A Fine Mess

by Hughes, Breanna

  “No I’m not! You think I’m this flawless guy who just adores you and would do anything for you. Well, you’re about to see me get really pissed off! The wedding is in a week. ONE WEEK! And you’re telling me this now? How fucked up are you?”

  Finn sighed, knelt down in front of Harper and gently grasped her shoulders. “You’re not broken. You’re just afraid. And you have every right to be. I know you’ve had a hard time these last couple years, but don’t let that stop you from being happy. I know you feel immense guilt. You want your family here with you to see you get married. I get that. But baby, I’m here. Let ME be your family. I can do it. Don’t sabotage your happiness.”

  Harper took Finn’s hands and held them in hers. At this point, she wasn’t even bothering to fight back her tears. They were free-flowing down her face as her hands were shaking while holding his. She had never felt so horrible in all her life and after what she was about to say, she knew she’d always be viewed as the cruelest person Finn would ever come across. But she had no choice. He wasn’t giving up.

  “I think if I marry you, I would be.”

  Harper could see Finn’s face drop. His eyes, which used to be full of hope and promise, were now empty and apathetic. He pulled his hands away from her and stood up, unable to speak.

  “Please don’t hate me, Finn. I don’t think I can handle it if you hate me.”

  Finn’s eyes remained fixated on Harper, searching her face for any sign that she might take back what she had said. But her decision remained resolute.

  “It’s really over, isn’t it?” asked a bewildered Finn.

  Harper slowly nodded, trying to wipe the tears from her face.

  Finn indignantly walked up the back porch steps past Harper. “You call everybody. Tell them it’s off. I’m outta here.”

  He slammed the back door behind him and Harper flinched when she heard the front door slam as well. As the engine started on his car and Finn pulled away, Harper sat there, enveloped in silence for a few moments and wished more than anything that she didn’t have to break Finn’s heart.

  ***

  Harper held her stance in front of Finn’s door. Suddenly, dropping by unexpectedly didn’t seem like such a good idea. What right did she have showing up out of the blue just a few months after calling off their wedding? Meeting for a burger in the middle of the night is one thing, but making a surprise appearance at his place felt like crossing a line for Harper. The key was already in her hand and heading slowly for the keyhole. Once the key was securely inside, there was nothing for her to do but turn it. She opened the door slowly, peeking her head inside once it was cracked open. The TV was on, but the sound was down. She opened the door further to reveal the sound of someone in the kitchen washing dishes. Assuming it was her ex-fiancé, she cautiously stepped into his apartment and turned to close the door.

  “Hey Finn. I hope you don’t mind, but I came by to borrow the ha—”

  Harper’s words ended there. Even if she tried, she couldn’t continue her sentence. Something rendered her voice, and her entire body, useless. When Emily heard the front door close, she turned around to unwittingly reveal herself to her sister.

  “Oh, my God. Harper.” Emily stood motionless—a statue holding a mixing spoon.

  Harper stared in disbelief. At first, she was inclined to think that she was in the middle of a dream. She’s had this dream several times before and every time, she wakes up disappointed. But she wasn’t waking up this time. She could hear her breathing grow sharper and quicker. She batted her eyelids, scrunching and squinting her eyes to examine what she thought was an apparition in front of her. Harper refused to get her hopes up. Could this really be happening? Could this actually be Emily standing in front of her? She stayed completely still, examining her sister. Emily had easily grown a couple inches since her disappearance, and her once blonde hair was trying to find its way out of a badly done dye job. No longer radiating with effulgence, she was frighteningly skinny and almost sickly looking. And her formerly vibrant pallor was now pale and almost gray. Standing before her was a girl who has obviously seen hard times, been beaten down and dragged through the mud. A girl who was lost and hopefully now found. A girl who at one time was her little sister. Someone she would do anything for and wanted to protect at all costs. Finding those undeniable blue eyes on the face of that girl in the kitchen, Harper knew instantly that she had found her sister. And though her natural instinct was to run to her and hold her, her body wouldn’t move. She was still in a state of shock.

  “I…I should have told you,” said Emily.

  Before Harper could respond, Finn came out from the bathroom donning only a towel wrapped around his waist.

  “Hey Em, have you seen my gray USC shirt? I saw you wearing it the other day. I wanted to wear…shit.” Finn’s legs halted and he stood there dripping onto the living room floor as Harper stared back at him incredulously. “Harper. Hi. Wha…what are you doing here?”

  Harper, finding the strength to move her arm, held up the spare key Finn had given her.

  “Oh. Right. Shit.”

  Harper looked back and forth from Emily to Finn. Upon the third glance, she noticed Emily wearing a shirt she had given Finn one year for his birthday. That combined with Finn in nothing but a towel led her to come a horrifying conclusion. A conclusion that finally helped her vocal cords work again.

  “My sister, Finn? My sister?! Jesus, she’s only nineteen! What, is this some sort of sick revenge for breaking up with you?”

  Finn took a step forward. “What? What are you…” He looked down at himself in the towel and realized how this must have looked to Harper. “No! No, no, no! That’s not it. I swear. I know how this looks, but I swear. Nothing happened.”

  Harper looked back at Emily, who came to Finn’s defense. “He’s telling the truth. I swear.”

  The rush of adrenaline inside Harper was slowly beginning to fade. Still unable to move, she kept her eyes fixed on Emily, still wondering if she was merely a specter who was going to disappear. “Emily? Is it really you?”

  CHAPTER 13

  Harper could feel the struggle in her arms, but refused to loosen her grip. Emily’s breathing was becoming more and more faint until she finally gasped for air. Her attempt to get air into her lungs wasn’t very successful as Harper tightened her hold. Emily tapped on her sister’s back, gesturing to her mouth.

  “Harp, I can’t breathe,” she barely got out in a whisper.

  Harper shook her head and held her stance, keeping her firm embrace around her sister. “I’m not letting go.”

  “Okay, that’s fine. Just loosen it up a bit. Please.” The words barely escaped Emily’s mouth, but were audible enough for her sister to hear. Harper obliged and gave a little slack on her hug, still holding on enough just to be sure her little sister didn’t somehow magically disappear.

  The tears welling in Harper’s eyes were now freely flowing down her cheek. “I’m sorry,” she sniffled. “I just…I never thought I’d see you again.”

  Emily’s back was starting to hurt. She hadn’t been able to reposition herself since Harper practically tackled her ten minutes ago and refused to let go. She didn’t exactly envision her reunion with Harper to be in the middle of a poorly lit kitchen in a rundown apartment. But here they were, together at last. And any fear Emily had of her sister hating her suddenly vanished the moment she felt her arms around her.

  Harper slowly pulled away from Emily. Part of her was expecting her sister to run away again as soon as she let go, but her fears were quelled when she saw Emily was staying right where she was.

  Harper couldn’t stop her hands from shaking. Every ounce of terror and dread that had built up inside of her for the past two years was finally coming to the surface. Two long years of waiting and wondering and hoping had all added up to this moment. Harper was beginning to feel queasy and had to sit down. Emily quickly helped her over to the couch and sat down n
ext to her.

  Finn, who had emerged from the bedroom after changing into something a little more decent than the towel he was wearing before, took this moment as his cue to leave. He grabbed his keys and headed for the door.

  “Um…I’m gonna go meet Seth. I know you two have a lot of catching up to do, so take your time.” He looked over at Harper. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.”

  Harper nodded. “Yeah.”

  “We’ll talk later?” asked Finn in a hopeful manner.

  Harper could barely see him through the tears in her eyes. “Yeah. Fine.”

  As Finn walked out the door, Emily turned to her sister. “I promise you, nothing happened with me and Finn.”

  “I know.”

  The two sat there in silence for a while, neither one wanting to be the first to break the silence. Harper stared at the ground while Emily stared straight ahead. The silence was completely deafening to Emily. Several more minutes passed by and neither of them had said a word. Emily nervously began tapping her fingernails on her lap, waiting for her big sister to lay into her about what a horrible human being she was. The silence was growing more prominent by the minute and Emily could only see this as the calm before the storm. She finally looked over at Harper, who still refused to look at Emily or put an end to the excruciating silence.

  “I missed you.”

  There. The first move had been made. The sound barrier had been broken. The white flag had been waved. The ball was now in Harper’s court. But after a moment of silence, it was clear that she wasn’t ready to play.

  “I thought about you all the time,” offered Emily, her voice quivering.

  More silence.

  “I even called you a couple times. But, I didn’t know what I would say to you, so I hung up.”

  Harper still said nothing.

  “I was really messed up.” Emily offered. “I’m STILL really messed up. But not as much as I–”

  “Did I answer?”

  Emily wasn’t expecting her sister to speak so suddenly. “What?”

  “Did I answer the phone when you called?”

  Ashamed, Emily conceded. “Twice.”

  “So you heard my voice and you just hung up.”

  “I have no excuse. I know.”

  “I’m just trying to get a grasp on everything here. You missed me, you thought about me all the time, and you even called me, but didn’t bother to tell me you were okay? A letter would have done it if you didn’t want to talk to me. A postcard. Anything.”

  “I know.”

  “But you were really messed up, right?”

  “Don’t do that. I know I have no right to give you any excuses. I’m just telling you what I know,” said Emily.

  “Okay.” Harper was silent again.

  “I couldn’t handle it, okay?” said Emily, not wanting to start up the ‘who can stay quiet the longest’ game again. “It was a difficult time for me.”

  “So you did what you do best. Just escape. Run away. You think I had it easy? You think I could deal with what was happening? I was a freaking wreck. And I needed you!” Harper stood up, realizing that her anger was slowly taking over. “You were all I had left and you just walked away like I didn’t matter. Like I could handle all this on my own.”

  Emily put her head in her hands, hoping for some sort of break from being berated.

  “You were the strong one, Harper.”

  “I was the strong one?” Harper couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Jesus, Em. You have no idea how weak I am. I just wanted everything to be okay for you. You were my only concern. I figured I’d be brave, I’d put up as much of a front as I could just to make things okay for you. And I’d break down at some later date.”

  Emily wanted to crawl into a hole at that moment. She had fought and lost against some pretty major demons in her life, but the worst thing she’s ever done was now staring her in the face and asking ‘why?’ And she had no answer.

  ***

  “Everyone is staring. I’m sick of people staring.” Emily folded her arms as if trying to cloak herself from everyone else.

  “Me too. We just have to suck it up for a couple more hours,” replied Harper as the two of them watched their house become inundated with close family friends, acquaintances and people they had never seen before in their lives. Neither of them were in the mood for this, but they really didn’t have much of a choice. Over the sound of strange voices rumbling and people talking amongst themselves, a familiar voice was heard above the rest.

  “Oh, yeah! I’ll bring out a fresh plate of sandwiches right now. Just give me two minutes.”

  Emily looked over to see Kiley running around like a madwoman making sure everything was in order. She was refilling food and making sure the guests had drinks. She had been a Godsend to the girls through this entire ordeal. Kiley, dressed in a stylish black skirt and dark blue blouse, rolled up the sleeves on her black cardigan sweater before carrying out the fresh plate of fruit and sandwiches. Through all the madness, she glanced over at Harper while placing the food on the table, sharing a knowing look with her, doing her best to let Harper know that everything was going to be all right.

  “Well, I think I’m gonna go hang out in my room.” Emily turned to leave.

  “Em, don’t. Just stay out here a little longer please.”

  Before Emily could make her escape, she was headed off by one of her mother’s co-workers.

  “Hi sweetie.”

  Emily was a bit thrown off guard. “Oh. Hi, Mrs. Monroe.”

  “How are you holding up, honey?”

  Emily cringed. She hated when adults patronized her by labeling her with any kind of term of endearment. It was insulting.

  “Oh, I’m okay. Just…you know…” Lying was all she could do at this point.

  Harper watched as an unsuspecting Emily was unable to dodge Mrs. Monroe’s advances as she pulled her into a hug.

  “Oomph.” Emily let out a gasp as her face was pressed against the woman’s shoulder. She was actually grateful for the force of the hug. With her face pressed into Mrs. Monroe, it was a little easier to drown out the smell of the woman’s potent, overpowering perfume.

  “I’m so sorry dear.”

  “Mmmssokay,” mumbled Emily. Her muffled mouth made it difficult to enunciate her words.

  Her throat was starting to close up and just when Emily felt she couldn’t take anymore, Kiley appeared out of nowhere seemingly coming to her rescue.

  “Emily, can I get your help with something in the kitchen?”

  Mrs. Monroe finally let go of her and started straightening out Emily’s shirt.

  “You go on ahead, sweetie. We’ll talk later.”

  As Mrs. Monroe walked away, Emily followed Kiley into the kitchen. This was one of those rare moments when she actually appreciated Kiley.

  “Thank you so much.”

  “No problem. If you see her coming toward you again, just burst out into tears and run into the bathroom. She won’t follow you. And if she does, I’ll spill something on her.”

  “That’s very…sweet of you.”

  “I do what I can.”

  Emily opened the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water and took a drink before choking on the words she was about to say next.

  “Seriously, though. I really do appreciate everything you’ve done in the last couple days. Calling everyone, planning everything, taking care of the catering and stuff. You’ve really helped out a lot.”

  Kiley put her hand on Emily’s shoulder.

  “Hey, Harper’s my best friend. I’d do anything on this planet for her. And you, too. I just wish there was more I could do. Is there?”

  “You’ve done more than enough. Really. Harper’s lucky to have a friend like you.”

  “I’m here for you, too, Emily. I hope you know that.”

  Emily decided to trade her bottled water for a bottle of tequila and headed towards the ba
ck door.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  Kiley put away the bowl she was cleaning. “Emily, wait. Don’t you think you should…”

  “Just let me have this, okay? And don’t tell Harper.”

  “Emily, please. Just hand me the bottle.”

  Emily opened the back door.

  “My parents just fucking died, Kiley. Leave me alone.” She closed the door behind her, leaving Kiley wondering what to do next. She thought it was best to let it go. Being seventeen is never easy, especially after you’ve just lost both your parents.

  ***

  Emily sat uncomfortably in the passenger seat of Harper’s car. They agreed it was best to hash everything out at home instead of having Finn come home to two emotionally drained females. They sat staring straight ahead out the windshield. The only sound that filled their ears was the whirring and buzzing of the wheels on the pavement and the occasional bump or pothole along the way. Emily didn’t know what was going to happen when she walked into the door of her former home. She didn’t know if Harper would let her go straight to bed or if they would be up all night fighting and crying and trying to blame each other for everything that happened. She tried to clear her mind when the one thing she wanted to forget kept creeping back into her thoughts. One of the main reasons she left was something she never wanted Harper to know. She definitely didn’t want to ever think about it again, but she knew it would come out eventually. Plus, maybe it was a good way to get Harper talking again since she hadn’t said one word since they got the car.

  “Harper, I’m sorry. I really am. I know you don’t want to hear any excuses, but can I just say one thing?”

  “Fine.”

  “Mom found out.”

  “Found out about what?”

  “She found my stash. She confronted me about it and I just didn’t care enough at the point to try to deny it. So I told her I’d been doing drugs since I was fifteen.”

  “You told her?”

  “I didn’t feel like lying. Besides, I had a feeling she sort of knew anyway. Finding it just confirmed it for her.”