked questions, you said it was a ‘family matter.’ And in case you’ve forgotten, I was about to become family at that time. We talked about getting married, yet still you treated me like an outsider.”

  “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

  His jaw tightened. Those words didn’t help back then, and they didn’t help now.

  “Their secrets weren’t mine to share,” she said blandly, as if knowing her excuse wouldn’t matter.

  “Your sisters have more secrets than most politicians. Besides, couples are supposed to be able to confide in each other and even share family secrets.” Agitated, he ran his hand through his hair. “I couldn’t spend the rest of my life being treated like an outsider.” He angled his head and caught her pained expression. “Andi, all I had back then were my dreams, my pride, and you. Then I found out I didn’t really even have you.”

  * * *

  Wednesday afternoon, Andi turned off the oven and then mixed food coloring into white icing until she created the perfect ghastly black. Meanwhile, the aroma of freshly baked sugar cookies cooling on small wire racks wafted through the small kitchen.

  She placed several bat-shaped cookies on a spin plate to decorate. Since receiving her first violation letter from the HOA, she had been more angry than at any other time in her life. Thinking of Harry had prompted her to sort through her box of Halloween cookie cutters even though it was only March.

  Spreading black icing over a blood-sucking creature seemed appropriate for her mood. She made a mental note to drip red icing near the bat’s mouth.

  The doorbell rang, interrupting her work and her thoughts.

  “Coming!” She licked icing off her finger on the way to the door and then peered through the peephole. Not that she expected the murderer to come calling like a salesman in disguise, but you could never be too sure. She spotted a head full of bouncing blonde curls.

  “Meg!” Andi said, turning the knob.

  “Come on, time’s a-wasting.” Meg pulled her out through the open door. “I just e-mailed Luke the pictures of Valerie and Harry breaking the rules. We need to get to work—before the other members of the board hear we’ve declared war.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “To take more pictures, of course. Helen’s washing her car.” The perky nurse held up a digital camera, then skirted off, gesturing for her to follow.

  Andi rushed to keep up. “How do you know these things?”

  “I followed the water trail.” Meg took two steps, then stopped in her tracks. “Down!”

  She yanked on Andi’s arm, causing them both to fall on their knees behind a bush.

  Meg held an index finger to her lips. “Shh.”

  Andi lifted her head to peek through an opening in the fuchsia-colored petals of a bougainvillea. Harry and Valerie stood in front of a condo down the street. Those two together meant trouble. Andi hunkered down. The petals that had fallen to the ground felt like silk touching h
er hand. Carelessly, she pushed aside a branch to get a better look at the diabolical duo. The thorns from the branch bit into her skin.

  “I see he lived through the accident,” Andi stated as she rubbed at the reddish marks on her wrist.

  “According to the Water Guppies, he was released from the hospital this morning.” Meg sounded as irritated as she felt.

  Harry carried a camera with a telephoto lens, and Valerie followed him with her clipboard.

  “Meg, his camera is bigger than yours.”

  “He’s compensating for his—”

  “Lack of hair.”

  “Okay.” Meg giggled. “His hair.”

  “Are they documenting violations?”

  “That’s what they call it, but I know better,” Meg whispered. “They’re taking advantage of the opportunity to flirt and talk dirty.”

  Harry aimed his camera at a sedan parked an inch off a driveway, on a border of gravel. The rules stipulated parking on paved surfaces, not on the grass or gravel in the common areas. While Valerie wrote on her clipboard, he glanced about, as if making sure they were alone. He then looked down at whatever she’d written and rubbed her arm.

  “Y-u-ck,” Andi moaned. “I wouldn’t want that man touching me.”

  “Even thinking about it creates a nausea no antacid could ever cure.” The nurse shifted her weight onto her other knee. “I wonder if Valerie’s husband would be interested in how dedicated she is to her volunteer work.”

  “Volunteer work? You make it sound like she’s saving the planet.”

  “She’s saving herself from a middle-class lifestyle,” Meg announced. “They say charity begins at home.”

  The two board members strolled casually around the corner.

  Andi dashed to the safety of the closest building, keeping them in sight. Her heart pounded with excitement. “I think I’m getting the hang of this spy stuff,” she whispered, then hummed the theme music to Mission: Impossible. “Da, daaa da da . . .”

  “Da da da . . .” Meg joined in, flattening herself against the wall.

  Andi sneaked a peek around the corner.

  Meg dropped and rolled to the next bush.

  Unwilling to drop and injure herself, Andi quickly walked to the bush. “We already have pictures of both of them breaking the rules,” Andi whispered. “Why are we following them now?”

  “Because it’s fun.” Meg bent low and ran to the next building with Andi close behind. “Besides,” Meg continued, “sending Luke the pictures felt great, but he’s not going to send Harry a violation letter for running over the fire hydrant.”

  “But we sent him evidence,” Andi protested. “He has to.”

  “When a violation is iffy, like parking on a hydrant because someone cut your brakes, it’s his job to take the case to the board to decide.”

  A feeling of defeat settled in her gut. “The board will defend Harry. Luke failed to mention that particular loophole.” Andi leaned away from the wall to see what Harry was doing now. “Come on! He’s busy taking a picture of a potted plant.”

  They ran and hid behind a truck.

  “You’re not allowed to have a potted plant near your front door,” Meg shared. “Only on your back porch.”

  “That must be rule number two hundred fifty-three,” Andi said sarcastically.

  Pressed flat on the cement driveway, both women peered underneath the truck’s running board to watch the board president snap a picture of Roxie walking her Chihuahua without a leash.

  The aging woman wore leopard-print spandex pants and a matching shirt. Her dog, wearing a rhinestone-studded collar, barked incessantly at Harry.

  Roxie flipped the man off between puffs of her filtered cigarette. “Get a life, prune face!”

  Harry snarled and snapped more pictures.

  Roxie turned, yanked the back of her pants down, bent over, and mooned the two board members. Valerie screeched, Harry yelled obscenities, and Andi’s jaw dropped.

  “It’s fake.” Meg elbowed Andi and chuckled. “Her tush is fake.”

  The older woman shot a devilish grin at the spies before pulling her pants back up. The barking grew louder as the miniature pet followed its owner down the path leading to the pool. Harry must have been in shock; he hadn’t snapped a single photo.

  “Oh, my!” Andi shifted away from the truck, hoping Harry and Valerie couldn’t see them.

  Meg snorted between giggles.

  “How can Roxie’s tush be fake?” Andi whispered.

  “She ordered a plastic, strap-on derriere online to fill out her spandex pants. Her real bum is as flat as a pancake.” Meg’s grin lit up her eyes. “Harry only saw plastic, but he doesn’t know that.”

  “He’ll never recover.” Andi snuck a peek at Roxie and her dog, ambling along in the opposite direction. “Roxie saw us,” she whispered. “Do you think Harry figured out we’re here, too?”

  “Nah,” Meg answered. “When Valerie’s around, he thinks with his—”

  “Toupee,” Andi finished, sneaking another peek in his direction.

  Harry leaned toward Valerie for a kiss. The gold digger glanced about for witnesses, then apparently, satisfied there were none, planted a kiss on his cheek.

  Andi slapped her hands over her eyes and moaned. “How can she kiss him? I don’t care how much money he has.”

  “Does the word gross come to mind?” Meg stepped away from the side of the truck. “Come on. They’re going into Harry’s condo. The coast is clear.”

  Andi breathed a sigh of relief. “I never want to see anything that revolting ever again.”

  “Too bad. You will as long as we keep spying on Harry. Let’s check on Helen. She’ll break at least one rule now that they’ve finished their rounds. I’m betting on two or three.”

  “So all of these board members break the rules they push on the rest of us?”

  “Behind Harry’s back,” Meg stated flatly.

  Disgusted, Andi shook her head and then followed her new friend down the street. “Does the reverend break the rules, too?”

  “Not usually. He’s too busy feeling sorry for himself and regretting what happened when he fell in love with Helen.”

  “Helen? The board member we’re about to spy on?”

  “Yep. She was the member of the congregation he was caught kissing. Ministers are allowed to date and marry, but it becomes a scandal if the woman just broke up with the wealthiest member of the church. The gossips accused the reverend of coming between the couple and causing their separation, which placed their church in financial jeopardy. Helen claims she never let on to Reverend Nichols that she was in love with him until after she broke up with Mr. Millionaire. I believe her.”

  “What happened?”

  “Bernice convinced Helen to leave him.”

  “Why?”

  “Too many theories to discuss now. We have a job to do.” Meg quickened her pace.

  “Bernice sure knew how to make enemies.” The number of murder suspects continued to grow. Andi glanced around her, wondering which condo hid the neighbor who had killed the former board president. An involuntary shudder traveled across her shoulders and upper back.

  She realized she had fallen behind and rushed to catch up with Meg as she rounded another condo building. Out in the open, they strolled nonchalantly, side by side across the grass in the neighborhood’s common area.

  One moment Meg was walking beside her, then the next she was gone. Andi twisted and found her friend hiding behind another bush and pointing toward a woman washing her cheery yellow Smart Car in her driveway.

  Afraid to be caught, Andi bent her knees and waddled like a duck behind the bushes to Meg’s side. Spying was giving her quads a workout.

  “That’s Helen,” Meg mouthed.

  The rail-thin woman, most likely in her mid-thirties, squeezed a sopping wet sponge over the roof of her car, then stepped back out of the way as water cascaded over the side. She wore orange Capri pants with a matching floral, sleev
eless top and flip-flop sandals. The outfit said, “Going on a spring picnic.”

  Meg lifted her camera. “Washing your car on the property is against the rules.”

  An earth-tone, midsize sedan drove down the street, approaching the condo. With a hesitant smile, Helen lifted her open palm in a weak wave. The driver ignored her. She lowered her gaze, rejection written all over her sullen face.

  “She was waving at the reverend,” Meg said. “He drives by her condo on the way home from his new job and she just happens to be out front so she can wave hello, but he pretends not to see her. He rejects her day after day after day.”

  “How sad.” Andi’s heart ached for the woman, even though she had never met her.

  Helen slowly turned off the water, tossed the sponge into a plastic, gray bucket and carried it away by the handle. Before she reached her door, Meg began clicking pictures of the car wash scene.

  After Helen disappeared behind her front door, they both left their hiding place.

  Andi couldn’t forget the look on Helen’s face when the reverend drove off without acknowledging her. She knew how it felt to lose the man you love. “Maybe we should leave this poor woman alone. She’s been through enough already.”

  Meg leaned close to the wet car and snapped a picture. “Helen hands her proxy over to Harry whenever he asks for it. She’s not lifting a finger to stop him or help her neighbors. That makes her guilty in my book. Besides, all she’ll get is a warning. She’ll stop washing her car on the property and the daily rejections will stop. We are actually doing her a favor.”

  “I guess you’re right,” Andi said, hoping Helen would stop torturing herself.

  Meg zoomed in on an oil drop the size of a nickel. “I can blow this up to look like the inside of a mechanic’s garage.”

  “Let’s get out of here,” Andi encouraged, still not comfortable recording evidence against Helen.